Hidden Truths (45 page)

*  *  *

Nora jumped down from the wagon seat. She pressed the reins
into John's hands. "Would you take care of him for me?" On most days,
she brushed down Old Jack after she returned from school, but today she had
just one priority: finding Amy.

"I'll give him a good rub-down," John said.

Without another glance back, Nora hurried into the house.

Noises came from the kitchen. Someone threw logs into the
stove.

Amy?
Nora quickened her step.

Tess turned away from the stove and walked to the table,
where a plucked chicken waited to be prepared. "Normally, people don't
look so disappointed when they see me." Her tone was light and teasing,
but the crow's-feet around her eyes didn't dance with laughter.

"I thought you were Amy. Is she back?"

Tess reached into a bowl on the table and took one of the
peas. She turned it this way and that, studying it from all sides as if she had
never seen a pea. "Yes. Came in and wanted to hurry off to work, just like
you said."

The muscles of Nora's shoulders knotted with tension. She
leaned forward. "How did she seem?"

"We talked to her." Tess lifted her hands. "I
know you wanted to talk to her first, but I was angry she stayed out so long
and when she brought up the kiss..."

Nora grasped Tess's hand. She'd have preferred to talk to
Amy first, but it wasn't important now. All that mattered was that Amy was all
right. "And? How did it go?"

With a low plop, the pea Tess had taken landed back in the
bowl. "I think Hendrika will be fine with it."

The unspoken words hung between them like thunderclouds,
heavy with foreboding. "And Amy?"

"She didn't say much, and that surprised me. I thought
she'd be full of questions, but if she had them, she was too scared to
ask."

"She's still scared?" Nora didn't understand it.
Her courageous daughter had rarely been scared of anything in her life.
"Why would she be scared?" Surprised, yes. Maybe even shocked. But
scared?

Silence answered her.

Nora plucked a missed feather from the chicken, just to have
something to do. "She does understand that you and Frankie would never
make any advances toward her, doesn't she? That's not what this is about, is
it?"

"No," Tess said. "I don't think it's about
that at all."

Something more was going on with Amy. Time to finally have
that conversation — whether Amy wanted or not. When Nora got to her feet, the
feather fluttered to the floor. She bent and tried to pick it up, but it eluded
her grasp. She sighed. A lot of things eluded her at the moment. Something was
going on with Amy, and she was determined to find out what.

N
ORA
FOUND AMY IN the middle of the round pen. Cinnamon, with Hendrika on his back,
loped circles around her. Hendrika wore a pair of Amy's pants, and the
afternoon sun gleamed on her hair that was missing a bonnet.

"Nice," Amy called. "Remember to keep your
body relaxed."

Nora rested her hands on the corral and watched her
daughter.

As Amy kept turning so that she faced horse and rider, her
movements were confident. A focused expression settled on her face. Her voice
sounded gentle but firm, giving out corrections and praise equally.

Is she really so calm?
Nora doubted it. But Luke had
taught Amy from an early age not to approach horses when she was angry or
upset, and by now, stripping off her emotions like confining clothes had become
a reflex for Amy.
She's hiding with the horses instead of coming to talk to
me. Why is this so hard on her?

Her daughters knew they could talk to her about anything and
everything. What had changed for Amy to hide her feelings behind a façade of
confidence?

"All right," Amy said. "Now get him to stop
without slowing to a walk first."

Hendrika's glance sought Amy, and she hesitated.

"You can do it. Just like we practiced. And remember to
go easy on the reins."

Three hoofbeats later, Cinnamon slid to a stop in a cloud of
dust.

Amy walked over, grabbed his bridle with a steady hand, and
patted his neck. "Very nice." She looked at Hendrika, then away.

When Amy noticed Nora leaning against the corral, she
hesitated but then led Cinnamon over. "Hey, Mama, did you see that? Rika's
getting really good."

At the words of praise, a blush spread over Hendrika's face.
She pulled her boot from the stirrup and poked Amy's arm with her toes. Her
eyes sparkled with pleasure, though.

"I saw." But Nora's attention wasn't on Cinnamon
or Hendrika. "Can I talk to you?"

