How To Walk In High Heels: The Girl's Guide To Everything (39 page)

Obviously, as a jet-setting frequent traveller, your home will be decorated with pieces gathered from the far-flung places you have visited. Imagine your home is being filmed for the programme
Through the Keyhole
. You want to hint at your personality, and show glimpses of your stylish brilliance. Your home should reflect your hobbies, interests, extensive education (books are so much more than decorative) and fashion sense (style on hat stand as well as in the, ideally, walk-in wardrobe).

Above all, your home should demonstrate an eye for colour. It may be chic to wear head-to-toe black but different rules apply in the home. When decorating, a different ‘you’ is called for. Aspire to make your home as unique as Versailles and as lavish as Buckingham Palace, yet as comfortable as a much loved pair of slippers.

Ensure that you have good taste, good feng shui, and good housewarming soirées. Gifts are great to help you along the way. Decide on a colour or a theme and spread it throughout the house; this doesn’t have to be rigid, but should reflect your personality. Let the personality of the property also have a voice in the decor. Mix old with new, antiques with junk, but above all keep it original.

Ideally decorate before you move in, but at very least decide what should go where before you have moving-day chaos. Decide what will be the feature of the room, and enhance it. Mirrors make a room bigger, dark colours on the ceiling sink them down.

Collect pine cones, shells, old stones and bleached wood; the ‘natural’ art thing doesn’t look like you’re trying too hard and it is free as well as being interesting.

Frame pictures and decide where the telly, the comfy chair and the bed go, and fit the rest round this.

Buy a grandfather clock; the tick-tock sounds like a heart beat, and, once you get used to it, it will stop annoying you and make your home feel tranquil. Alternatively, take up the piano, or an instrument, but that is neighbours and space permitting.

Moving is the time to be ruthless and have a sentimental spring clean. Get rid of old clutter. But do not forget you are not a robot, nor should you live in a sterile environment. A squishy chair you can curl up on to watch the telly is essential. Your home needs to be inviting, but not too inviting: guests who won’t leave can be exhausting on a hostess. The balance you are striving for is: 10 per cent mood; 10 per cent personality; 20 per cent comfort and 50 per cent style.

Make your new place tidy, yet comfortable; you can look at show homes, but should never live in them.

Remember that clothes can be great as wall hangings, chiffon scarves can adorn sofas and shoes can be doorstops. Be creative.

Feng shui basics

In Chinese ‘feng shui’ means wind and water. It was a technique originally used for choosing burial sites for the wealthy, and plots for palaces. Nowadays it is popular as a technique of ‘working with nature’ to make the best of the environment that you have. It advises you on how to avoid putting furniture in unlucky or inauspicious positions. Designing the layout of your home with feng shui can enhance your home, while working against it can bring sorrow and misery.

The first and most important rule is ‘Always trust your intuition. Your inner voice is the most important tool you possess.’

Remove clutter – people, furniture and rubbish.

Regular shapes are preferable to irregular.

For every ‘problem’ there is a ‘cure’.

Wind chimes, crystals and bells dispel negative energy and attract and invigorate the ‘chi’.

Plants and flowers: choose rounded tips, as spiky plants, cacti and Yucca plants can create a spiky atmosphere.

Mirrors: position with care, as what you see doubles. Therefore opposite money pots or walls is good as it doubles your money or space. You should never have a mirror opposite the toilet, and never opposite your bed, as this could lead to infidelity.

Put up happy family photos on the south-west wall.

Water features: fish tanks or fountains are good fortune enhancers, leaks and floods are not.

Display pairs: couples are always preferable. If you have ornaments, display in pairs to ensure relationship success.

Bed position: whatever you do, never have the bed with your feet facing the door as this is known as ‘the coffin’ position. Move it today.

Fireplaces are best on the south wall – if on the north-west wall, experts would go as far as to suggest that you close it up. Get a compass and check you are okay.

In an office always sit with the wall behind you – sitting with your back to people can signify ‘back stabbing’ and betrayal.

