How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (66 page)
K. Line Up Your Self-image with God’s Image of You(L
AMENTATIONS
3:19-22).
Your self-image has been shaped predominantly by the messages you have received and have internalized from others, from your experiences, and from your self-talk. When you were a child, you did not have control of those in authority over you, but that is no longer the case. You are now able to choose those with whom you associate, and you can certainly control your self-talk. Therefore, you can take an active part in changing any distortions you may have in your view of yourself.
Accept Yourself
—Stop striving for perfection or trying to be like someone else.
—Realize that the Lord made you for a purpose, and He designed your personality and gave you the gifts and abilities He wanted you to have in order to accomplish His purpose for you.
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the L
ORD
’s purpose that prevails”
(P
ROVERBS
19:21).
Thank God for Encouraging You
—Acknowledge and praise God for the abilities He has given you and the things He has accomplished through you.
—Engage in biblically based, encouraging self-talk and mute the condemning critics within and around you.
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word”
(2 T
HESSALONIANS
2:16-17).
Accept the Compliments of Others
—To discount the positive comments of those who have heartfelt appreciation for you is to discount their opinions and their desire to express their gratitude to you.
—Practice graciously accepting compliments and turning them into praise to God for the affirmation that He is at work in you and producing good fruit through you.
“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples”
(J
OHN
15:8).
Release the Negative Past and Focus on a Positive Future
—Refuse to dwell on the negative things said or done to you in the past and release them to God.
—Embrace the work God is doing in your life now and cooperate with Him by focusing on Him and on His character. Trust in His promise to fulfill His purposes in you.
“It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose”
(P
HILIPPIANS
2:13).
Live in God’s Forgiveness
—God has extended forgiveness to you for all of your sins (past, present, and future). Confess and repent of anything offensive to God. Do not set yourself up as a higher judge than God by refusing to forgive yourself.
—Lay aside harsh judgment of yourself and accept that you will not be made fully perfect and totally without sin until you stand in the presence of Christ and are fully conformed to His image.
“We are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure”
(1 J
OHN
3:2-3).
Benefit from Your Mistakes
—Realize that you can learn from your mistakes, as well as from the mistakes of others, and decide to view your mistakes as opportunities to learn needed lessons.
—Ask God what He wants to teach you from your mistakes. Listen to Him and learn from Him. Then move forward with a positive attitude and put into practice the insights you have gained.
“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”
(R
OMANS
8:28).
Form Supportive, Positive Relationships
—Realize that critical people are hurt people who project their feelings of inadequacy onto others in an attempt to ease their own emotional pain.
—Minimize the time you spend with negative, critical people, whether family, friends, or coworkers, and seek out those who encourage and support you both emotionally and spiritually.
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm”
(P
ROVERBS
13:20).
Formulate Realistic Goals and Plans
—Elicit the help of others to identify your strengths and weaknesses and the gifts God has given you. Consider also the things you are persuaded God has called you to do.
—Prayerfully set some reasonable, achievable goals that capitalize on your strengths and make a plan for how you will accomplish those goals.
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?
Run in such a way as to get the prize”
(1 C
ORINTHIANS
9:24).
Identify Your Heart’s Desires
—Make a list of the things you have dreamed of doing but have never attempted because of a fear of failure or a lack of self-assurance.
—Share each desire with the Lord and ask Him to confirm to you which ones are from Him. Then lay out the steps you need to take in order to accomplish them.
“Delight yourself in the L
ORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart”
(P
SALM
37:4).
Plan for Success
—Anticipate any obstacles to accomplishing your goals and desires, and plan strategies for overcoming them.
—Think of yourself achieving each of your goals and doing the things God has put on your heart to do.
“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed”
(P
SALM
20:4).
Celebrate Each Accomplishment
—Your feelings of self-worth and self-confidence will grow with the acknowledgement of each accomplishment.
—Rejoice with the Lord and other significant people over the things God and you have done together. Affirm and celebrate your success.
“There, in the presence of the L
ORD
your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the L
ORD
your God has blessed you”
L. How to Capture a Vision for Your Ministry(D
EUTERONOMY
12:7).
