In My Dreams (First Tracks Book 2) (4 page)

Was that a sad smile, like he was saying a real goodbye?
Maybe he had decided to listen to his dad.

“Marcus, I don’t understand. After all we’ve been through, I
can’t leave you.”

His eyes searched mine as his head tilted in confusion. He
started to form the word “what” but changed it.

“Oh. Avery, baby, I’m not saying leave, leave. I’m saying
you need to go back to your life and get things back on track.”

Cool relief trickled through me, but I still wasn’t sure.
Maybe he was breaking up with me, but in such a nice way I couldn’t tell. I
stared at his chest until his fingers touched my chin.

“Babe, look at me.”

“I put everything on the line to help you—to save you!” I
fought the tears pricking my eyes. I’d gotten too emotional over all of this.

“I know. You’ve been my princess in shining armor. But,
listen, I can’t let you flunk out of school or lose all your friends. I blew
through your life like some kind of tornado, and I can’t live with myself if
you lose everything.”

“I don’t want to lose you!” The tears won and plopped onto my
cheeks.

Marcus leaned close to rest his forehead against mine.

“I love you, Avery, and I won’t go anywhere. I promise. I’m
here for you.”

I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to think past this
moment here with him. My life back in Ashland was a mess.

“I don’t know where to start picking up the pieces,” I
admitted, pitifully, and watched his face fall. He pulled on the neck of the
guitar and maneuvered it to the bottom of the bed.

“I’ll help you, babe. We’ll fix everything, starting with
your life, okay?” He squeezed my hand. “Okay?”

“Okay…tomorrow. Then I can figure out what to do about all
of that.”

“Tomorrow. And you promise, right?”

“I promise,” I said, the word an echo of the promise I made
before, when we thought we were out of time, and I promised to follow my
dreams. It’s almost the same promise as before, but this time around it means
walking out of this hospital and leaving Marcus here.

He searched my eyes and ran the back of his fingers down my
face. “You’ve been my fixer girl, remember? Now I want to help you fix your
life.” His expression darkened for a second, and when I noticed, he shook his
head. “I wish I could get out of here and help you, but when I can, I will.”

“Marcus.” I shook my head, the words I needed just out of
reach. So I took his hand and rested his palm against my face while we gazed at
each other. He had such warm amber eyes.

“You’ll stay tonight with me?” he asked.

 “Of course I will.” I grinned suddenly. “You aren’t getting
rid of me that easily.”

His smile came back too, and he said, “Wasn’t planning on
it, Tiger Lily.” He tugged my hand, wanting me closer.

Marcus

I came out of a dream slowly, aware I was waking up but
still trying to stay in the dream. I smelled new snow and heard Avery’s laugh. Soft
lift filtered down from an overcast sky. For a few seconds, it felt so real,
like when we were in her head and somehow out on the slopes at the same time.  

Then the images and smells faded away.

My body hurt all over. It felt better to be asleep but I
didn’t want that right now. It had to be the middle of the night but I felt
more restless than ever. The room was dark and quiet except for Avery’s soft
breathing. She was sleeping in the cot, curled up like always when she sleeps.
I was glad I didn’t have to sleep in tiny little ball like that anymore,  but I
do miss knowing her thoughts.

Was she happy? Was she okay?

Now it almost seemed like I had wrecked her life, and maybe
she wasn’t happy to be here anymore. If this was true love and all, why did it
seem to be hurting her? Feeling this uncertain sucked, and I wasn’t used to it.
I worked hard all of my life. I didn’t hold back. I didn’t have to question
myself or my abilities.

Ave made a noise and I looked over. Lights from outside
shone in through the window. I took a minute to stare at her—her halo of wild
hair around that pale face. My new pastime is studying her from this
perspective…seeing her intense eyes and that mouth I want to kiss. Her face is
so perfect.

“Are you awake?” she whispered.

“Yeah, come here.”

