Hell Inc. (6 page)

“I
don't exactly see how the task I gave you turned out to be so
incredibly difficult.” The Devil ground his cigarette into
Levie's wrist to put it out. Levie hissed in pain but didn't move.
He didn't dare to. In a way, I felt sorry for him. But then again,
it was his fault for not instructing me properly. If he'd done his
job then maybe it wouldn't have turned out this way. Regardless, I
didn't see what harm my wish could have caused. I mean, the rule was
no wishing for someone to fall
in
love with you, not just love
you. And those are different things, right? However, the fact that
we'd been summoned here seemed to suggest otherwise.

I hadn't
seen my mother much since she'd left my father and me for some drug
addict named Perez. Not that she'd been that great of a mother
before then, at least from what little I could remember of her. And
although I wasn't sure what sort of outcome my wish might have on her
future behavior, I doubted she was ever going to win mother of the
year. If the spell even had a positive effect that is. For all I
knew, it would make her even worse. It had to be that bad, right?
Otherwise, it wouldn't have been a rule. I pulled myself from my
thoughts and tried to focus on the situation at hand. I wanted to be
ready in case the Devil came at me with that cigarette. Not that
there would be anything I could do.

The
Devil's cerise eyes locked onto his Levie's orange ones, and he
hooked one long, black nailed finger under his chin. “Darling
nephew,” he tsked. “My darling, darling little Levie.”
The words were sweet, but the tone behind them certainly wasn't.
Perhaps it was the tone that caused Levie to start shaking violently.
It looked an awful lot like he was having an epileptic seizure.
“What am I going to do about this?” The Devil released
his nephew, who stumbled backwards into a bookcase, and leaned back
in his chair. The elf, who I had learned was called Vae, began
massaging the Devil's shoulders.

“The
genies are on strike, and it doesn't look like that department will
be up and running anytime soon. We're going to be lucky if we can
get someone in the next decade who has the ability to reverse a wish.
And this is most certainly going to turn into a catastrophe.
Usually, it would be most apt to blame the wisher. In this case,
nephew, for your failure to instruct your appointee, I'm going to
blame you.” Levie cleared his throat but said nothing. I
wasn't sure he could speak, even if he had the chance to. The Devil
didn't seem all that scary to me, but reputations usually come from
somewhere. Maybe I just hadn't seen his bad side yet? Levie
obviously had and it was terrifying him. I made myself take a mental
note to be more careful from then on. Who knew what happened when
one rubbed the Devil the wrong way?

“I
could send you to the pits,” he continued, twirling a
pen around in his fingers. “Or maybe the rack would allow you
the ... focus you might need to think about what you've done.”
Levie focused his eyes securely onto the rug in front of his Uncle's
desk. I'd never considered there might be a moment when I would miss
Levie's arrogance. I did now. Badly. “But then again, you
are my most precious nephew and someone needs to stick around the
lovely, young Ginger long enough to handle the calamities that I have
no doubt will occur.” The Devil glanced from me to Levie and
then back to me again. He met my eyes, and a wicked looking grin
spread across his features. “I have a most splendid idea,”
he crooned. “That I am happy to say shall be a fitting
punishment for you both.”

“Hey,”
I exclaimed, stepping forward. Vae gave me a look of warning, and I
stopped moving.

“You,”
the Devil said pointing at Levie. “Despite your request for a
transfer, are going to live with Ginger. Indefinitely. Figure out
how to get along because the two of you are going to be spending
a
lot
of time together from now on. Make it work.” I held
back the rash of protests that came rushing to my lips. Live with
me? We could barely stand speaking to one another for more than two
minutes. How on earth did he expect us to live together? And
indefinitely? What the hell did that mean?

As
disturbed as I felt by the idea, it surprised me to see the extreme
relief pass over Levie's face before his usual superciliousness began
to trickle back in. I guess if it came to me or the rack, he'd
choose me. How sweet. “Now get out of my sight,” the
Devil snapped, his grin disappearing in an instant. “I have a
golf game today with Moses and Hades.”

Talk about
a social circle.

Levie said
nothing to me the rest of the night. When we got back to my
apartment, returning the way we had come through the bathroom mirror,
he sat down on the couch with his usual romance novel and read
quietly. I had no idea what I was supposed to say anyway so I let
him be and changed into my pajamas, settling into my own bed with a
fantasy novel and some chocolate covered pretzels. When even sugar
and carbs failed to clear my mind, I folded my arms behind my head
and leaned against the headboard, my thoughts a confused tangle of
what-ifs.

What
did
I want for my other two wishes? There were so many things ...
Maybe I should have taken the cell phone offer. I sighed and tried
to blow the hair away from my eyes. Turning over, I lightly punched
one of my goose down pillows. If I couldn't even decide on the two I
had left, what business did I have in getting more? Not to mention
the fact that I wasn't really sure that it was safe for me to get
more. I'd probably screw those up, too. Granted, nothing bad had
happened yet, but if I were to take Levie's outburst and the Devil's
simmering rage as a sign, then something would.

So
enraptured was I in my thoughts that I practically leapt out of my
own skin when the phone rang. Wondering who would be calling me at
three in the morning, I picked up the receiver. “Hello?”
I answered questioningly.

“Darling!”
The voice on the other end tugged at the edges of my memory, but I
still couldn't quite place who it was.

“Um,
hi?” I said, feeling like I should know that voice. Not
wanting to be rude, I was unwilling to ask outright. I figured I
would get it eventually, and lucky me, it didn't take long. The
woman on the other end of the line chuckled.

