Horizons (26 page)

“How come you don’t have a Cal shirt?” Lil asked, perturbed.

“I never bought one.”

“What kind of supportive husband are you?”

“The kind that’s living a secret life for the man he loves.”

Lil paused and looked at his best friend. “He has no idea how much you love him, does he?”

“Oh, he knows. I show him every second, of every hour, of every day we’re together.”

“Do tell?”

“Not.”

“You’re no fun at all! What good does it do me to know you’re fucking the hottest guy out there when I have no details to fantasize over?”

“Stop.”

“You’re so protective of him.”

“Why? ’Cause I won’t tell you anything about our sex life?”

“Yes. What’s the fun in being gay if we can’t talk about cock size?”

“I already told you about his cock.”

“All you said was ‘it’s huge!’” Lil mimicked perfectly.

“What other word should I have used?”

“Well, inches for one thing? Nine, ten? What is it? Is he a grower or a shower? Does he scream when he comes or does he moan like an old dog? Has he rimmed you yet? How well does he suck? When did he first bottom, or does he?”

“Jesus Christ, Lil! You’re acting like a fucking teenager.”

“I can’t help it,” Lil squealed. “He’s gorgeous!”

“He is.” Jody’s voice turned dreamy. “Inside and out.”

“Oh, please! Spare me the romantic drivel. I want raunchy details, not vanilla-coated stories.”

“Watch porn.”

“It’s not the same. Okay, enough already. You’re absolutely no fun at all.”

“Sorry to disappoint, old friend.”

“Tell me how you’re doing, sweetie? Obviously working out,” Lil observed, squeezing one of Jody’s biceps. “You’ll start to look like the Arnold pretty soon.”

“Yeah, it’s going well. I’m even learning kickboxing. I just haven’t told Clark about it.”

“I’m assuming that we’ve had no more incidents, correct?”

“Right. Everyone seems to have called off the dogs since Clark and Nikki started going out again.”

“Indeed. And how’s the little cunt doing?”

“She’s still waving it at him every chance she gets. I would so love to see her turned into road kill.”

“Why, Dr. Williams, you’re channeling Joan Crawford. Next we’ll be feeding her dead canaries.”

Jody burst into laughter, happy to be with Lil after many weeks of not seeing him. They’d both been so caught up with life and living; there didn’t seem to be time for much else. Tonight was the first time in a long time that they were together just for the fun of it.

They parked the car and made their way into the stadium. The place was packed, the air rife with excitement as football fans crowded toward their seats. Jody and Lil sat high up in the bleachers, trying to remain as unobtrusive as possible. Jody fully expected Clark’s family to be here en masse, and the last thing he wanted to do was bump into any of them, so even though Lil would have preferred to sit closer, he’d won the argument.

Clark was having a great night with multiple receptions and rushing for two of the three touchdowns. At halftime, Cal was ahead by nine, and everyone was going wild.

“I’m going to get something to eat,” Lil said. “You want to come?”

“Hell yes! I’d rather not sit here and watch the cheerleaders shake their booty, especially one cheerleader in particular.”

“I hear you, brother. Come on.” Lil pulled Jody up from his seat, and they made their way down the steps and over to the snack bar. The lines were long, but it was to be expected, and they waited patiently for their turn. Lil ordered the nacho special while Jody settled for some hotdogs. Once they were handed their order they balanced their food, along with the two drinks, and made their way through the crowd slowly. Jody was too concerned about spilling his drinks to notice the group ahead, but unfortunately, they noticed him. The Stevens clan glared as Lil and Jody approached.

They were almost all there, Mary and Jim with three of their five sons.

“Well, look who’s here,” Zach threw out, staring at Jody as if he were dirt. “It’s Dr. Fruitcake.”

“Zach!” Jason admonished.

“What are you doing here?” Jim asked, addressing Jody.

“Last time I looked, this was a free country. I can be anywhere I want to be,” Jody replied.

