Here's to Forever (12 page)

I lift my hands up, holding them out to her, surrendering to this war I had no idea we were in. “Hold the phone. I went out to clear my head, to relax a little. That’s all that was.” That doesn’t seem to ease her at all. “And don’t you dare bring Gaige into this. He doesn’t deserve that hint of distaste in your voice. He’s never done anything for you to believe he’s anything but a damn saint and you know it. In fact, neither have I. I’ve never lie—”

I stop, catching my biggest mistake.

She sits forward in her chair, her eyes falling into slits. “No, please continue, Hudson. Go ahead and tell me how you’ve ‘never lied’ to me. Go for it. Lie right to my face. Again. I dare you.”

I don’t say anything, the venom in her words eating a hole in my heart.

“Nothing to say, Hudson? Fuckin’ typical,” she spits, shaking her head in obvious disgust.

Grabbing her bag, she lifts from the chair, and I panic.
She’s leaving.
I grab at her wrist, closing my fingers around her, stopping her in her tracks.

“Stop.
Please.
”

She does.

Even though she hasn’t turned around to look at me, I hang my head, the shame of my lies weighing me down. “Rae. I’d never do anything like you’re suggesting, and you know that. Don’t turn this shit with your dad into something it’s not. That’s not us. We don’t do that.”

Nothing. I tug gently on her wrist and she finally looks back at me, piercing me with her sad green eyes.

“We don’t do
this.
We don’t pick stupid fights over insane things. And we definitely don’t walk out just because we’re upset. I let you do it before, and if my sleepless nights and cold sheets are any indication, that was the biggest mistake I’ve made. Just please.
Please.
Stay.”

She pulls her wrist free, marching around me and sitting back in her chair. Taking a calming breath, I follow her, sitting on the edge of my seat next to her. I reach out and pull her hand into my lap. She won’t look at me, so I reach over and pull her face toward mine.

“We’re done walking out. If we have shit to work through, we’re doing it then. I don’t want a relationship like that. I’ve had one before and they’re shit.”

She casts her eyes down, a tear making its way down her cheek. “That, what I accused you of, that was wrong. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” She pauses, collecting herself. “That’s not me, Hudson. I…fuck! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m going nuts.”

I don’t disagree with her, because I feel like
I’m
going nuts too. This whole thing just reeks of fuckedupness. It’s gotten messy and ugly, and I hate it. I want our clean, beautiful,
easy
relationship back.

“I only went out last night because I can’t fucking bear the thought of going back to an empty house. Joey’s still at my mom’s. I don’t know how to tell her, to talk to her about any of this.”

“Tell her what?”

I swallow, scared to say the words. “That you moved out.”

Rae laughs and it’s so damn beautiful. “I didn’t
move out
, Hudson. I’m just clearing my head too. That’s the only way that made sense at the time.”

“I…I miss you. And I know that’s not fair to say, but it’s the damn truth. I want you back in our house, in our bed, in my life every damn day. I just…want you.”

“I want that too.”

“Then—”

“No,” she interrupts. “I’m just… I still need some time, Hudson. I know that’s not what you want to hear, and honestly, it might not even be the right answer, but it’s the truth. Just…not yet.”

I nod, not in agreement but because I don’t trust myself to speak, especially since all I want to do right now is beg. Beg her to come home, to forgive me, to let me love her for the rest of our days. But I don’t. I keep my mouth shut.

“I should go. I’ve got some work to do and you’re probably busy catching up on work.”

She gets up to leave again and I feel the panic hit me once more.
I don’t have any plans to see her again.
“Go on a date with me!”

The words tumble out of my mouth, my eyes wide and surprised. Her reaction mirrors my own.

“O-okay,” she agrees.

“Okay?”

“Okay. I would really love that.”

I take a few steps toward her, crowding her against the office door, smirking down at her. “I’d
really
love that too.”

She tries to turn away from my words, hiding a smile that’s formed on her lips at my mocking her. I grab her chin and pull her face back to mine. I hold her gaze and lower my mouth to hers, sealing our lips together in a hard kiss. I feel her body start to sway, her tongue darting out, begging me to tangle mine up with hers. I pull back and peer down at her, my lips tingling with the memory of hers. She’s breathless and her eyes are glazed over in a dense sexual haze, and I fucking love it.

I give her another quick kiss, ending it before she can even react. “How’s Friday?”

“Huh?”

Chuckling, I say, “How’s Friday for our date?”

She clears her throat, letting out a small sexy laugh. “Good.”

“Good or
really
good?”

“
Really
good.”

