Hopeless For You (8 page)

I stood up and got out of the Jeep, stretching the kinks from my muscles. I walked to the bank, where Kade was taking pictures of the river with his camera.

"Flash flood." Kade pointed out the logs, twigs and other sediment. A wide steel culvert lay in the middle of the river a short ways downstream. "The river swept out the bridge. When you get a hundred millimeters of precipitation, it has to go somewhere. Rebecca said they had a ton of snow this winter plus heavy rains all spring. Something had to give, eventually. That's climate change for ya."

I saw no sign whatsoever that there used to be a bridge here. The dirt road went right up to the river and just ended.

"The river doesn't look like much now though, does it?" Blaine said. "Think it's shallow enough to ford?"

Kade shrugged. "I'll go first. If it's crossable, I'll let you know."

"We could always go back." Blaine said.

Kade laughed bitterly. "And do what? If we tell Rebecca we can't reach section C, we'll be given desk jobs for the rest of the summer. Fuck that. We cross."

I stepped up to the edge of the river and eyed the length both ways. "Maybe we should follow it for a while and see if there's a shallower area. It looks a bit deep in the middle here. Even if the river's only waist deep, if one of us slips, that's a whole quarter
of our gear soaked."

Kade met my eyes briefly and I saw a hint of a challenge there but then he nodded. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. We can split up and go in opposite directions, then meet back here in twenty minutes." He looked at his watch. "Blaine and Gina, you search upstream. Me and Ash will
go downstream."

"Wait." I felt a rising panic. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea to separate." I looked at Gina pleadingly.

"We'll cover more ground this way," Kade said.

"But can't Gina come with us?" I pressed.

Gina seemed about to argue but then she sighed. "All right. I'll go with you guys."

Kade gave me an angry look. "I'd feel much better if Blaine wasn't out there by himself. Most wild animals won't bother two people. The same animals won't think twice if they spot a man alone. It's their instinct to hunt for prey separated from the pack."

"Wait a second. Wild animals?" I swallowed. "Like what? This wasn't in the field guide."

"Actually, it was. There's a whole section on wolves and bears."

I vaguely recalled the section he was talking about, which offered the same type of warning I'd read in those little pamphlets they handed out at national parks like The Smoky Mountains about black bears and whatnot. I always ignored those pamphlets because I knew I'd probably never see a bear if I didn't stray from the trails. But I was in a different country now, far from any trail, and very likely outnumbered by those very same bears.

"You're right. I don't know what I was thinking." I went to the Jeep and dug into
my pack.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting some protection." I was waiting for Kade to crack some joke about condoms or something but he kept quiet. What he said about wolves and bears gave me the excuse I was looking for, though, and I pulled out the bear spray along with my jacket. I slid the jacket on and shoved the spray into my pocket. I gave Kade a smug smile.

His eyebrows drew together. "Look, I've been an asshole to you so I can understand why you don't want to be alone with me. And I'm sorry for that. I'll try to act more professional here on out. If you'd prefer, Gina can come with me and you can go with Blaine."

"I'll be fine." I patted the bear spray in my pocket. "Got protection now."

Gina spoke up. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" She sounded genuinely concerned.

I nodded. "Go." I knew how badly she wanted a chance to be alone with Blaine. Who was I to deny her?

Gina gave me a hug and then she looked at Kade. "You take care of her now, you hear?"

He gave her a curt nod and then Gina hurried after Blaine.

I fell in beside Kade and widened my strides to keep up with him. I easily kept pace
—I'd been an active hiker and camper for most of my life. Gina, who was almost as tall as Kade, often hiked along with me and I always kept up with
her
.

But it wasn't keeping up that I worried about but rather the sense of destiny I felt.
Going into these woods with a man I hardly knew, a man who could both frighten me and turn me on with the same look. I found it hard to shake the feeling that I'd either die out here or discover everything that was missing in my life.

Probably the former, given that every time Kade opened his mouth, he let out his inner jerk.

We stuck close to the bank, keeping away from the floodwater debris that crowded the shore. The silence between us was surprisingly companionable for the first few minutes but then it started to itch like a prickly sweater. I kept my hand near the bear spray, trying to figure out how to break the silence, though not completely sure I wanted to.

Kade spoke first. "So what now? We play twenty questions and get to know each other?" His voice sounded strange, like he was forcing himself to be upbeat and I couldn't help a small laugh.

Seeing his shoulders slump, I instantly regretted the outburst. He was trying to be social. I might as well try, too.

"Twenty questions sounds fun actually. How's that work again? We take turns asking each other a question? Or do we ask them all in a row?"

"You've never played twenty questions before?" His voice took on a mock tsk-tsk tone. "Ash Ash Ash. What are we going to do with you?"

"Sure I've played. It's just been a while and I don't remember the exact rules." Was he going to be an asshole about this, too?

"Okay, okay." He must have sensed the tension in my voice. "You got it right the first time. We take turns. One question at a time. You ask first."

"Uh...what's with the tattoos?"

He glanced at the designs that covered his arms. "What about them? I mean, it would take all day to tell you about each of them." He rubbed a hand over the falcon tattoo at his neck almost self-consciously.

