Heavy Hearts (17 page)

“Well!” he shouted as if reading my mind. “Are you coming in or what?!” And with that I heard a splash and he was gone from my line of sight.

I was in awe of the situation I had found myself in. Practically skinny dipping with this damaged boy I had just met?! Could I really do that? The imaginary angel and devil versions of
myself sat on my shoulders and fought over what to do. The angel begged me to stay clothed and enjoy the safety and comfort that this field of flowers was providing. The devil poked her aside and implored me to take it all off and jump in. They battled it out while I stared mindlessly into the rising moon frozen in inexperienced youth.

The tiny devil must have persuaded the angel because now she too was whispering in my ear “well, at least he waited until it was getting dark, and he did go in before you so you could strip in privacy”. I shook them away. This was my decision, and why wouldn’t I go for it? What was holding me back?

I was young. This was supposed to be the time that I made crazy decisions like this. Finn trusted me with something so personal, so I knew that I could trust him not to do anything I was uncomfortable with… right? And what was it that I was comfortable with anyway? In my head I wanted to rip off what little clothes I was wearing and let him ravage me, but did I even know what that meant. I was young, and naïve, but I was also maturing day by day and I thought of myself as being wise. Sort of… well, for the most part anyway.

That night though, well that night I wasn’t thinking with my brain, I was thinking with my hormonal s
eventeen year old body as I took off my shorts and tank top. I slowly made my way toward the water, kicking off my shoes and peeling off my socks. I stood at the edge of the water in just a bra and panties. Finn stared up at me with hungry eyes.

“Turn around… okay?” My voice cracked but he silently did as I asked.

I began to unhook my bra and was willing to let it fall to the grass, but fear froze me in place and I withdrew my hands from the clasps. I could see Finn still had his boxers on, and I wasn’t sure I was totally ready for this boy to see me that exposed. So I slipped into the warm water still partially clothed.

I swam as slow as I could so I didn’t make much noise until I was at Finn’s back. I gently rested my hand on his shoulder and leaned in, pressing my almost bare chest to his back as I whispered in his ear “you can turn around now”. I could feel his breath hitch and he didn’t hesitate. He whipped his body around and pulled me in quick to press his lips to mine.
Hard.

Chapter 20

After a long night of moonlight swimming, and feverous kissing, Finn brought me back home where he had once again turned colder than the top of Mt. Everest. I could never win with that kid.

“Did you, Err, want to come upstairs? We could easily sneak you in. My mother is probably loaded…” I stopped myself, I shouldn’t have said mother.

“Thanks for the invite
ya little tramp, but no. You should go now.” He was trying to be funny, but I could tell his armor was back on and the joking attitude was just a front. I didn’t say anything else. I leaned in to give him a kiss on his cold cheek and I exited the vehicle. I barely had the door closed before he sped off. I shook off the painful feeling of rejection. I couldn’t take it too personal. He wasn’t an average teenage high school boy. He lost one of the most important people in his life and that couldn’t have been easy. I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Plus, his kiss! Oh it was to die for! I didn’t ask for a rundown of his track record with the girls at his school, but I bet he had kissed a lot of lips to get that good. The only real kiss I had to compare it to was a sloppy under-the-bleachers kiss from Robbie Schmidt freshman year, and he wore braces.

But Finn’s kiss was nothing short of delicious. He had the right balance of lips vs. tongue. At first it was a little too aggressive, but I suspect it was just all the pent up emotion from visiting his mom and the tension between us. Once he realized I was searching for it just as much as he was he reeled it in, but not too soft either. He treated my lips as if they were a fragile piece of fine china that he so desperately wanted to touch, but he did not want to break. It was titillating to say the least and all I could think about for the rest of my life were those perfect lips on mine (so I thought).

I tried to quietly sneak back into the house. My hair was still wet, and I really didn’t want the third degree from Miss Mary. If I came across mother, she wouldn’t have a word to say unless it was “Vodka”, but Mary… she was the one I had to watch out for. She would push my buttons until they were worn out and I had to tell her everything that happened. The worst part was that she could always tell when I was lying.

I made it halfway up the creaky wooden staircase when the noisy old coot popped her head out of her bedroom door.

“Well
well well! What are you doing home so late little one?” She sternly barked.

“What are you doing UP so late?
Old one!” I joked in return.

“Waiting for you so you can tell me all about your date with Mr. Handsome” she confessed with that very charming Mary smile.

Meeting up with me halfway down the stairs she grabbed a hold of my arm and demanded we head back to the kitchen for a cup of tea and a chat. I couldn’t refuse, even in her old age she was overwhelmingly strong.

“Okay, so from the top.
Tell me everything, and don’t skimp on the saucy details. This old bag of bones needs a juicy story” she winked. Filling the stainless steel teapot she pressed on for me to tell her everything. I was hesitant because I didn’t know what she knew about his personal life, but when she insisted it was hard to resist.

“Well, uh… do you know about his, well
.. uhm”

“His mother?” she butted in. “Yes dear, I know all about his mother.
Poor thing. My heart breaks for him.”

“Okay, well then. He took me to the cemetery to meet her” I began. I had her complete attention then as she waited patiently for the water in the pot to boil. Her eyes were big on mine as she urged me to continue.

I told her everything, sparing no details; not even the embarrassing ones. I told her how he held me at the foot of his mother’s gravestone. I told her how he snapped on me when it was time to leave. I explained his constant hot and cold attitude which she retorted with “boys and their hormones.”

By the time I got to the scene at the lake we were sipping on Sleepy Time tea, my favorite before bed (obviously), and Mary was really getting into the story. I slowly sipped on the hot tea and she urged me to move forward in the story.

