In the Raw (18 page)

“Ethan, I need you inside me. Now.”

Undone by his words, I grasped Jamie’s hips and gritted my teeth as he slowly lowered himself until I was buried inside him.

“Fuck,” I breathed out as my eyes closed with pleasure.

He stilled over me and panted, his muscles squeezing my cock as he gave himself time to adjust. After what felt like an eternity buried deep inside him, Jamie’s knees gripped my hips and he slowly rocked. When I opened my eyes, the expression on his face, his heavy-lidded eyes, swollen lips from our kisses and the blush that stained his face and neck was almost too much. “You are beyond sexy,” I murmured.

I rubbed my hands up and down his sides as he leaned down to ravage my mouth, pulling me closer to the edge with every slow, maddening movement.

Our breathing grew ragged, and sweat dripped off Jamie and onto me. When he tugged on one of my nipple rings, I arched up as the pleasurable pain shot straight to my cock. Watching the play of lean muscle as he moved slowly drove me crazy as his eyes closed and his damp hair stuck to his forehead. I kept my fingers on his hips anchoring him as he rode me harder, his cock rubbing against my abs, the way he tightened around me with each thrust pushing me closer to the edge. Jamie needed to come before my head melted off.

I shoved my other hand into his sweat-drenched hair and pulled his mouth to mine, lips and tongue and teeth devouring his mouth as his breath stuttered. I only pulled back long enough to drag in a breath. “It’s been too long since I’ve felt you come,” I bit out as I reached between us to stroke him roughly.

With a gasp against my lips, Jamie tensed, his whole body stilling as his fingers dug into my shoulders. Pleasure and pain pulled me over the edge as his body clenched tight around me. My eyes slammed shut as white-hot heat seared through my core, voice ragged as I cried out, following him over the edge.

Jamie’s weight turned heavy as he slumped down against me, his breathing ragged, aftershocks still coursing through his body. My hands smoothed up and down his back, fingers dragging on his skin as my eyes closed in drowsy, sated pleasure. Minutes later, I was dimly aware of him sliding to his side. I tugged off the condom and tossed it at the small trash can near his bed, too exhausted to move.

When he rolled toward me, he tossed his arm over my chest and burrowed into my shoulder. There was so much I wanted to say to him, so much we needed to discuss. But when I felt his body relax against mine, I decided whatever we had to say to each other could wait until tomorrow. Instead, I pulled the blanket over our damp skin and brushed my lips across his temple, hoping we’d finally both found what we needed.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Jamie

I woke up sticky and sweaty, my body pleasantly sore as the memory of last night slowly returned to my sleep-fogged brain. Ethan had come to talk and I’d jumped him, unleashing every frustrated, needy, desperate feeling I’d been fighting the past couple of weeks. It’d been raw, passionate and everything I’d needed at the time. But where did that leave us now?

When I rolled over, I felt my stomach plummet with dread. The other side of the bed was empty. Cold. Ethan was gone. Again.

I cursed. How could I be so...pathetic? I should have known better than to think Ethan had wanted anything more than sex. Nothing had changed. He was a surly loner when I’d met him, and he’d still be an angry, moody bastard who snarled and growled and ignored me long after.

A dull ache settled at the base of my skull and I slid out of bed, yanking on my boxers. I should have known better, but I’d wanted to believe he had come over for me and not just another one-night stand. But I’d been an idiot. Ethan’s words hadn’t meant anything.

I padded into the kitchen, headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of water and some aspirin when movement made me freeze. Ethan was still here. In my kitchen.

I knew surprise was etched on my face when I spotted him, clad only in a pair of my workout shorts, rifling through a cabinet. In the dim light from the small lamp, I could barely make out the ink covering his back and arms. He turned and faced me, his messy hair tousled from my fingers, and his crooked grin sent renewed heat through my body.

“You’re still here,” I croaked, my throat dry.

His smile slowly dimmed and his expression turned guarded.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” He paused and lifted the empty glass in his hand. “I was just grabbing something to drink but I couldn’t figure out which of the cabinets you kept your glasses in.” He ran his hand through his hair, making the already messy strands stick up even more.

I blinked.
How was he still here?
I’d thought for sure he’d bolted again. Standing in my kitchen, Ethan Martin suddenly looked vulnerable.

“Do you want me to leave?” His low voice was still sleep roughened and I didn’t know what I wanted at the moment. After thinking he’d left me hanging again, I felt raw and exposed.

