If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (37 page)

Barrington
started toward her then. “For the last time, Perri, I did not choose Nia.” He
stopped a breath in front of her.

“What
would you call it then?”

“I
call it sacrifice.”

“Call
it what you will. I call it betrayal. In my eyes it can't be overlooked.”

“That's
because you're looking through the eyes of hate when you
should
be
looking through the eyes of compassion.

That's
it! He couldn't have shattered her heart more if he'd ripped it from her chest,
tossed it to the floor, stomping it to smithereens with it full of all the love
it
still
held for him.

“That's
just exactly it,” Perri announced, and, again, fought back angry, hurtful
tears. “You made your bed, Barrington. And whether hard or soft, you can just
waste away in it.” She sashayed past him.

He
grabbed her arm, pulling her into his chest. Barrington held Perri as if she'd
duck out on him any minute. He couldn't take that chance. He wouldn't.

“Let
me go,” she ordered calmly.

“I'm
sorry, Perri, I can't do that not even for you. I love you, Perri.”

“Don't,”
was all she could manage.

“Have
to; if I don't you'll be gone. I lost you once because pride, but not again.
Hear me, Perri? I will not lose you a second tome. I won't! So love is going to
have to be enough,” he announced, “because I love you too much to lose you for
even a second.”

Barrington's
head lowered, his mouth covered Perri’s, devouring the sweet honey inside,
taking possession of her tongue, pulling it inside his own mouth, his way of
inviting her to take all she wanted from him. Whatever she wanted, he'd give
her, save a life that didn't include him in it.

All
the magnetism Barrington was capable of exerting, he transferred to Perri, and
every stitch of her skin tingled. Against her own wishes, Perri gave in to the
love she had for Barrington and she allowed her husband to make love to her,
returning every bit of passion, fire and desire as he ignited within her.

Three
Weeks Later

“You're
here bright and early again, boss lady?” Tina asked coming into the office.

Momentarily
glancing up from her sketch pad, Perri smiled at her assistant. “Yes, Tina.
Where else would I be? Especially since our showing is one week away.”

“You're
still going on with that as scheduled?” Tina had hoped she'd postpone it until
all this mess with Nia was worked out. Not because she was too worried about
her ex friend Nia, but because she was genuinely concerned about her newfound
friendship with Perri. And as her friend, Tina didn't like seeing Perri in pain
because of Nia's ridiculous schemes and evil plans.

“Of
course, Tina, this is a very important showing. It means a profitable future
for Perri's Boutique and, with the residual monies, I'll be able to pay you a
higher salary to run things for me, so that I can spend more time with Imani
and soon,” she placed her right hand on her belly, “my new baby boy, too.”
Perri nodded and said, “So, yes, the fashion show must go on, Tina.”

“I
wish I were that strong, Perri. Your courage is amazing.”

“I
disagree. Not about my courage, but about your strength. Tina, you are stronger
than you think; you proved that by coming to us and telling us of Nia's plan.”

“But
I was way too late in coming forward.”

“Point
is you could have kept quiet, not let on you knew the story behind the
certifiable woman.”

They
both laughed like crazy at the thought.

“But
you came to us, and even though Barrington was less than grateful, I know he
respects the fact that you did come forward.” Perri's tone became that of a
concerned mother. “I know you considered Nia your friend, Tina, so I understand
how difficult this has to be for you.”

“You
hit the nail on the head, Perri. I was Nia's friend, but she sure wasn't mine.”
A warm smile graced Tina's lips. “And because you invited me into your circle
of family and friends, I now know for myself what loyalty means. I appreciate
you taking a chance on an unknown, wannabe designer like me.”

Perri
chuckled. “You're very welcome, Tina. But you say that like you think I am
notoriously known in the fashion industry now. But, to use your words, I'm
still just a wannabe designer with a lot of high hopes and dreams.” She
laughed. “I'm just hoping that together, Tina, you and I can help each other
achieve our hopes and dreams.

“I
hope so, too, Perri, and, I'm looking forward to trying.”

“Here,
here,” Hunter rang out cheerfully.

“Amen,
amen, and amen,” Tyler was saying at the same time.

Perri
and Tina shared a curious look.

“What
are you two doing here?” Perri asked, laughing.

“Well,
since our very dear and just as stubborn sister wouldn't come to us, we decided
to come hang out with you at your place of living—I mean business.”

“Very
funny, Hunter,” Perri said, shaking her head.

“And
she's very right, Perri,” Journey was saying as she entered the boutique.

Smiling,
Perri shook her head as Tina laughed. “You too, Jern?”

