Heavy Hearts (18 page)

I sighed. “You’re going to have to help me…” I said defeated.

We rode back to the stable in record time. I had never ridden bareback on a horse before, and never a horse that wasn’t properly trained yet. This brute was all over the place, and he was fast. I mean faster than any horse I had ever seen. I wondered if he was going to be sold as a racing horse. He was far too beautiful for it, but they didn’t care about looks, only speed and agility.

Finn ran through the basics with me real quick, but I was pretty much there to observe while he showed off his expert skills. I actually didn’t do much aside from calm the horse when he got out of control. Finn would just get frustrated when the horse didn’t do what he wanted, but I stepped in and gently stroked his nose and he would simmer down. After nearly four hours and buckets of sweat later we decided to take a break for
the day. “He needs a rest too. We can pick this up tomorrow, or even the next day. He’s just about got it.” Finn breathlessly pouted.

Feeling hot, and nearly defeated, I allowed myself to fall to the ground and lie in the soft green grass; the thin blades were cool against my sticky skin. Finn followed my lead and lied down along my left side – his breathing staggered.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. It was nice, but also not exactly what I wanted to be doing at that moment in time. I closed my eyes and willed him to hear my thoughts, I willed him to touch me, I willed him to kiss me, to caress me and embrace me. Just as I was about to give up and head back in for some lunch his hand grabbed mine. Nothing else happened, but I took comfort in the fact that he was still interested. His thumb drew circles on the inside of my palm and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it for too long without bursting. I sat up quickly.

“Finn?”
I cried, not knowing what to even follow it up with; I just knew that I had to do something.

He sat up as well, looking confused. “Yeah?” he asked, and I had nothing. Nothing to say to this boy sitting in front of me with the puzzled look like I just stole his favorite toy, or told him to go stand in the corner. 

“I, uh, I don’t know.”

“Okay… right. Well, how about some lunch?” he was kind enough to change the subject. I do have to give him props for being able to handle my extreme awkwardness; he took it in stride. I couldn’t speak though. Horrified at my outburst I just pushed myself up and headed toward the house, Finn followed.

Chapter 21

The house was quiet. Mary had prepared us lunch, but then she left to go run errands, and mom was in town getting things colored and waxed. So Finn and I sat in the kitchen together and picked at our roast beef sandwiches with all the fixings. I could feel the tension between us, and I knew he could too. I just had to figure out the right ways to show him that I wanted what he wanted… at least what I hoped he wanted. With him I actually could never be sure.

“Lucy, can I ask you something…?” he spoke.

“Of course.”

“What do you want out of this?”

“Out of what?” I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I wanted him to say it.

“You know, what do you want to happen between us?”

“Do I have to answer that?”

“I’d appreciate it if you did.”

I took a long sip of the tall ice cold glass of milk sitting in front of me, but I said nothing when I put it down. Instead I stood up, walked over to his side of the table, and placed myself in front of him. He stared up at me with his devilishly handsome gray eyes, but he didn’t say anything either. I slipped in between him and the table and straddling my legs I sat on his lap; I figured actions were going to speak louder than words at that point between the two of us. I wrapped my arms around his neck stared into his eyes. I had brought myself that far, I expected him to finish my thought. 

He put his hands around my waist and picked me up off his lap, just an inch or two, and brought me in close to his chest. Our noses were touching by now, and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from kissing him. I wanted him to kiss me. I needed him to kiss me. 

He teased me by brushing his soft lips lightly against mine, but not kissing me just yet. My mouth parted and my body writhed under his touch. He was doing this on purpose to get me all hot and bothered, and it was working, but I would not give in. I began to pull away, pretending that his teasing wasn’t getting to me, but he pulled me right back in for one of his tension filled (almost angry) kisses. I pushed back, matching his hunger with my own, but it didn’t last.

He wrapped each of his hands around either of my arms and pushed me off of his mouth. I gave him a sexy pout, not yet ready to let him get rid of me that easily.

“Lucy…” he sighed. Here it was, first the hot, and then the cold. “Can we move this upstairs? This chair is killing my back.”

Oh?

“Yes!” I shouted, way too eager. I was sure he could smell the desperation pouring out of me like water out of a broken dam.

I climbed down off his lap and led him up the stairs and into my room. But suddenly I was way too aware of the sticky smell that was radiating off the both of us and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be as close as we were about to get. I stopped us in front of my door.

“How about we go swimming?” I pleaded. I was unsure if it was really our state of hygiene, or if I was really ready for this, but either way I needed this to pause for a moment. He probably thought the latter however.

“Yeah, swimming sounds good,” he claimed it was okay, but I could tell he was let down.

“Cool, you wanna freshen up first? Like a shower? We kind of stink…” I offered, hoping he didn’t think I was inviting him into my shower with me… which of course he did. His pout turned to a smirk and his eyes narrowed in on me as he pushed me up against the door and kissed my neck
.
My knees turned to Jell-O, but I needed to stay focused.

“I mean in separate showers of course,” I clarified.

He lifted his mouth off my salty neck “of course,” he whispered.

“Alright then.
I’ll take one in my room and you can use the shower in the guest room,” I pushed him off me and pointed in the direction of his bathroom. “It’s stocked, and fresh towels are under the sink. I’ll meet you back in the hallway soon? Then we can go swimming right?” but he didn’t bother answering me. He just smiled at me and turned in the direction of the guest room.

I shook my head and blinked my eyes to clear out my head and dust off his sexual advances.

