How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (7 page)

• Keep your garden tidy. Toss any old stalks, stems, or debris into your compost heap right away to prevent the beasties from making them their home.
  

• Hose down your crops with water; sometimes a strong spray is all it takes to knock off aphids and other pests once and for all.
  

• To help catch flying pests, squirt them with soapy water; they’ll slow down enough for you to catch them and drop them in your bucket.
  

Step 1:
Identify your uninvited guests. Stake out your garden by sitting very still within eyeshot (camouflage not necessary but totally fun and fashionable) or farther away with a pair of binoculars. Then, check again at night, using the beam of a flashlight to illuminate your patch. If you catch rabbits, squirrels, or deer using your garden as a buffet table, proceed to step 2.

Step 2:
Repel the critters. Make your veggies less tasty (for them, not for you) with a hot pepper spray, which is often too fiery for animal (and insect) palates. Buy some or make your own by tossing a few hot chili peppers into your blender with 2 cups water. Blend on high for 2 minutes. Strain the liquid through a cheesecloth into to a spray bottle and top off with water. Shake, and spray on your veggies
once a week. (Skip your fruit, as it may leave a slightly peppery flavor.) Another option: Sprinkle mothballs around the perimeter of your garden. See which one works better, or alternate between the two.

Step 3:
Distract those furballs. Set up a feeding station, like a bird feeder, far away from your garden to steer their attention away from your crops.

Step 4:
Set up a barrier. Try a two-foot-high fence around your garden, or individual mesh cages around each plant. If you’ve just planted, you can even lay chicken wire directly over the ground.

• Make your yard less appealing to hungry critters by putting lids on your garbage cans and keeping the area clear of debris.
  

• No hot peppers handy? Try blending a clove of garlic, a small onion, and 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper with water; strain, add water, and spray.
  

• If you’ve got burrowing guests, like woodchucks, you may have to bury the bottom of your fences a foot deep. Eventually, they’ll give up and go away.
  

Step 1:
If you spot a snake in your vegetable patch, get a hold of yourself real quick. If you’ve got some distance, by all means keep it. If you don’t, and the snake is rattling, hissing, or staring you down, freeze until it slithers away. (It will, so long as it has a viable exit. It’s more afraid of you than you are of it.) Then exhale, run inside, have a gimlet, share your tale of bravery with all your friends, and then skip to step 4.

Step 2:
If you’re at a safe distance and you’re 100 percent confident in your ability to classify the snakes in your area, then ID your slithering garden guest. If it’s poisonous and has made a permanent home in your garden, call an expert to remove it. If it’s poisonous and just passing through, wait until it leaves the area and skip to step 4. If it’s not at all poisonous, proceed to step 3. If you have absolutely no idea what kind of snake it is, keep your distance, wait for it to leave, and skip to step 4.

Step 3:
Decide what you want to do. Some gardeners actually like to keep friendly snakes around, because while they don’t eat vegetables or people, they do eat pests, like mice, squirrels, slugs, and earwigs.
If that just doesn’t cut it for you and you’d rather that nonpoisonous snake find another home, grab a broom and swish it away.

Step 4:
Make that snake’s return less likely by making your lawn and garden a less fun place for it to live in. Keep your grass short, your hedges trimmed, and your lowest tree branches at least a few feet off the ground. Also, eliminate any mulch or rock piles or fallen logs (after checking them for snakes first!). They make great homes for snakes and their favorite snacks (rodents), and if they’re gone, your snake will likely go, too.

• Wear knee-high rubber boots while gardening to protect your ankles (or at least give you a fashionable sense of security).
  

• Get a cat. Good ones will hunt snakes, or scare them away.
  

• Know the first-aid procedures for your area. If you live in a place with poisonous snakes, be on guard, and protect yourself and your pets. Keep a snake-bite kit near the backdoor of your house.
  

Step 1:
Make a bin. Find a plastic or aluminum garbage can (with a lid) and drill quarter-inch holes, four to six inches apart, all over the sides and bottom, so your compost can breathe. If you don’t have a drill, use a hammer and a big nail to pierce each hole. (Don’t make holes in the lid—or in your nose or ears or belly button, unless that’s your thing.)

Step 2:
Get it started. Almost everything natural can be categorized as either a “brown” or a “green.” To make compost happen, you’ll need both colors. Three parts brown to every one part green works very well. So, start by filling your bin with your “browns,” or carbon-rich material, like fallen leaves (preferably chopped); pine needles; small twigs; sawdust from untreated, solid wood (not plywood); newspaper, junk mail, or cardboard (all preferably ripped or shredded).

Step 3:
Make it wet. Add enough water until the contents reach the consistency of a wrung-out sponge.

Step 4:
Activate it. Toss in your “greens,” or nitrogen-rich material, which includes any fruit or veggie peels, trimmings, or rinds; tea bags; coffee grounds and filters; weeds and lawn clippings. Never add: meat, bones, fish, oil, dairy products, grains, beans, bread, or diseased plants.

Step 5:
Protect the process. Top your greens with more browns to keep your bin working properly and smelling fresh. Replace the lid. Keep feeding your bin, always layering one part green with three parts brown, as often as you’d like. Getting down and dirty has never been so much fun!

Step 6:
Stir your pile monthly with a pitchfork (or big stick), and wait for about six months until compost forms at the bottom of the barrel. You’ll know it’s ready when it looks rich, dark, and crumbly (and nothing like what you put into it) and smells earthy.

Step 7:
Harvest your compost by tipping the bin. Scoop out the rich dark matter near the bottom, and sprinkle it throughout your garden and around the base of your plants or trees. It’s the world’s best fertilizer! Plus, it saves money, saves water, and saves the earth from trash. After you’re through feeling righteous (and you should), return any not-yet-ready scraps to your bin, replace the lid, and keep it up.

• You can also buy a ready-made compost bin at your local garden store or online.
  

• For easier stirring, you can tip your bin and roll it on its side so long as the lid fits snugly.
  

• Save yourself a few trips to the bin by storing your kitchen scraps in a bowl in your fridge or in a ziplock bag in the freezer. When either container gets full, go feed your bin.
  

• If you’re not getting rich compost, your pile may be too dry (add water) or too brown (add “greens” and turn).
  

• If your pile gets stinky or flies appear, it’s either too wet or too green (add “browns” and turn), or you’ve put something in there that you shouldn’t have. Remove any meat, dairy, or grease.
  

• You can start composting at any time, but autumn may be the best season. Your fall leaves will decompose throughout the winter (composting slows, but doesn’t stop, in chilly temps), and you’ll be ready for spring planting.