“Let your tea cool dear, keep going. What happened at the lake?” she batted at my hand holding the hot cup.

“Calm yourself Mary!” I scolded, but I put my cup down and began to twirl the string attached to the steeping tea bag around my finger. I told her how nervous I was, how excited I was, and how unsure of myself I was. Once again I didn’t spare a detail as I replayed our steamy almost-nude-make-out-sessions in between the flirtatious splashes of water under the romantic moonlight.

I reassured her that he was a perfect gentleman. As much as I wanted to feel his strong hands explore my body and rip away the small amounts of fabric still keeping us slightly innocent, he did not. I had to muster up all my strength not to run my fingers down his movie star quality abs; it was tough, but I managed.

Then I told her about the bleak ending to the evening. I even threw in the part about me inviting him to my bedroom. Her eyes narrowed at that.

“I wouldn’t read into it hun. He’s just being a gentleman and knows that you have an overbearing housekeeper up here that wouldn’t approve of late night gentlemen callers alone in your sleeping quarters” She reassured me, making light of the situation to cheer me up, but it didn’t work. Teenage boys weren’t that gentlemanly… were they?

“Mary, it’s been smashing to have this lovely cup of tea and an invigorating chat with you, but I am off to my sleeping chambers. If you will excuse me” I said in that same terrible British accent that I had reserved especially for her.

She smiled. “Night dear.”

I dreamt of Finn that night; of what could’ve been had he not been so emotionally confusing with the constant Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine. I woke up in a sweat, but a welcoming sweat. Not like when you wake from a terrifying nightmare. No, this was warm and inviting. I wanted to close my eyes and get the steamy dream back, but there was no use… I was completely awake.

****

The clock read quarter to seven in the morning. Mr. Collins would have been up for almost an hour by then doing the morning work, but I could meet up with him and help out with the rest. It would be nice to catch up with him, and I was not going to lie… I would most likely run into Finn

I hopped out of bed, skipping a shower since I would no doubt be full of sweat and dirt by the afternoon. I pulled my greasy hair into a high pony and pulled it through the back of a plain navy blue baseball cap that was frayed around the edges. It was one of the hottest days I could remember, but I had to pull on my thick work jeans to protect my
skin from the elements and the occasional barbed wire or thick brush. I topped it off with a white t-shirt underneath a white and blue, long-sleeved, old flannel that I kept set aside for dirty work.

Before I flew out the door I slipped into my boots and shouted to Mary that I would be back for lunch. Unsure if she heard me I headed out anyway. The sun was beating down on my fair skin and I was sure to get some sort of burn if I stared at it for too long. I pulled the rim of my hat down as far as it would go to keep the rays out of my fragile eyes.

I found Mr. Collins right where I knew he’d be: the chicken coop. It was always the same schedule with him, and feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs was promptly at seven in the morning.

“Well hey there child!” He beamed while putting down the bucket of feed to give me a hug. The chickens cackled and clucked around my feet as they scattered. “How are
ya? I missed you yesterday.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.
I overslept and then Finn showed up…” I tried to explain.

“Finn huh?
I should’ve known that boy was behind this one. But you’re here now! C’mon, let’s feed some chickens” he bellowed. His laugh was the kind that could quickly cheer you up no matter what had you down. I hoped he was able to help Finn out during some tough times. I suspected that may be one of the reasons he came to work for Mr. Collins, to keep his mind off things. I could’ve been wrong though.

He handed me a bucket of grains and I began to feed the fussy chickens. We caught up. It was the same questions with him that Mary always bombarded me with.
School? Friends? Parents? Boys? Although he wasn’t as thrilled to hear about the ‘boys’ part of it all as Mary generally was. But he listened and gave me sound advice when I needed it.

We moved on to collecting the eggs portion of the day.

“So, will Finn be joining us this morning?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Aww, does little Lucy have a bit of a crush?” he poked at me grinning from ear to ear. He could be rather fatherly when I needed, but most of the time he was just a really great friend who happened to be significantly older than me; like a close Uncle. 

“Shut up!” I hollered. “It’s a fair question” I tried to save the situation, but he already had it set in his mind that I had a school girl crush and he wasn’t going to let it go. He began to sing “Lucy and Finn sittin in a tree. K-I-S-S-I--”

I pushed into his side begging for him to cease fire.

“Stop! I do not have a crush on Fi…” but I stopped quickly trapping the words in my throat as soon as I saw him out of the corner of my eye sitting on a gorgeous white stallion. However, it was too late; he heard me. He heard the whole embarrassing moment between the two of us and I was mortified.

“A crush on
who
now?” he pretended to not know, but I knew better.

I cleared the embarrassment out of my throat and stood up to greet him. I had to pretend like it didn’t bother me that he heard, but it was hard with Perry chuckling and grinning wildly behind me. For such a wise old man he could be such a child sometimes.

“Nothing, um, Hey… Finn. How’s things?” I played it cool… I thought.

“
Uhhh, right. So, pipsqueak, you wanna help me with saddle training this horse? He’s being stubborn and I could use some help.” He shrugged off my awkwardness.

“Yeah, I mean, as long as Mr. Collins doesn’t need me to help with the rest of the chores? We were kind of catching up.” I said looking to the giggling old man for reassurance.

He found a moment to pause his chortles and replied with “naw you kids take care of that horse. If he ain’t ready to ride by the time your father gets here we’re going to have some yelling to deal with. Plus, we have all summer to catch up.” He shooed me away.

“Great then, it’s settled.
Ya think you can hop on or shall I boost you up?” Finn asked me. I looked at the horse judging whether or not I could make it. I wanted to prove to Finn that I was not as helpless as he thought. This beast wasn’t quite as big as Ripley was, but without a saddle to help me up I didn’t know that I could make it.