In Ecstasy (14 page)

I finally did it. After my interview with the police I went to Mia's house and told her mum everything. Dom came with me. Things had spiralled out of control, but I had a weird feeling too that somewhere deep inside, a bit of the old Mia remained. She could've cleaned out my entire account. A true desperado druggie with no regard for anyone else would have. But she didn't. I was sure it was a cry for help.

In front of my eyes her mother disintegrated.

‘Sophie, Sophie.' She grabbed my hand tightly. ‘Why didn't you tell me before?'

I shook my head, ashamed.

Dom squeezed my knee under the table. ‘This isn't Sophie's fault Mrs Larson. She tried to help.'

I smiled at Dom through my tears. ‘I'm really sorry, Rae. I didn't know what to do. But things are getting pretty bad. I think she could be in real danger.'

All this time, Mia had been out there on her own, barrelling towards self-destruction while everyone stood around and passively watched. Now we were all trying to find her, but it wasn't easy. Presumably she was at Glenn's. A familiar feeling of horror crawled up my body as I recalled his flat.

After several texts and phone calls Mia finally picked up. Dom and I sat listening to Rae's end of the conversation. It sounded like Mia was in a rage. I heard her voice, hard and irate through the speakerphone. Rae tried to calm her, but then she blew it. As soon as I heard her ask the question I knew what would happen. Mia flew into a rage and denied it all. Denial. Denial. From the phone's speaker I heard the raging fury and then the hang-up.

‘Where?' her mum asked me, her eyes bright shiny discs in a white face. ‘Where does he live?'

I shook my head. I knew the train stop but I wasn't sure exactly where we went from there.

Then I remembered. ‘Lewis Scott. He'll know.'

Dom got hold of a number for Lewis and rang him, but Lewis said he had no idea where Glenn lived. He'd never been to his place.

‘Dom, have you got any idea at all?' I said desperately. ‘You picked me up.'

‘I know where I picked you up from, Soph, but it was in the middle of a shopping district.'

We drove out with Rae and Damon. Dom pulled into the carpark of a fast food outlet and we all got out. He pointed to a lamppost.

‘There's where you were,' he said. ‘Do you know which direction you came from?'

I held Dom's hand. The area's seediness and desperation creeped me out. ‘No, but we weren't far from the river. It stank. But...' I looked around. None of it was familiar at all. ‘I'm so sorry,' I said to Rae, ‘I've got no idea.'

‘It's okay,' she said, hugging me tightly. ‘It's okay.'

Dom drove around a bit, but no landmarks were familiar, and we eventually went back to Rae's house, then sat and waited for the phone to ring. We sent Mia messages, but she never responded. She wouldn't call. I knew she would've turned her phone off. What were we waiting for? At eleven Dom took me home.

‘I'll call you if I hear anything,' Rae said as we left.

‘It's her birthday tomorrow,' I said stupidly.

‘I know,' her mum said. ‘I think I'll have to call the police then.'

My birthday. Sweet sixteen.

I was completely down and struggling to get happy, even on the two Es I'd taken. Nothing worked. I walked around the flat, sculling one glass of bourbon and coke after the other. I wasn't even slightly drunk. In fact, the Es and alcohol seemed to make my mood worse. The black hole was getting deeper. I felt sadder and sadder until I couldn't stand it any more.

‘What's wrong, birthday girl?' Glenn asked, pulling me into his lap.

I shrugged. I didn't want to bring everyone down. This was a place of happiness not sadness.

‘It's not working for you?'

I shook my head, too tired to even speak.

‘Okay.' He pulled something out of his pocket. ‘Happy birthday.'

He handed me a bag of about twelve different coloured pills. I was surprised, and relieved. I didn't know how I was going to pay now I'd run out of money and left Dad's.

‘It's a candy assortment,' he said. ‘But you can save them for later. What I've got for you is something different.' He offered me a can of Red Bull.

‘Red Bull?' I said, screwing up my face.

‘It's laced,' he said.

I drank it. I didn't even want to know what was in it. I didn't care. I just wanted not to hurt any more.