How to clean and tone, dust and burn

A woman’s place
can
be in the home, given the right encouragement, and lighting. Rather than thinking of yourself as a harassed cook-cum-cleaner, visualise yourself as a cross between a French maid and a Helmut Newton dominatrix. There is much to be said for aprons and marigolds.

Remember: if it is
your
home,
you
have to clean up after yourself. If you share, establish a few ground rules before you move in. Coffee cups and plates do not have their own legs, nor are there any makes of crockery that are self-cleaning – they need to be carried to the kitchen and either loaded into dishwasher, or washed.

Make a chart of what must be done, and turn ‘chores’ into an aerobics routine. Think
Stepford Wives
meets Olivia Newton John. Musical backing optional.

Break up the load into lots of five-minute jobs rather than half a mundane morning. Allocate each task a different track on your CD or iPod. If you need to work on your body, adopt the following tasks. More Jane Fonda than Cinderella.

Hoovering:
Great for thighs and bum toning.

Hoovering stairs:
Work the legs, bums and tums.

Polishing:
Tone upper arms, neck and shoulders.

Loading the dishwasher/washing machine:
Your abs.

Putting washing on the line:
Abs and upper arms.

Dusting the skirting board and picture rails:
Abs and upper body.

Washing the floor:
Thighs, buttocks and posture.

Ironing:
Abs, upper body and posture.

Washing up:
Upper body.

Gardening:
Cardio and full body workout.

Shopping:
A total body workout.

If you are a really messy person consider a) hiring a cleaner or b) moving into a hotel.

Housekeeping checklist

Make a list of rooms and corresponding jobs. If you live in anything with over three bedrooms you are entitled, if not expected, to have help: a cleaner, gardener, ironer and so on.

Know what the tools of the trade are as they are essential for home improvement, and making life easier. There are the trendy, covetable Dysons in bright-coloured plastics to liven up the job, as well as more traditional vacuum cleaners to choose from. The good home should have:

Dustpan and brush and broom, the Cinderella essentials.

J cloths, tea towels, feather duster, as well as all the cleaning agents and utensils they require.

Washing machine, dishwasher: essential, tumble dryer optional extra.

Bed:
Make it.

Phone:
Charge it.

Laundry:
Dirty – bin it; clean – put it away.

Windows and curtains:
Open and air room.

Cushions:
Plump.

Write ‘to do’ list:
Do you need to go to the grocery store, get fresh milk or tea?

Tissues, clutter, junk mail:
All to bin, and empty.

Bins in the kitchen:
Empty, especially crucial if you have had a smelly takeaway.

Black bin bags:
Take them OUT – so unsightly.

Washing up:
Load and empty dishwasher or, if not part of twenty-first century, ensure washing up is done daily, if not after each meal, to avoid build-up and growth of mould.

Wipe down:
Worktops, the table, and any frequently used surfaces.

Blow out:
All candles before leaving the house.

Sweep room:
If time, or dustpan and brush.

Water plants:
Indoors and outside, and check shelf life of cut flowers.

Duvet covers and pillows:
Change them. Note: pillowcases and duvets must always be part of a matching set.

Carpets and rugs:
Hoover.

Get the Vileda Supermop out and take it for a spin, particularly in kitchen and bathroom and on any lino flooring.

Toilets:
Disinfect. Grim, but got to be done. Put your marigolds on.

Have you left anything for the dustbin men? Put black bin bags in the bins for them, and they will make them disappear, but remember to pack it up neatly so they don’t explode over your front path. Never forget their Christmas bonus.

Widow Twankie:
Get your laundry up to date; essential to keep clean undies and freshly pressed jeans in constant cycle.

Ocado order:
Make online selection for supermarket home delivery, unless you have a pair of shoes that need supermarket training.

Wipe, dust and polish:
Your lair from top to toe. Yes, this does include windows and window sills. For wooden furniture use beeswax polish; not only is the smell heavenly, but the furniture will repay you for your care and attention.

Hoover or sweep:
(Flooring dependent) under sofas and beds.

Fridge:
Ruthlessly eliminate any foods that are past their sell by date. Apply this to magazines and old papers; will you really want them in three years? If yes, file; if not, relegate to recycle bin.