I smile, leaning down to close my lips over hers again, letting this one linger. It’s slow and loving. The perfect mix of
I want to rip your clothes off
and
make slow, sweet love to me
. I wrap my tongue around hers at the same time I do my arm, using both as anchors. I cup her face, getting just the angle I want, exploring her mouth even further. I know it’s time to back off when she lets out a low moan.

It takes another five seconds before I force myself to back away. Resting my head against hers when I do, I suck in air, letting the magic we create together settle around us, letting her feel how amazing things are with us, how fucking
right
they are.

“I love you, Rae,” I whisper, my lips brushing lightly over hers with every word.

“I know.”

Rae:
I’m secretly attracted to Channing Tatum…’s ass. Celebrity crush?

Hudson:
 eAsy. Emma Stone. See what I did there? (And don’t make fun of my awesome taste in movies.)

Rae:
Easy A reference. Nice. (Counting as question.) If you had to pick…smell horse poop the rest of your life or eat your least favorite meal every day?

Hudson:
Your strangeness is a concern. Meal. Do you like chili cheese hotdogs?

Rae:
Stop being gross, Hudson. It’s unattractive. What’s your favorite pet name? Like, for another person.

Hudson:
Does asshole count?

Rae:
Yes, and so does that question.

Hudson:
Dammit. What’s one thing you wish for almost daily?

Rae:
Perk to start delivering coffee and scones. Yours?

Hudson:
You.

Hudson:
Shit. Sorry. It…it just came out. I’m sorry.

Rae:
I miss you too.

Hudson:
Does Friday make you nervous too?

Rae:
Beyond.

Rae:
Wait. Too? Does that mean you’re nervous?

Hudson:
Beyond. And that’s Five.

Hudson:
Are you ready for tomorrow?

Rae:
No. You?

Hudson:
Yes. And no. Five?

Rae:
You’re already down to 3. Make them good.

Hudson:
I CAN’T HANDLE THAT SORT OF PRESSURE!

Rae:
Suck it up.

Hudson:
If you could own one thing, anything in the entire world, what would it be?

Rae:
Hmm… Google. Then I’d be rich as hell. And smart. Google people are smart, right? (doesn’t count!)

Hudson:
I think so.

Rae:
Then Google. You?

Hudson:
Your heart.

Rae:
OMG. CHEESEBALL! That was so LAME!

Hudson:
You’re welcome.

Rae:
Crap. I think it actually worked. I feel…a smile.

Hudson:
Again, you’re welcome.

Rae:
Maura is looking at me like I’m nuts because I keep doing this weird groan/laugh thing.

Hudson:
I’ll just go ahead and add that to the list of noises of yours I like.

Rae:
Add it? What else is on that list?

Hudson:
You know…me making you moan is at the top.

Rae:
You do that?

Hudson:
*glare emoji*

Rae:
Don’t flake on me now! Answer the question.

Rae:
Hudson:
?

Hudson:
No. I quit. You win. Today.

Hudson:
You ready to fall back in love with me today?

Rae:
Back? I never stopped, you ass-butt.

Hudson:
Just testing you, Squirrel. 

Hudson:
Quick Five?

Rae:
Ready.

Hudson:
Red or white wine?

Rae:
Not a big wine person. White, I guess. Blue or green?

Hudson:
Green. Turkey or ham?

Rae:
Turkey. Dresses or jeans?

Hudson:
As sexy as dresses are, jeans. More versatile. Favorite scent?

Rae:
Like…candles? Fragrance? General?

Hudson:
Any.

Rae:
Cottonwood. And you.

Hudson:
Did you just try to sweet talk me?

Rae:
Guilty. Did you like it?

Hudson:
Oh yeah. 

Hudson:
This is five… Do you think I’ve still got a shot?

Rae:
Oh yeah. Do you believe in forever?

Hudson:
Only with you.

Rae:
Did you just try to sweet talk me?

Hudson:
;-) Sorry, babe, game’s over. I’ll see you soon. I love you.

Rae:
I know.

“A date, huh?”

“Yes, and I’m freaking out!” I shout, grabbing clothes from my poorly packed suitcase and throwing them onto Maura’s bed. I mindlessly rifle through the unkempt pile, not really looking at anything but trying to keep my hands busy.

“You do realize you’ve already been dating him for the last year, right?”

I glare at my best friend. “You’re not helping, Maura.”

I think a lot of my nerves have to do with the fact that I haven’t seen Hudson since our little argument at his office. Four days ago. We’ve been texting, playing Five, but it’s not the same. This is a whole new game we’re getting ready to play.