Here's to Forever (15 page)

“You don’t think I died a little when I found out about your lies? Your
repeated
lies. You think it doesn’t still hurt?”

“I know it does, Rae. I know it. But you have to let me help you heal.”

“How?”

“Let me love you again.”

“I haven’t stopped, Hudson. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t pined for you, where I haven’t cried myself to sleep at night at how cold I felt without you there. Not one day has been spent without wanting you or loving you. And that’s not going to change. I swear to you, I won’t stop.”

I wipe at my face, at the tears I don’t realize I’m shedding. “I wish I didn’t do that to you. I wish I could take it all back, that it never happened. But it did. And we have to work through that. Are you ready to? To move on?”

“Yes.” Her answer is swift and sure. Exactly what I wanted to hear.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know, dammit! I don’t know!”

“Marry me,” I blurt. “Marry me. Work with me on this. Work
through
this with
me.
Spend your life with me.”

“I plan to, Hudson. I do. Just not yet. I’ll gladly come home, but I’m not ready for
that
just yet. I still need some time for something that heavy.”

I stare down at my lap, taking in what she just said. I get it. I understand where she’s coming from on that front. And deep down, I know she’s right. Getting engaged right now would be an act of desperation. That’s not how I’d want to start this. That perfect moment Ted told me about weeks ago? This isn’t it. I should have known.

“Is that not enough?” she whispers, mistaking my silence for something it’s not. “Is that not what you wanted to hear?”

I look up at her. “No, that’s perfect. That’s
right
. I was wrong. Again. I’m just mentally berating myself for proposing out of line. Again. I suck at this.”

She laughs lightly, scrubbing her hands down her cheeks. “Yeah, you kind of do. Come here.” Rae leans up on her knees, stretching over to me and pressing a kiss to my lips. “I love you, Hudson. And I want that. I want forever with you. I really mean that. I just want that moment to be perfect. So far, it’s not been. But we’ll find that again. We’ll find those little moments we had, and one day, we’ll be us again. We just need to work toward it.”

I gather her in my arms and lie back, pulling her until she’s on top of me, stretched out. I wrap my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest right over my heart.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you when I did. I feel like I messed some shit up for us that shouldn’t have been messed up with that move. I mean, this really is all your fault, but it was unfair of me to punish Joey like that too. You, on the other hand, totally deserved it.”

I laugh because this is typical Rae. Straight to the point. This is the her I love more than anything in the world.

“I’m sorry, Rae. So fucking sorry. I hope one day you’ll be able to understand it all from my point of view.”

“I’m going to try.”

We spend two hours lying on the blanket, watching the waves knock against one another like an aged whiskey knocking against the inside of a barrel—smooth and natural.

It’s almost midnight when we enter the beach house for the second time today. A sense of peace had settled over us at the beach, but tension revs high once we’re faced with choosing our sleeping arrangements. If it were up to me, I’d choose naked and tangled up in the sheets. I have no idea what Rae wants.

“So…”

“So…” she repeats.

“Are we, uh, heading to bed?” My cock aches at thoughts of us in the king-sized bed. I want so badly to wrap myself around her, to be inside her again.

She takes a step toward me. It’s a steady, sure step. A step I take as a sign. I move toward her, trapping her, and she retreats, backing into the wall. I cage her in with my arms braced on the wall, dipping my head to run my tongue the length of her neck. She arches into my touch and grabs at my sides, pulling me into her. I settle my weight against her, giving into her silent begging. I pull away and strip my shirt off; she sighs. I fall back onto her, crushing my lips to hers. I beg for entrance with a trace of my tongue; she grants it. I grind my lower half into hers; she grinds back. It’s a game of push and pull between us, and right now we’re both winning.

“Bedroom,” she states, dragging her mouth from mine with reluctance.

We stumble our way down the hall, not wanting to let go of one another long enough to walk there carefully. By the time we make it, I know I’m going to wake up sore after banging both of my knees on two different tables and stubbing my toe on the doorjamb. But none of it matters, none of it registers. The only thing I can feel right now is Rae and her warm body pressed against mine.

Rae bumps into the bed and abruptly sits, her hands going to my zipper immediately. She pops open the button and we work together to drag them down my legs. I stand before her, my dick proud and ready to go. She stares up at me and her look is lustful…heated…filled with love.

“Why am I the only one without clothes?”

She lifts a shoulder, a coy smile playing at her lips. “You’ve got your boxer briefs on. Not that they leave much to the imagination, but still.”

I squint my eyes into slits. “Doesn’t count.”

She lets out a playful sigh and begins pulling her top off. “So technical,” I hear her mutter. She pushes back on the bed a little more and shimmies off her jeans, leaving us even in the clothes department. Or lack thereof.

Rae lounges on her elbows in an unintentionally sexy pose, looking up at me with that sexy smile still in place, her breasts on the verge of falling from her bra, and her hair in disarray. “Happy now?”

I crawl up the bed, fitting myself between her legs until she drops down on her back. She winds her arms around my neck, but I don’t want that. I grab them and hold them firmly to the bed above her head. Giving her a small kiss, I say, “Stay.”

I run my lips down her chin, over her neck, and straight down until I reach her heaving chest. Her breasts brush my face with every harsh breath she takes. I push the cup of her bra aside and run the tip of my tongue over her right nipple. She inhales sharply, arching off the bed to press into my touch.