“Me,
too,” Journey confirmed. “Look, honey, you need to stop hiding out at this
boutique of yours, as exquisite as it is, and go home to your husband; put that
man out of his misery so that I don't have to rudely push him out of the
already little time that Crush and I have to spend together.”

They
all laughed.

“So
you have your own motives for wanting me and my hubby back together.”

“You're
darn straight. My first motive is because you two belong together. My second
motive, because your family deserves to be happy. My third motive, because you
don't need to let that heifer Nia win. My fourth motive, and the most
important, is because I need my time with my man.” Journey doubled over
laughing.

“Girl,
you are not right.” Perri looked at her older sister. “And you, Hunter?”

“See,
now, I was trying to keep my mouth closed. But since you asked, who am I not to
insert my two cents?” Hunter chuckled. “Seriously, Perri, I agree with
everything Journey said.”

“And,
because I know there’s more?” Perri said.

Hunter
looked at Journey. “And the part about her and Crush needing time together,
too.” She chuckled and winked.

“That's
it?” Perri asked incredulous.

Hunter
looked at her sister. “That's it.”

Looking
at her little sister, Perri questioned, “What about you, Tyler?”

“Perri,
you know I love you and I support you no matter what.”

“But?”

“You're
dead wrong for walking out on your marriage.” Tyler frowned. “It's been four
weeks, girl; time to go home and put your family together again. Besides that,
Perri, if you're not gonna take pity on Journey and Crush at least have some
for me and Kane.”

Perri
crinkled an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I
mean, when Barrington's not tagging along with Crush and Journey, he's with me
and Kane. You know I love my brother and Kane loves his cousin like a brother,
but we need some
us
time, you know.”

“And
what am I supposed to do about it?”

“Spend
some time with him, Perri. God, when he comes to get Imani, invite him to spend
time with her there, better yet, offer to go somewhere with them.” Tyler
shrugged. “I don't know, Perri. I just know that both Kane and I are too nice
to tell him we don't want him around
every
time we spend time together.”

“I
don't know why not, you certainly have no problem telling me.” Perri then
addressed her assistant. “I suppose you have an opinion too, Tina?”

“I
do, boss lady.” Tina breathed deeply. “I have to join forces with my girls over
there. All of them are right, Perri. Barrington needs you, and honestly, you
need him, too. I've never seen a love so strong as what you two share.”

“First
of all ladies, let me just say, every one of y’all need to stop hating on my
husband.”

They
all laughed at Perri because it was evident to each one of them that she still
had her man’s back even if she temporarily turned her back on him.

“No,
don’t laugh at me,” Perri said, “I’m serious. Second of all, I heard every word
y'all had to say. But I have to do things my way and in my own time. Thanks for
the concern, though.” She put away her designs and grabbed her pursed. “Let's
go eat ladies, I'm starved,” she said and walked out before they could say
more.

Two
Months Later

Barrington
and Perri sat across from each other at the conference table, her looking at
the table, staring at nothing in particular, and him looking at her, staring
what he'd hoped to be some sense into her. Each listened and tried not to hear
the comments being shifted between their two lawyers while they each went back
and forth on the terms of the final separation papers.

“You
cannot make my client spend time with your client when they are separated in
every sense of the word,” said David Hassel, attorney for Perri.

“And
your client cannot exclude my client from all the particulars concerning her
pregnancy since she is carrying his child,” Tommy Lee, attorney for Barrington,
said just as forcibly.

“She
is not trying to do that. All Perri is trying to do, Tom, is regain some
semblance of the life that, up until the return of Nia Eusebio, she had come to
know and love. I don't think it's too much to ask of your client not to insist
on crowding her with his obviously unwanted presence, other than to pick up and
return their shared daughter, Imani.”

Tommy
rubbed his hand down his face; taking off his glasses, he pinched the bridge of
his nose. “Dave, all I'm saying is that my client has equal rights where the
management of the children, living and otherwise, that he and Perri share. So
what's so unreasonable about him wanting to be in on every doctor visit?”

“Do
you mean, other than the fact that Perri can't always schedule her appointments
around the times that are
convenient
for your client?”

“Enough.
Okay?” Perri spoke up, rubbing her temples, feeling a mild migraine coming on.

Barrington
leaned forward, concern laced in his question, “Perri, you all right?”

“No,
I'm not all right, Barrington.” Perri looked at him. “None of this is right,
but here we are, and we've got to find a way to come to some amicable terms and
adhere to them.” She placed her head in her left hand to keep from wincing.

“Baby,
I know that move. You've got a headache, Barrington accused.