“Anywhere but here.”

“Look, I just want to watch the game. I’m not here to cause any trouble.”

“I thought we had an understanding?”

“We did?” Jody asked, curious, until he realized what Jim was implying. “Oh, yes… your message.”

“Wasn’t it clear enough?”

“Loud and clear,” Jody replied.

“Good!” Jim said, the hatred written all over his face. “But it’s hardly relevant anymore, is it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Now that Clark’s announced his engagement,” Jim threw out triumphantly.

“Engagement?” Jody heard the word, but was having trouble processing the meaning.

“Yeah, didn’t you hear? Clark and Nikki are going to get married as soon as they graduate in June!” Zach smiled maliciously, obviously enjoying the look of shock on Jody’s face. “Did you honestly think he was like you? You were a momentary aberration!”

Lil pulled Jody back before he could hit Zach. The food fell all around them as Jody dropped his tray in anger. He would have given his next paycheck to kick Zach in the mouth and try out his newfound kickboxing skills; however, now was neither the time, nor place.

“Come on, Lil,” he said quietly, turning abruptly and heading for the parking lot.

“Jody, what about our blankets and stuff?”

“Forget about them!”

Jody picked up the pace, striding toward his car with only one thought in mind: escape. Lil struggled to keep up, urging him to slow down, but Jody only walked faster, intent on leaving the stadium and the pain behind. He had no idea he was crying until he felt a tug on his arm. It was Jason, one of Clark’s saner brothers.

“Jody. Hey, buddy, I’m sorry about what just happened.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“No. But you’re upset, and I want to explain.”

Jody backhanded the tears, ashamed to be seen in such a vulnerable state but too distraught to pretend he was unaffected by Jim’s shocking pronouncement. “Clark needs to explain, not you.”

“I’m sure he will as soon as he sees you.”

Lil put his arms around Jody and handed him a paper napkin that he’d tucked into his pocket earlier. “Here you go, sweetie.”

Jody ignored him. “I gotta go.”

“Do you want me to give Clark a message?”

“Yeah! Tell him that I send him all my best for a bright future.”

He turned and walked away from Jason, wanting to distance himself from the blond who reminded him too much of his brother.

Jody was mute on their way home, replaying the scene with the Stevens clan over and over in his head.

“I wonder what happened to make him do something so drastic,” Lil mused. “I would tone down the hysteria until you speak to him.”

“I’m not so sure I want to.”

“Jody, you know you don’t mean that.”

“I’ve done everything he’s asked, Lil. I’ve been in the closet with him, shielded him from everything that’s happened to me, but I will not put up with an engagement, real or otherwise!”

“I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for his decision.”

“It wouldn’t be good enough,” Jody snapped. “And God help him if I find out he’s been sleeping with her all along.”

“I just don’t see that happening, sweetie.”

“Bullshit! I wouldn’t put it past her to try and seduce him. She’s probably knocked up!”

“Jody, you’re spiraling. You need to fucking calm down.”

“Why would he do this? He made it very clear from the beginning that it was all an act. Maybe he’s had a change of heart and decided he’d rather live in the straight world?” Jody’s tears had started again, pouring down his face in a torrent of pain.

Lil pulled into the driveway, killed the engine, and grabbed his best friend to hold him tightly against his body. He rocked him gently as he listened to the weeping that soon turned to a keening that broke his heart. Lil cried, easily affected by Jody’s heartbreak.

“Shh, Jody, please, sweetie. It’s going to be okay.”

“I love him so much, Lil.”

“I know you do, baby. Clark loves you too, but something’s changed, and you guys need to talk.”

Jody shook his head. “No. Whatever happened is out of my control, and I can’t hope for a miracle, because they don’t exist. You warned me I’d lose him the way I lost Rick, but I didn’t listen.”

“Jody, it’s nothing like that. Clark is alive and healthy, and if you’d just calm down and let him explain, I’m sure he can make this all better.”

