How to Make Her LET GO & GIVE IN: The No-Bullshit Guide to Great Sex (8 page)

2. Are you hitting on me?

Whenever you know she is feeling that sexual spark, you can point out that she is attracted to you. But again, this needs to be done in an over-the-top way which reverses the ‘traditional roles’ and makes her feel like
she’s
chasing
you
. Make it seem like she is the sexual aggressor:

- “Hey, you're checking my ass out again. What a perv!!”

- “I know what you’re up to, and no I’m not that easy.”

3. Disagreeing

Whenever she says something you don’t like, you can point out that you have other thoughts. You can just say you don’t like something, which is fine because it makes your boundaries clear and will make her respect you more, but that is not flirting. When disagreeing in a flirtatious conversation, you need to make her feel like you really don’t like something in an over the top and absurd fashion. Disagreeing in these ways takes away the edginess of the disagreement and keeps it fun and playful.

- “No way! You like Sex in the City? I really can’t talk to you anymore.”

- “What, not those shoes! If you don’t put on some sexier shoes, I’ll just stay at home.”

You can keep from coming across too sharp by always keeping your mood playful and not like you really mean it, but she should get the message either way.

4. You’re on to me

While flirting, she will challenge you as well in subtle and sneaky ways. She does this to screen you in order to see if you’re fit to be, or stay as her right guy. When you detect that one of these subtle challenges call her out on it from time to time, thus she will feel like you’re on to her.

This will give her the impression that you
'get'
her. When she feels this, she will feel more aligned with you because she feels like you’re her partner in crime. This makes flirting a two-way conversation where people connect, instead of you and her talking away in two different languages.

- “Ha-ha, are you flirting with me?”

- “Hmm, I’m on to you, Missy.”

- “Thanks so much for liking me.”

Two Mistakes to Avoid

When she suddenly turns cold, with outbursts like: “
Why do you say that
!?” in an annoyed way, things went wrong somewhere along the road. This can happen in a matter of seconds and can affect her mood in such a way that her developing sexual feelings get crushed. So teasing is a two edged sword, it will either enhance or lower her sexual tension greatly. Therefore, take the following advice into account.

1. Don’t compete

It is never you against her. Remember that her focus is angled on sharing, while a man’s mind is more goal-orientated. When having this competitive mentality, she will not experience a relaxed and fun vibe, but will instead close herself off from you as she feels a sense of aggression.

This is a mistake that men who want to appear like an alpha male regularly make. This is mostly a defensive reaction in which he feels that he has to stand his ground. If not, he thinks she might not respect him or might treat him bad. Don’t react in a defensive manner because you won’t win anything. Instead, make her feel comfortable and at ease by not taking anything too seriously.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being competitive. Just don’t be too competitive while flirting or in her general presence. If you are indeed a competitive guy, tone it down and use this to your advantage in other areas of your life.

For instance, when she may ask: “
What kind of shirt is that?”
don't tell her:
“Huh…look at yourself first.”
Don't fire back at perceived put-downs as she might not mean it in a bad way. When you compete by making a negative comeback, in a serious instead of a playful way, you will be labelled as overly competitive.

So saying something like:
“Really?
My late grandmother
gave this to me last Christmas,
” with a serious face, will make her feel guilty, and you can then proceed to say it’s not true by laughing at how gullible she is in a light-hearted manner.

2. Do not criticize her

I've mentioned earlier that you can go pretty much anywhere with flirting, but that does not mean you can say
anything
. Everyone has their sensitive spots. Every woman has things she doesn’t like to be called out on. When taking the joke too far, she will perceive it as an act of aggression from your side and to this she will react defensively.

What your girls soft spots are, will be something you need to find out if you aren't already aware of them: her intelligence, sense of style, family, physical appearance, etc. These may all be things which could make her react negatively.

In addition, if there are some things you can’t accept about her behaviour because she has hit one of your sensitive spots, it’s OK to put up your boundaries in a clear, yet respectful way. This form of critique from your part is fine because you should always respect yourself and therefore she will too.

Example

Me:
“Damn princess, you look so hot in that sexy dress. Those polka dots are so old school. Some old guys will definitely make a few passes at you tonight," with a playful tone and a smile.

Her:
“Ugh, whaaat? You’re so mean!” with frowning lips and sad puppy dog eyes.

Me:
“Don’t worry, I don’t share my toys. I’m kind of selfish. You’re MY princess doll,” while taking her in my arms.

Her:
“Hmm, my daddy got a little fat,” while hugging she is squeezing my belly with a big smile.

Me:
“I know, I guess we're both getting too fat,” While laughing.

Her:
“I’m not fat, you are.” Instead of squeezing, she is pinching my belly hard while displaying a mischievous smile.

Me:
"I know, I’m just trying to get fatter so you have more daddy to love.” While laughing together. “So, what happened today at work with that new colleague?”

Explanation

Me: Giving a challenge

“Damn princess, you look so hot in that sexy dress. Those polka dots look so old school. Some old guys will definitely make a few passes at you tonight," with a playful tone and a smile.

The initial challenge had two components: my words gave her a challenge, whereas my smile and tonality of voice smoothed out my statement. If I didn’t soften this up, she could have interpreted my message as not being fun and playful, but as mean and angry.

