Illusion (31 page)

             
I nod my head. "I do want to. I want to do it before I put any more thought into it. I don't want to focus on the what if's and the why's, I don't want to worry about losing you. I just want you, to be mine, forever. I want a piece of you no one else has ever had, and I want you to own my heart forever."

             
He takes another step back and shakes his head the same time a smile grows on his face. "You're absolutely insane, that much I'm certain of, but it's one of the many things I love about you. Let's go."

             
"Seriously?"

             
"Yeah, come on."

             
His mom didn't question why we wanted to take her car all of a sudden, but the second we walked back into her house laughing and holding hands, she threw down her dish rag and pointed her stubby finger our way. "Something's up."

             
His sister Lynette, as well as her two daughters are in the kitchen, and Lynzi comes running out, arms wide open for me. I pick her up and give her a tiny hug. "What is that?" She points to the white bandage poking out the top of my shirt.

             
I place her back down and look over to Brice, who is grinning like a fool. "Momma, you're probably going to beat my ass with a frying pan."

             
Her brows lift. "I knew you two were doing something sneaky. You've been gone almost all day!"

             
Lynette chuckles from the side. "Probably out getting married so they can hurry up on the baby making."

             
His mom turns towards her daughter. "You stop with those ridiculous remarks. They're not having a baby any time soon, nor are they making any." She turns back and winks at me, then becomes stern again. "Let's go, I wanna hear this."

             
I elbow Brice in the ribs. "It's your mom, you tell her."

             
"Well, we left to elope."

             
The silence that takes over could be deadly.

             
He continues. "But everywhere was closed." He shrugs and I laugh. "We didn't think about the fact it's a Saturday."

             
"Oh dear heavens," his mom says breathless, shaking her head. She places the back of her hand on her cheek, looking way too relieved. Well then, I guess maybe it's a good thing we didn't get married after all.

             
"But we got tattoos."

             
Her eyes widen and she walks over to him and slaps him upside the head with the back of her hand. Not hard, just a small whack. "What did you do boy? You ruined that body of yours! Oh, no, no, no. I thought you were smarter than that."

             
He holds back his laughter and looks at me, his eyes smiling as much as his lips. "Yeah, well, I've become a little crazy lately."

             
"Well, where is it? What is it? Please don't tell me it's of a naked chick or something absurd like that."

             
He actually rolls his eyes which makes me giggle some. I look to Lynette and she is grinning like a fool, completely amused by the whole situation. Both his nieces are jumping up and down, waiting for him to reveal it. He lifts his shirt, showing the tattoo on his side. It's the only one on his entire body. It's not very big, but it's meaningful. It's a sailor knot, only colored in black ink and very well shadowed and detailed. There are three knots all together, and in the middle of them the words, Never and Leave are inscribed.

             
When he chose it out, he must've asked me fifteen times if it was too corny for a man to get. I promised him not at all. Not only did it mean so much to me, more so than marrying me to be honest, it'd also meant something for his mom. He wouldn't turn out like his dad, and he wouldn't just walk away from me.

             
His mom seems to get the hint of what it means, and how powerful it is. She quickly turns and I can see her wipe her eyes. Poor lady probably didn't cry nearly as much before I showed up here. At least not lately. When she turns back around she nods her head. "Well at least it's a respectable one that can be hidden. No skulls and bones or naked ladies." Her eyes look over at me. "And what about you? What did you get this time? You didn't get my son's name did you?"

             
I love how she automatically assumes we got the worst tattoos out there. I laugh and shake my head, then I pull away the top of my shirt. Mine was done last, so it's still bandaged. I slowly peel it back until the bandage and all the tape is gone. She walks a little closer and stares at it. "What does that mean? Is that Chinese or something?"

             
Lynette walks over and the girls both jump up and down some more, yelling, "lemme see, lemme see!"

             
I kneel down to let them see.

             
"No, it's not Chinese," I laugh. "It's a Zibu tattoo, meaning Choose Life." I got the same tattoo I envisioned Harvey to have, and as I was getting it, the memory of how I ever thought of it came rushing back to me. It was something Tabby had emailed me when I told her about how I couldn't have children, and how depressed I'd become. How Kirt was leaving me to go to the military, and I was scared about moving on in life. She emailed it to me with a long speech and the meaning behind it. It had always stuck with me in the back of my mind.

             
Next to the tattoo, in small, beautiful cursive, it says, "You were given this life because you're strong enough to live it." The Zibu symbol is supposed to be strong and meaningful all on its own, you're not supposed to get it with anything else. But I thought of the symbol as soon as I walked in the shop, which then reminded me of why I wanted it, all the pain I've been through, and the last words my illusion of Harvey said to me. It just seemed to fit.

