In the Raw (17 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Ethan

Before I rethought my decision to go after Lassiter, I slipped inside the classroom and whispered in Claire’s ear, “I’m off to take care of something. Can you find another way home today?”

She gave me a hard glare, then wrapped me up in a fierce hug. “Don’t worry about me. Just make sure you don’t fuck it up this time.” I pecked her on her forehead, grabbed my stuff from our station and darted out of the classroom. I wasn’t sure if what I was about to do was a good idea. Hell, I doubted it ranked in the top hundred good ideas I’d ever had. All I knew was that despite myself, I hadn’t been able to get Lassiter out of my head since I’d last left his apartment. What he’d said to his parents in front of me had cut me deeper than I wanted to admit. But I still wanted him.

I drove across town to Lassiter’s condo in a haze, my mind going a million miles a minute. There were so many reasons to walk away. To simply walk away and never talk to him again. But the single moment I kept going back to in my mind was the morning I’d woken up in his bed and it had felt right. For once in my life I hadn’t felt the need to grab my shit and leave as soon as humanly possible. If I looked at who we were on paper, all the reasons for us to go our separate ways were stacked a mile high, but I had never done anything the easy way. And all I knew as I parked my car outside his condo was how much I wanted Jamie Lassiter. Damn the consequences.

I scrubbed my hand through my hair impatiently as the elevator took forever to reach his floor. When I finally made it to his door, I lifted my hand to knock but hesitated. What if I’d screwed it up? What if he’d realized we weren’t worth the trouble after all?

“Fuck it.” I pounded on his door as hard as I could.

The seconds stretched by. I was about to pound on his door again when a very surprised and shirtless Lassiter opened the door. His blue eyes widened with shock as he took in my harried appearance.

“Ethan?”

I knew I looked like shit, sweaty and disheveled and off balance from my rush to get to his apartment. His surprise turned to wariness as he leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. Even as visibly exhausted as he was, Lassiter still affected me. Every single memory I had of him flooded my mind and my body reacted. I knew how Jamie looked when I touched him, how his skin flushed when I looked at him and the breathy noise he made when I was buried inside him. Now, like a punch to the gut I remembered how perfectly he fit against my body, how he made me laugh despite myself and how proud of him I was for standing his ground and not taking my shit.

On the drive over to his apartment I’d focused on what I had to say and what he deserved to hear but now the words stuck in my throat. What could I say that would be good enough? How could I be good enough? As the silence stretched between us, I looked at the floor.

“Ethan?”

I lifted my eyes to find him watching me.

Jamie sighed and leaned against his door frame. “Did Claire talk you into this? Because for the past two weeks you’ve acted like I don’t exist. Every time I’ve tried to talk to you, you’ve shut me down. Why are you here?”

Scared shitless, my heart pounded. Why was I here?
I
wanted him.
Just him
.

I took a step closer and he tensed and swallowed hard. I didn’t know how to tell him what I wanted, but I could show him. Moving slowly, I cupped his neck, leaning in to brush my lips over his. Everything I’d felt since the first time we’d touched flooded back and my chest tightened expecting him to shove me away. Hell, I deserved it. Disappointment washed over me when he remained motionless. Then he drew in a surprised breath and leaned into me. Unable to stop myself, I kissed him again, slanting my mouth over his. Jamie’s fingers gripped my shirt as I felt him pulling me closer to him. I moaned against his lips as I moved my hands up his shirtless chest to frame his face with my hands.

I broke the kiss and bumped my forehead against his. “This. This is why I’m here. No one else makes me feel like this.”
Like I can do anything.
Be anything.
Be worthy.

I felt him shudder against me as he pressed his body flush against mine. I brushed my lips across his temple and murmured, “I could have tried to be more understanding about the whole situation with your parents and let you handle it your way. But I didn’t, and I’m sorry. This is about me not knowing what the hell I’m doing. You’re so much more than good enough. I’m sorry.”

With one swift movement, he pulled me inside his apartment and closed the door. I tried to pull back as I didn’t want him to think I’d shown up for anything other than his forgiveness.

“Look, Jamie... I didn’t come here for this.”