“I'm
fine, Barrington,” she lied. “Or at least I'm trying to be.” She shook her
head. “I will be fine.”

“So
long as I do what you want, right?”

“Barrington—”

“Perri,
I'm going to be present for the birth of my baby, period.”

Perri
stared at him blankly. “I expect you to be in the delivery room with me,
Barrington. Frankly, I'm hurt you'd think otherwise. But then again, you just
keep on surprising me, don't you?” She raised an impatient hand, “Never mind.
I'm not gonna do this.” Her eyes pleaded with his. “Let's just both get each
other through this extremely emotional ordeal. Just sign the papers,
Barrington. Please?” She watched as an array of emotions displayed across his
handsome face, marring his beautifully chiseled features. She watched him work his
Adam’s apple as he inwardly debated what his next move would be. And she could
almost tell when he'd made up his mind. Perri breathed a sigh of relief because
she knew that Barrington was going to place her needs ahead of his own
regardless of how difficult it would be for him to do it. She was grateful.

Taking
the pen in hand, Barrington snatched the papers from the center of the table.
“Damn it,” he swore and quickly scribbled his signature, knowing it was a lie,
because he didn't agree that they were
rightfully
separated.

With
tears in her eyes, Perri whispered a heartfelt, “Thank you, G-Man.” Accepting
the pen from her attorney, she signed her name, pushing the papers to the
center of the table.

“Perri,
I—”

“Not
now, Barrington. Please, not now.” Perri turned to her attorney. “Would you
mind walking out with me?” Feeling Barrington hard stare on her, she avoided
eye contact with him altogether.

Raging
jealousy coursed through Barrington's veins, the thought of another man taking
his place sickened his stomach. Not because he thought no other man would
desire his wife; they would without a doubt. It was because it hurt too much to
think that Perri might desire a man other than him; after all, he had been her
first in every way, memories he'd shared with her, no one else could replace.
In Barrington's mind, she would always be
his
sweet Perri, and damned if
he was about to share that space with any other man on the face of the earth,
living, breathing, or otherwise. Watching his wife leave with her attorney,
taking his unborn son right along with them made him furious. Barrington
couldn't help wondering who else, what other man would come along and at least
try taking care of what he considered his home, and what was most definitely
his
family
.

***

“Come
on, boss lady, you've been looking at those same galleys for the last half
hour. You can't really be seeing anything different about them,” Tina suspected
as she watched Perri go through the designs for the hundredth time.

“No,
Tina, I was just . . . .
Just what
? “Okay, you caught me,” Perri
confessed. “I was lost somewhere in the past.” She shook her head. “Not that
it'll do me any good. But hey, a girl can still daydream.” She tried smiling
through the pain.

Tina's
heart went out to her friend. “Perri, if you're having second thoughts, it's
not too late to change your mind; you know nothing would make Barrington
happier, except . . . well, you know, having you sleep in his arms, only not so
much the sleeping part.

They
laughed out loud.

“Tina,
please. Don't remind me. I've rather been trying to forget that part.”

“How’s
that working out for you?”

“Terrible.”
She chuckled and fanned herself, sighing dramatically. “Not to put our personal
business on front street; but, Tina, my husband is not a man any woman can
easily forget once she's been in his presence.”

“You
don't have to convince me, Perri. I've met him, remember. You two as a couple
were my hope for my own future relationship, whenever God decides it's time for
me to have one.”

Perri
smiled. “It'll happen when it’s supposed to, Tina. But I implore you don't be
in too big of a rush. And, please, don't base it on what you've seen Barrington
and I go through; all relationships aren't that hard pressed, I assure you.”
She shrugged. “Just because it turned out difficult for me in no way means it
won't be a lot smoother for you and whomever God sends to love you through.
Keep the faith, period.”

“Is
that what you did?”

“I
don't follow?”

“Did
you keep the faith until you felt it was no longer of any use?”

Perri
blinked, surprised by the question. She'd never thought about it that way and
quite frankly, it more than unnerved her. “I'm sorry, Tina, I don't mean to
look so dumbfounded, but I wasn't expecting a mind boggling question like
that.”

“Never
mind; I'm sorry, Perri, I shouldn't have asked.”

“It's
all right, Tina. It's a legit question; I’m not sure I have the right answer
for you.”

A
tall, attractive man entered the boutique just then. “Special delivery for
Perri Knight,” he announced looking back and forth between the two attractive
women.

“I'm
Perri.” She signed for it, and tore open the package as soon as she'd tipped
the delivery guy and he was gone. Flipping through the portfolio she knew
belonged to her, she asked, “What's this all about?” She looked at Tina. “Are
these the designs you said you misplaced over six months ago?”

