His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (20 page)

Alone in their home, Jase didn’t know what to do.  For years, he’d been drawn into Missy and Allie’s schemes, but none had ever hurt him.  Until now, none had ever ripped his heart out of his chest.

“Why?”

“I promise you, it’s not what you are making it to seem.”  Her voice still quivered and he wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her, assure her that all was fine, but he couldn’t.  How could he when he just found out the one thing he’d always wanted was only his because of a dare.

“Then what is it?” he pleaded.

“It’s love. Yes, at some point that weekend, I vaguely remember Missy saying something about marrying you, but that’s not why we got married. Deep down, we both know this is what we wanted.”

He raked his hand through his hair, torn on what he believed. History repeats and history was full of Missy and Allie’s jokes and dares. He loved Allie, but if all of this only existed on the basis of a dare, was it going to last? But at the same time, did it really matter if the end result was he loved Allie and she openly loved him in return?

“I need some time to think.” He grabbed his hat and went to the door.

“Please don’t leave like this,” she begged him.

“I need to clear my head.”

“I love you,” he heard as he closed the door behind him.

***

“Thank you for coming and I hope you’ve enjoyed your stay.”   Allie bid farewell to the final guests checking out this week.  All caught her up on her work, she took off an hour early.  Tomorrow would come soon enough and she’d never been so miserable and exhausted.  Jase still wasn’t talking to her and, she hadn’t seen him since he walked out the other night.

She knew from Lanie that Roxanne and Morning Glory had both started foaling, and he’d been staying with them overnight in case any complications arose.  Part of her justified his absence with that, assuring herself he wasn’t still avoiding her but merely busy with responsibilities.  But the larger part of her knew that no matter how busy he was, he’d make time for her if he weren’t still upset.

If she could take back every dumb thing Missy and she ever did, she would, if it would only convince Jase the dare meant nothing. Honestly, she hadn’t even remembered Missy saying it until dinner that night. On some level, she knew that night in Vegas, when she suggested to Jase they get married, it was the alcohol giving her the liquid courage she wanted to go after what she’d been afraid to otherwise.  She walked to the cabin, hoping the fresh air would soothe her.   Opening the door to the cabin, her heart dropped to her feet.

Jase must have been home during the day at some point.  Moving boxes were scattered through the house and the few shelves were empty.  What was going on?  He couldn’t, he wouldn’t leave without telling her, would he?   Could he really walk away from them?  Looking more closely, everything but the essentials, her essentials, was packed away.

She took her phone, frantically trying to call him, but the line went straight to his voicemail.  Throwing herself on the bed, she struggled in vain against the sobs, wondering where it all went wrong.   It wasn’t in Jase’s character to act like this; it didn’t make sense. 

After crying herself to sleep, she woke up the next morning with a terrible headache.  She shuffled to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, but there were no grounds. Frustration with Jase took over and she threw the empty bag across the room.  Maybe she should go look for him;but if he was really leaving, she couldn’t hear the words.

Halfheartedly she dressed and went over to the main lodge. The sun wasn’t up yet and there were still a few hours before she had to be at work, so she stopped at her parents first. There was no sign of her mom and dad, but fresh coffee was in the pot and she poured a cup. Heading upstairs to her old room, she dug through her closet pulling out an old shoebox. At the bottom, she found what she was looking for.

A Polaroid picture, two decades old, captured the memory of her first kiss with Jase. She remembered that day like it was yesterday. It took a little longer than normal to get him to cooperate, but she knew he would. He always had. With a bittersweet smile, she recalled how he’d never even seen Missy holding the camera behind her back, and it was months before he’d agreed to play wedding with them again. The poignant memory took her from a smile to more tears.

“Allie dear, is that you?” Her mom’s voice followed the knock on the door.

“It’s me,” she answered through sniffles.

The door opened and Vera glided in, giving her a daughter a curious look. “What has you crying?” She sat down on the bed next to Allie, pulling her into a motherly hug.

“It’s over,” Allie cried.

“What do you mean? What’s over?”

“Jase and I. Our marriage.”

“Oh honey, I’m sure it’s not that bad. All newlyweds have fights. Marriage is a huge adjustment.”