When I didn’t answer he slowly set down the glass he’d been holding and his shoulders tensed.

“You really thought I’d left, didn’t you?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, wishing at the moment I had more clothes on besides my thin boxer briefs.

“What did you expect me to think?” I sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, keeping a fair amount of distance between us. “I woke up and you were gone. It may have been just sex before, but it’s more now. And like it or not, you hurt me when you left, Ethan. You took off right when I could have used the support or at least someone to understand what I was going through. You ignored me for two weeks. So tell me, what was I supposed to think when I woke up alone in bed?”

He sighed and set the glass down on the counter. “I deserved all that. I know I screwed up, but I have no intention of leaving unless you want me to. Do you want me to?”

My body ached to close the distance between us and take him in my arms, but I couldn’t. Last night I needed to feel the connection between us. This morning I needed to hear why he’d come over at all. “No, but I need to know why you’re still here. You told me you didn’t do relationships. Why me? Why now?”

He hesitated for a moment, then walked across the kitchen, standing mere inches from me with three long strides. He cupped my jaw and forced my eyes to meet his. “I’m here because I want you. Because even though I tried to get you out of my head for two straight weeks, I couldn’t. Because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here.”

“Not everyone is fearless like you, Ethan.”

He laughed but the sound was devoid of humor. “Fearless? I’m far from it. Especially when it comes to you.”

“Please. You’re not afraid of anything.”

“Don’t you get it? You terrify me. You make me want more than to spend my life in a furnace of a kitchen. You make me want more. Period.”

I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. I wanted to believe him, but there was still so much we needed to discuss. He pulled back and cleared his throat. When I opened my eyes, his expression was serious. “What is this?” He picked up the letter from my parents and held it out to me.

I swallowed hard, my eyes locked on the paperwork in his hands.

“If we’re going to try to do this—” he waved his free hand between us, “—we need to start by being honest with each other. Now tell me. What is this?”

I pulled back and took the papers out of his hand. “Letters. From my parents’ lawyer and there’s one in there somewhere from my mom. They’ve threatened to freeze all my accounts unless I decide to follow their vision of what they deem acceptable and appropriate for my life.” I sighed and set down the paperwork. “They’ve decided to be generous, though. If I decide to go my own way and chuck the Lassiter image altogether, they’ve agreed to give me a small account to tide me over until I can get on my feet. But the condo, trust fund, tuition, all of it’ll be rescinded. Gone.
Finito.
I’ll be on my own.”

Ethan took a step toward me, but I shook my head. It was all too much all of a sudden. While a part of me wanted his arms around me, I needed space. I took a deep breath, pleading with my eyes for him to understand.

“I’ll have to get a job, financial aid, something—hopefully win the scholarship if I want to stay in school. It’s either that or go back in the closet and work for my dad.”

Ethan growled, picking up the discarded paperwork and crumpling it in his fist. “They couldn’t tell you this themselves? They had to tell you through their scumbag lawyer on a piece of paper?”

I knew the smile that ghosted across my lips was devoid of humor. “I told them the only two things I wanted were to be a chef...and you.”

He stared at me hard, for once totally serious, with no trace of his usual smirk or cockiness. “No matter what, you can’t drop out of school. You can’t let them take that away from you.”

I gently pried the papers out of his hand and set them back on the counter. “I’d have to apply for financial aid, but it’s pretty late in the semester. I even know a guy who I might be able to convince to get me another shift in the school restaurant. But I’ll figure it out later.”

Ethan leaned against the counter next to me, his shoulder barely brushing against mine. He nudged me, but didn’t meet my eyes. “When do you have to let them know? You know, about your decision.”

I moved closer to him and brushed my fingers along the back of his hand. When his warm, callused hand enveloped mine, I felt the weight of the past two weeks begin to lift off my shoulders. “I’m expected for dinner this weekend, but I’m not going. I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. And I’m sure my mother will have another potential Mrs. Lassiter lined up even though I told her I’m gay. After all, what I want doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “I’ll just have to find another way to pay for school.”

I tightened my fingers in his and pulled him closer. He smiled sadly, his green eyes tinged with worry. I shook my head and lifted our joined hands in front of us. “What I couldn’t stand them taking away? My ability to choose who to be with.”

He leaned in to cup my cheek with his free hand, brushing his lips softly against mine. I released my hold on his hand and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He rested his forehead to mine and sighed.

“I’m going to have to find another nickname for you since you’re a broke ass like me now.”

