How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (59 page)

I am often afraid to defend myself.

If you struggle with establishing healthy relationships, you need to know that…

“fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the L
ORD
is kept safe”

(P
ROVERBS
29:25).

Although Dorie was powerless to prevent the unjustified beatings given at the orphanage, she learned how to get power by overpowering the other children. This gave her the feeling of significance, a sense of self-worth.

“If I can be tough,” she reasoned, “I can survive…I bullied the other children. I was never subtle. I pushed and shoved. I hit. If another child
wouldn’t let me see his toy, I would grab it. The others didn’t hit me, but I hit them and felt good about it.”
¹⁶

All of this false bravado merely served as a substitute for true self-worth—a quick fix that was not a fix at all.

If you are suffering from a sense of low self-worth, you may be seeking ways to deny, disguise, or diminish your emotional pain. People cope with their woundedness in different ways…and many of these ways do not offer a cure, but rather a counterfeit—an adhesive bandage that only covers up the wound without healing it.

The problem with “self-worth substitutes” is that they do not deal with the cause of the pain—the wrong beliefs that fester in the heart and mind. The only solution to low self-worth is to apply the healing balm of truth to the wound in the soul in order that your mind will be transformed and your life changed. Therefore, beware of worldly substitutes that ultimately do not satisfy.

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever”

(1 J
OHN
2:15-17).

Self-worth Substitutes

If you are suffering from feelings of low self-worth, you may be pursuing a substitute to help make up for any emotional deficit you feel. Place a checkmark (√) by the statements below that are true about you.

I am impressed with status symbols and often live beyond my income.

I am overly competitive and view losing as a reflection of my value and worth.

I am seeking approval and am envious of important people.

I am constantly striving for recognition.

I am perfectionistic in an attempt to earn approval.

I am addicted to substances, sex, food, or ______________.

I am angry and intimidating at times in order to accomplish my goals.

I am financially extravagant in an attempt to impress others.

I am obsessed with having certain possessions.

I am insistent on getting my way.