Within twenty minutes it hit me, hard. I don't remember a lot after that until I woke up in Glenn's bed. My ears were ringing so loudly I clapped my hands over them to block out the sound. I sat up with my back against the wall, and with blurred vision looked around me. Glenn was asleep next to me. He was naked like I was and I guess we'd had sex, though I don't remember one second of it.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by panic. It surged through my body. I tried to control it but it was like an electric current. My heart was racing.

I sat rigidly in the bed, my back pushing hard into the wall as I fought to breathe. I was gasping, the way someone with asthma gasps. I couldn't calm down. In my panic my leg, which seemed to have a mind of its own, kicked Glenn hard. He rolled over in his sleep and the sight of him naked made me want to vomit.

My fingernails dug into the palms of my hands. I couldn't remember last night. The Red Bull, but then nothing. Why couldn't I breathe? Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. What had happened to me? What had I done? This time I kicked him deliberately and he opened his eyes a slit.

‘What the fuck, Mia?' he said, sleepy and annoyed.

‘I can't breathe,' I gasped at him, clutching at my throat. ‘Help me.'

He rolled back over. And I lost it. I realised I was dying. I couldn't calm down. No one was going to help me. I clawed at my throat. My breath came out in short jagged puffs. I jumped up off the bed, covered in sweat.

‘Glenn!' I screamed at him, but my voice sounded like it was coming from miles away. ‘Glenn.'

‘Settle, Mia, you're just G'd out,' he muttered angrily.

Was that it? GHB? I was shaking violently. It was like my body was trying to get out of its skin. The ringing in my ears was getting louder. I was going crazy.

I scrabbled around on the filthy floor looking for my clothes. There were used condoms under the bed, empty bottles, porno magazines. I was on my hands and knees, gasping, when from somewhere a rational voice came into my head.

Get a grip,
the voice demanded.

I sat on the edge of the bed, clutching my clothes against my naked chest. My heart was still racing, but I was breathing. I'd been breathing the whole time. I took a deep breath and tried to hold it but it escaped me quickly. I sat trembling and took another one. This time I held it longer. I sat for at least five minutes, watching my chest rise and fall. There were bruises on my legs and a bite mark on my left breast. My forehead, above my left eye, throbbed and I put a hand to it and winced in pain. There was a lump the size of a tennis ball there. What had I done? The panic welled up again.

Get a grip,
the voice said again.

And I listened to it. I sat on the edge of the bed, trembling and breathing. When I thought I had my breathing under control I slowly got dressed. My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't do up my bra, so I stuffed it in my bag. I pulled my T-shirt on, but it was wet and stank of vomit so I shoved that in my bag too. I picked one of Glenn's cigarette-smelling flannel shirts up off the floor. It was way too big, and my fingers were trembling so much I could hardly do up the buttons. I took my time, talking to my fingers over the deafening drone in my ears. I couldn't balance on one leg to get my knickers and jeans on, so I sat on the filthy floor of his filthy flat and wriggled into them. I was aching all over. It felt like we'd had sex all night long. I couldn't find my shoes but I didn't care. As I opened the door he rolled over in his sleep and called my name.

‘Go to sleep, Glenn,' I said, but I could barely hear my voice over the ringing in my ears.

I picked my way through the sleeping bodies on the lounge room floor. There were half-naked guys everywhere. I tried not to look around me. The place stank.

Outside it was early morning, and everything felt surreal. The ringing in my ears was getting louder. I couldn't shake it. I walked two blocks to a park and then rifled through my bag. As I sat on the park bench I heard the city waking—doors slamming, engines starting, the warble of a maggie. I listened to a truck rumble down the street. Stop, hiss, rubbish clattered into the back of it, another hiss and the bin touched the ground again. There was one bar left on my mobile. I scrolled my phone book and hit Send.

‘Mia?' Mum sounded wide awake.

‘It's me,' I said, and couldn't hold back the wail. ‘Mum, please come and get me.'

When she arrived I was still crying. There was snot on my face and vomit in my hair. All the time I waited for her to come, panic kept threatening to push me over the edge but that same voice kept telling me to get a grip. It calmed me, but freaked me out too. I didn't want to hear voices in my head. My body felt numb. What had I done to myself?