I smiled, nuzzling his neck when he pulled me closer. “I don’t know. Golden Boy was starting to grow on me.”

His body shook with laughter. “Never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth.”

My lips trailed along his skin and I slid my hands lower to his hips. “I’m pretty sure there were a lot of things you never imagined coming out of my mouth until last night.”

He groaned, sending a jolt of need straight through me. I nipped the skin below his ear and was rewarded with a thrust of his hips against me. His eyes searched my face, need and vulnerability warring for dominance in his expression. I bridged the gap between us and captured his lips with mine, murmuring as I tried to infuse all I felt in a single kiss. “I want you.”

He moaned softly in response, then pulled back, breaking our kiss and looking at me with a guarded expression. “I want you too, and I think we have a lot more to talk about, but I won’t do a secret relationship. Not now. Not ever. I refuse to hide who I am and who I’m with.”

Feeling calmer than I had in over two weeks, I looked him directly in the eyes, hoping he heard the conviction in my words. “No secret relationship. Just the two of us figuring this out as we go. And I’m pretty sure the ship has already sailed with my parents and our classmates. Not too many people left for me to out myself to now.”

He chuckled and pulled me back into his arms. I buried my face in his neck and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. It brought a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in almost two weeks. I sighed and relaxed against him. We must have stayed wrapped around each other for a good five minutes before he broke the silence between us.

“What are you going to do once your parents figure out you’re not coming for dinner this weekend? Do you think they’ll kick you out of here immediately?”

Sighing, I pulled myself away from him and leaned against the kitchen counter again. “I don’t know. I’ve looked around, but there aren’t too many high-paying jobs for someone with only one day of real-life experience. Most places had starting positions available, but I’d never be able to afford rent with a part-time waitstaff job while also trying to juggle tuition. I’ll look into financial aid, because with how well you did in the last round of competition, I’m not stupid enough to think I’m a shoo-in for winning the scholarship. Maybe I can qualify for a loan somewhere and find a cheap place to live.”

Almost shyly, Ethan took my hand and turned me to face him. “You could come stay with us. With me and Claire. Until you get on your feet.”

My heart hammered in my chest as I took in his shy, guarded expression, the tightness in his shoulders. “Ethan, I’m not sure you want me crowding you and Claire in your apartment. I’ll be fine.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Uh-huh. Sure. Do you know how much rent is around here unless you live in a dump? Yeah, I don’t think so. Come stay with us. At least until you work out shit with financial aid.”

I bit my lip and looked at him, debating what to do. If we were going to make this work, we’d be dating and spending time together anyway. But even as I thought that, Ethan’s words from weeks before came back to me.
I’m not a fucking charity case.
You help me
,
I
help you.
That’s how it works.
How stupid I’d been to not understand something so simple and basic at the time. Being stripped of all the benefits the Lassiter name afforded had been the surest way to put life in perspective.

Making my decision, I nodded, my determined expression matching his own. “Okay. Until I get something worked out with financial aid. But I’m not a charity case, Martin. You help me, I help you. Whatever pittance I make from the job I have to find by next week, goes toward helping with rent and groceries.” Ethan opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I put my hand up to stop him. “It’s either that, or nothing.”

He pulled me against his body, his lips pressing against my temple as he chuckled. “I seem to recall hearing those words somewhere else. I can’t remember where, though. Must be the stress of school messing with my memory.”

I tried to pull back and glare at him, but he kept me held tightly against him.

“It’s a deal, Golden Boy. I’ll even talk to Kitterick to see if you can have a regular shift at the restaurant. I’m not sure he’ll take you on, though. You are a little bit of a troublemaker.”

He yelped when I reached down and pinched his ass through the fabric of his borrowed shorts. “Asshole. This troublemaker is going to take a shower and get his stuff together. We still have class later. And we need to talk to Claire.”

“Why? She loves you. Who do you think has been pestering me the last two weeks to talk to you?”

“Yeah, but living together is a lot different than talking.”

He pulled me close for a deep kiss.

“Shower, then we face my sister. Okay?”

“We’re showering alone.”

He made a face.

“You know if we’re both in the shower at the same time we’ll be late.” I winked at him. “Don’t worry, you can scrub my back later after class.”

“You are an evil, evil man, Jamie Lassiter.”

I threw him a smirk over my shoulder as I headed to the bathroom. “I learned from the best.”

I was still grinning when I stepped underneath the shower spray. Maybe living together temporarily wasn’t such a bad idea.