She came over and slid up on the bed, and I rolled on my
good side to spoon her. God, it felt nice. I hadn’t gotten to hold her like
this yet, not in the real world anyway.

“I had this awesome dream,” I said, my voice low and sleepy.
“I think we were out on some fresh pow together, but I can’t remember all of
it. You were laughing. There’s not much more than that, but it felt so real for
just a minute.”

“Sounds nice. I wish we could.”

“We will! And sooner than you think.”

I wanted to slide my arm around her but could only move the
cast and sling so far. Maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t run my hand up and
down her body or up her front. Damn, just imagining that did something crazy to
me. Actually, just lying here like this, our bodies touching, made me ache for
her.

“Are you okay with this?” I asked her, wondering if she
could feel how excited I was.

“Oh, yeah.” Her voice held a naughty smile as her backside
subtly gyrated against my crotch. I chuckled. Oh yeah, she knew. And she didn’t
seem to mind too much. I could only imagine how crazy we’d go if I weren’t so
weak and we weren’t here. Hell, even here I might want to rip her clothes off
and put this hospital bed to good use. But at the present moment, I’m just
happy that my body responded the way it should.

Too bad I couldn’t watch the images in her mind right now. Was
she fantasizing about me? Or worried? I couldn’t be strong and be the man she
probably wants and needs.

“Are you okay with me right now?” I asked.

“Huh?” She twisted her head my way. I couldn’t see her face
though. “Of course I’m okay with you.”

“I’m not the same.”

“Of course you are!” She reached back to run her hand over
me. At her touch, I closed my eyes, overwhelmed with so many emotions I
couldn’t sort them into words. “Well, I mean now you have a body to go with
that sexy voice.”

She is a funny one.

“Ave, this recovery is going to take a while. I’m…not quite
me.”

“Marcus.” She scoffed. “You didn’t even have a body when I
fell for you! I fell in love with your wit and charm and honesty.”

“Well, I’m being honest right now,” I said lightly, a laugh
in my voice. “I’m used to hearing your thoughts, and having you know what’s
going on in my head. This way, I feel more vulnerable. I’m so weak and I don’t
know what you think and feel about it.” It felt good to get the words out. I
pulled her closer and felt her back press into me, the length of her body
against mine.

“You can just ask. You’re smart, funny, sexy. What more
could I want? And you are strong. You’ll see.”

I breathed in her scent, so glad she was here.

“I want you. Need you,” I said. “And when I’m on my feet
again, I’m going to have you.”

I heard a quick intake of breath. 

“Sit up,” I said, knowing it surprised her. I rolled on my
back and had her move around to my other side. I tangled my good hand in her
hair and gently pulled her down so I could kiss her, then I turned her body so
she was lying back with me. “I’m going to find a way to touch you.”

Her breathing really picked up, and that was before I ran my
hand down her hip and thigh. It took effort, but I moved slowly up her body and
under her shirt, over her bra to cup her. I wanted to explore and map every
inch of her body: her breasts, her stomach, her belly button… the top of her
pants. We both started shaking with need as I undid her jeans with one hand. It
seemed like I’d gotten stronger and more able already.

I slid my hand down enough to touch her through her panties,
making her arch up. When I moved my hand faster, she covered it with hers,
wanting more.

“I wanted to touch you so bad before…” I spoke low and quiet
by her ear. Her body pushed back into mine, her hand gripping mine harder while
I touched her.

“Oh, god, Marcus!”

She came with a cry and immediately covered her face with
both hands.

“Baby, it’s okay.” I kissed her cheek. “It’s fine. No one’s
out there. It’s just us. Babe, let me hold you.”

She rolled to curl into me and wrapped her hand over my arm.
I wanted her so bad it felt like it could kill me, but I didn’t want to go
there in this condition. I’d get strong again first. For now, I’d be happy
making her happy. And holding her. I wanted to keep her in my arms forever.