Coming
to stand beside her, Tina said, “They are. But how—”

“Nia!”
Both women said in unison.

“I
don't believe her,” Tina fumed.

Perri
shook her head and sighed deeply. “I guess I should just be glad she didn't use
them. She studied the designs carefully, or altar them in any way.”

***

Still
dazed by Tina's question, Perri sat in her car for thirty minutes, staring at
Barrington's mansion, trying to come up with the correct answer; if one
existed.

Perri
started her engine and was about to pull away when the DJ’s voice on the radio snagged
her attention.

“That's
right, all you die-hard music lovers in radio land, this is the new cut from our
homeboys Barrington and Crush; you know them better as Blue-Eyed Soul. This is
a sneak premier so call us up and let us know what you think of their latest
cut entitled, Sweet Perri.

Perri
gasped in surprise and her heart soared to the clouds in the sky above.

Sweet
Perri, you're my whole world

Sweet
Perri, you own my heart, girl

Sweet
Perri, you're deep in my soul

Sweet
Perri, you're my lifeline, baby girl

Sweet
Perri, my heart beats for you

Sweet
Perri, my soul soars straight to you

Sweet
Perri

My
sweet, sweet Perri

Sweet
Perri

You're
my sweet Perri

My
sweet Perri, girl

Sweet
Perri

I'll
do anything you want, my baby

Go
anywhere you wanna go, sweet Perri

Sweet
Perri, my search is over

I
found my home in you, baby girl

You're
my haven, my strong tower

Sweet
Perri, my world is yours,

I
was made to love you, girl

Sweet
Perri, I love you, baby girl

You're
my wife and I'm lovin' you for life

My
whole world is you, Sweet Perri

“That's
right radio land you heard hear first, Sweet Perri by Blue-Eyed Soul.”

Perri
cut the engine and for the next five minutes allowed herself to have a good cry,
as unchecked tears flowed down her face. Sighing heavily, she finally got out
of the car and headed up the walkway. She knew Barrington wasn't home because
he'd taken their Imani to visit his parents' so Perri let herself inside using
the key she never gave back. Not that she'd tried to give it back, but, also,
not that he'd accept it if she had. She smiled and admitted to herself how much
she missed her husband and the life they shared as a family. Those were the
most precious memories she pondered in her heart.

Sifting
through memories she'd collected of them over the years, Perri crossed to stand
in front of the fireplace, picking up the picture frame on top of the mantle of
her and Barrington two weeks after they'd first met. She smiled, as she had
forgotten about that photo. She hadn't seen it in years and wondered why
Barrington thought to even put it out now that they were no longer . . .

Instead
of finishing that thought, Perri replaced the frame on the mantle and
carelessly knocked over an antique vase. She unsuccessfully tried to catch it
before it hit the floor and shattered around her feet in a million pieces.
“Great!”

After
collecting the broom and dustpan, not wanting to mess up her suit Perri
reluctantly reached for Nia's old apron, slipping it over her head. She cleaned
up her mess in the living room and replaced the broom and dustpan in the proper
place. Thinking it a good idea to explain the freak incident, Perri
automatically reached into the front pocket of the apron, pulling out what she
thought was some scrap paper. She blinked several times, rereading the front of
what turned out to be an envelope with, of all things, her name written on the
front, in Barrington's handwriting. Finally turning the envelope over, she saw
the seal had been broken and unsuccessfully resealed. With shaky hands, Perri
opened the envelope, removing the letter inside sure it had seen better days. It
was wrinkled, like it'd been balled up then straightened again.

Sweet
Perri,

I'm
sorry, baby, but Toby just called; I have to head out in forty-five minutes to
do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul. I hope you'll watch when it airs day
after tomorrow. I'll carry the memory of what we shared here tonight as my good
luck charm. I want you to know, Perri, you mean everything to me. I cherish the
gift of your virginity that you gave me tonight, and I'll never take it or you
for granted. Baby, we are part of each other now; that will never change no
matter how far the physical distance between us. Once again, baby, I must
apologize for not protecting you the last time we made love. Remember what I
said, Perri, if you are pregnant, I will be right by your side every step of
the way. I don't want to scare you, baby, but for some reason I'm not turned
off by the thought of you having my seed—not that I'm wishing an unplanned
pregnancy on you—but truthfully, I wouldn't mind it. At any rate, please
forgive me, sweet Perri. I'll call you as soon as I get settled in the hotel. I
love you, my baby.