I was terrified I'd gone insane. I didn't feel like I belonged to my body any more. I watched as Mum got out of the car, her dressing gown flapping behind her like a cape as she ran towards me. She was still in her pyjamas and her hair was a mess. I sat motionless, watching her like I was outside my body and this was a movie.

‘Mia, Mia,' she said, stroking the tears off my face.

She put her arms around me without saying anything. She drove, one eye on the road and the other on me. She was very calm. She looked so tired, like I felt. When she got to the driveway she turned the engine off and sat looking at me.

‘I think I should take you to the doctor,' she said finally.

I nodded. My throat was on fire and everything hurt.

‘I need to have a shower,' I said, and my voice sounded scratchy and distant. My ears were still ringing loudly.

She helped me out of the car like I was sick and held my arm as we walked through the door. The house was empty.

‘Where's Jord?' I managed to say.

She shook her head, like I shouldn't speak, but said, ‘It's Dad's weekend.'

It didn't make sense. Why was he at Dad's when it was only Friday?

She helped me out of my vile-smelling clothes.

‘It's Sunday, Mia,' she said.

I tried to work it out. My birthday was on Thursday so how could it be Sunday? She turned on the tap, adjusted the temperature and I got into the shower. I watched her looking at my body and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. My legs gave up. I slid down the tiled wall to the floor of the shower. My eyes were open but I couldn't see. It was raining inside my head. Water ran over my face, into my eyes and mouth. I was drowning in tears and water. Then Mum got in with me, still in her pyjamas, and held me under the spray.

Three days is a long time when you don't know where someone is. Mia had vanished. The cops were useless. Mia was a runaway, but she was also sixteen. She had a place to stay and as far as anyone knew, wasn't in moral danger or committing criminal acts. But I knew she was in moral danger. I knew what Glenn would and could do. The cops said they were investigating and if they felt she wasn't in the right environment they'd order her home, but of course they had to find her first—and they couldn't find her. Since the last phone call, Mia was mute.

I knocked ineffectually against the tall, thick timber door of Lewis Scott's house until I noticed an intercom system. I pressed the button, self-consciously aware I was probably being watched.

‘Hello, Sophie Spencer,' Lewis sounded very up.

‘Hi,' I looked up at the camera. ‘Can I talk to you?'

‘Sure, sure, come in.'

The door opened automatically. Everything worked quietly and seamlessly in Lewis's world. I shivered as I walked through his cold house. Through the huge window I saw him sitting with some friends out by the pool.

‘What's up,' Lewis asked.

‘I'm looking for Glenn.'

Lewis laughed. ‘Straight to the source,' he said cryptically.

‘I don't know what you mean,' I said. ‘Where does he live? I don't believe you don't know. You're his mate, you must know where he lives.'

‘I thought you'd know, Sophie Spencer.' He got up and mixed a drink. I shook my head when he offered me one. He was acting like an arrogant pig. ‘You've been there. Or so I hear.'

I curled my fingers tightly into my palms. ‘Whatever. Where does he live?'

‘I told Dominic, I don't know.' He shrugged, as though colossally bored. ‘The dealer always comes to you.'

The realisation filled me with horror. How stupid was I? Glenn was the dealer. Lewis wasn't his friend. I'd been in worse danger than I'd realised. And now Mia was.

‘Mia's there, Lewis, and she's in trouble.'

For one second Lewis looked like maybe he was concerned. And then it was gone. He shrugged. ‘She's a big girl. She'll look after herself.'

And so we waited. We waited for Mia to call. I waited for her mum to tell me she'd heard from her. Every morning I was filled with the same hope. And then on the third day I suddenly considered she might be gone. Gone for good. She could've OD'd. Glenn was a criminal who obviously had no regard for human life. Why would he take care of her? I was sure it was too late. I hated myself for giving up on her, but now I was terrified of her mum calling.

It was late on Sunday when Damon rang.

‘Rae's got her,' he said. ‘She's taken her to the doctor.'

‘Is she okay?' I whispered.

‘Yeah, no, I don't know.' He sounded exhausted. ‘I think so.'