***

Someone cleared their throat, waking me up. Two nurses were
busy by the bed. When my vision cleared I could see them sharing a look and
trying not to giggle.

Did I have a giant morning woody? Then I felt Avery move
against me. I flashed a big smile at the nurses and held up a finger. The
taller one motioned for the other to follow her out of the room.

Knowing Ave, she’d get all embarrassed if she woke up with
them in here. I watched her sleep for a few minutes before I could bring myself
her wake her up. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. If only she could rest
all day and not worry about anything.

“Babe?” I ran my knuckles down her face and snuck in a quick
kiss on her mouth. She smiled and stretched.

“Morning already?”

“It’s a good morning with you here.” I kissed down her jaw
and onto her neck, talking between kisses. “Your body is so sexy …so…so…so…sexy.”

She laughed and caught her breath all at once, her hand
covering mine as I felt my way around again.

Voices interrupted us from the hallway and she sprang off
the bed. I tried to hold in my laughter as she straightened her clothes. Yup,
it was a good call to have those nurses leave.

Avery gave me a mock glare right before the nurses came back
in, followed by my parents.

“Good morning, honey,” my mom said rather brightly.

Behind her, Ave gave me a little wave and mouthed, “I’ll
come back later,” before she grabbed her jacket and headed out. I stared after
her even when I couldn’t see her, clear until my dad cleared his throat.

Man, this recovery thing is going to suck.

Avery

I walked around the hospital to stretch my legs and clear my
head, but it reminded me too much of being here before, when they wanted to
pull the plug on Marcus.

I took the elevator down, and when the doors opened, I smelled
the cafeteria. My stomach growled so I went for a sandwich and a drink before walking
some more. I rounded a corner and spotted a sitting area at the end of the
hallway. Retro orange and green loveseats sat around a short coffee table, all
looking out the windows.

I couldn’t sit down though. I still needed to update my
friends. Or friend, I should say. Jazz might be the only one who’ll talk to me,
and I’m not even sure about that. I tried to remember if we talked after she
called the hospital and warned them that I was off my rocker. No, I don’t think
we did.

Huffing out a nervous breath, I called Jazz.

“Ave?” She almost shouted my name, startling me. She couldn’t
be angry anymore, could she?

“Jazz, hey, how’s it going?” I start off easy.

“Where are you? You’re not still in Portland, are you?” She
sounded concerned, like she’d been tearing herself up over this. I felt bad for
not calling sooner.

“Yeah, I’m here with Marcus and his family. He woke up,
Jazz. He’s okay. Things are okay now.”

A beat.

“Wait? What? How? Ave, this doesn’t make any sense.” She
sounded shocked, which meant she didn’t believe me before.

“Well, he woke up and told them it was okay.”

“How again?”

How do I explain something that doesn’t make sense to me? I
switched tactics and told her about Tom, Elaina and Jen, and the physical
therapy Marcus will need to do.

“So,” she interrupted. “I have a question. I’m just curious…
You know, if you’ve had any weird dreams with all of this?”

Weird dreams? I thought back but nothing came to mind. I
told her as much. “Why do you ask?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m just always curious. You know that.”

“That’s true,” I said, but it was out of character for Jazz
to sound unsure about something. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, fine. I mean, we have things to figure out, but don’t
worry about anything while you’re up there.”

She clearly didn’t want to explain what was on her mind… I
wasn’t sure what to make of it, so I let it go for now and asked, “We’re still
friends, right?”

“Always.”

Warmth flooded my heart, a real physical sensation of heat
bursting into my chest. It took me a minute to find my voice.

“I’m coming back for class,” I said, forcing myself to put
the words out there. That made it more real, even though I didn’t feel like I
was completely committed to it yet.

“When?”

“Uhh, I’m not sure,” I admitted, hearing the sadness in my
voice. A pause followed.

“Avery, it’ll have to be soon if you want any chance of
catching up. You could fail this term otherwise.”

