Holding a Tender Heart (14 page)

“
Yah
,
Mamm
. I'm going upstairs.”

“It's past twelve o'clock, and you have no light.”

“I just blew it out,
Mamm
.”

“Did Joe just leave?”

“He left a long time ago,
Mamm
. I was outside walking by myself in the moonlight.” She couldn't hide her pain from
Mamm.
Besides, mothers eventually found out the whole story anyway.

“You had best relight the lantern and tell me what happened,”
Mamm
said as she settled on the couch. “I want to see you while we talk.”

Verna lit the lamp but kept her back turned toward
Mamm
. She needed to get herself together first. Finally setting the lamp on the table, Verna sat down and told the whole story, right up to Joe's sudden departure.

“
Daett
will have to deal with this,”
Mamm
said once Verna finished.

“But what can he do? I messed this up myself.”

“There's a lot your
daett
can do. He can tell Joe where he got the information, and that ought to clear the matter.”

“
Mamm
, I don't know. It's all gone wrong now. Joe doesn't trust me. You don't have to bother
Daett
about this. It won't do any good.”

Mamm
smiled. “
Daett
's not going to eat me alive, Verna. I've lived with him for many years. Church matters have always weighed heavy on his heart, and he believes in confidentiality. I may not be able to convince him to talk to Joe, but I will try.”

Verna sobbed gently. “It's no use,
Mamm.
It must be
Da Hah
's will for me to never have a husband…never have a family.”

“Now, now, you mustn't say that, Verna. Things are changing around here.”
Mamm
touched Verna's arm. “Your
daett
will understand. It's hard enough to get a
gut
man without chasing one away unnecessarily.”

“Then you think Joe is a
gut
man even if
Daett
doesn't?”

When
Mamm
nodded, Verna reached over and gave her a long hug.

“
Yah
, Joe Weaver's a
gut
man,”
Mamm
whispered. “Now get to bed. We have a full day tomorrow.”

“
Yah
,
Mamm
,” Verna said through her tears. She found her way upstairs as
Mamm
blew out the kerosene lamp. When Verna got to her room, she stood by the window for a few moments, letting the moonlight wash over her again. Her heart had been comforted with
Mamm
's words.
Da Hah
had heard her prayer out in the pasture, and perhaps He would soon answer. “Please let it be so,” she whispered toward the star-filled sky. “I don't want to lose Joe.”

Twelve

T
he following Saturday found Debbie unloading suitcases from the back of her car onto the graveled driveway at the Beilers' house.

When the last suitcase was on the ground, the front door burst open and Lois bounced out. “You're early! We just finished eating breakfast. I thought you'd be sleeping in!”

Debbie straightened her back. “I couldn't sleep. I'm too excited!”

“So am I!” Lois raced up to give Debbie a hug. “I'll help you carry these in. They're all going in my room, remember?”

“Do you think this is wise, Lois?” Debbie said as she hesitated. “An
Englisha
girl has lots of clothing. And there's only one closet.”

“My clothes only take up one tiny corner.” Lois held her fingers inches apart. “And whatever won't fit can go into the cedar chest or one of the empty bedrooms.”

Debbie smiled. “This is so thoughtful of you. I know I'll love this more than I can ever say.” Debbie knew she'd eventually need to pare down her wardrobe. That would be part of the adjustment toward the life she really wanted. It was a joy—even the thought of it.
Downsizing!
At home she was required to constantly purchase new outfits. Here the women wore the same dresses until they wouldn't hold together any longer.

Lois dismissed the praise with a wave of her hand. “It's nothing, Debbie. So which suitcase goes first?”

“It doesn't matter,” Debbie said. They all looked huge right now. Way too much stuff. She felt like she should grab half of them and race right down to the Goodwill Store and toss them into the donation dumpster. But Lois was already dragging one of the suitcases toward the house. Besides, the Amish made changes after long thought and contemplation. Debbie would begin by learning from them this most simple of lessons. Tonight after she had plenty of time to think, she would sort through her clothing. She pulled the last suitcase from the trunk as Verna and Ida came out of the house. They greeted her with cries of “
Gut
morning!” from the front porch.

“You are such dear friends to share your home with me,” Debbie said as she ran forward to give them both long hugs. She took a step back. “Well, here I am! Tons of luggage and all.”

Verna and Ida beamed. They followed her back to the car to grab a suitcase apiece. Debbie paused to close the trunk and shut the doors. She caught up with the two in a short sprint while carrying the final suitcase.

Saloma met them at the door. “So you made it! Everything okay, Debbie?”

Of course I did!
Debbie wanted to say.
I'm determined
. She gave Saloma a quick hug instead. The three Beiler girls disappeared up the stairs.

“It's so
gut
to have you in our home,” Saloma said.

Debbie smiled and then turned her head as a buggy came into the driveway. She stiffened when she caught a glimpse of the man's face, especially when she caught his eye.

“That's Alvin Knepp. Do you know him?” Saloma asked.

