I Represent Sean Rosen (8 page)

W
hen we got home, there wasn't a police car waiting for me. We went inside and I unpacked. I hate packing for a trip. My mom tries to help me, but she gives up after about five minutes. Unpacking is easy. Everything either goes in the laundry or back in the closet because you didn't wear it or it isn't that dirty.

I started up my annoying computer. It's almost three years old, and when you first turn it on, it takes forever. I usually just leave it on, but we were going away. If I started it before unpacking, it would be ready by now.

I decided to play Ricochet Roulette while I waited. It's a game I made up. It actually has nothing to do with roulette, but I like the name. The only equipment you need is a beach ball, the kind that floats in the air, that you blow up. You lay on your bed on your back. You try to hit the ball up to the ceiling four times, without ever letting it touch the bed or the floor. That's the easy part.

In each game, you can only touch the ball once with each arm or leg. So if you hit it the first time with your right arm, when the ball comes down, you have to hit it with a leg or your left arm. Sometimes you fall off the bed trying to hit the ball with your left leg, after you already used up both arms and your right leg.

It sounds complicated, but it really isn't. The trick is to not hit the ball too hard. Tonight I played three times and won twice.

I went to the Dan Welch Management e-mail account. I could have had Dan Welch's e-mail forwarded to
my
e-mail account, but I don't want anyone to trace Dan Welch to me. I don't know how it works, but that's how they always find you on detective shows.

I couldn't sign in to Dan Welch's account. I forgot his password. I always think I should write down my passwords so I don't forget them, but what if I lose that piece of paper and someone finds it?

When Dan Welch got his e-mail account, I remember thinking he had a really good password. I think I thought that because no one would ever guess it. No one, including me.

There's something I use for a lot of my passwords, and even though I'm pretty sure I didn't use it for Dan Welch, I tried it. Wrong. I can't click “Forget your password?” because they'll send the password to Dan's e-mail, which I can't get into without his password.

I looked around my room, hoping to find a clue. Beach ball? Pillow? Detroit? We were getting ready to go to Detroit when I opened this account. I don't remember ever typing the word “Detroit,” but I was so nervous opening Dan's e-mail account, I could have typed anything. I tried Detroit. Wrong. I hate when this happens.

Then I got a text from Buzz.

Wot u duin

He means “What are you doing?” Buzz actually can't spell in real life, but you don't notice it so much when he texts. I texted back.

Unpacking.

I tried to get back to work remembering the password, but it's hard to concentrate when someone's texting you. You're waiting for the next text. It could come in a few seconds or it could come in a minute or in ten minutes or never. It came in about a minute.

Play we

He's asking me if I want to play Wii baseball with him. He knows it's “Wii,” not “we.” It says Wii on the box, it says Wii on the controller, it says Wii when you play it, and he plays it every day.

If I was asking him the same thing, I would say “Play Wii?” Then he would know I was asking to come over and play Wii, not just telling him I was playing Wii. But I'm not Buzz. I texted back.

No can do.

That means I can't. It's something my dad says. I like the sound of it. I don't know if Buzz will understand, but since the word “no” is in there, he'll probably get the idea.

Buzz isn't his real name. His real name is Balthazar, but when he was little, his brother had trouble saying it, so everyone started calling him Buzz. Everyone except his mom. She was the one who picked Balthazar. His brother is Zephryn.

My computer screen turned off while I was texting with Buzz. When I moved the mouse it came on again, and when I saw the sign-on screen for Dan Welch's e-mail account, I knew his password right away. Now that I remember what it is, I can't believe I forgot it. It's such an obvious password. Unfortunately, I can't tell you why.

I typed in the password and hit ENTER and the account opened. There's one new e-mail. It's from her.

I'm scared to open it. I almost prayed, but I stopped just in time. I don't believe in praying for things like a meeting with a Vice President of Production. I think you can hope that things like that will happen, but I don't think it's right to get God involved.

I don't actually know if God listens to every little prayer of every single person in the world. And who knows, maybe animals pray, too. Either way, that would be a lot of prayers. I'm sure some of them are for much bigger things than a meeting with someone at my trial run company. I don't want to distract God from the big stuff.

So instead of praying, I said out loud, “Whatever it is, it'll be okay.”

To: Dan Welch Management
From: Stefanie V. President

Dear Dan,

Thirteen? Really? Sure, I'd love to meet Sean Rosen. Please call my office and set something up. My assistant's name is Brad. Good to hear from you.

Stefanie—555-123-4567
(not her real number)

I can't believe it. I read it six times. She wants to meet me. Thank you, Dan Welch.

I
have three problems.

Problem 1: If someone, for example Stefanie's assistant Brad, talks on the phone with Dan Welch, and then talks to me, he's probably going to notice that we have the exact same voice.

I know the sound of my voice. When you do podcasts, especially if you edit them (most people don't, but they should), you know the sound of your voice. You may not
like
the sound of your voice, but you know it.

I practiced doing a different voice. A Dan Welch voice. What would he sound like? I tried a few different voices, and I realized that I can't really hear myself when I'm talking. I got my digital voice recorder, and I pretended I was Dan Welch calling Brad to set up a meeting for Sean.