“I know.” I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to hide from
this but knowing I couldn’t.

“I’m here to help. I can get a few things started for you. I
have some notes, but you’ve missed a lot…”

Jazz, my practical friend. I love her for that.

“Thanks. I’ll start with that. I better go, but I wanted to
let you know.”

“See you soon?” She didn’t sound sure.

“I’ll keep you updated.”

“Bye,” we said at the same time. I should have told her I
was there for her too, in case she needed anything. Why did I have a lingering
feeling there was more to her question about dreams?

Marcus had a dream last night—I vaguely remembered him
telling me something about it when I climbed into bed with him. That didn’t
have anything to do with me really or Jazz though.

I headed back to his room feeling heavy. I have so much to
do back in Ashland. When I reached his door, his parents and Jen walked out.
Jen gave me an encouraging smile, and I got the feeling they’d all been talking
about me.

“How’s he doing?” I asked her.

“Good,” she said but not too convincingly. She patted my arm
as she left with her parents. “Cheer him up for us!” she called back over her
shoulder.

“I’ll do my best.”

Jen glanced back and it hit me, she really does expect me to
cheer him up. That’s either a lot of pressure or a show of trust. Maybe both.

I stepped inside in time to see Marcus staring out the
window, a faraway look on his face. The covers were pulled up over his waist.
I’d hate to wear one of those hospital gowns for days on end; Marcus must too. Thankfully
the bruises were getting lighter with each day.

He turned toward me but his eyes weren’t focused for a few
seconds; he was completely lost in another world of thought. After another few
seconds, his gaze swept over my face and his attention returned.

“Babe, just the person I wanted to see.”

I smiled as I sat on his bed and he pulled me into him. We
held each other for a long moment while I listened to his steady heartbeat.

“I can’t keep you anymore,” he said, stroking my hair. “Ave,
you’ve got to get going. It’s a long drive back.”

I ducked my face and nodded. “I called Jazz and said I’m
going back to class,” I told him. I know he’s right, but I don’t like it at
all. I can’t argue either because he feels bad for screwing up my life as it
is.

His finger nudged my chin.

“We can have weekends and stuff, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, we can…” Reality started setting in. “I just don’t
know how often I can drive back and forth, and it’ll be so hard being that far
away from you.”

“It’s too much driving?” he asked, confused.

I shrugged. “It’s a lot of gas money and my car isn’t the
most dependable.” A flash of memory came, of when it broke down and I had to
call Nash for help.

“Ave, don’t worry about that, okay?” He flattened his hand
on the side of my face, holding me gently so I wouldn’t look away. “I’ll cover
your gas. We’ll figure it out if the car needs work. It’ll be okay.”

At his words, tears popped up in my eyes and started running
down my face, surprising me. Marcus has been right about so many things. I wanted
to believe him now. It’d just been so long since I heard those words from
anyone.

He reached to me again, wiping my tears away.

He pulled on my shirt and I slid my body completely onto the
bed beside him, facing him with my face pressed to his chest. I felt his breath
on my forehead as it slowed down, and I closed my eyes, falling asleep with
him.

***

The sound of low voices washed over me for a while before I
realized they didn’t sound happy. I woke up but kept my eyes shut, listening to
Tom and Marcus.

“She should be in class.”

“She’s going home today.”

“But why did she wait? She should have left yesterday so she
could attend today.”

“Dad!” Marcus broke off and the room went silent. The light
was on, and I wondered if they could see my face. I slowly opened my eyes and
saw Marcus. He was sitting in a chair facing the bed, and I was lying in the
bed still. Tom must have been standing behind me. Footsteps sounded as he left.

Marcus sighed and ran a hand over his head. His gaze landed
on me and he said, “Don’t worry about him.”

“You keep saying that, but I think I should be.”

“He worries about people because he cares.”

I tried to keep a blank expression. It doesn’t seem possible
that Tom was worried about me for my own sake. I leaned up to look at Marcus
and beckon him to come back to bed.

