Here for You (31 page)

“At least tell me if she’s concerned about her safety. You don’t have to tell me about the other shit.”

“Actually she hasn’t said anything, so I’m not sure if she even knows. I’ll talk to her tonight. Don’t worry, I’m keeping an eye out for you.”

Most of the guys are eating in the restaurant downstairs. I stopped in briefly to make sure everyone knows curfew. I’ll go back and check on them in an hour to make sure they’ve all gone to bed. Even though Crystal is in my room, I’m going up to eat because I don’t feel like socializing tonight. I don’t even know why she traveled to Houston. I haven’t seen her outside of being passed out in one of the beds.

I think she went to the game yesterday and tonight, but I can’t be certain since she didn’t wait around to meet me after either one. Not that it really matters because I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my life will be hell from now on. But if she’s not going to support me, I don’t need her even traveling to the cities. It’s just uncomfortable for me.

When I walk in my room I instantly feel something off. I close the door and walk into the bedroom. Crystal is not on either bed, but when I turn to the right, I see her sitting on the floor with her head back against the wall. Her eyes are closed and she’s holding a glass of clear liquid. I’d like to think that she’s drinking water, but at this point I know it’s too much to hope for. I don’t know if I can deal with this again tonight.

Since the night she stumbled back into my life, we’ve had at least one major fight a day. Most days it’s three or four. As per Crystal’s usual behavior she picks a fight about whatever is happening at the moment. And because I’m worn out from the playoffs, I don’t put up much of a fight but just let her scream and yell. Tonight I’m exhausted, but I’m also bitter. I watched Quinn comforting Johnny on his loss, and it made my heart ache so bad for Ash. She was always there for me.

“Would it be too much to ask for you to at least be awake and sober when I get back from the game? I mean I get that you can’t bring yourself to be there to meet me after the game, but why are you here?”

Her eyes open and she must register my comments because her face contorts into some ugly anger. “Do you think following you around the country is easy?”

“No one said you had to come.”

“What am I supposed to do? Wait at home until you come back?”

I run my hands through my hair. “I don’t know, but you shouldn’t come if you don’t want to be here.”

I watch as she drinks almost half the liquid in the glass. I don’t know when she turned into this person, but this is not who she used to be. “Crystal, don’t you think you should lay off the alcohol a little?”

“Fuck you, JC. You just think you’re so perfect. Always judging the rest of us.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She goes quiet, and when she talks again, I wish she wouldn’t.

“I don’t know what happened that night.”

My stomach drops because I don’t know if she’s talking about losing the baby or something else. “What night?”

“The night your brother died.”

I hate when she even talks about my brother because she resented him when he was alive. She probably still does. “You were angry at me for not being there with you when you were at the doctor’s office. Then when I told you I had to pick him up you went all crazy again.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean when I left.”

“I have no idea. When I went down to get my car, yours was still parked next to it, so all I know is you took a cab somewhere. Johnny never told me where he found you.”

“I wasn’t driving my car.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I was driving Anderson’s car, and I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember driving.”

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said I don’t remember. I don’t know what happened that night.”

“No! I got that part crystal clear. Why were you driving Anderson’s car?”

At least she has the courtesy to look like she’s sorry about what she just said but that doesn’t make a difference to me. “Because he let me use it.”

“Why?” I’m not letting up until I hear her say the words.

“Because I was seeing him.”

In a flash I grab the glass from her hand and throw it as hard as I can against the far wall. The tumbler shatters and pieces of glass and liquid fly everywhere. When I turn back to her, she flinches. “How long had you been with him?”

She cowers trying to push herself further away from me. “I don’t know.” Her voice is a whisper but I hear it.

My voice goes completely calm as I realize what I need to know. “How long?”

“I don’t know.”

“I want to know the answer, Crystal. Could he have been the father?” I spit the question out at her.

I stare at her. A minute goes by and that pretty much answers the question for me, but I need to hear her say it.

“I was never pregnant. I made it up because I didn’t want to lose you.”

The words are so unexpected and hit me with such force that I stumble back. She just took one of the greatest memories in my life and ripped it away. Again. The day I thought she lost the baby was devastating, but knowing those two months of my life when I thought I was going to be a father were not real is too much.

It’s a full minute before I can find any words at all. “I don’t ever want to see your face again. Not only did you just take away one of the best moments of my life, but that night you tortured me with the guilt trip over nothing. And then my brother died because you wouldn’t let me go pick him up. Is that where Johnny found you? Were you fucking Anderson that night?”

She doesn’t say anything. There are tears streaming down her face but at this point I don’t give a shit. How one person can destroy so much of my life is inconceivable to me. “Answer me!”

She looks up at me. Mascara is running down her face, and she wipes her hand across her running nose. “I think so.”

Holy shit
. She doesn’t even remember where Johnny found her. I can’t think about the rest of what she said. I know Anderson drives a black SUV, but I’m not going there in my head right now. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Johnny.

“Yeah?”

“Someone better come up here and get this trash out of my room before I do something stupid.”

“Hold on. I’ll be right there! Don’t do anything, Wills. Just take a deep breath and walk away from her. Get as far away as you can.”

I can hear rustling, and I know he’s already on his way. I hear muffled voices, and I’m sure he has Quinn with him. I hang up the phone because I don’t want to hear them right now.

“Wills, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I honestly didn’t. I was just so confused about what I really wanted, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Shut up, Crystal!”