“It is mom. He’s packed up the cabin and won’t answer my calls. He’s taking the job at the Triple M.”

“Jase is not the type of man to walk away from a marriage.  He loves you, Allie, and he will honor his vows.”

“But it wasn’t a real marriage.  At least not in the beginning,” she added.  She continued, telling her mother the entire truth that Jase and she hadn’t had the chance to tell since returning from the Tetons.

Her mom remained still, not showing any reaction, and Allie assumed her silence meant she was angry at being deceived.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you at first.  Jase wanted to, but it was my idea to keep it secret.  And we’re going to pay you back the money his parents and you spent on our trip.”

“Shh, honey.  We knew the truth before we ever made arrangements for that trip.  We knew what we were doing.” 

“But how?”

“Missy came to us for help because she wanted to see your marriage stay together.” She paused, letting Allie absorb the words. “You’re an adult and can make your own choices. No matter what you do, your father and I love you. If we’ve ever seemed hard on you, it’s only because we love you and want you to be happy. Besides, every couple’s entitled to their secrets.”

“Yeah right, I bet you and dad have never done anything crazy.”

“If I tell you a secret, you have to promise not to tell your father I told you.”

A twinkle in her mother’s eye made Allie’s ears perked up. “I won’t.”

“Your father and I eloped. Our real anniversary is March twenty-first, not April the fourteenth.”

“Really? No way.” Stunned almost speechless, she couldn’t believe her parents had done something so out of the ordinary.

“Love has its own timing.” Taking the picture from Allie’s hands, she examined it closely. “I remember the day this picture was taken.  Jase came stomping up to the house with that dog of his who was covered in mud. My, he was madder than a hornet. When I finally got him to calm down, he told me what Missy and you pulled on him.  If I had my guess, he purposely took Scruffy to the mud hole before coming to the house. That was the moment I knew one day he’d marry you for real.”

“What do I do, mom? How do I make him understand it’s always been him?”

“A man’s pride is a fierce thing, honey. I’m not saying he’s not overreacting, but I can understand why he’s upset. He has a good head on his shoulder; he’ll come around in a few days or less, but in the meantime, be there when he’s ready to talk. And for the love of everything, it’s time you and Missy stop the hijinks.”

Allie gave a sheepish smile. “But I was innocent this time,” she protested.

“Getting drunk in Vegas is hardly innocent, my dear child.” Her mother smiled gently at her, patting her arm. “Come on downstairs, and I’ll make you breakfast.”

The talk with her mom made her feel better, but she still wasn’t convinced Jase planned on staying with her.  His distance and taped boxes in their cabin said otherwise.   She ate her blueberry pancakes, barely tasting them, thinking of the conversation with her mom.  Should she just wait for Jase, or seek him out?   She washed her plate, dried it and then replaced it in the cabinet. 

In the few minutes before she got to her office, she’d decided she’d talk to Jase, even if she had to track him down.  She couldn’t just sit around waiting for him, especially when time seemed to be of the essence.  As soon as she finished her work for the day, they’d settle this once and for all.

The day dragged on. She put a smile on her face and did what she needed to give each guest a superior experience, but her heart wasn’t in it.  When Lexie came in to take over, Allie rushed out to the stables, hoping to find Jase. 

“Looking for someone?” Trevor asked, coming around the corner.

“Is Jase around?”

“No, the foals were born overnight and he left at first light. I haven’t seen him since.”

“Thanks. If he happens to come back around, please let him know I’m looking for him.”

“Will do, ma’am. Would you like to see the foals?”

“I’ll stop by later.” She went back to their cabin, expecting to find him there.  Instead all the boxes were gone, and their house looked void of being a home.  Her heart dropped and she ran back to the main lodge, pounding on the Callahan’s door.  This could not be happening.  Lanie swung open the door.

“Allie? What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Jase?” she breathed out in a rush.

“He left for the Triple M a few hours ago, he…”

Allie was already running to her truck before Lanie finished talking.  Tears streamed down her face.  He’d left. He really left.  She wasn’t going to let him go without a fight.  With a quick mental calculation, she figured she might be able to catch up with him if he drove slowly like he always did on long drives.

