I Represent Sean Rosen (11 page)

Okay. A movie. What's the movie about? It's about a kid. A kid my age. A kid my age who comes up with an incredible invention. What does the invention do? It makes his school disappear.

What would happen if my school disappeared? My parents would find another school for me to go to. What if the new school is worse than my own school? This movie is getting depressing. I'm going to start over.

Okay, it's a movie about a kid like me. Why should it be about a kid like me? Would I want to see a movie about myself? Maybe not. But maybe. It would depend on what actor was playing me. Oh no. Now I'm thinking about what actor should play me in a movie, and I don't even have an idea for a movie.

Maybe the kid doesn't have to be just like me. Okay, it's not me. It's a guy named . . . Chris. He's older than me. He's fifteen. And he has a younger sister. Her name is Chloe. Just in case you don't know that name, the
Ch
at the beginning sounds like a
K
, and the
e
at the end gets pronounced, and it's an
e
like in the word
be
.

I know this because a few years ago I was reading out loud in class, and whatever I was reading had the name Chloe. I tried to figure out how to say it, but I couldn't, so I just stopped reading. My teacher tried to get me to guess, but I wouldn't. I had no idea how you would ever say that name.

Okay. Chris and Chloe. Would parents actually name their kids that? Yes. I know some twins named Willy and Lily. I guess their real names are actually William and Liliana, but everyone calls them Willy and Lily.

Okay. Chris is fifteen and Chloe is twelve. He looks out for her in that older brother way. I guess. I never actually had an older brother and I never actually
was
someone's older brother, but that's how I picture it.

Their parents are crazy busy. They both have big jobs and they both earn lots of money. They're both on their iPhones all the time. Really. All the time. Then they come home and they keep working, plus they're involved in all of Chris's and Chloe's activities.

Chris is a tennis player and Chloe is a gymnast. Neither of them is like a superstar athlete, but they're both into it. On weekends one parent goes to a tennis match with Chris and the other goes to a gymnastics meet with Chloe. The parents each take turns being with each kid because they think that's the right thing to do. But whether they're at gymnastics with Chloe or tennis with Chris, the parents sometimes miss things, because they're always on their iPhones.

Chris and Chloe are also very busy, with school and homework and activities, plus hours and hours of tennis and gymnastics. They all really need a vacation.

That's how far I got when my mom called me to come eat dinner. Not on my phone, like I pretended to Brianna. My mom just yells. I have to stop working, but I got a good start. I'm not so worried about my meeting now. I'm excited to see what's going to happen to Chris and Chloe. I always like vacation movies.

I
t turned out that stopping for dinner was a very good thing. Partly because we had mashed potatoes, but mostly because my parents gave me an idea for my vacation movie. It was a terrible idea in real life, but perfect for my movie.

We were eating dinner, and first my mom told us about a patient she had. She's not allowed to say their names, but it's okay to talk about them. Then my dad complained about the six-person hot tub he just installed. I don't get why anyone would ever take a bath, so to me, taking one with five other people is only a little bit weirder.

Then I said to my parents, “Name your favorite vacation.” My dad said Disney World. He likes rides. My mom said New York. She likes taking the subway and trying new kinds of food.

I was still deciding about mine when my dad said, “Seany, what do you think about your mom and me having a little second honeymoon?” I heard about their first honeymoon. It was kind of a mess. They didn't have much money and their families didn't exactly want them to get married.

They drove to Niagara Falls in an old car that broke down on the way. The only place they could afford to stay was a YMCA where men and women were on separate floors. They each had a roommate they never met before.

So a second honeymoon sounded like a good idea. I asked where we were going, and they just looked at each other. Then I remembered that a honeymoon means no kids. I said, “Just kidding,” but we all knew I wasn't. Then I said, “Seriously, where are you planning to go?”

They didn't know. Before they decided, they wanted to see how I felt about them going on a vacation without me. I felt fine. Mostly. I guess it depends where they go. Then my mom said, “Maybe you can stay with Grandma.” She meant my dad's mom (Thorny Rosen). We call the other one Mary Lou.

No! No way! It's bad enough you're going away without me. Don't make me stay with her. I don't like her condo. I don't like her friends. I don't know how long you're going for, but it's too long to leave me alone with her.

I didn't actually say those things, but from the look on my face, I was pretty sure they got it. Then my mom said, “Or she could stay here.”

No! That's even worse! Whenever she stays with us, she breaks something—the TV, the dishwasher, the computer. Once she actually broke the back door. She changes things all over the house. And she always wants to talk. And when you talk to her, she asks you all these big questions. For an afternoon, yes. But a whole week? No!

I didn't actually say any of that, either. What I actually said was, “I'm not a child. I can stay by myself.” I knew they wouldn't let me. My dad remembers how he was when he was thirteen. I wouldn't leave that kid alone in a house either.

“I can stay with Aunt Gigi and Uncle Dave.” Everyone knew that was a good idea. My cousins are away at college, and Gigi and Dave are lonely. I really like them and they really like me. That was the end of the discussion.

After dinner I went upstairs to get back to work on my movie idea. Now I know exactly what to do. When the movie starts, Chris and Chloe's parents tell them, “For the first time since you two were born, we're going on a vacation by ourselves. Kind of a second honeymoon. And to be sure it's actually a vacation, we're going to a place where there's no cell phone or internet service. It's in the wilderness in Bolivia. It looks beautiful.”

Chris is excited. He thinks this means that he and Chloe will have the house to themselves.

“Actually, no. You and Chloe are going to spend the week with Grandpa and Grandma.”

The kids are not happy. “They don't have Wi-Fi.” “They don't even have cable.” “They eat weird food.” “Grandma hugs too hard.”