Her: Looking for validation

“Ugh, whaaat? You’re so mean!” with frowning lips and sad puppy dog eyes.

After my challenge that pushed her away, she wants to get closer again. That’s why she displays a validating reaction with her sad puppy eyes to look cute. This is a sign that she submits to my challenge and wants to provoke caring emotions inside of me, to draw me back in.

She will also make this cute puppy face to see how I react. If I gave her an apologetic reaction, like: “
Just kidding, I didn’t mean it,"
it would not have increased sexual tension as it would turn the tables, making me the one looking for validation, instead of her.

It would mean that I am the one that wants to get closer again because I’m afraid that after pushing her away she doesn’t want to come back. She will pick up on this subconsciously and it will disappoint her because she feels my reaction comes from an insecure mind-set.

Me: Giving validation in a non-apologetic way

“Don’t worry, I don’t share my toys. I’m kind of selfish. You’re MY princess doll,” while taking her in my arms.

I gave her a validating reaction not from an insecure point of view, but because I'm a dominant man who is also a good lover that knows how to show his caring side. That’s why I validate her in a non-apologetic manner by hugging her and saying something nice in a playful way.

Her: Giving a challenge

“Hmm, my daddy got a little fat
,” while hugging, she is squeezing my belly with a big smile.      

Of course teasing is not a one-way street. She doesn’t always have to submit to my challenges. It’s much more fun when she gives me ‘a good run for my money’. If she would never challenge me, our conversations would be boring and plain.

The fact that she challenges me is a good sign. It means that she is sexually interested in me, but also wants to make sure that I am still her right guy. This means she is screening my reactions.

A good reaction is one where I am not seeking for validation. In this case, she picks up that I can handle her challenge because of my confidence. However if I did look for validation, it would mean she has won the challenge but also lost sexual tension.

The wrong reactions are insecure ones which tend to be tension killers. They tell her that her statement affected my emotions in a negative way. This means I can’t handle her challenge and in return I look for validation:

Apologizing:
I’m hoping she will forgive me.

Annoyed:
I hope she will apologize.

Angry:
I hope she will submit.

Sad:
I want her to comfort me.

- side note

When being with a new girl, it’s important that you do not react in this way. The wrong reaction will make her doubt that you are the right guy. When you fail to react properly a couple of times, she
will
lose her sexual interest in you.

If you’re in a relationship and wonder why you are not getting that hot and steamy sex that runs wild in your imagination, it’s quite possible that you are reacting to the challenges she throws in the wrong way. If you give her the right reactions, she will feel reassured that her man is still dominant and therefore sexually attractive.

Of course, this has to be seen from a long-term perspective. While flirting, don’t worry too much about giving the wrong reaction every now and then. You’ll learn to avoid this over time.

OK, let’s get back to our example:

Me: Giving a challenge in return

“I know, I guess we're both getting too fat,” while laughing.

My reaction is not intended to look for validation. The only purpose it has, is because it’s fun, so this is a good reaction to her challenge.

A challenge in return, is always good to keep the banter going. In this case, I point out that she is also fat in a fun way. But this is not the case in reality, so I know she will not feel offended.

Challenging a woman can be fun, but watch out with remarks about her body. All women are self-conscious when it comes to this. You need to know her well enough to know what she can and can’t handle. A good rule is to never challenge her harshly on her insecurities in general, and again, smiling takes you far. So, don’t forget to keep the positive vibe up.

Her: Giving me a challenge in return

“I’m not fat, you are.”
Instead of squeezing, she is pinching my belly hard while displaying a mischievous smile.

We’re just in the moment and are having fun. Again, don’t make a big deal out of what she is saying; playing along is always the way to go.

Me: Agreeing but no need for validation

"I know, I’m just trying to get fatter so you have more daddy to love.” While laughing together.

In the end I stop the challenge and just agree with what she is saying. Remember that it’s not about winning. There’s nothing wrong with giving in to her challenge, as long as my reaction comes from a confident, non-validating mind-set.

Me: Shifting to another subject

“So, what happened today at work with that new colleague?”

After our friendly bantering game, I shift the subject into another direction because challenging each other doesn’t have to go on forever. Let it pop up in the conversation from time to time, but also make sure you talk to her in a manner which shows her your genuine interest.

These normal conversations in which she feels her man is listening and is interested makes her feel validated in general. This builds up her trust because it shows that you are there for her. So, don’t try to be a funny bad ass all of the time because it will not satisfy her in the long run.

2.2
Physical Stimulation

Physical stimulation in this step must be seen as supporting your flirtatious conversation. In this step it does not have the upper hand and therefore getting physical in the right way is a subtle, yet very effective act.

Overview

1. Why Touch Her

It makes her feel comfortable and happy around you because it triggers certain feel-good hormones, and it helps in smoothly escalating to that physical level later on in the experience.

2. How to Touch Her

There are some do's and don'ts when touching her. The wrong types of touch will not make her feel comfortable or happy. There are two ways of touching during this step: a
casual
and a more
intimate
way.

Why Touch Her

To start with, it is important that you indeed touch her while flirting. If you do not touch her while talking to her, her sexual tension will not be as enhanced as when you
do
touch her. But remember that in this phase there is no need for heavy physical stimulation and psychological stimulation has a priority. Therefore, heavy touching is not necessary and most likely counter-productive.