How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (9 page)

Step 1:
Pick your own berries. You’ll need about 4½ pints’ worth (or 9 cups) for every batch of jam you make. It’s okay if a few of them are underripe. They’ll help your jam set.

Step 2:
Gather your supplies and other ingredients. You’ll need: 2 large lemons, 4 cups sugar, a large pot, a wooden spoon, a small plate, and, if you don’t plan on finishing off your jam immediately, all the usual canning supplies, including a canner (aka a ginormous pot), a wire jar-rack (to help prevent breakage), a jar-grabber (or tongs), a ladle, and four ½-pint canning jars with new lids and rings.

Step 3:
Put your little plate in the freezer. You’ll need it later for something very interesting. Cue the up-and-down eyebrows.

Step 4:
To sterilize your jars, fill your canner with hot water. Place your empty jars in your jar rack, submerge them in the water, and boil for 10 minutes. Prepare your lids and rings according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Turn off the heat but leave your jars submerged in the hot water for now.

Step 5:
Wash your strawberries, and remove their caps.

Step 6:
Toss your berries into a large pot and gently (or depending on your mood, not so gently) crush them with your wooden spoon, leaving some berries smushed but fairly recognizable. Simmer over low to medium heat for 10 minutes.

Step 7:
Add the sugar, plus 1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice, stirring constantly until the sugar dissolves.

Step 8:
Crank up the heat to bring your berry mixture to a boil. Keep it bubbling for about 20 minutes, or until it starts to thicken. Don’t worry. This part is not as boring as it sounds, because you’ve got two big jobs: Stir frequently to save those unlucky berries on the bottom from burning, and scoop off any foam that collects on top.

Step 9:
Retrieve your plate from the freezer, and test the thickness of your jam by dropping a teaspoon of jam onto it. Count to 30, hold your breath, and then tip the plate. If the mixture gels and moves only slightly, proceed to step 10. If it runs down the plate, re-freeze your plate, say a few choice curse words, boil your jam for another 1 to 2 minutes, and test again. Repeat as necessary.

Step 10:
Remove the jam from heat. Using tongs, remove your sterilized jars from the hot water and shake to empty them. Using a ladle, fill your jars, leaving ¼ inch of headroom. Wipe off any drips from the rim, using a clean, damp paper towel, to get a good seal. Add the lid, and screw on the ring to secure. Repeat until all the jars are full.

Step 11:
Now you need to preserve your jam. Double-check the water level in your canner; it must be deep enough to fully cover the upright jars by at least 2 inches. Bring the water to a boil. Using your tongs, lower your jars into your jar rack and submerge them in
the boiling water, cover the canner with the lid, and boil for 5 minutes. Turn off the heat, and wait 5 more minutes.

Step 12:
Transfer your jars with tongs to your rack and let cool for 12 to 24 hours. Check the seal by pressing the center of each lid. If it doesn’t pop, it’s good! Store in a cool, dark place for up to a year. If it does pop, repeat step 11 within 24 hours or put that jar in the fridge and use right away.

• For faster berry crushing, swap your wooden spoon for a potato masher.
  

• If you don’t trust the chilled-plate test, double-check yourself using a kitchen thermometer. When your jam reaches 220 degrees, it’s ready to jar.
  

• Have a not-quite-full jar after step 10? Put a lid on it and stick it in the fridge. It’ll be good for 3 to 4 weeks.
  

• Some people use pectin to set their jam. That works, too! Just follow the instructions on the box.
  

• Add lemon or orange zest during step 7 for added pop.
  

Step 1:
Join a CSA. Community Supported Agriculture allows neighbors to buy shares, in advance, in a local farmer’s harvest in exchange for a weekly delivery of produce from the farm, usually from June through November. To find a participating farm near you, visit
FoodRoutes.org
.

Step 2:
Frequent your local farmers’ market or roadside stand. There’s nothing fresher or better tasting than fruit and veggies that have traveled only as far as from the field to the edge of the road. No trucks, no refrigerators, no warehouses. That’s better for you, the farmer, and the environment. To find a nearby market, visit FoodRoutes.org or
LocalHarvest.org
.

Step 3:
Go straight to the farm. Visit a pick-your-own, and harvest your own crops with your own hands. It’s fun, it’s cheaper, and you’ll appreciate every bite much more than you can imagine. To find a farmer who won’t call the cops when you show up with your own basket, visit
PickYourOwn.org
.

• Chat up your local farmer. Oftentimes, he’ll sell windfall apples for super cheap.
  

• Hit the farmers’ market late in the day. They usually drop the prices before closing so they don’t have to haul their produce home.
  

Cleaning
Take responsibility for your own mess. Use environmentally friendly products, and never pay someone to do what you can do for yourself
.

Step 1:
With the sheet entirely inside out, place your left hand into any corner and your right hand into the next closest corner.

Step 2:
Bringing your hands together, flip the corner on your right hand over the corner on your left. (Your right hand will be free and your left hand will be holding two corners.)

Step 3:
Transfer both corners to your right hand, run your left hand down the length of the sheet, and nest the two remaining corners together with your left hand.

Step 4:
With two corners on each hand, bring your hands together and flip the corners from your right hand onto your left hand.

Step 5:
Grasp the right edge. Gently shake out the sheet, allowing the elasticized edges to fall toward you. Lay on a flat surface (the sheet, not you).

Step 6:
Fold in thirds, lengthwise, and then in half.

Step 7:
Smooth, place the sheet on the shelf, and beam with pride.

• This one takes some practice. If you get stuck, lay your sheet down during step 3. You’ll master it in no time!
  

Step 1:
Place a mattress pad on top of the mattress for added protection and comfort. You can even get waterproof ones, if any sleepyheads in your bed are prone to, you know, accidents.

Step 2:
Lay your fitted sheet on the mattress, tucking the top two corners fully
beneath
the top two corners of the mattress. Repeat at the bottom of the bed. If you don’t do the full tuck-under, your sheet may come loose during the night. Total nightmare! Smooth it out with your hands.

Step 3:
Standing alongside the bed and holding the long side of your flat sheet (hemmed edge at the top) with two hands, snap it in the air and let it spread over the mattress. Make sure the sheet is centered and each edge runs parallel to the floor. Walk to the foot of the bed and pull the sheet down, so the top of the sheet meets the top of the bed and the bottom drapes about a foot over the end.

Step 4:
To make tight corners, tuck the bottom of the sheet under the mattress. Then grasp the side of the sheet about 15 inches from the bottom, lift it out to the side, and then lay it on top of the
mattress. Tuck the loose, hanging edge underneath the mattress, and then flip your corner down, pulling it taut and tucking it under.