“Did
I wake you, sweetie pie? Mommy's sorry, she didn't mean to. Do you
want me to come over and sing to you the way I used to? I could even
make you warm milk and brush your hair with that comb your
grandmother gave you.” I almost died. Literally, I almost
choked on my own saliva and died from shock, then and there.

“P-pardon?”
I croaked, sitting up suddenly and coughing to clear my airway.
“What did you say? Mom?” The woman, presumably my mother,
giggled in a way that I never thought possible.

“Of
course, my little pumpkin eater. Who else would it be? No one loves
you more than me. You know that, right? I'm so sorry that I left
you. I never should have done that, but I always saw you on your
birthday and Christmas, right? That was a sign of my undying love.
Even the cocaine couldn't make me forget.” I sat, stunned,
barely holding the phone to my ear and wondering if maybe this was
what the Devil had been talking about. “So, I was thinking
tomorrow, lunch. Just me and you. Okay? We'll make a date out of
it. Mommy's got a little secret to tell you.” She didn't stop
and wait for me to confirm or to even ask my opinion. “At Cafe
Liaison, okay? I know how much you loved chocolate cake as a kid,
and they have great cake. Three o'clock. I would do earlier, but
I'm getting my nails done.” I opened my mouth to protest, but
she didn't give me the chance. “Love you, baby! Nighty
night!” Click.

I put the
phone down slowly. Wow. There really wasn't much I could do now.
I
could stand her up,
I thought,
but that would remind me too
much of how she treated me my entire life.
I supposed that I
would go, even if it was just to find out what her supposed secret
was. But that didn't mean that I had to enjoy it.

I heard
noise coming from the living room and almost panicked until I
remembered Levie. I wasn't used to having company over. I sat there
for a moment, not wanting to get up but knowing that I should tell
him about the phone call. Working up the courage to face him in my
flannel pajamas with the fraying hems, I opened my bedroom door
slowly and was greeted by a rather disturbing, yet in some ways
surprisingly pleasant, image.

The demon
was nude.

And
hung,
I thought, my cheeks flushing and my throat closing. I was
tasteless and crude, yes, but it was true.

“Levie,”
I said, covering my eyes and trying not to grin like a fool. “Why
aren't you wearing any clothing?” For a moment, there was
complete silence. When he answered, his voice was scornful.

“You
should knock before entering,” was all he deigned to say. I
laughed and uncovered my eyes, expecting him to at least have covered
up his ... um ... accessories. But oh no, that would have
been just too much to ask. I whirled around so that I was staring at
the inside of my bedroom instead of at tight muscles wrapped around a
frame that reminded me of a hunter's body, lean and fit without being
bulky. Great. The asshole secretary demon was hot. Well, that had
been obvious really. I just hadn't quite wanted to believe it yet,
too distracted was I by the rude, disrespectful prick that inhabited
said body.

“I'm
supposed to knock on the inside of my bedroom door before entering my
own living room?” I heard the expected rustling around of
fabric. “Can I look now?” I asked, sort of hoping that
he still hadn't covered up and feeling lecherous and cheap for doing
so.

“You
may,” his majesty announced, and I couldn't help but roll my
eyes.

“Thank
you very much, sir,” I replied sarcastically and turned around
to find him tucked into the pull out, couch bed. He still wasn't
dressed, but at least he was covered up. He raised his chin
haughtily.

“At
least you are now showing me the respect that I deserve.” I
gaped at him, but I couldn't see any point in arguing. Let the jerk
think that I really meant it. Maybe it would sweeten up some of that
sour in his mood.

“My
mom just called me.” Levie stared at me blankly, as if this
meant nothing to him. “My mom never calls me, Levie. Never.
And she called me pumpkin eater.”

“Are
you?” he asked. I blinked at him stupidly.
Huh?

“Am
I what?” I asked.

“A
pumpkin eater?” he replied, not the slightest hint of a joke in
his words.

“I –
I guess so.” I was confused. So very, very confused. What did
that have to do with anything?

“Then
what is the problem?” I stared at him, not believing he was
possibly that stupid ... or I guessed he was just that literal.

“
Levie
,”
I stressed. “My mother does not call me. Ever. I barely
saw her as a kid; my dad and stepmother raised me.” I spoke
slowly, like I was talking to a child. Levie noticed it, too, and
the corners of his mouth twisted even further down into a frown.
“Remember, the wish? What do I do? She wants to have lunch
tomorrow.” Levie shifted his wings above his head, and I
wondered how he was going to sleep on a bed with them. They were
enormous. If he stretched them out to their fullest, like he'd done
in the parking garage, they would stretch from one wall of my living
room to the other with wing to spare.

“Go
to lunch with her. That seems to me to be innocuous enough.” I
guess I couldn't blame him: he didn't know my mother. But I did.
She would show up, eyes red, decorated with purple bruises. She
would be wearing a tank top which would do nothing to hide the needle
marks on her arms. Her hair would be limp and greasy and her teeth
yellow and crooked despite a childhood with braces. Oh yeah,
innocuous indeed.

But then
again, she never called me darling or sweetie or especially not
pumpkin eater. She never called, and she never invited
me
to
lunch. The wish must have changed her. After all, how can someone
doped up twenty-four hours a day, giving ten dollar blow jobs on
Second Street for crack money really love their daughter at all? Let
alone as much as Erin's overprotective mother seemed to. And I had
wished for that. She had also said that she was getting her nails
done. The last time I had seen her, she didn't have much nail to
speak of. Maybe this would be interesting. I tapped my lips with my
finger. Still ...

“I
thought bad things were supposed to happen, Levie. You and your
uncle seemed to think so. What's the deal?” Levie leaned
forward, the blankets sliding away to reveal his belly. I tried not
to look. Was that a belly button ring?