"So they all have meaning?" I was a little surprised
—it looked like a hodgepodge collection to me, like he'd just gone to the parlor on different days and asked the tattooist to ink whatever. Roses, snake heads, hearts. There didn't seem any pattern to the art. But it
was
art. I wouldn't deny him that.

"Well, yeah, of course they have meaning
—but hey, it's my turn." He threw me a sideways glance. "What about your single, lone tattoo? Any reason you chose to have Marilyn's face plastered on your forearm?"

I felt myself blush and glanced down at my arm. I often forgot I had the thing. The black and white portrait of Marilyn Monroe's laughing face seemed to mock me every time I looked at it. "I don't even know what I was thinking. It doesn't mean anything. It was a mistake." Which was exactly why I'd thought his tattoos didn't have meaning. "I'd just turned sixteen. Wanted to do something to rebel, I guess. I mean, really, what kind of role model is a woman who went through three marriages and then died of an overdose in her thirties?"

"Don't be so hard on her. Monroe's an icon for a reason. She was a woman who rose above her station to make a star out of herself. Everyone makes mistakes, it's just too bad those mistakes sometimes end in tragedy."

I stared at him as though he'd just grown a second head.

Kade ran a hand through his dark hair. "What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head and started walking again. "That was just sort of deep. I wasn't expecting it from you. No offense."

"None taken. I'm generally a pretty shallow guy. Don't give me too much credit for something I read on Wikipedia. Besides, Megan Fox has one just like it." He smirked.

"Let me guess. You have a thing for Megan Fox."

"Big time."

I smothered a giggle. "I think I've figured you out."

"Really."

"You're just a dork hiding inside a cool exterior."

Kade cocked an eyebrow. "Never heard anyone describe me quite like that. Sounds about right, though. A dork who swears, smokes, and works out."

"And plasters himself in tattoos."

Kade nodded. "Can't forget the tattoos."

I laughed. I couldn't believe I was actually having fun with him. He wasn't the big jerk I made him out to be after all, the man I hated as soon as he opened his mouth. "You know, I might actually have been wrong about you."

Kade pressed his lips together. "Most people are."

I smiled, and I supposed I didn't need to say anything more on the subject.

We walked in silence for a while. I breathed in the sweet, pine-scented air and listened to the river gurgle past beside us. I was struck by how utterly perfect the scene was. Despite everything that had happened, everything I'd gone through, the world truly was beautiful in this moment. A river on one side. A hot guy on the other.

Except the guy wasn't mine and never would be, I reminded myself. Even so, I
was curious to know more about him.

"How long have you been working up here?" I asked him.

"Still playing twenty questions, are we?" He paused to glance down at his hands, almost as if he were counting on his fingers. "This will be the sixth summer."

"Six summers." He didn't seem that much older than me. "You must have started when you were still in high school. You must be, what, twenty-two?"

Kade shrugged. "Only one question allowed at a time." He flashed a grin and I noticed the cutest dimple on his cheek for the first time. I loved dimples like that. "But what about you? You look about twenty, and if I had to guess, I'd say you have some Norwegian ancestry going on."

"Norwegian? Where'd you get that from? Do I look like a cold and icy bitch or something?"

"Not at all. The opposite, in fact. Girls from Norway are smoking hot."

"Oh." I felt my face flush. "Well, my real dad is originally from Tennessee, and my mom's Russian."

Kade grinned. "You? Half Russian? I would've never guessed.
Privet? Kak dela?
"

"I don't speak a word of it. Though I've thought about taking a few courses or even hiring a tutor. Russia's a beautiful country I hope to visit someday. You?"

Kade lowered his gaze sheepishly. "Had a few Russian flings."

I glanced at him. "Tell me something. You work here in the summers, and you seem to like it
—you're a real outdoors person and all that—but what does someone like you do in the winter?"

"Nothing special. I work in a dive bar in Vancouver when it gets cold. Doorman."

"That's right. I remember all those stories everyone was telling over dinner. Quite the lady's man, aren't you?"

He pressed his lips together. "No comment."

I felt a bit like I'd pushed him away and I wanted to fix things. "I didn't mean anything by that. I worked in a bar a few summers ago, too, when I went to visit my real dad. Beer tub girl. Nothing like cheap booze to spice up the work environment."

"
Real
dad?" Kade wore an expression I hadn't seen before. Concern? "What's the story there?"

"My mom left him for a banker when I was ten." I just stared at the trail ahead. I didn't want his pity. "I always swore I was never going to do that to myself or my kids. Cause all that pain, I mean. If I marry someone, it's going to be for good. For life."

Kade seemed thoughtful. "Like a falcon."

I nodded, and gave him a smile. "I suppose so." My gaze involuntarily dropped to his throat and the falcon tattooed there.

Kade turned so that he was staring out at the river. "So. You're studying to be a doctor?" I couldn't tell if he was just trying to keep the conversation going while we searched for a crossing or if he was genuinely curious about me.

"I am. My mom used to be a pediatrician. She wants me to follow in her footsteps but I'm not interested in children's medicine at all." I knew I was rambling but I couldn't help it. There was something about Kade that made me feel like I could confide in him. "My folks threw a fit when I told them I'd accepted this position and not a clinical internship in Knoxville." I instantly felt like I'd said too much and I cringed a little inside.