Every mile became a deeper heartache, every landmark a memory of their friendship. Vast open landscapes that went on for miles mocked the emptiness overwhelming her. Focusing on the road ahead, she trucked on, pushing forward until a glowing light on the dash indicated she needed to pull over. Stopping at a desolate convenience store that was so outdated it didn’t offer the pay at the pump service, she went inside.

A woman, in her forties maybe, stood behind the counter, popping the wad of gum in her mouth. Her hair was frayed and a yellowish brown color, much darker at the roots.

“I need to fill my truck up.”

“Leave your license in here, and I’ll turn the pump on.” She blew another bubble and it popped, smacking against her lips. The bright pink of the gum matched her shade of lipstick.

Ten minutes passed and the slow pump hadn’t filled her tank yet.  She wanted to rip the nozzle out and pour it straight in so she could be back on the road.   The pump shut off, and she went back inside, handing over her credit card.   It was a long shot, but maybe Jase had also stopped here.

“I don’t suppose you remember a man stopping in here a short time ago, do you?”

“You’ll have to be a mite more specific, sugar.”

“About a head taller than me, broad muscles, dark brown hair with soulful brown eyes. Probably was wearing a black Stetson and driving a black Ford truck.”

“Again sugar, you’ll have be a bit more descriptive. You just described half the men in Wyoming.”

Allie sighed.  This was pointless.  “Never mind.  Have a good day.”  She took her card and receipt, hurrying back to her truck. Taking out her phone, she made one last attempt to call him, but his phone still went straight to voicemail. 

Another hundred miles later, she gave up.  All she wanted was Jase to be happy and if she couldn’t do that, then she would let him go.  She slammed her fists on the steering wheel, not bothering to fight the tears this time. Since they’d been married, she’d cried more than she ever had in her life. So close.  She’d come so close to a lifetime of happiness with him and it slipped through her fingers like fine wine poured down the drain. 

Movement in the sky drew her attention outside.  An eagle soared across the blue hues of the sky, its wings spread in all their grandeur.  A peace she couldn’t explain swept over her.  Jase would be back.  She’d give him the time he needed, but he would come back to her, because, like the eagle to this land, their love would not disappear.  And she owed it to Jase to have that faith in him.

***

The radio blared and windows were down, blasting warm air and a breeze into the cab of the truck.  Jase gulped down the last of the coffee in his thermos.   He hadn’t wanted to make the trip to the Triple M, but he’d had no choice.  Sometimes things happen and they had to be dealt with accordingly.   Another seventy-five miles to go until he’d be home.   He was exhausted from work, this trip, and the strain with Allie.

By late afternoon, he’d finally reached his destination. He parked and unhitched the horse trailer before heading to his home. No sooner had he reached the front door, Allie came running out.

Her arms latched around him, gripping him tightly. “I knew you’d come back. I followed you then I knew you’d come back on your own. You’d never leave like that.” She rambled on, and while he enjoyed her enthusiastic greeting, especially after the tension they’d had, he was confused.

“Of course, I’m back. I just had to deliver the stallion after Gordon got sick. I didn’t want to go, but he specifically requested me to bring him since he couldn’t do it himself. He paid good money and Whispering Winds needs it.”

Allie released him, backing away a few inches. “What? Damn it, Jase. Why didn’t you tell me? Do you have any idea the hell I’ve gone through?”

“I sent you a message,” he told her. “Didn’t you get it?”

“No, I didn’t.”  She pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.  Hitting a few buttons, she pulled up her text messages, showing him. “See, nothing. I come home to packed boxes then returned to the boxes gone and Lanie saying you left for the Triple M. What was I supposed to think?”

He had sent her a text. Pulling out his own phone, he looked at his sent messages. It wasn’t there and then he saw 1 sitting by the draft folder. Oh hell, his phone never sent it. His gut clenched, knowing how it all must have looked.

“I’m so sorry, Allie cat.” He took her arm, and she came, pliable and willing. “If I’d have known, I would have made sure someone told you.” Something else bothered him though. “I promise I’ll never leave you. No matter what the situation seems like. Promise me you’ll never think that again.”