But he didn’t. Clark stayed away that night and the next day. The phone never rang.

And the proud and stubborn side of Jody finally surfaced after months of being in hiding. The side of his personality that he’d repressed for the sake of love took over, preventing him from driving to the apartment to hear Clark’s explanation. He’d had enough of the lies and the accompanying bullshit, and even though his heart was broken and his life appeared to be over, he never once picked up the phone.

I
T
WAS
Saturday, the seventeenth of March, and Clark’s twenty-fourth birthday. Jody tried to push the thought out of his head even as the memories of last year’s celebration blindsided him. He reached for the necklace that still hung around his neck and caressed the small charm, rubbing his thumb on the little kitten mindlessly.

The past six months had been the most miserable of his life. Chronic insomnia plagued him along with his choice to work more double shifts than was prudent, all so he could avoid going home to an empty bed. He’d forget to eat, more often than not, but he maintained the visits to the gym, trying to take out his anger and depression on inanimate objects like punching bags and weights. He’d lost about five pounds and the dark circles under his eyes made him look haggard and older by at least five years.

Lil had been as supportive and loving as possible, but he could only do so much. He’d wanted to confront Clark and rip out his hair by the roots, but Jody had held him back, insisting that it wasn’t his place or his relationship.

The first forty-eight hours after he’d heard about the engagement had been the worst. Every time the door opened or the phone rang, he’d held his breath, thinking that Clark would make an appearance and explain the unexplainable. But of course, it never happened. His silence was as profound as Rick’s death. Jody couldn’t understand how he could have been so wrong about Clark, how he had misread him so badly. Clark had been nothing but loving those weeks before the first game, thoughtful and tender in and out of bed. Every minute of every day had been about each other, yet Clark had been able to walk away
without a backward glance. What kind of person would do such a
thing?

Jody’s initial reaction was anger. It almost consumed him with its ferocity. He wanted to lash out at the people who’d caused this rift, to hurt the older Stevens or Nikki or even the NFL, but when his anger was finally spent, and he realized how futile it all was, he shifted his attention to bodybuilding, tearing into punching bags and lifting weights that challenged him, and left him physically exhausted. Eventually, the anger ebbed and was replaced by an irrational fear for both their lives. When nothing untoward happened to either one of them, he was filled with self-doubt, questioning every word that had spilled out of Clark’s mouth. Jody’s confidence was shaken to the core, and the beautiful memories he’d carried in his heart had turned to nightmares.

Clark had an amazing season, according to Lil. There were pictures of him all over the local and distant papers;
Sports Illustrated
did an article on college jocks who would be making it to the big time. Rumors about his chances in the NFL were no longer rumors but were now facts. There were at least three teams that wanted to draft him. What held Jody’s interest wasn’t so much the football, but all the articles about Clark and Nikki. They seemed to be the golden couple, favorites of photographers and columnists alike. And this was the ultimate betrayal. He could forgive Clark for what he’d done if it had only been about his career, but he would never forgive him if he were back in her bed.

Jody glanced at his wristwatch and saw that he only had a few more minutes left before the end of his shift. He should be going home to bed, but he was meeting Lil instead. They planned the weekend in Napa, driving from one winery to another, and staying overnight at the Silverado Resort and Spa. It was his first outing since he and Clark broke up, the first time he’d taken Lil up on an offer to get out of town and try to forget. He knew that it was hopeless, but at least he’d spend the next two days in a drunken haze.

T
HERE
was a knock on the door, and Mike stuck half his body through the opening before I could even reply.

“Okay if I come in?”

“Sure.”

I was home for the weekend to celebrate my birthday with the family and to meet Scott Healy, the agent my father had hired to negotiate my upcoming contract. He had a great reputation and seemed genuine in his desire to do what was best for me. He and my dad had spent hours going over the possibilities, and they were surprised that I showed little interest in what they were talking about.