             
Of course I explained it all to Brice first, and he too agreed that it was perfect. I didn't want to get it without telling him the meaning behind it. I'm never closing up to him again. I've chosen him.

             
I've chosen life.

             
Thankfully his mom loved the idea of my tattoo and told us both she isn't too mad, but she said if we ever decide to elope again, she'll hunt us down and torture us. So of course, we said we're not going to get married any time soon. In some ways, I'm kind of thankful I didn't go through with it. I do love Brice, but I think I need to learn to love myself a little more before permanently giving him a piece of me.

             
The next day was hard to say goodbye to his family, especially his mom and nieces. I don't know how he moved away from them. Granted, I did move away from my parents and Emi, but I did it to heal. He did it simply for a job. He said he was only planning on staying the first year, until he could train someone to do his job, then he was heading back home, which is more or less what I had decided too, depending on how much I liked or dis-liked it in New York City.

             
Now that we're together, that is one more obstacle for us to discuss, but that is over eight months away. We'll figure it out- I hope.

             
Arriving back in the city, it's already dark and I'm exhausted. I text Emi but I don't go home, instead I go to Brice's apartment. I've been here a few times but never overnight. He has a pull out couch instead of a bed, and his apartment really is smaller than mine. I feel bad he got screwed over in the apartment aspect when he moved up here, but then again, a single guy doesn't need much.

             
While lying in bed, he looks me in the eyes and smiles. It's dark but I can still see him from the lights of the city shining through his window. "Do you think Emi would move here and I can move in with you?"

             
I laugh at his question until I realize he is completely serious. "Wait, seriously?"  He nods. "Uh, I don't know. I don't think our work would be real impressed by that."

             
"We won't tell them," he says simply. "You guys share a bed. I think it'd be good for us. She can have her own place, you and I can get to know each other even better. There will be no running away, from either of us. Then one day we can really get married and know it's what we both want."

             
I lean in and kiss his lips. "I'll ask her." Because yeah, that is certainly something that I want to do.

             
As everything in my life finally starts to flow together, and I find myself laughing more, trusting more, smiling more, things start to really move fast. Fast in the best ways possible. Minutes turn to hours, which turn to days, which turn to weeks, and before I know it, months are passing by. Summer ends, fall begins, and now it's starting to snow as winter makes its way towards us.

             
We spent Thanksgiving vacation together with Brice's family, while Emi stayed behind in New York City to stay with Quade's family. I invited my folks out to Tennessee but they said they needed to save up some money for Christmas. It made me feel pretty down, but I understood. I'm learning quickly that plane tickets are not cheap, especially doing round trips. It's worth it though, getting to see Brice's mom, siblings, and nieces.

             
Its two weeks away from Christmas now, which the two of us are spending with my parents. I'm a little nervous about Brice meeting them, and vice versa, but then again, I know they'll love each other. Brice said he met with my parents for a moment while I was in the hospital, but didn't get to communicate with them much. He claims it made him nervous. I find it adorable.

             
After a day of getting some holiday shopping out of the way, Brice brings me out to dinner and the movies. He seems to always be spoiling me and I can't get enough of it. When he promised me he'd somehow prove how special I was to him, he meant it. I can most definitely see myself spending forever with his love. It's enough for me, finally. I know I'm not completely healed, I know I may never be, but I'm getting better with each passing day.

             
I've continued with therapy sessions, and I still question different things in my life. It all seems too good to be true sometimes, but then Brice or Emi, or even Meghan, come along and prove to me somehow that my life is exactly what it's meant to be, and I'm okay. I'm. Okay. Those two words, yeah, they mean a lot to me. I'm not perfect, I'm not completely healed, but I'm okay. I'll take it.

             
Once we're done at the movies, we head out back to my apartment. Scratch that, our apartment. It's lightly snowing, adding to the few inches already on the ground, and the moon is shining bright above the city lights. It's hard to see most nights but tonight it seems very vivid. Brice clears his throat and slows down. Since I'm holding his hand, I don't really have a choice but to join in with slowing down as well.

             
I turn to face him and he seems to be getting nervous. I try not to laugh but a small one escapes me. "Uh, are you okay?"

             
He grins at me and nods his head. "I'm more than okay. I'm perfect, actually. And a little nervous," he admits in a softer tone.

             
With a raised brow, I look him over, trying to figure out why he would be nervous. "Did you, uh, do something?"

             
"Yes and no," he shrugs.

             
"You're not making sense and now I'm not sure if I should be nervous as well."

             
He runs his hands through his hair and looks around for a moment. His hand goes into his jacket pocket for just a quick moment, and he pulls out a small wrapped present. It's a square box wrapped in red and white paper. "I was going to wait until we were at your parents to give you this, but it just seems like a perfect moment."

