Horizons (25 page)

“I have no idea, sweetie. It is what it is.”

“I guess. Did he say when he’ll be home?”

“Sometime tomorrow night.”

“What’s the big emergency?”

“No clue, sweetheart. Gotta run!”

“Okay.” I hung up and moved over to the refrigerator to scrounge for food. Jody usually brought dinner over, but tonight I needed to fend for myself. I turned on the TV to see if there was any news about the emergency that was keeping him away. Nothing was mentioned about any kind of crisis that might affect the hospital’s normal routine.

I picked up the phone and speed-dialed Nikki, deciding to call her while I was alone. It was better that we talk whenever Jody wasn’t around. She had the ability to bring out the worst in him, and I hated dealing with it. I knew that it was normal for him to be jealous—she was my ex-lover after all—but I had absolutely no desire to bed her or any other woman, for that matter. I was not only in love with Jody, I was in lust, big time. The mild ache in my ass was a constant reminder of my new status in the bedroom, and instead of freaking out, I wanted more. Thinking about last night and this morning made me horny, and I couldn’t wait for him to get back. It sucked that I wouldn’t be able to see him for another twenty-four hours.

My thoughts went back to last night. Our lovemaking defied description other than it was the culmination of a long-term fantasy, and the fact that Jody had been the one to give me this experience only served to make me love him that much more. I couldn’t have been more committed if we’d stood in front of a priest and put on wedding rings. Of course, I’d have to prove this to him, because wanting to stay in the closet for now seemed like a complete contradiction to everything I was feeling. I was giddy with joy, wanting to shout it out to the world and tell them how much I loved him. However, the reality of our situation was sobering, and I knew I had to be practical. And even as I thought those words, Nikki’s voice came on the line.

“Clark?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on?”

“Not much. I called to tell you I’m taking you up on the offer.”

“Really?”

She sounded much too happy, so I decided to set things straight once and for all. “I want you to know that Jody and I are grateful, but you need to understand that this is all a charade. I am gay, Nikki. Jody and I are lovers.”

I heard her gasp, and I knew my directness shocked her. Even though she’d accused me of this, it was different since I admitted it.

“Oh—my—God.”

“What? Do you want to rescind the offer?”

“No, of course not! I just need time to process this.”

“We can meet twice a week. Once at the tavern, when the rest of the team is there, and one other night we can decide on later. I want to be seen by a lot of people, so no quiet dinners at your place or movies.”

“That’s fine,” she agreed, in an unusually somber tone. She was probably still trying to wrap her head around my admission.

“Clark?”

“Yes?”

“Did you hate it when you were fucking me?”

God. I didn’t want to deal with her wounded ego; on the other hand, I wasn’t going to lie. She was probably the only person other than Jody who was going to get a straight answer from me. “I didn’t hate it, Nik. I just love Jody more.”

“I see.”

“No, you don’t, but it doesn’t matter. The long and short of this is that whatever we had was great at the time we had it. But it isn’t what I want or need.”

“And he is?” Her voice had the unmistakable sound of tears being held back, but I wasn’t going to sugar coat my answer.

“I love him more than anything else in my life.”

“Do your parents know?”

“We’ve had a huge falling-out over this, but I suspect that they won’t be talking to you about it.”

“Why not? They think we’re practically engaged.”

Clark sighed. “And they probably want to see that happen. Really be engaged, that is.”

“Should I say anything?”

“No! Let it go. We’ll just do our own thing, and if they ask you about it, refer them to me.”

“Won’t they know this is all a lie?”

“Not if they want to believe that I’ve had a change of heart. They’ll think I’ve come to my senses.”

“Clark, can’t we just go back to what we had? You’ve been with him and gotten it out of your system. Come back to my world.”

“I’m sorry. I could never do that.”

“Well, when did you want to start this?” she asked, taking a deep breath, seemingly resigned to her new role in my life.

“Next week is fine.”

“We’ll go to the tavern right after practice, next Tuesday. Hang out with the team, play some pool, and then leave together, okay?” she asked.

“Okay.” I was already anticipating what was to come, knowing I’d hate every minute of it.

“Nik?”

“Yes?” She said it with this air of expectation, hoping that I’d had an epiphany of some sort.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“You’re welcome,” she said softly.

“W
HY
the fuck don’t you tell the cops who attacked you?” Lil asked in exasperation. “You know damn well who instigated this.”

“I don’t want them to find out about Clark.”

“Jody, I swear, if you weren’t hurt so bad, I’d smack you upside the head.”

Lil shook from a combination of fear, anger, and disgust over this hateful crime they’d committed against his best friend. What made everything worse was Jody’s stubborn need to keep Clark in the dark. Seeing his best friend lying on the gurney was the worst thing Lil had ever experienced. He didn’t want to go through that again, but Jody was determined to say as little as possible to the officers who’d shown up to investigate. Lil wanted him to tell the truth, or at the very least, let Clark know what was going on, but Jody had made him swear not to do anything.

“They’ll want to know why anyone would want to harm me. Once they find out about my car, and now this, they’ll know that it’s not just a random thing. It’ll open up a can of worms, and I’m not going to do it!”

“Oh, my God, Jody! You are the most intractable man I know!”

“So sue me.”

“Jody, sweetie, I know how much you love him, but don’t you think he’d want you safe? If anything were to happen to you because we didn’t tell him about this incident, he’d never forgive us.”

“Lil, if Clark finds out about this, he’ll do one of two things; drive to Folsom and kill someone, or push me out of his life just to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I’d rather risk another attack than lose him. I also don’t want him going to his parents and flying off the handle. They already hate my guts. Our relationship has caused a huge rift, and I’m not going to risk another blowup. Besides,” Jody said, grabbing Lil’s hand and squeezing it, “nothing else will happen now that I know what to expect.”