Then their mom says, “Well, here's what they say about
you
. ‘They have the attention span of an amoeba.' ‘All they do is stare at screens and shoot things.' ‘Every time they're in a bad mood they have to tell all four thousand of their “friends.”'” Ouch.

Then their dad says, “We already bought our tickets to Bolivia. You'll survive. It's only a week. I had to live with them for eighteen years.”

The name of the movie is
A Week with Your Grandparents
.

Their mom and dad go to Bolivia, and Chris and Chloe go to their grandparents' house. It's an old house, not like a haunted house, but one of those houses that was built when people were smaller. Chris and Chloe each hate something about their room. The first meal is some kind of brown stew with rice. No one knows what to talk about at dinner.

Then we see the parents. They're in Bolivia, also having dinner, outside in the wilderness. No one there speaks English. They don't know what to talk about at dinner either. Every once in a while, when one of them isn't looking, the other one checks their iPhone, but there's really no service there.

Back at the house, Grandpa starts to tell one of his stories. “When I was your age . . .” Chloe can't help it. She knows it's going to be boring, so under the table she checks her phone. Grandpa sees it and he stops talking. He gets up and leaves the table. Chloe doesn't even notice. She's chatting with a friend.

Grandma gets mad. “Hey! Hey! What's wrong with you? I know you think we're old and annoying, but come on. We're sitting at a table together. It's only you and us. When we talk to you and you don't even look up, it hurts our feelings.”

Chris and Chloe feel bad. Grandma tells them there's a lot they don't know about their family. “You know that Grandpa is a biochemist, right?” They probably heard that before and they say yes, but they don't completely know what a biochemist does. “Well, he's a great one, and he's an amazing inventor, too. He deserves a little respect.”

Chloe goes and apologizes to Grandpa, and the kids get him to talk about his inventions. The best invention, according to him, is something Grandma won't let him sell. They tried it out and it works. Grandma was sure this invention would be super popular, but she was afraid it might be bad for the world, so that was the end of it.

Grandpa explains the invention. It's a virtual reality time machine. It makes you feel like you're in a room with a person you actually know, but at an earlier time in their life. You choose the date you want to go back to. You stay your same age, but you can see the way they were on the exact date you choose. You actually feel like you're in the same room with them. You can talk to them. You can smell and taste things in the room and you can even touch things. It's all virtual.

“No way.” That was Chloe. Chris doesn't say anything, but he looks like he doesn't believe it either.

“In all modesty . . .,” Grandpa says, “it's so convincing that it's impossible to imagine if you haven't experienced it.”

Chris finally says something. “Grandpa . . . please???”

Grandpa looks happy Chris wants to try it, but Grandma says no.

Chloe says, “We're not afraid. We're braver than you.”

Grandma wants to call Chris and Chloe's parents to ask them if it's okay, but they can't be reached. We see them in Bolivia in their tent. They can't figure out how to open the high-tech sleeping bags they bought for the trip. It's very, very dark. They're trying to read the instructions using the light from their iPhones, but the batteries are dying.

Grandma knows how much it would mean to Grandpa to show his invention to Chris and Chloe. He wants his grandchildren to be proud of him.

Grandma puts one hand on Chloe's shoulder and the other on Chris's. She looks right at them. “On one condition. But it's a real condition. You can't
ever
tell
anyone
. Think about this, because believe me . . . you're gonna want to. But you can't. Ever. Can you swear to me that you'll keep this a secret?”

Chris and Chloe don't exactly understand what this thing is and they don't actually believe it works, but there's no way they're not going to try it, so they swear. Grandpa flips a coin and Chloe wins. She's first. She wants to meet Grandpa when he was seventeen, the same age as this TV star she likes. She picks July 15, 1950.

They all go to the basement. Grandpa unlocks a door and takes them into his laboratory, a room they've never seen before. It's like a work room, not some mad scientist place with bubbling chemicals.

Grandpa takes out a glass slide and spits on it. He's giving the machine a sample of his DNA. He explains that our DNA has a memory of every single day of our lives. Then he takes everyone over to a chair next to a big metal box.

He says that when the machine starts working, everything will look and feel to Chloe like it's 1950, the year he was seventeen. She'll be exactly the same person she is now, but she'll be somewhere Grandpa actually was on July 15, 1950. His DNA will remember the place. It will feel like he's there with her, but he won't know who she is, because in 1950 he doesn't have any children or grandchildren yet. He's only seventeen.

Chloe sits in the chair and Grandpa opens the metal box and puts her inside. Chloe is completely covered from the top of her head to her waist. Grandpa talks to her by pushing the button on the side of the machine that says TALK. It's right next to the button that says LISTEN. He adjusts the machine so she's comfortable.

Grandma pushes TALK. “Chloe, you don't have to do this.” Then she pushes LISTEN.

“Forget it, Grandma. I'm doing it.”

Grandpa pushes TALK. “Are you ready?” He pushes LISTEN.

“Beyond ready.”

Grandpa pushes START. The machine lights up. There is the sound of a ticking clock. It keeps getting faster. One by one, five green lights come on. The names on the green lights are Sight, Sounds, Smell, Taste, and Touch. When all five lights are on, a little bell rings, and Chloe enters virtual reality. It's quiet for a few seconds, then from outside the machine, you can tell that Chloe is talking to someone, but you can't hear what they're saying. Then the movie switches to Chloe's virtual reality experience.

She's sitting on a stool at a soda fountain at a candy store the way candy stores looked in 1950. Grandpa is behind the counter. He works there. He's seventeen, and he doesn't look like a TV star, but he's a cool-looking kid. He's busy with other customers.