             
I take it from his hands and unwrap the gift that looks to be some sort of jewelry. My heart thumps at the idea of what it could be, but I don't want to be disappointed, so I tell myself it's just a pair of pretty earrings. Maybe even diamond earrings. Yeah, that would be nice.

             
But it's not earrings. And when I open the box, Brice gets down on one knee. On a snowy sidewalk in the middle of a busy city, while people are passing all around, shopping and minding their own lives. No one even pays attention to Brice, but I do, he’s all I can pay attention to. It's like the craziness that surrounds us completely disappears and we're the only two people in the world.

             
He pulls the box from my hand while it's still opened. The gorgeous white gold band with the most perfect old single cut diamond shines up towards me, begging me to touch it, but I can't, not yet.

             
"Zoey, when I first saw you, I knew there was something about you. You drew me in almost immediately. I read your emails and knew you weren't quite available but it didn't stop me from watching you from afar. It didn't stop me from asking questions about you, or thinking about you. When I finally talked to you that first day, seeing you smile and laugh in the break room, it did things to my heart I can't even explain. I don't do romantic, I don't do corny, well I didn't, until I started to fall under your spell. I knew I loved you long before I told you, but I wanted to make sure you loved me first.

             
"That day on your couch," he winks, "was one of the best days of my life. That was up until I heard you whisper you loved me, not even knowing I was awake. Since those two days, there have been a few events that have taken the top spot on my favorite days, but I want at least one more with you. I want to make you mine, in front of our friends and family. I want to make you my wife. I love you so much, I can't even come close to explaining just how much.

             
"Zoey Lynn LaRoche, will you please do me the honor in becoming my wife?"

             
I was nodding my head before he even started speaking, but when he finally asks me those last words, I fall to my knees in front of him, pulling his mouth to mine, and I kiss him fiercely. When I pull away, I laugh like a mad woman and nod my head some more. "Yes, of course I will. Yes, Brice!"

             
Someone tripping over Brice's feet and swearing under their breath brings us back to the reality of where we are and the fact we're both kneeling in a growing pile of cold, wet snow. He helps me stand up, then he kisses my lips, before taking the ring out and sliding it on my finger. I stare down at it with complete awe. It's perfect, just like Brice. Just like us. Together. Finally, my happy ending is near.

             
We hold hands on the walk back to the apartment, and when we get inside, he starts pulling my clothes off me. I giggle against his mouth as he assaults mine. He whispers softly between kisses, "I want... you... with nothing... on... but that... damn ring." We barely make it into the bedroom before he is throwing me down on the bed and climbing between my legs. He slides himself inside of me while kissing my mouth fiercely.

             
Backing away from my mouth, but not by much, I catch the desire burning deep in his blue eyes. He is panting as he plunges in and out of me. He watches me, watch him, both of us breathing rapidly as we pleasure each other with love. "I need to go fast and hard. I'll take it slow next time."

             
I don't have a chance to agree, or even disagree, with his statement. His mouth is back on mine and he rolls over, pulling me so I'm on top of him. He uses his hands on my hips to set the speed, then he moves them to explore me while I ride on top of him. We both manage to reach our euphoria together, and he grabs my face as I scream out in pleasure, and we watch each other with hooded eyes. It's such an intense feeling, both erotic and endearing, and the look on his face and the sounds he is making intensifies my orgasm so much.

             
"I love you," he says then kisses my lips.

             
Pulling away, I whisper my love for him too. Then he flips me on my back and starts kissing me down my body. "Now we'll go a little slower." God, I love the fact I turn him on enough he can already go a second round.

             
The next morning I call my parents, then Emi, then Meghan, I even call Tabby, telling them all the news. He calls his mom, then ends up handing the phone over to me. Between all of us, we come up with a date and a few details of the wedding. Not one person questions it's too soon, and that makes me extremely happy. Even my Poppa, who was a little shocked by my thrilling news, still congratulated me and said he was proud of me.

             
Brice’s sister, Lynette, texts his phone with a message that reads, Told you- some relationships are formed in the weirdest ways. Love you guys, congrats. Oh, when will I be getting my nephew?!;)

             
Instead of making me tear up, it actually makes me smile. She means well, and she doesn't know I can't. His mother kept my secrets and I kept hers. We talk often on the phone, especially when I'm having a moment. She always manages to give me words of encouragement, bringing me out of my stupor, and making me feel like a better person. I have so many Godsends, and because of that I've become more and more thankful for the Lord I once cursed. Not that I'm a religious person by any means, but as my tattoo says, I do have faith.

             
Brice and I spend the rest of the day celebrating our engagement. Yup, I'll certainly never get sick of this. The man sure knows how to make me happy.