“But don’t you think his parents will be expecting Clark to confront them since they were the ones who had you bashed?”

“I don’t know that for sure. It could have been one or the other parent or Nikki or Zach. The possibilities are endless.”

“And how do you propose to keep yourself away from these homophobic pricks?”

“I’ll learn how to protect myself and maybe carry a gun.”

“Oh, holy fucking Christ! You did not just say that!”

“Shut up, Lil. I need time to figure this out.”

“Jody, please, you’re not being smart. Hire a bodyguard, if you must, but don’t try and do this yourself.”

“And how am I going to explain a bodyguard to Clark?”

“I don’t know! Tell him he’s my new boyfriend.”

“We’re dealing with too many lies already. I’m not adding one more.”

Lil erupted into tears, his nerves finally giving out. “You’re going to give me a nervous breakdown.” He sniffled, wiping his eyes with a tissue that he pulled from the box near Jody’s bed.

“Lil, relax, okay? I won’t let anything else happen to me, I promise.”

“How can you say that? You have no idea what kind of people you’re dealing with.”

“Oh, yes I do! My attacker made it very clear.”

“And what exactly do they want?”

“They want me to leave Clark. They want to make sure he’s not spotted or outed or compromised in any way. In essence, I’m to stay away from him.”

“That’s like telling a rat to stay away from cheese.”

“Thank you so much for comparing me to a rat! First, I’m a dog. Now I’m a rat.”

“Huh?”

“Oh. Never mind, Lil. I need to get the hell out of here.”

“How do you plan on explaining your broken rib and the tape around your chest?”

“I have no fucking idea, but I’ll think of something.”

“I’m sure you will. You always do.”

“S
TAY
a little longer,” Nikki said, pulling Clark back down in his chair.

“No! He’s waiting for me.”

“Right,” Nikki groaned, rolling her eyes and adding a grimace. “We mustn’t keep the good doctor waiting.”

I shot her a disapproving look, and shook my head in disgust. This whole plan was for shit! She was getting territorial again, I was bored out of my skull, and Jody was vibrating in place whenever I’d come home from “date” night. It had been several months since we’d started this charade, and so far, we had everyone fooled. Even my fucking father called to tell me that he was glad I’d come to my senses and dropped the idea of being a pansy.

What a joke! Not only was I a pansy but I loved being a bottom, much to Jody’s surprise. My entire family would roll over in a collective faint if they knew how really gay I was. However, that didn’t take away from the fact that we’d embarked on this mission to get everyone off our backs. By everyone, I meant my parents, my two older brothers, and the entire football world. Our lives had changed drastically since spring training, and now with summer almost over and the season about to start, things would only get worse.

Jody was passing the time with extra trips to the gym, increasing his workouts to four days instead of his normal two. He’d started doing it a few weeks after the big emergency at the hospital, which turned out to be his own emergency. A burnt-out druggie, who’d wandered into the ER with a knife wound, had attacked him and another doctor, bruising him badly enough so that he had to wear tape around his ribs for several weeks. He decided then that he was going to learn to defend himself, to buff up and not let something like that happen again. His efforts hardly went unnoticed as his arms, shoulders, and pecs expanded in direct proportion to his diligence.

“You better stop this or I’ll start to get jealous,” I teased, running both hands down his shoulders and past arms that bulged nicely.

“Jealous of whom?” he asked.

“Of your personal trainer or anyone else who looks twice.”

“I thought I was the only one who did jealous?” Jody asked, bemused.

“That’s because you’ve never given me a reason before.”

“So now that I’m pumping iron, you think I’ve turned into some kind of slut?”

“God, I hope not.” I pressed my mouth to his and softly lapped at his lips like the kitten he’d named me after.

“You have nothing to worry about, Kit.”

“When do I get to meet your trainer?”

“Why do you want to meet him?”

“To make sure he’s old and ugly.”

Jody laughed, the sound so refreshing after months of anxiety. Even though we tried to act like nothing unusual was going on in our lives, we both understood the risks of being found out, and so the tension always hovered above; it just moved in and out like the fog over San Francisco. Jody would come over late at night and leave at the crack of dawn in time to make it to the gym by six o’clock. On the weekends, I’d sneak over to his place and hole up there, never leaving until late Sunday night. It was a horrible way to live, but we endured it because we had to.

“As it so happens,” Jody continued with a wicked gleam in his eyes, “my trainer’s name is Alec, as in Baldwin, and he sort of looks like him, furry chest and all.”

“Fuck!”

“The good news is that he’s a breeder with four kids!”

“Better,” I said, waiting for more details. “Any other hot men I should start worrying about?”

“Nah,” Jody said. “Lucky for you, I’m a one-man kind of guy.”

“Despite the fact that I’ve turned you into a virtual recluse?”

“I still see daylight coming and going from work,” Jody said, playing along with me. “And the only person I’d want to go out with is either on the football field or in my bed. How can I complain?”

“You’re a pretty lucky guy.”

“The luckiest,” Jody chuckled, pressing up to me.

S
ATURDAY
night, Jody paced his living room, waiting for Lil. They were going to watch Clark’s first game of the season. Clark had given Jody a crash course in the finer points of football just so he’d know when to cheer and when to boo. Jody just wanted to sit high in the bleachers and watch Clark through his newly purchased binoculars. Seeing that tight ass in the sexy uniform would be worth the price of admission. He couldn’t care less about the sport, only the man playing it.

Finally Jody heard Lil’s car, and he grabbed his stadium chair and blanket and met Lil out front. Lil was dressed in a California Golden Bear sweatshirt and black jeans, looking every bit the loyal fan.