He linked our hands together and raised them to rest over his heart, his skin warm under mine. “No, you came here for this.”

I swallowed hard. “It’s all I want.”

He didn’t answer as he slid our hands down his bare chest and stomach. I closed my eyes when his hard length pressed against my palm through his jeans. When I tried to pull away, his hand tightened on mine. He leaned closer, his lips ghosting against mine. “And this?”

I let out a low, breathy chuckle. “This is always good.”

My heart pounded faster as Jamie nipped my bottom lip and murmured, “I wanted you before and I still want you now, Ethan. Just you.”

I closed my eyes, savoring his words. Even after all the stupid shit I’d said. How I’d acted. Even though no matter what I did or who I was, I would never deserve him, Jamie Lassiter still wanted me. My heart pounded and I felt light-headed as something between us shifted. This wasn’t like any other hookup I’d ever had. This was more.

When his hands cupped my face, his thumbs rubbing over my jaw, I slowly opened my eyes. The knot of tension I’d carried around for the past two weeks finally began to loosen. He slid his fingers from my chin to my cheek and around to cup the back of my head. My breath caught before his lips crushed mine in a deep, possessive kiss, his tongue stroking mine as his hand fisted in my hair.

When he finally broke the kiss, his hand snaked down my spine to rest on the small of my back. When he cupped my ass through my jeans, my hips arched toward his, cock achingly hard as I rubbed against his thigh. Without any words, he released his hold on me only to find my hand, linking our fingers tightly together. Silently, he pulled me deeper into his apartment to his bedroom.

Once we passed the threshold, he turned me to face him and walked me backward toward the bed. When my knees made contact, he slammed his mouth back over mine, kissing me breathless. In one swift movement, he pushed on my chest and sent me back toward the bed. I stumbled, sitting down hard as he stalked toward me. He straddled my legs, his weight resting on my lap, and kissed me again. This kiss was slow and languid as he slid his hands up to my hair. He tilted my head to the side, his lips gliding wetly under my ear.

My emotions warred with my body as he nipped and kissed his way across my neck. All I could think about was Jamie’s body on mine.

He growled and framed my face with both of his hands. “I know you didn’t come here for this, but I need you. I need this.”

“Whatever you need,” I murmured.

His fingers trailed over my arms, leaving goose bumps scattered in their wake as he tugged off my T-shirt and tossed it on the bed. He pushed against my chest. I lay back, my arms over my head, and raked my eyes over his face and body. “You are amazing, you know that?”

Jamie’s skin flushed as my words washed over him, but he tried to look away. “You don’t have to say that, Ethan. I’ll still want this. Want you.”

I cupped his jaw and forced him to look at me. I brought his face close to mine until his lips hovered inches away. I sucked at this part, the part where I actually had to tell someone who meant something to me how I felt. But I refused to make that mistake again with Jamie. I looked up at him and mustered every ounce of courage I had as I murmured, “I don’t have to say anything. But your whole life people have tried to tell you what to be. I’m telling you what I see.”

He sighed and brushed his lips over mine. I moaned softly and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. Instant heat. No one had ever made me feel this way. Like my skin was on fire from a kiss. In the past I would have jumped off the bed and made straight for the door. But I wanted to stay here for Jamie. No, I wanted to stay here
because
of Jamie.

He pulled back to kiss down my jaw. I dug my fingers into his shoulders to tug him closer, but he pulled back to stare down at me. My fingers slid into his hair when his mouth moved downward from my neck to my chest. A shudder went through my body when I felt his lips gently press a kiss over my heart. The kiss pierced me and I could feel the weight of it sink all the way into my chest. No one had ever shown me such passion and tenderness and all because he wanted me. Just me.

Overwhelmed and completely undone, I slid my hands down his sides and gripped his hips. In one swift motion, I rolled us, pinning him underneath me. I chuckled at the surprised expression on his face and leaned down to graze his chest with my teeth. Jamie arched his back as I traced his nipple with my tongue.

“Deep breath,” I teased. “Focus on the important shit, remember?”

Jamie stared up at me. “You remember?”

“Of course I remember. This is important. You’re important.”