Dorie wrote, “I heard the voice of God—the voice that had whispered to me during those many years of loneliness, sorrow, and heartache; ‘Dorie,
your end is going to be so much better than your beginning.’”
40
And how true! Not only did Christ accept Dorie just as she was, but He also elevated her to be His representative, His voice, His ambassador. To her amazement, Dorie experienced firsthand these precious words from the Psalms:
“He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people”
(P
SALM
113:7-8).
Mistreatment is no stranger to any of us. Why then, in the face of misfortune, do some victims see themselves as having little value, while others live victoriously in light of their true value? What makes the difference? The victorious Christian learns priceless lessons through mistreatment.
—Allow your mistreatment to be the making of your ministry.
“The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”
(2 C
ORINTHIANS
1:3-4).
—Don’t be consumed by the negatives you have received from others.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”
(I
SAIAH
43:18-19).
—Be consumed with the positives that you have received from God and that He leads you to pass on to others.
The blessing comes when you focus not on what you are
getting,
but on what you are
giving.
Jesus suffered immense mistreatment, yet He was not burdened with low self-worth. His ministry of compassion models for us the fact that truly
“it is more blessed to give than to receive”
(A
CTS
20:35).
“God wanted to prove that He can take care of a dirty, unwanted child. He could help me endure the beatings, the sexual abuse, and the rejection from my father as well as from my mother. God wanted to prove a point, and He did. Now I have the privilege of telling thousands of people that God can take ‘nobodys’ and make them into ‘somebodys’ for His name’s sake.”
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—D
ORIE
V
AN
S
TONE
A Personal Note from June Hunt
Dear friend,
I know what it’s like to struggle with feelings of low self-worth. In my heart of hearts, I believed I had little value— especially when compared to others.
My view of myself was based not on just one incident, but on continuous nonaffirming treatment by someone who had a powerful impact in my life.
As I look back on my childhood, I can see how my father’s lack of affirmation and affection shaped my “reality”—the view that I had little value. I never sat on my father’s lap, never felt special to him, never heard him say, “I love you.” In truth, we never just talked. He simply wasn’t interested.
At dinnertime my father enforced the old adage “Children are to be seen and not heard.” He announced that we four children couldn’t speak unless we had something of interest to say to the whole family. Of course he wasn’t interested in anything we had to say, so we couldn’t speak.
Then one day, after coming home from high school, I thought to myself,
I’m not showing any interest in him. I’m just focusing on myself and how he hurts us. Instead of being bitter, I’m going to be kind, and focus attention on him.
Dad always arrived home at 5:50 p.m. and expected to
have dinner at 6:00 sharp. That day, when he arrived, I heard him walk into the house and close the door. I was ready; I was primed for my positive greeting. Although Dad had never asked about my day, I was going to break the ice and ask about his day.
Inside the narrow hallway, I approached him with confidence and a sincere smile. “Hi Dad, how was your day?”
He exploded, “Don’t ever ask me that question! That’s a stupid question! Never ask me that again!”
Blown away, I felt plastered against the wall…like a raw egg thrown full force, with the hurt and the humiliation oozing down the wall.
Even though this demoralizing encounter is “nothing” in light of truly severe traumatic hurts, even now, decades later, I still remember his yelling, his insensitivity, his harshness as though it were yesterday. (And, never again did I ask Dad about his day.)
It’s painful to feel like a nonperson…insignificant…invisible. But God saw it all—including the skewed view of myself. How comforting to know that “the L
ORD
is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
It helps me to know that the Lord draws close in times of trouble, when my heart is broken, when my spirit is crushed. He sees, and He cares.
Even if I periodically have difficulty
feeling
God’s love (because my emotions can get stuck),
I know
He loves me. Even if I sometimes struggle with feeling insignificant,
I know
that I have worth, just as every person on earth does.
A major key to overcoming my struggle with self-worth has been this:
—
Changing the focus
from my painful experiences with my earthly father to experience the perfect love of my heavenly Father
—Changing the focus
from my insecure family background to the security that I’m in the family of God
—Changing the focus
from my painful failures to the One who looks beyond my faults and calls me Friend
We don’t have to wonder about our self-worth when we see our God-given worth
…
when we see our God-given value… when we
see ourselves through God’s eyes!