“Help me?”

“Oh, of course!” I jumped up and helped him slide back up. The
nurses must have come in and helped him get up this morning. I glanced at the
window and realized it was later than I thought.

He laughed softly. “I know you must be exhausted, so I tried
to let you sleep.”

“And your family thinks I kicked you out of your bed.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, and his mouth curved up in a sly
smile. For a minute, I couldn’t move, not with the way he watched me. Funny
that he can make me blush still. I waved a hand toward the bathroom before
disappearing inside.

Was I ready for this? I had to leave him here. Every fiber
in my body screamed at the idea. I’ve fought so hard for him, and now… now I
just go back to my old life?

When I came out, he motioned for me lay beside him. We held
onto each other in silence until he reached over to the stand by his bed for
his phone.

“Isn’t it funny that we don’t have each other’s numbers
yet?”

I laughed. “That is a bit unusual.” We exchanged numbers,
and then he handed me a wad of money.

“What’s this?” I asked, staring at it. He shook it and I
reluctantly took it.

“I don’t want you worrying about gas money, okay?”

I nodded. This was starting to feel more and more like a big
goodbye, like it’d be a long time before I saw him again.  Marcus saw my
expression turn sad and opened his mouth to say something.

I spoke first.

“It just feels… it feels like I’m losing you again, and now I
can’t hear what you’re thinking anymore. We’ll just be a part.”

“Ave, baby, look at me,” he said and pulled my chin toward
him. “We’re connected. Fate decided that. We have something special where we
got to know each other from the inside out. Even if we can’t hear each other’s
thoughts anymore, even if we’re a part, you’re always on my mind.” He touched
his chest, over his heart. “You’re always right here,” he said, his voice
choked with emotion.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to hang onto him
for the rest of the day.

Then Tom cleared his throat behind us. He was probably
counting the minutes until I left. I pulled back from Marcus and searched his
eyes, hoping he’d remember our connection even after I left, even when his dad
was trying to talk him out of being with me.

We kissed one last time, a soft kiss on the lips, before I
stood up. He looked like I felt—I couldn’t talk. So we nodded and I squeezed
his hand and left the room, glancing back when I reached the door. He watched
me leave.

As I stepped out of his room, I remembered how his voice
sounded when he said,
It’ll be okay.

Jen waited in the hallway. I thought Tom might come out and
talk to me but he didn’t, and I didn’t see Elaina anyway. 

“So, you’re heading back?” Jen tried for a perky tone.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll walk with you. I could stretch my legs.”

We started off together, and she added, “In a way, you’re
lucky you have something to go do to keep busy.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

She scoffed. “You might be glad later. It gets so old just
staying here. But now that Marcus is doing better, I might go home.”

“Home? And leave him here with Tom and Elaina?” Ouch. That
wasn’t the nicest tone, and I was talking about her parents. I glanced over. 

“I know they can be a bit much.” She looked down. Was she
hiding her expression? They were great parents, sure, and I know they’ve been
there supporting Marcus… But they don’t like me. I’m not sure how to prove to
them that I’m helping Marcus and want the best for him. I let the topic drop,
not wanting to argue with Jen, not when she’s helped me so much. She was the
one that got me in to see Marcus while he was in a coma.

We talked about other things on the way down to the parking
garage, where she hugged me goodbye.

“Thanks for being there for Marcus,” she said when she
pulled away.

“You’ve really been there for him all along,” I said in
return. “I hope you know how much he appreciates it.”

Tears clouded her eyes as she nodded. She stepped back, and
then we both waved and turned away, her heading back inside and me walking out
in the garage to find my car.  

I tried to think ahead to school.  If I made it back to
class tomorrow, I could get in a few days this week. That is, if my professors
let me.  The term started without me, and I’m not sure if I’ve missed the
deadline to attend classes. I have to try, though. If for nothing else, because
I made a promise to Marcus.