How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (62 page)

However, God had a plan for Dorie, and He would work out His purpose, His will for her life. The Bible makes this clear:

“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will”

(E
PHESIANS
1:11).

Has comparing yourself to others become so automatic that you hardly notice you’re doing it? People often compare themselves to others in appearance, abilities, affluence, and accomplishments. Read the statements below to see if they have become part of your self-talk.

Appearance

Physical features—“I am not as attractive as _________________.”

Clothes—“I cannot dress as nicely as _______________________.”

Mannerisms—“I am not as graceful or suave as _______________.”

Abilities

Physical abilities—“I am not as athletic as ___________________.”

Mental abilities—“I am not as smart as _____________________.”

Social abilities—“I am not as popular as ____________________.”

Affluence

Financial/job status—“I am not as financially secure as _________.”

Family status—“I don’t have a home as nice as _______________.”

Social status—“I am not as influential as ____________________.”

Accomplishments

Education—“I don’t have as many degrees as _______________.”

Talent—“I am not as gifted as _____________________________.”

Recognition—“I am not as accomplished as __________________.”

Myth:
“I’ll never be able to stop comparing myself to others.”

Truth:
Life is a series of choices, and while you may feel that you cannot
change, God would not instruct you to do something without giving you the power to do it. God says if you compare yourself to others, you are not wise.

“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
10:12).

Dorie had every reason to develop wrong thinking and form faulty perceptions of herself. From her earliest memories, all she was told was that she didn’t do anything right, that everything was her fault, that she wasn’t good enough, that no one loved her or found value in her. She was convinced she was ugly. She thought,
“
I must be the ugliest child that ever walked. I felt so ugly on the inside that I believed I was ugly on the outside…maybe it’s my curly hair or my nose!”
²⁷

In Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale
The Ugly Duckling,
²⁸
the main character felt rejected by all the barnyard birds because they didn’t like his looks or his awkward waddle. He didn’t see the beautiful swan inside him, although the beauty was there all along. Many people are like this young swan, and look only at their outer image to determine their inner worth. If they could see what God sees, what a difference that would make!

Do you go through life fearing what others think? Some people look in the mirror and see only an ugly duckling—a sad little bird with no self-worth. In her early years, Dorie considered herself an ugly duckling— ugly, unadoptable Dorie. Not only was she called ugly, but she also felt ugly because of the repeated rejection she faced.

“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the L
ORD
looks at the heart”

(1 S
AMUEL
16:7).

A low sense of self-worth can result from how you perceive yourself and how you think others see/perceive you.
Faulty perceptions lead to faulty conclusions.

Myth:
“I will never be able to change the way I see myself or the way I think others see me.”

Truth:
Your faulty self-perception will automatically change as you fix your thoughts on the truth, and on Jesus.

“Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess”

(H
EBREWS
3:1).

Although Dorie never had a close friend at school, she tried. But even when she was out of the orphanage and in a foster home, she knew she looked different. One student pointed to her torn dress and jabbed, “Did that come out of the ark?” She forced a smile while the others laughed. Kids can be so cruel! Dorie confided, “How often I wished I could have spent the day in the restroom.”
²⁹
She just wanted to hide. Dorie found it difficult to survive the impact of a callous, cruel world without taking on the cynicism and bitterness of the world.

Whatever the contributing factors to your low estimation of your worth, they are held in place by wrong beliefs that you have come to embrace over the years. But a low opinion of yourself can be overcome by replacing your wrong beliefs with right beliefs.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will”

(R
OMANS
12:2).

Wrong Belief:

“My self-worth is based on how I see myself in comparison to others and how others view me.”

Right Belief:

“My self-worth is not based on how I or others see me, but on how God sees me because I was created by Him in His image. Not only did Jesus pay the highest price for me by dying on the cross for my sins, but He also lives in me to fulfill His plan and purpose for me.”

“We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”

(E
PHESIANS
2:10).

One day at the orphanage, Dorie sat riveted at the back of a room hearing words she had never heard before—words foreign to her heart—from a group of college students. But what Dorie heard couldn’t be true. God didn’t love her. God
couldn’t
love her.
Nobody
loved her!

As the students prepared to leave, one of them turned around and spoke slowly with such sincerity that Dorie was stunned. The student said, “Even if you forget everything we have told you, remember: God loves you.”

Though Dorie can’t explain it, she
knew
this was true, and she spoke directly to God: “They said You love me. Nobody else does. If You want me, You can have me!” That very instant, an unexpected peace settled over Dorie. She thought,
This must be God.

At that point, Dorie grabbed hold of that love and held on to God…and He never let her go. Nor will God ever let you go. He says His love is never-ending—for us all.
³⁰

“The L
ORD
appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness’”

(J
EREMIAH
31:3).

There are some who say we should not think we have value, because doing so is prideful. But Scripture says this:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

(M
ATTHEW
6:26).

Your real worth is stated clearly in Psalm 139:

If you feel as though you have little value, the Word of God has good news for you. The Bible speaks of God’s own as being “worth their weight in gold” (Lamentations 4:2). Just think about how much
worth
that is! If gold were selling at $500 per ounce, one pound (16 ounces) of gold would be worth $8,000. A person who weighs 150 pounds would be worth $1.2 million—well over a million dollars.
³¹

Interestingly, the Bible presents a Christian’s worth as too great to be measured in mere monetary terms. Peter says that your faith alone is “of greater worth than gold” (1 Peter 1:7). Are you beginning to see how much
you,
combined with
your faith,
are worth in the eyes of God? You are indeed precious to God. You have God-given worth!

For years Dorie concealed a secret. She thought people would not believe her if she told the sordid truth. After Dorie left the orphanage at age 13, she went into the first of many foster homes in which she suffered merciless verbal and emotional abuse, as well as physical and sexual abuse. She was
afraid to report those who violated her body because she was warned she would be killed if she said anything.

At one of the later homes, her rollaway bed was placed in a hallway where strange men passed by her in the night. Dorie’s foster mother gave these men permission to perform immoral acts on Dorie, and she was repeatedly forced to participate in their perversions. As a result, she believed she could never be clean and whole again.

Dorie later said, “[God] gave the grace to bear my trials. It was He who chose me to belong to Him; He knew the first day of my life, as well as all the days in between. He knew that some day that dirty little girl would stand before thousands of people and tell them that God is faithful.”

Although Dorie van Stone experienced the depths of degradation and disgrace at the hands of those with the hardest of hearts, the Lord raised His choice servant up to bring hope to multitudes around the world.

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up”

(P
SALM
71:20).

It
is
possible for you to acquire a positive self-image and to learn to value yourself as God values you. To do that, you need to accept the following seven truths about yourself:

1.
I accept
the truth that I was created in God’s image.

“God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them”

(G
ENESIS
1:27).

2.
I accept
myself as acceptable to Christ.

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God”