Cooker inspection:
Have you used it? If so clean it, and the same applies to your microwave: give it a wipe down inside and out.

Dance around:
With a feather duster, and mid routine try to get corners and ceilings and any cobwebs that are being spun.

Feeling energetic?
Flip the mattress on your bed, if at all possible. Brochures recommend once a fortnight, but you can ignore this, once a month is ample to ensure the springs stay in shape.

Go deep:
Go right to the bottom of your laundry bin and check that nothing is loitering there.

Outing:
Manuals and well-groomed housewives recommend an annual trip to the cleaners for duvets, quilts and rugs.

Curtains and blinds:
Take down for an annual spring clean.

Dust:
Attack the tops and bottoms of all the nooks and crannies that you neglect in a weekly or monthly blitz.

Investigate:
Exactly what you have stored under the stairs.

OR – get professional cleaners to come for half a day and blitz everything with industrial strength while you go to a gallery or something.

In addition to
‘I’m washing my hair’, reasons given for refusing a date can now include:

Filing paperwork, love letters and bills, doing tax returns.

Cleaning cupboards, in kitchen, bathroom or beyond.

Dusting your chandelier.

Polishing silverware and jewellery.

Sorting out underwear drawer – refold, and chuck the old and well worn.

Cleaning tips

Make a list of chores and tick off your checklist; similarly keep a list of cleaning products and always replace before they run out.

Clean as you go – that way you minimise the horror, and stay on top of things.

Vacuum cloth upholstery and even give sofas a quick go with the hose to get rid of crumbs.

Hang cedar blocks to freshen your wardrobe and prevent moths.

Sprinkle baking soda on the carpet and leave overnight to absorb musty odours then vacuum off in the morning.

All homes should have welcome mats, not so much for the greeting but to encourage people to wipe the mud off their shoes before entering.

Emergency services should not stop at 999

You should have either on speed dial, memory, or in an easily accessible place numbers for: doctors, taxi service, electrician, plumber, builder, locksmith, good cleaning lady/Molly Maids service, computer technician, takeaway delivery, cleaner/garment repairs, cobbler, florist and vet – if applicable. Or simply delete all above and just dial HOME. Get someone else to deal with drains, plumbing, guttering and dangerous situations, such as tiles falling off roof and dodgy electrics.

How to make a bed

The hardest part is to get out of bed, but assuming you have overcome this hurdle, it is time to make it.

First, smooth the base sheet and to and make it as flat as possible, pulling it tight around the edges. Don’t even bother with flat sheets, unless you are a Girl Guide leader or a nurse; fitted sheets are the answer.

Take the pillows off and give them a good shake or simply throw them on the floor; they are like the glacé cherry and are to be added as the finale.

Now it is time to sort out the duvet. Does it have a cover on or do you need to change it for a fresh one? It needs to be freshened up once a week, and if it has not got a cover on, it needs to – so deal with it, don’t go to bed a slob.

Hold one corner of the duvet, and then attach a safety pin to the outside of the duvet cover on the corresponding corner. Pushing duvet inside the cover, head for the safety-pinned corner. Check first that you know which corner you are heading for. When you reach your chosen destination, either top right-hand or top left-hand corner, rejoice. Attach the safety pin from the outside (it’s not going to stay there so don’t fret about visuals) to the corner of the cover and to corner of duvet below.

With that corner firmly anchored in place, feel your way inside along the top line between the duvet and the cover until you hit the furthest far corner. Secure another safety pin to opposing side corner. Then give the duvet, and its cover, a good shake to pull down all the crumples and creases, and check that the top corners are in the right place. Lay it on the bed in a rippling wave movement. Start from the head/top end and smooth the duvet down on the bed. A particularly eccentric au pair used to iron the duvet into place, but it is actually best to iron the duvet cover first, without duvet inside, so all the ‘fluffiness’ stays in. Real pros can ‘pinch’ the corners of the cover to pull the finer creases out. Once the duvet cover is in a satisfactory position then do up the little buttons or poppers, and tuck in, or not, as required. Don’t forget to remove the safety pins.