My body is shaking, and I can’t control it. I don’t even know what’s causing it. I’m furious at her and trying not to do anything or even shout like I want to. Every time my brain tries to go to what she said, I shut it down. If I brought a monster into my life that ended up killing my brother, I would never forgive myself.

I hear rapid banging on the door, and I move quickly to the front room. When I open the door, Johnny grabs me and throws me on the couch. He’s standing over me as he motions for Fonz to get Crystal. “Did you touch her?”

I shake my head. As much as I hate her right now, I could never lay a hand on a woman. Never. But I appreciate him not taking any chances because I don’t trust myself right now. I’m afraid it wouldn’t take much more at this point for me to break my own cardinal rule.

“You okay if I leave Quinn here with you?”

I nod. I glance at her and she looks like she’s just seen a ghost. She’s pale and possibly shaking as badly as me right now. I’m not sure that she’s going to be any comfort to me, but at least I have no desire to lash out at her, so she feels safe. Anything is better than being alone because I don’t trust myself right now.

“You sure, man?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Johnny must be satisfied because he walks out the door following Fonz and Crystal. This is the second girl in my life that Fonz has had to carry in the last week. I’m sure he’s thinking real highly of his mentor right now.

I drop my head in my hands. I don’t know if I want to scream, cry or just hope I stop breathing. So much has gone wrong in my life in the last couple of months, and Crystal was a big part of the wrong. I can’t even allow my thoughts to go to the knowledge that she might have had something to do with Jacob’s death. I don’t believe it’s a possibility, but I can’t even begin to face that until I’m in a different state of mind.

Knowing that she was cheating on me before that night just makes everything hurt more. But knowing she lied about being pregnant is the ultimate betrayal. I never would have taken her back into my life to help her get better if I had known that.

The cushion dips down next to me and I feel Quinn softly lay a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Wills. Do you want to talk about it?”

I don’t say anything for a long moment. I’m not even sure what to say to Ash’s best friend. “How is she?”

“Better, I guess.”

I glance at her, but based on the look in her eyes I don’t believe her. “Quinn, I’m so sorry I hurt her. You’ll never understand how sorry I am.”

She gives a slight nod and small smile. “I know you are. It’s just going to take time for her. What she felt can’t disappear overnight. You know?”

“Do you think she’ll ever take me back?”

Her smile drops and she looks down at the ground. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never seen her like this. Maybe just give her a little more time.”

“Will you tell me if Charlie is bothering her?”

Quinn laughs. “She sent him away on a ‘special project,’ so he’s out of town for a while. Like a long while. She should be fine. Don’t worry. I’m watching her, and Johnny will back me up if needed.”

I almost smile at the thought of Ash taking things into her own hands. But unfortunately there is not an ounce of happiness in me at this moment. I know I’m a grown man and a professional athlete, but I can’t help the tears that form. My life is shit, and the only thing that can possibly help would be Ash. Even just to see her smile would buy me another day worth living.

Quinn must sense my shift because she puts her arm all the way around my shoulders and her other hand rests on my leg. “I know you miss her. I’m sorry you’re both in so much pain.”

Together, we just sit there for a long time.

“How’re you doing, girl?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Better.”

“Yeah?”

I nod my head against her. It’s been almost two weeks since I flew home from Chicago. I’ve worked from the beach house since Lizzy brought me here over a week ago. I’ve managed to get everything done from here, although Lizzy had to drive here twice last week. I will go back to the city tomorrow and work from home and the office when I can manage to go in. With Charlie out of the city, I don’t have as much concern about going into the office or even being at my own place.

I needed this week to work in peace. No one bothers me here, and the week has helped me to lose some of the anger. The sadness is so heavy on my heart that I don’t think anything can ease it, but I hate feeling so angry and bitter. Cam had to do what he felt he needed to do. He had warned me, so I really don’t have the right to be angry. I hate that I allowed my heart to attach to him. I knew if I let myself fall in love with him that my heart would never completely let him go. And that’s where I am today.

“Monica asked if she could come over and talk to you for a few minutes.”

“Why?”

“She said she has something she wants to share with you. Apparently there’s more behind what happened with Jacob, and she just wants to tell you. She promised she wouldn’t beg for you to forgive Cam.”

“Do you believe her?”

“Yeah. You know her, too. I think you can trust her.”

I shrug my shoulders again. “Guess it’s fine. How’s Cameron?”

“Still cute as can be. I swear if I didn’t know Wills and Monica so well, I would say that Wills was actually the father.”

“Quinn!”

She laughs. “I know, I know. Of course he wouldn’t do that to his brother but, shit, the boy looks just like a miniature Wills.”

For the first time in a long time, I smile with genuine happiness. Just picturing Cameron makes me happy. “When does she want to come over?”

“Now.”

I sit up pulling myself out of Quinn’s arms. “What if I had said no?”

“I knew you wouldn’t. You’re too good of a person, Ash.”

I roll my eyes at her. “Sucking up to me isn’t going to get you forgiveness.”

She laughs. “I know, but a little flattery can go a long way. I’m going to run next door and tell her she can come over. I told her I’d keep an eye on Cameron.”

I shake my head as she bounces down the stairs to the beach. I watch as she disappears up the back deck of the house next door. Gotta love my best friend. She’s going to try to get me back to normal if it’s the last thing she does. I watch as the sun slips behind the horizon, and I try to appreciate the beauty of the sunset. I wrap my blanket tighter around me as the breeze picks up.

I hear her coming up the stairs but I don’t turn to watch her approach.