I was relieved that he didn’t try to enter my room while I was in the shower, or changing for that matter. He was a gentleman about it, almost. I did walk out into the hallway to him standing in the doorway of the guest bedroom just as he was pulling his jeans back on. There was no way I showered, shaved, and got dressed all before him so I had no choice other than to assume that he was waiting for me to emerge so I would get a glimpse at that wet happy little trail that ran down the front of his pelvis. I can’t deny it brought back the wobbly feeling in my knees. 

Once we were on our way to the small lake hidden in the forest it had of course seemed as though all sexual tension had lifted from the air. Like if we spent more than five minutes not touching each other it took an awkward amount of time to find that level of comfort again. It was confusing.

This time he didn’t let me choose the music. Instead he blasted Bon Jovi as loud as the speakers would let him and he sang along with every song. It was almost thrilling to watch because I felt like that side of Finn was the side that I really wanted to let have all of me. The fun carefree side that got stared at by the locals as we flew down the dirt road to our secret splash.

We pulled up to the thicket that covered the entrance to the pond, but Finn left the car on to let the song finish as he shouted the words “take my hand and we’ll make it I swear –
Wo-oah livin’ on a prayer.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him while simultaneously falling in love.

The song finished, the car went silent, and I applauded his joyful performance. He bowed and graciously accepted my cheers.

I couldn’t help but giggle as I slid down out of the truck, and Finn was right there in front of me. “And what is so funny my dear?” he demanded.

“You’re just adorable. I like this Finn, he’s delightful,” I sweetly responded.

“Do you now?”

“
Mmhmm” I nodded.

“Well then,” he stroked his chin like he was up to something. He closed the truck door behind me and left no time for me to react as he scooped me up into his arms. Shocked, but not worried, I let out a yelp. Once I realized what actually happened I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he smiled. “Let’s go
swimmin’ little one,” he snickered and we were on our way through the fence and trees.

Still in his arms we approached the edge of the water. I waited for him to put me down, but he did no such thing. Instead he dangled me over the water and watched me squirm.

“Finn!” I squealed. “Finn, come on! Put me down!!” I kicked my feet. I knew what he was about to do, and it wasn’t that I cared all that much if my stressed light blue shorts or my baggy gray t-shirt got wet, but it was the fact that I had nothing to change into for the ride home.

“You asked for it,” he shouted.

“Finn! No!” But just as soon as I got the words out of my mouth I felt myself flying through the air after he launched me out into the water. Seconds later I was underwater swimming for the surface. Part of me was mad at him, but at the same time how could I be? He was being the friendly adorable person that I wanted him to be, and if I acted like a wet blanket it may have sent him spiraling into the snowman he could turn into. So I went with it.

“Finn,
urgh, you’re such a jerk!” I said with a smile as I splashed back to him on land. However, he already had his jeans and shirt off and neatly hanging over a small tree branch, so all I was able to get wet were his perfect abs and his all black boxers.

“Turn around little girl,” he shouted to me. I did as I was told, and I could only imagine that his orders were put in place so he could completely strip down this time; my breath hitched. I heard a splash in the water and I knew it was safe to turn back, but I’m not going to lie… I was scared. He was already right up on me by the time I finally decided to turn around and our lips instantly met. The quick transition from insecure to sensual had my bravery levels skyrocketing. 

Our feet were planted firmly in the soggy lakebed and his hands were hunting. One slipped underneath my shirt as his tongue delved deeper into my mouth. His right hand moved over my bare breast as the other hand grabbed the hem of my shirt. This was the first time he’d really touched me like this. The day before was a lot of passion, and quite a bit of bare skin touching, but never his hands groping. I had never been touched by anyone like this before, but his warm lips on mine distracted me from that fact and all I could think about was how much I was enjoying it.

He pulled his lips away from mine to put enough distance between us to pull my shirt over my head. I didn’t bother with a bra when picking my attire for the day, since I was pretty sure I knew where things were headed. Did that make me a hussy?

Anyway, not seconds after my shirt was off his mouth was back on mine. He didn’t even stop to admire his prize, and that kind of stung my ego a little. He didn’t eye-rape me at all the previous day and that was nice, but I felt like today was a whole different game.

I pulled away from him so I could unzip my shorts and get rid of them, but he stopped my hands from proceeding.

“I want to do that,” he whispered in my ear.

I removed my hands and held them up above the water for him to continue as he pleased. He wasted no time and had the button and zipper undone before I could even realize it, but before I pushed them off of me he lingered for a couple seconds. One hand decided to get brave and chose to sneak in between the fabric of my shorts and my panties, searching for something to touch. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

My body grew weak as he found what he was looking for and I let myself fall into his chest. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the act of kindness he was bestowing upon me. My breath quickened and I let out a whimper, but he withdrew his hand and proceeded to remove my shorts. I pulled back to give him a hand in taking off my underwear and soon we were both completely naked in our small intimate pond with the relaxing waterfall flowing; and pieces of my clothing floating all around us.

I stared up at him not really knowing what to do next. I didn’t know how many times he had found himself in this situation, but I was sure he had been more in tune with what happened next than I did. I wanted to kiss him, but did he want to kiss me? Did he want to touch me again? Did he want me to touch him? How was I supposed to touch him?

So many things were about to and I didn't even know if I fully understood them, but I knew I wanted them. I felt something when I was with Finn. Even then, looking into his wanting eyes, I could tell that there was someone in there that I could really love; someone that wanted and needed me as much as I wanted and needed him. I just wanted him to show me like I was about to show him. 

“Are you okay with this?” He asked as if he could read my mind.