Amy lost her carefree expression. "All right."

The middle of the corral wasn't a good place to have this
conversation. "Let's go for a ride," Nora said. Amy was most
comfortable on the back of her horse. Maybe it would help her through this difficult
conversation.

"Is there time before supper?" Amy asked.

"We'll make the time."

Amy turned to Hendrika. "Wanna come and get some more
practice in?"

"Just you and I this time," Nora said before
Hendrika could answer. She reached through two corral rails and touched
Hendrika's knee. "You're welcome to come next time, all right?"

Wordlessly, Amy held Cinnamon's reins while Hendrika swung
her leg over the cantle. When Hendrika hopped down, her heel caught on a pant
leg that was an inch too long and she stumbled. Amy's arms came up to steady
her. The gentleness of her touch reminded Nora so much of how Luke treated her.

Still within the circle of Amy's steadying arms, Hendrika
looked up and met Amy's eyes. "Thank you."

Something about their interaction struck a chord in Nora,
but before she could translate it into conscious thought, Amy let go and
stepped back.

*  *  *

Half an hour later, Nora rode side by side with Amy. Their
horses slowed to plod up a hill. Nora hesitated, searching for the right words.
Almost twenty-one years of being a mother hadn't prepared her for this moment.
She adjusted her split riding skirt over the saddle. "Tess and Frankie
talked to you about —"

"Yes," Amy interrupted as if she didn't want Nora
to say the words.

"What did you think?"

Instead of an answer, Amy asked, "And you? You've had
more time to think about it."

"Tess and Frankie are my friends." Nora emphasized
every word. "Nothing I learn about them could change that."

"Not even... you know?"

"I still respect and love them just as much." Nora
wanted her daughters to love Tess and Frankie too — or, at the very least, to
respect them and their love for each other. "Did you know Tess was the
first person to ever hold you?"

"Tess? Not a midwife or Papa?"

"Your father couldn't be there when you were born. He
was the first to hold Nattie, but it was Tess who helped when I gave birth to
you. She held my hand and didn't leave my side for the whole eighteen
hours." How young, scared, and naïve she'd been back then. She owed Tess
her life and that of her children. "Tess is my best friend, and she was a
wonderful aunt to you when you were little. That didn't change just because I
know she is in love with Frankie."

Amy said nothing. Her gaze wandered over the hills and to
the mountains in the distance.

"What are you thinking?" Nora directed her mare
closer to Ruby.

"I don't know what to think." Amy's low voice was
almost drowned out by the call of an eagle overhead. When she shook her head,
her hat flew backward until the rawhide string caught it. "They shouldn't
have kissed. If anyone but Rika and me had seen them..."

"You're right. They made a mistake. But the mistake is
not loving or kissing each other. It's not being more careful."

Amy's expression didn't soften. Her brows drew together like
thunderclouds gathering.

"Why are you so angry with them?" Nora had
expected surprise and confusion, but where was Amy's anger coming from?

"If someone had seen them, people might think..."

"What?"

"That we're all..." A muscle in Amy's face jumped.
"That I am... like them."

Nattie hadn't seemed worried about that, so it caught Nora
by surprise. "Sweetie, Tess and Frankie's love doesn't have anything to do
with you."

Amy's gaze drifted up to follow the circling eagle.

A touch of Nora's heel directed Pirate closer to Amy's
horse, and Nora reached over to touch Amy's shoulder. "This is new for
you, but as much as people would like to pretend it's not true, there have
always been women who love other women. Most of them were good, hardworking
people. You might not be aware of it, but the widows Sutherland and
Mills..."

Amy's flinch told her that she remembered.

Oh, no. She heard the townsfolk talk. Has she lived all
these years with the rumors and hateful comments about women who love each
other, with no one to tell her otherwise?
Nora's insides trembled. Her hand
tightened around the reins until she realized she was making her mare nervous.
She forced herself to relax. "Amy, listen. I know people said a lot of
ugly things, but they aren't true."

"They are true." Amy's voice was a whisper.
"They weren't just two widows living together."