“No…ah…yes…that is, I know who he is. That's all.” How was she supposed to explain? Why was Alvin Knepp at the Beilers' place on a Saturday morning? Had destiny already crossed their paths…or
Da Hah
, as the Amish would say? A warm flush spread over her
face as she stepped into the house. Saloma looked puzzled, which was understandable. What
Englisha
girl turned red upon seeing an Amish man, even if he was good looking? Hopefully Saloma wouldn't ask any questions.

Bishop Beiler greeted Debbie from his rocker. “
Gut
morning!”

Debbie returned the greeting, adding, “I'm so happy to be here. Thank you again for allowing this.”

The bishop nodded.

“Alvin Knepp just drove in,” Saloma announced.

“
Ach, yah
.” Bishop Beiler rose. “He's probably bringing back the singletree he borrowed while his was being repaired. I hope he hasn't broken it.”

“The Knepps are such a poor family,” Saloma said, turning toward Debbie as if she needed an explanation. “They started borrowing from us a while back. I guess they figured out we're the only ones who will loan things without giving sermons.” A pleased look spread over Saloma's face. “The rest of the community thinks there's still hope the Knepp family might improve their ways. Adam, on the other hand, is glad someone doesn't make problems regarding obeying the
Ordnung
…even if they can't seem to get their hay in without it getting wet.”

Just great
, Debbie thought. So Lois was correct about the Knepps' status. And I'm infatuated with an inept Amish farmer. No wonder Mom has no confidence in my judgment.

“Do the Knepps keep the
Ordnung
well?” Debbie ventured as Saloma led the way upstairs.

Saloma gave a short chuckle. “They cling to it like it's their last hope in this world. Adam says he wishes he had a whole community of people like them.”

At least she recognized dedication when she saw it, Debbie told herself. And wasn't that what she wanted? Purpose in life? And what did money matter? She'd seen enough of what money purchased. Happiness and contentment weren't even near the top of the list.
But she had to stop these romantic thoughts about an Amish man she didn't even know. What were the chances Alvin would pay her more than a sideways glance. None! When it came right down to it, she wasn't even Amish, and now that she knew the Knepps stuck to the
Ordnung
she'd better forget about Alvin. But why had Alvin looked her way in such a forthright manner this morning? Debbie wondered. She was sure he'd had intensity in his gaze when he recognized her. Or was that just wishful thinking?

At the top of the landing, Saloma said, “Lois said you two were going to share her room.” She led the way into Lois's bedroom where happy chatter was pouring forth.

“Okay, girls, quiet down,” Saloma ordered gently.

Debbie walked in with her suitcase in front of her. Lois bounced up from one of the twin beds set against the wall. Verna and Ida waited beside the suitcases they'd carried up. Debbie slipped hers under the other twin bed. It contained her makeup kit—her
large
makeup kit. The thought hadn't occurred to her before, but she was sure makeup wasn't appropriate in an Amish household. She didn't wish to tempt any of the Beiler daughters, especially Lois. And if the bishop found out, perhaps he wouldn't tolerate such a worldly thing in his house. But her quick movement with the suitcase hadn't escaped Lois's eye, Debbie noticed. She would have to deal with Lois later.

“I think I'll unpack these suitcases right now. I'll put the things that don't fit in the closet out here on the bed. Maybe you can help me figure out where to put them, Lois. Or I can give them away.” But Lois's attention had been drawn away from Debbie.

“Who's visiting,
Mamm
?” Lois asked as she peered out the bedroom window.

“Alvin Knepp,” Saloma said from the doorway. “He came to bring back what he borrowed last Saturday,”

“Oh, that man.” Lois turned up her nose. “I'm surprised his buggy holds together enough to drive over here.”

Saloma responded at once. “That's not a Christian attitude, Lois. The Knepp family has many
gut
characteristics. For one thing, they're faithful church members who appreciate our ways and don't envy the
Englisha
.” Saloma gazed at Lois, and then she left the room, going back downstairs.

Clearly Lois got the message directed to her. She stepped away from the window with a hurt look on her face. The words must have stung more than she wished anyone to know.

Debbie slipped over to Lois's side and gave her a quick hug. “Your mother didn't mean it quite like that, I don't think.”

“Mean what?” Ida asked, already busily hanging Debbie's dresses in the closet.

“
Mamm
just preferred Alvin Knepp's actions to her own daughter's,” Verna offered. “And Lois had her feelings hurt.”

“Oh.” Ida went back to work on Debbie's dresses.

Verna glanced toward Lois. “
Mamm
has her reasons, you know. And you could do something about that.”

“I can't help it that I love the
Englisha
world,” Lois said.

Verna studied her sister's face. “I hope you take care of that problem of yours before it gets you in plenty of hot water with
Daett
.”

Lois ignored Verna. “You know what?” Lois said, her face brightening. “I'm going to be happy. I have Debbie now. She'll bring a refreshing wave of brightness and color to this house. Look at those dresses you're hanging up, for example. We've never had anything like these in the house before. And Debbie has her makeup kit along, I'm sure. I can try some on tonight—just for fun, of course. I'll have it all washed off before church tomorrow morning.”

Looks of horror crossed Verna and Ida's faces.

Debbie's words rushed out. “No, Lois! You will do no such thing. That's not right. In fact, I'm no longer going to use makeup myself.”