Here for You (32 page)

“Ashley?”

I can hear the nerves in her voice, and I don’t want to put her in the middle of all of this.

“Hi. Have a seat.”

She sits down in the same spot Cam sat the first night we met. I try to push the memory out of my head so the tears don’t start again.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I just felt there was something important you should know.”

I pull a hand out of my blanket and place it on hers. “Monica, you’re always welcome over here. I’m not angry with you or Cameron.”

Her mouth lifts up on one side, but it doesn’t appear to be out of happiness. “You may change your mind.”

I close my eyes for just a moment. I don’t know if I can take any more drama. I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime. “I doubt it.” I manage to say, but I’m not sure if I even mean that.

“I sat down with Cam a few days ago to tell him. I didn’t realize a big part of the reason he took Crystal back was because he felt he owed it to Jacob. I knew that Cam blamed himself for not picking Jacob up at the airport, but I guess I didn’t realize that he connected Crystal with all of it. You have to believe me that if I had known that was going on in his head, I would have sat down with him sooner. I feel like what happened between the two of you is my fault.”

“Cam has no one to blame but himself. He made the choice, not you.”

“I know, but I don’t think he would have blamed himself as much for Jacob’s death, and then maybe none of this would have happened. He would never have felt like he had to take her back.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Monica takes in a deep breath, and I can see the tears in her eyes. I don’t know if this is how life is for everyone but there have been more tears and pain in my life over the last few weeks than I ever thought possible. I know everyone has problems, but I’m not sure this much pain should exist in one small group.

“Have you ever had one of those days or one of those weeks where you feel like you just can’t do it anymore?” I nod. “Well, I had one of those, and believe me I never knew it could ruin the rest of my life. The reason why Jacob couldn’t make it to the Friday game was because I had thrown out the ‘d’ word at him. I told him if he went to that game that I was done. I was filing for divorce. I couldn’t take him traveling around the country to be at Cam’s side. We had a family and life, and I needed him too.

“Cameron had been sick all week, and Jacob had been on the road with Cam. He stopped at home because the team had Thursday off, and I laid into him. I was exhausted with a sick child. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, and he said Cam needed him too. He slept on the couch that night because I wouldn’t let him sleep in our room. I will forever regret that.”

A chill runs through me as I realize Monica has it even worse than Cam. There is nothing, I mean
nothing
, I can do to try and ease her pain and regret. I slide over on the couch and pull her into my arms. “You have to try to remember the good times. Try not to focus on that one awful night.”

She wipes the tears that are falling. “I do, but I hurt for Jacob so much that it eats me alive every day. My poor husband was standing on that sidewalk trying to support his brother, the guy he looked up to his entire life, and he didn’t know if he still had a life at home. It was my fault that he didn’t get into San Francisco that day for the game. Not that I think either one of us is to blame for Jacob’s death, but he wouldn’t have been on the street that night if I hadn’t forced him to change his schedule. I was too ashamed to tell Cam or his parents. I didn’t want them to know what a horrible wife I was.”

“You had a bad week. That doesn’t make you a horrible wife. From what Cam has said, you two had a fantastic relationship. He said you were meant to be together from the first day you met in college.”

I see a small smile form through the pain. “Yeah. He followed me around for a few weeks before he got up the courage to ask me out. We went out to dinner on our first date and I was hooked from that first night. He was a wonderful and caring man. He loved me with no reservations. And I still remember the look on his face when Cameron was born. He loved his son unconditionally from the first moment he laid eyes on him. He was mesmerized with him when he was a baby. He couldn’t believe Cameron was actually ours. Which is why it was cruel for me to use Cameron during the fight. Saying I wasn’t going to let him travel with him anymore.”

There’s nothing I can say to make it hurt less so I gently sway with the rhythm of the waves hitting the shore. They aren’t really visible anymore except for the bit of white that comes in with each one.

“I called their parents and told them earlier today.” I stiffen at the mention of them. “Yeah, they never gave Cam the support he should have had growing up. They were so concerned with making sure Jacob didn’t feel left out that they essentially ignored Cam’s needs. Jacob hated it, and he talked to them about it on more than one occasion. I heard some of those battles. Anyhow, I don’t think they meant to blame Cam for Jacob’s death, but they wanted to blame something. He was the easiest target for them. Cam doesn’t deserve to be blamed, and they know that now more than ever.”

I look down at her. “I imagine that was difficult for you, but I’m sure Cam appreciates it.”

“He has no idea. I was afraid he would tell me not to, so I didn’t tell him I was going to call. But they need to realize that by shutting Cam out, they are also missing time with their only grandchild. Cameron needs as much family in his life as he can have now that he lost his father.”

“You know you’re always welcome to leave him with me if you want some alone time. No matter what’s going on with Cam and me, I’m here for you two.”

“Thanks. You know he kicked Crystal out, right?”

“Yeah. Quinn told me.”

“He’s miserable without you. Even seeing Cameron hardly puts a smile on his face. He used to light up like Cameron was his entire world.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, I better get back over there before one of them is hanging from a ceiling fan, or worse. I think Quinn feels a little out of her element with Cameron.”

I laugh. “Yep. She’s definitely just doing it to help you. Not sure if she will even have her own some day. There are only two things in this world that intimidate my dear friend. Kids and love.”

“She seems to be getting a handle on both.”

“I know, and I love it.”