"Yes, that part is true. But the rest of what you might
have heard people say was just hatred and fear talking."

"Fear?"

Nora nodded. "People are afraid of things they don't know
and don't understand. Instead of thinking for themselves, they allowed Reverend
Rhodes and a few other townspeople to make up their minds for them. Suddenly,
they started saying how 'unnatural' the two women have always been and how they
would burn in hell. They conveniently forgot that it was Mrs. Sutherland and
Mrs. Mills who took so many of them in when the big flood swept away their
homes."

"They did that?" Amy had been too young to
remember that part of the town's history.

"Yes. They were good people." Nora had met the two
widows only a few times, never suspecting that another female couple lived in
Baker Prairie. The two women were hiding as much as Nora and Luke did, just in
another way. When Mrs. Sutherland's brother had found them in bed together, he
beat them and ran them out of town with the help of Baker Prairie's god-fearing
people. "If your father and I had learned about what had happened in time
to prevent it, we never would have let them chase the two of them out of town.
That wasn't right."

Confusion furrowed Amy's brow. "But having relations
with another woman... isn't that a sin?"

"There are people who think so. But I don't." Nora
tried a small smile. "I'm sure your father will agree that loving a woman
is wonderful."

"But Papa is a man, and I'm —" Amy stopped. Her
gloved hand flew to her mouth. She clicked her tongue and urged Ruby up a hill,
away from Nora.

Nora stared after her. "Amy? What...?" Her breath
hitched as a sudden realization slammed into her. Blood roared in her ears to
the frantic beat of her heart. She pressed her calves against Pirate's side and
loped after Amy. "Amy, wait! Talk to me."

Amy didn't. She raced up the hill as if the devil was after
her.

And maybe she thinks he is. Oh my God, has she been
hiding this all these years?
"Amy, stop!" She used her most
authoritarian voice.

Amy threw a glance over her shoulder and slowed her mare.

Bits of grass, thrown up by Ruby's hooves, rained down on
Nora as she closed the distance between the two horses.

Ruby slid to a stop. Amy's chest heaved as she stared at
Nora.

"Amy," Nora whispered. "Please tell me the
truth. Are you...? Do you have feelings for women?"

Instead of an answer, Amy hung her head.

Oh, Lord, how can that be? What are the chances of that
happening to one of our daughters?
Nora's thoughts raced.
What if we
caused this? Did we influence her in any way, like Bernice always thought?

"Mama..."

The silent plea in Amy's voice clutched at Nora's heart. Her
daughter had suffered in silence for so long, and Nora hadn't noticed.
Frantically, she searched for the best words to ease that pain, to let Amy know
it was all right.

A pinpoint of pain shot through Nora. She realized she had
bitten her lip. Never before had she wanted to reveal the true nature of her
relationship with Luke, but now she wanted Amy to know that love between two
women was possible and beautiful. But how could she, after all those years,
reveal Luke's secret without breaking apart Amy's world?

Her temples pounded in rhythm with her frantic heartbeat.
She didn't want to reveal Luke's secret, but neither did she want Amy to live
with the burden of self-loathing. "Amy... Let's dismount for a moment. We
need to talk."

*  *  *

Amy's heart galloped against her ribs.
Mama knows. Oh,
God, she knows. What do I do now?
She looked around, expecting to see Mama
as panicked as she felt.

Mama wasn't crying or yelling at her, but worry lines were
etched around her eyes.

Every instinct in Amy's body told her to press her heels to
Ruby's flanks and flee. But her mama's gaze pinned her in place. She ducked her
head, slid from the saddle, and landed on unsteady legs.

"Look at me, sweetie." Mama dropped to the ground
next to her. A gentle touch to her chin forced Amy to lift her head.

Amy stared off to the side, afraid to look into Mama's eyes
and see the disappointment there.

"Amy? Look at me."

Slowly, Amy fixed her gaze on Mama. Her stomach lurched when
she saw tears brimming in her mother's eyes.

"Is it true?" Mama asked.

The lump lodged in her throat prevented Amy from answering.
When she licked her lips, salt burned her tongue. Finally, her shoulders
slumped and she just nodded.