I waited a little while, then I listened to it. Then I listened to one of my podcasts. My Dan Welch voice sounds exactly like my Sean Rosen voice. No. What it sounds like exactly is me trying not to sound like me. I know some people can do a lot of different voices. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. So if Brad only makes appointments for Stefanie V. President by phone, I'm in trouble.

Problem 2: Dan Welch told Stefanie I have an idea for a movie. Or a whole series of movies. At our meeting, she might possibly want to hear that idea.

The problem is, right now I have my big entertainment idea, which will affect TV, theater, games, and especially movies. But I don't have an idea for an actual movie. Or a series of movies.

I'm not sure why Dan Welch said I did, but I guess he knew what he was doing, because Stefanie would love to meet me.

It's not like I ever tried to come up with an idea for a movie and couldn't do it. I just never tried. I've
seen
a lot of movies. I love movies. I guess I'll just think of a story for a movie that I would want to see, and maybe Stefanie will want to see it too.

The smart thing would be to get to work right away and try to come up with a great movie idea, no matter how long it takes. Then when I have one, Dan Welch can set up the meeting.

The problem is, I'm pretty busy right now. I have school, homework, my podcast, chores. I don't know how long it takes to think of a movie idea.

I do know that after I come up with one, even if I think it's great at first, pretty soon I'll start wondering if it's good enough. Then I'll try to come up with a better one. That could happen like forty times.

No. We'll make an appointment first and I'll work on the idea after. That way I'll know exactly how much time I have to come up with a movie. Or a series of movies.

Problem 3: Stefanie works in Los Angeles. I don't live anywhere near Los Angeles. To get from where I live to Los Angeles, most people fly. I actually wouldn't mind driving. I like long car trips. Unfortunately, I won't have my license for another two years and five months.

My dad also likes long car trips. The problem is, if I suggest that we drive to Los Angeles and he has to miss work for a week, he's going to ask a lot of questions. Even if he doesn't, my mom definitely will. If she wasn't a nurse, she would be a detective.

I don't necessarily want to tell them about Dan Welch. They don't know the entertainment business. They might not understand.

It's not like I was sitting in my room and suddenly decided it would be fun to have an imaginary manager. I
had
to do it. I tried going to the company by myself. They accused me of stealing their ideas. They said I needed an agent or a manager. I tried to get an agent. I tried to get a manager.

I guess I could have just waited until Martin Manager decided he was ready to work with me. But who knows if that would ever happen. If it never did, that would be really, really sad.

I
think I solved one of my problems this morning. Skype. It's perfect. I was taking a shower when I thought of this. Stefanie V. President knows I'm thirteen. I go to school. Unfortunately, I can't just jump on a plane to have a meeting with her.

I was so happy I figured this out that I wanted to tell Dan Welch. When I remembered that I can't, it made me feel lonely. If anyone could understand all this, it's him, and I can't call him.

When I think about him, he's a real person. I can't tell you what he looks like. I don't know how tall he is or how old he is or what color hair he has. But he feels like an actual grown-up who wants to help me with my career.

I can't be Dan Welch on the phone, but I think I know who can. Ethan. I've only heard him say one word so far, but trust me, he doesn't sound anything like a kid. And he won't blab to anyone about my imaginary manager because he never talks. It's perfect.

I wrote a little Dan Welch script for Ethan, then after school I followed him. He was by himself, as usual. “Hey, Ethan.” He didn't turn around. He might not have heard me. He's so much bigger than me that his ears are a long distance from my mouth.

I started walking next to him. “Hi, Ethan. I'm Sean.”

“I know.” He knew because Mr. Knapp called on me in history this morning, and it turned into a whole big thing. Ethan kept walking. I had to hurry to keep up.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Walking.”

“Right. I have a project I can use a little help with. Not sports. At my house.”

“Something on a high shelf?”

“Funny. No. Trust me, Ethan. This will be really fun.”

“It will?”

“I'm pretty sure it will.” Listening to him talk, I know this is going to work.

He came over. We had some pretzels and Cokes in the kitchen. My parents were both at work. I brought my laptop and the script down from my bedroom.

“Let's do this in the dining room. It's the most like an office. Why don't you sit . . . there.” Ethan sat down. I handed him a piece of paper. “Okay, all you have to do is read these lines. One at a time, in order. When I point to you.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. We're going to rehearse the whole thing before we actually make the call. Ready? Just the first line.” I pointed at him.

“Very good. Then Brad says yes. Then you say the next line.” I pointed at him again.

“Excellent. Then Brad will say something. Then you say the next line.”

“Okay, but remember to wait until I point. The timing has to be exactly right.”

“Sorry.”

“No, Ethan . . . it's totally fine. You're doing great. Okay, I'll be sitting right here, listening on another phone. Depending what Brad says next, I'll type out your next line and you'll read it right off my computer screen.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now let's really rehearse it.”

“What do you mean?”

“This time, sound like you're actually talking to someone on the phone. Wait! I know. Here's my phone. I'll go back into the kitchen. When you're ready, hit the green button. You'll be calling the house phone. When I answer, I'll be Brad and you'll be Dan Welch.”