How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (5 page)

Step 1:
Preheat your oven to 425 degrees, and make some dough for the crust. Dump 2 cups flour and 1 teaspoon salt in a large bowl. Add 2/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons Crisco, and crisscross your mixture with two butter knives until you’ve got pea-sized crumbles. Sprinkle in 1 tablespoon ice water and toss with a fork. Add 4 or 5 more tablespoons water, one at a time, and toss until your dough sticks together. Don’t mush it around too much, or it’ll get tough.

Step 2:
Gather your dough into two balls (heh), cover with plastic wrap, flatten into disks, and place in refrigerator until chilled, at least 45 minutes.

Step 3:
In the meantime, make your filling in a large bowl.

Step 4:
Generously dust your clean countertop with flour, plunk the dough in the center, and, with a well-floured rolling pin, roll out the dough from the center to form a circle about 4 inches larger in diameter than your pie plate. Lift and turn the dough every few rolls to keep it even and to prevent it from sticking to your surface.

Step 5:
Transfer the dough to your pie plate. This is the toughest part, but know that if you rip your dough, it’s easy to fix it, so the pressure’s off! Feeling good and loose? Okay, then. Gently fold your dough in half, and then into quarters, scoop it up with a spatula, set it in your pie plate, and unfold it. Step back and admire your handiwork. Say ta-da!

Step 6:
Fill the pie with whatever goodness you’ve concocted, and place dabs of butter all over the top of it.

Step 7:
Roll out your upper crust in the same way. Then moisten the edges of your bottom crust with water or milk, and lay the top crust over your pie.

Step 8:
With a pair of scissors or a knife, trim the excess dough from both crusts, leaving about 1 inch on all sides.

Step 9:
Curl both edges under together and tuck them into the pie plate. Then crimp them, by pinching the dough between the knuckle of your right index finger and the thumb and forefinger of your left hand. Once you make it all the way around the pie and it looks great, say ta-da again, this time with feeling!

Step 10:
With a sharp knife, cut four tiny holes in the center of the upper crust, so the steam can escape. If you make the chimneys
teardrop shaped, everyone will be impressed. Then paint the crust with milk, so it’ll bake up golden brown.

Step 11:
Carefully place your pie in the oven and bake for 40 to 45 minutes. (Strawberry-rhubarb pie takes 55 minutes.) Once it’s golden brown, remove it from the oven and let it cool on a wire rack for as long as your self-restraint allows. Then present it with a big “Ta!” and then a “Da!”

• If you’re worried about your crust sticking to your work surface, roll it out between two sheets of waxed paper.
  

• Heal any tears by affixing some spare dough with a few drops of water or milk.
  

• Wrap aluminum foil around the edges of the crust before baking (or use a pie shield) to prevent them from burning. Remove it 10 minutes before baking is finished.
  

• To prevent the bottom crust from getting soggy, paint it with a beaten egg white before filling.
  

• No Crisco? Use butter in the crust. It’ll still be oh so flavorful, just a little less flakey.
  

• Don’t toss your leftover dough. Gather it into a ball, roll it out, sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar, slice into pinwheels (or whatever your heart’s delight), and bake. Mmm, pie appetizers!
  

Step 1:
Peek in your fridge, and grab any fruits or veggies that look like they need to be eaten immediately or will go to waste. Check your garden, too, in case you’ve got any produce that has just barely overripened on the vine.

Step 2:
Choose your flavor. Apples and pears can sweeten up carrots, spinach, celery, and parsley. Tomatoes and cucumbers pair off well. Generally all fruits go nicely with each other. And, mmm! Mint complements melon smoothies like nobody’s business.

Step 3:
Peel and finely chop up whatever you’ve got. Toss your finds into a blender.

Step 4:
Add some apple or orange juice, and puree. Repeat, until you reach the desired consistency.

Step 5:
Add 2 to 4 ice cubes, and blend to crush.

Step 6:
Take a sip to check the flavor, and season if you’d like. To sweeten fruity smoothies, add honey. To spice up savory juices, add
hot pepper, Worcestershire sauce, a squeeze of lemon, and salt and pepper.

• For fruity drinks, substitute frozen berries for ice cubes.
  

• For creamier smoothies, add a scoop of yogurt.
  

• Even if your drink turns out green and reminds you of pond scum, close your eyes and bottoms up! It’ll be chock-full of vities and make you feel strong.
  

Step 1:
Fry up some bacon, and have it for breakfast. It is arguably the most indulgent way to start your day—even more so if you can get someone else to fry it for you! (To accomplish that, open this book and leave it in a conspicuous spot for your honey to find.)

Step 2:
After you eat but before the grease sets, pour the warm (not sizzling-hot) bacon drippings through a mesh strainer into a glass jelly jar or well-washed coffee can, and store in the fridge or freezer.

Step 3:
Reach for your stash, and use it instead of butter or shortening, to add flavor to savory dishes, like scrambled eggs or fried potatoes, beans or biscuits.

• No strainer? Lay a paper towel over your container, and pour the grease through that.
  

• Use bacon grease only in moderation to keep your ticker healthy.
  

• Don’t pour hot grease into a cold glass jar, or it could shatter. Wait for the grease to cool a bit before transferring it. (If you’re pouring it into metal, do it at any time.)
  

Step 1:
With a dry towel, wipe the steel. That’s the long, rough rod that came with your knife set. You’ve been wondering what it was for, right? Well, today is your lucky day. You’re about to find out.

Step 2:
Gripping its handle with your weaker hand, place the steel, point-down, on your countertop or other flat surface. Hold it still.

Step 3:
Grip the knife in your dominant hand, holding it the same way you would if you were about to cut a tomato (that is, parallel to your work surface, sharp side down, point away from you). Keeping the knife in that same position, place the sharp edge of the blade (nearest to the knife’s handle) flat against the top of the steel (just below its handle). Now, rotate your knife-holding hand by one-eighth of a turn (clockwise, if you’re right-handed; counterclockwise if you’re left-handed), so the sharp side of your knife meets the steel at an approximately 20-degree angle. (The sharp edge of your knife should still be facing downward.) Hopefully,
you’ve heard this before, but it’s worth saying again: Never, ever point a sharp knife toward yourself.

Step 4:
While pulling your knife toward you and maintaining your 20-degree angle, slide the sharp side of your blade from the top of the steel toward the bottom. You’ll know you’ve done the motion correctly if it ends with the tip of your knife coming off the bottom of the steel.

Step 5:
Switch sides, and repeat. Just place your knife on the opposite side of the steel, again just below the handle. Find that same 20-degree angle by rotating your knife-holding hand by an eighth of a turn (counterclockwise, if you’re right-handed; clockwise if you’re left-handed) and swipe.