He pulled me up for a deep, searching kiss, and a small moan escaped Jamie’s lips when I finally pulled away. I resumed kissing my way down his abs and his nails raked over my scalp. His hands fisted in my hair as I neared the top of his jeans and I loved how close he was to losing control already. I wanted to make him come undone.

Impatiently he tugged harder on my hair until my eyes met his. Lost in a haze, I leaned forward and slanted my lips over his. He closed his eyes, shuddering as my tongue plundered his mouth, our kiss shifting from passionate to pure need.

This wasn’t just sex. This was more. Every time he touched me, my heart pounded harder. This was Jamie. My Jamie.

His fingers dug into my back and I broke our kiss. I slid off the bed and watched him as he reached out to work open the button of my jeans with shaking hands. He licked his lip and I couldn’t hide the full-body shiver when he freed my cock. He curled his fingers around my length and stroked roughly, and I bit out a curse as my hips thrust.

“Fuck.”

“That’s the idea.” Jamie smirked as he stroked me again and I pushed him back, too close to losing control. Impatient, I attacked his jeans and tugged them and his boxers off. I shifted my weight to step out of my own as Jamie yanked me close.

“Jamie—”

He cut me off, slanting his mouth over mine. When we broke apart to breathe, he pressed another kiss to my lips and murmured, “Feel this. Feel how much I want you.”

In this moment, nothing mattered except what was happening between us.

I pulled away to dig in Jamie’s nightstand, hoping I’d still find the lube and condoms from before. When I found both, I nudged his legs apart to stand between them.

“Do you have any idea how sexy you look?” My voice was so low I wondered if he’d heard me, but his skin flushed, color spreading down his neck and chest.

He sat up on his knees, pressing his chest against mine. When he fisted his hand in my hair and tugged my head back hard to expose my throat I cried out. The trail his lips left across my skin as he kissed and bit his way down to my neck made me shiver harder. I gasped when he bit down on my collarbone and kneaded his ass harder as our groins rubbed together.

He nipped my collarbone again, then ravaged my mouth in a desperate kiss. When we broke apart to pant for breath, he flattened his palms against my chest and pushed roughly. I landed on my back onto the bed with a muffled
oomph
as he crawled up my body and straddled my hips.

Jamie was always sexy, but him taking what he wanted drove me out of my mind. I closed my eyes and fought back the urge to come, digging my fingers into his hips. I wasn’t even inside him yet and I was about to lose control. I wanted this to be good for him. His lips smoothed over my skin, teeth grazing over my neck and shoulders, as he tilted his hips, slipping my cock under him to rub along the crease of his ass. I felt his breath fan against my skin as he fumbled on the bed beside my head. I grasped his hips and pulled him harder against me as I heard the telltale sound of foil ripping.

I shuddered when I felt him pull away. With slightly shaky hands, he rolled the condom over my length.

“I want you, but I need to know you want this as much as I do.”

Pushing myself up on an elbow, I cupped the back of his neck and claimed his mouth. His groan rumbled against my lips as I put all of my desire and need for him into one kiss. When he pulled back gasping for air, I licked my lips, savoring the taste of him. “I want you. Everything you’ll give me.”

He straddled my hips again and I rubbed my cock along the cleft of his ass. As he moved sinuously against me, I fumbled around the bed until I found the lube. Popping the top, I poured a generous amount on my fingers and I watched as he closed his eyes and arched his back, allowing me better access to his ass.

“God, Ethan...” he moaned.

The way he looked—sweaty, flushed and totally absorbed in how good we made each other feel—was beyond anything I’d felt before. Even our one night together hadn’t been this intense. A totally mindless Jamie was the most arousing thing I’d ever seen and I stared at him in awe.

Slowly, I slipped my slick fingers down and pressed one against his tight hole. His body tensed above me as I gently pushed against it. I leaned up to take his nipple back into my mouth, sucking and tugging on it with my teeth as I pushed in a little deeper.

He lowered his chest closer to mine and pressed back against my hand, my finger sliding deeper. The groan he uttered vibrated between us, spurring me on. I worked a second finger inside him, and the sight of him riding my hand was so erotic I ground up harder against him, the need to feel him overwhelming me.