Chuckling, I pull back some and whisper, “I thought those weren’t ‘hooked up’?”

“I’m so fucking keyed up right now that
every
part of me is hooked up. I swear, you could probably tickle the back of damn knee and I’d orgasm.”

I trail my hand down between us, pausing to swipe at the heat between her legs but not long enough to give her any sort of release. She arches into me again, but I keep moving, tracing an invisible pattern across her thigh, curling my hand around her leg right above her knee. And then I do just what she said—tickle right behind her knee. And damn does she react. She convulses, and laughter begins pouring out of her in waves.

I sit up and put my hands out in an act of surrender. “I can see my work here is done.”

She laughs and pulls at me, bringing me back down on top of her. “You’re such a smartass.”

“Yeah, but I’m
your
smartass.”

“You are.”

The only thing that runs through my mind is that she said I was hers.
I’m hers.

“Say that again.”

“What? That you’re a smartass?”

“No, not that. That I’m yours. Because you sure as fuck are mine.”

Sadness creeps into her stare. “Of course you’re mine, Hudson. There was never a moment where I doubted my love for you. I questioned my trust, but never my love.”

“And now?”

“Now…”

Her hesitation sends my heart into panic. Now what? Does she still not trust me? Does she still see lies and deceit every time she looks at me? Because I can’t live with that. I can’t live without her looking at me and seeing hope, a future. 

“Now I’m working on it.
We’re
working on it. I love you, Hudson. I’ve already told you that won’t change. Not now, not ever.”

I kiss her, because for right now, that’s good enough for me. Our lips fuse together in a heated moment and our bodies search for one another, seeking warmth and love. If the house burned down around us right now, we’d know the fire started right on this very bed.

I snake my arms around her and strip off her bra, not pausing as I pull down her panties. We part long enough for me to shed my boxer briefs and cover myself with a condom. Not even thirty seconds later, I’m back between her thighs, feeling her legs wrap around me like a blanket. There’s not an inch between us, but it takes no time for me to slide right into the warm center I’m seeking. We create a beautiful symphony with every thrust and pant, glued together by sweat and the greed for release.

“Rae…”

“I know. I’m almost there.”

I lift some, reaching between us to massage her clit, knowing it’ll send her over the edge that I’m clinging to like it’s my last hope. She lifts from the bed, back arched high, hovering for only a moment before crying out in pleasure. I can feel her spasm around my dick, every squeeze dragging me closer and closer to the edge. With two more thrusts, I follow her release, surrendering myself to the pull.

I collapse in a heap on top of her, conscious of my weight on her small frame.

“Hand to God, I just had the best fucking orgasm of my life.”

She slaps my back. “Hudson! You can’t say ‘God’ and ‘fucking’ in the same sentence. Or ‘orgasm.’”

“Says who?”

“Me!”

Laughing, I roll off her, pulling her with me. She rests her head on my chest, snuggling closer into me. I kiss the top of her head, letting my lips linger because the last thing I want is to let this blissful moment go.

“You ruin all my fun,” I say, brushing my lips against her head.

“You love when I do.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Every time she’s said that these last few weeks, I’ve had these odd aches in my chest like someone’s there with a chisel, carefully carving those two words into my chest cavity. Slowly.

But now? Now it feels good. It feels hopeful. It’s enough.

“We’re good together, huh?”

I know she’s not just talking about the amazing sex we just had, but us in general. And she’s right. We have issues, that much is clear. But I think our willingness to work through them makes us strong—stronger than our issues. Even though Rae walked out and I fucked up, no matter how many times I felt those little fissures in my heart grow, I always knew we’d find a way back to each other. Because we’ve always done that. Shit, we technically spent almost twenty years apart and still—somehow, someway—we found our way back. As unintentional as it may have been, it happened. And it’s led us to this moment. Despite the mistakes we’ve both made, the problems we’ve had, I wouldn’t change where we’re at right now for anything.

“We are.”

“I think it’s because of what happened on the beach all those years ago. You rescuing me.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You saved me, Hudson. You gave me life. Shit doesn’t get more intimate and ingrained in your soul than that.”

I chuckle at her eloquent way of putting it. But I don’t disagree.

“That could be the case. Or I could just be so amazing that you can’t resist me.”

“Or that. But I doubt it.”

Shuffling around until I can reach, I smack her ass. “You’re a shit.”

“But I’m
your
shit.” I lift my brows at her choice of words and she laughs. “Doesn’t work there, huh?”

“Not at all.”

I wake with a full heart and an empty bed.

Only one of them is satisfying.

Reaching over, I feel that the sheets are cold, like they’ve been abandoned for hours.
Where in the hell did she go?

I sit, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. Panic washes over me like a tidal wave. It’s quick and harsh, pressing on my chest.
Where is she? Did she change her mind? Is she not ready to move on? Fuck!

It’s almost as quick as the tidal wave crashes that a quick smack of shut-the-fuck-up-and-stop-being-dumb hits me. I ignore my idiotic brain, because I know none of that’s true. She didn’t change her mind. She’s ready to move on.
We’re
ready to move on. After the way we made love last night, there’s no denying that. It wasn’t a moment of goodbye; it was a new beginning.