I stand up with her and give her a long hug. I watch as she makes her way back over to the house, and I wait at the railing until Quinn is heading back over. I meet her at the bottom of the stairs. “Let’s take a short walk down the beach.”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, Q. You know I think I may actually need to change my ring tone for you.” Silence. Wow, not even a chuckle from Quinn.
Shit.
I wonder if something happened with Johnny. “What’s wrong?”

“They aren’t going to let him pitch tomorrow if he doesn’t pull out of his funk by game time.”

“Ohh-kay. What do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted you to know.”

“Listen. I’m not going to run down to the ball park and have my heart ripped out and stomped on one more time just because the team needs to win a stupid World Series.”

“Ash, I’m not saying you should. I promised you I would keep you updated. That’s it. I didn’t want you to find out after the fact and be pissed at me.”

I sigh. “I get it.” I hear a knock on my door, and Lizzy pops her head in. “I have to go, Q. I’ll call you later.” I’m sure she’s pissed, but I can’t deal with that right now. I need a few minutes to let it sink in.

“What’s up, Lizzy?”

“Priority package just arrived from Larry.”

“Perfect. Thanks.” I reach out to grab it from her. I feel her eyes on me as I start to open the envelope. “Yes?”

“You heard, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

Lizzy is smart and doesn’t say another word about it. She slips out of my office silently as I pull out the information from Larry. Of course I can’t concentrate on anything now. I would give anything to go back to the last day my head could function. I whip the package onto the credenza behind me.

I stare at my phone for at least five minutes. My hands are shaking, but I’m going to make the phone call I’ve wanted to make since Saturday night.

The locker room is silent, and all I can do is stare at my open locker, hoping it will somehow give me the strength to get off my ass. Monica even brought Cameron in about thirty minutes ago, hoping it would work. I had to ask her to take him away, which almost killed me. I saw the look on his face, and I hated myself for putting it there.

“Cam?”

My breath halts in my chest. I don’t immediately turn because I’m sure at this point my mind is hallucinating just hoping for something to break me.

“Sweetheart?”

I slowly turn my head the direction of the sound. Although it’s possible I’m hallucinating, but if I am, my imagination is pretty vivid. My parents are standing about twenty feet away from me.

“What are you doing here?” The question is barely above a whisper, and I’m not even sure if they hear me.

“Cam, we’re so sorry. We were wrong to stay away.”

I blink my eyes hard a few times. “You came to support me?” I feel like my ten-year-old self, waiting for my parents’ approval.

“Of course we’re here for you. We should have been here all along. We know you’re hurting too.”

I nod my head. “I miss him all the time.”

“We do too, sweetheart. We do too. But we don’t want to lose you, too.”

“I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.”

“You can and you will go out and pitch today.”

“But how did you even know?”

“Ashley called us, dear. She explained what was going on.”

“She sent you here?”

My mom nods, and I can see the tears in her eyes. I slowly stand up and walk around the bench toward my parents. For the first time I can remember, they’re looking at me with pride in their eyes. I lean down and hug my mom. I feel her slight frame shake with a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Cam. I feel like a terrible mother.”

I step back and shake my head. “No. You’re here now.”

I put my hand out and my dad shakes it pulling me into a half hug with the other arm. “Make us proud, son.”

“I will. I promise.”

“The team is honoring Jacob today. They’ve all placed temporary tattoos of his college number on their arms. Cameron and Monica are both wearing jerseys with his name. Ashley even arranged for Jacob’s favorite singer to perform a song before the national anthem. No idea how she did that last minute, but none other than
the
Mr. Blake Shelton will be singing.”

I’m staring at my mom, unsure what to even say. I feel the overwhelming emotion, but I know I don’t have time to let it out now.

“Let’s go, son. We’ll walk you out so you can start warming up.”

I nod at my dad and put my arm out for my mom.

As we head out of the locker room, I see Cameron standing near the entrance. He looks unsure and still hurt by my earlier actions. I walk up and grab him. I toss him up in the air and then hug him as tight as I can without hurting him. “I’m sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings earlier. If you want me to pitch today, I will.”

He nods and I give him the biggest smile I can manage right now. “Yeah, Uncle Cam, I really want you to.”

“You got it.” I set him back down and turn to see Monica standing by my parents. I give her a hug and then each of my parents before they head out to their seats. “Mom?”

She turns back around. “Yes, dear.”

“Is she here?”

“She will be. She said even though you weren’t together, she would always be here for you.”

I close my eyes until I’m sure I can keep the tears in. I turn and head toward the dugout. Walking over to where I left my glove, I grab it before heading out to warm up. I see Johnny, and he nods my direction. He heads to the bullpen, and by the time I get there, he is squatted down behind the plate punching his glove. As if the last few days never happened, he holds up his glove, waiting for my first warm-up pitch.

As we enter the dugout, I look at Johnny and he nods. There’s so much unspoken communication in this one moment that it overwhelms me again. The entire evening has been emotionally trying, but I managed to keep my head on the game when I was on the mound.

“Where is she?”

He looks at me. For a moment, I’m not sure if he’s going to tell me. “Her box.”

“Thanks, Johnny.”

It’s amazing where they will let you go when you’re a player on the team. No one even questions me along the way. I guess I looked legit enough to be allowed all access to the park.

When I step in the box, I see the girls. In addition to Quinn and Lizzy, I see my parents, Monica, Cameron and Stan. The other woman must be Stan’s wife, and there is one girl I don’t recognize making a drink near the back. She looks up and gasps. I put my finger up to my lips and motion for her to come over. “Can you grab Quinn? Tell her someone is here for her but don’t mention my name.”