Indelible Love - Emily's Story (23 page)

I couldn’t answer him.

I drew a blank.

I went mute.

“Emi!” I heard a shout from the other
end of the Skywalk. Horrified, I retracted my hand from Max’s and
wiped my tear-stained cheeks. Thankfully, Max didn’t fight me when
I pulled him up from the ground and tried to erase the proposal
that just happened.

“Sweetheart.” Jake ran over and held
me. He gave Max an unpleasant look. “Are you all right? What just
happened?” This was a question posed more toward Max than
me.

I was never more relieved to see
Sarah, Charlie, and Peter running toward us. They immediately
pulled Max away from me.

“Em…take your time, I’ll wait…” His
voice trailed, but both Jake and I heard it clearly.

“What happened, Emily? What was that
all about?” Jake needed to know, but I wasn’t ready to tell him.
How could I explain to a man who wanted to marry me that my
ex-boyfriend had just proposed? Jake would only jump to the wrong
conclusion and get angry with me. I stayed in his arms,
quiet.

Sarah walked over to check on me. “Do
you want me to stay with you? Are you OK?”

I wanted to ask her to stay so I
didn’t have to face Jake alone, but I nodded my head and silently
told her I was OK. She handed me my belongings and left.

“Emi, please,” Jake
pleaded. “Can you tell me why I saw Max on his knee?” Frustration
mounted as I continued to remain silent. “
EMILY
!”

“Max just proposed to me.” My head
stayed down. I was even too afraid to cry.

“Why would he do that? What happened
between you two yesterday? Did something happen last night?” A
sound close to a roar marked his last two questions.

Alarmed, I stared at
him.
How could you think such a
thing
?

“What happened last night?” he asked
again.

“Nothing happened last night, and as
for yesterday, it was the most pleasant day we’ve had since Max and
I broke up,” I answered in an angry tone.

“Then why would he be encouraged
enough to propose to you?”

As angry as I was that Jake would
think so lowly of me, I knew I needed to explain everything that
had led up to this proposal. Ignorance only encouraged him to jump
to wrong conclusions.

“Max told me last night, he was going
to propose to me after graduation but got cold feet. Then this
morning, he asked if he could give me my graduation present that
he’d been holding on to all these years. Well, the ring was the
graduation present, and he asked me to marry him.”

Jake’s tightened visage relaxed in a
show of obvious relief that a proposal was all that had happened.
He had forgotten what he had accused me of just moments
before.

“So, what did you say to him? I assume
you said no, but how did you turn him down?” Jake sounded insecure
when he asked this question and rightly so. What little trust he
had in me right now was about to be shattered once he knew that Max
and I had found no resolution. But, I believed Jake would end up
listening to reason once his anger subsided, and after I turned
down Max’s proposal, we could get back to our own proposal. Yes,
we’d weather this storm and eventually get married. I just couldn’t
be sure how long it would take for Jake to calm down.

“Jake…I didn’t get a chance to answer
Max,” I confessed.

“What do you mean you didn’t answer
him? Emily, I don’t understand.”

Immediately his eyes shot
daggers of pain straight into my heart.
It
will be OK. Once he calms down, he’ll forgive me and we’ll be all
right. This is only a misunderstanding. It will clear up
soon.
“Jake, I’m sorry. I don’t know why
but I went mute. I was in such shock when he asked me…and I knew
the right answer was no…but it wouldn’t come out. Then you came
and…I don’t know what happened.”

“How could you turn down my proposal
without a second thought but give his proposal a second chance?”
Jake cried in disbelief.

“I’m not giving him another chance. I
don’t want to marry him.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him that?”
He enunciated each word in a biting tone.

“I don’t know…but I will…I will as
soon as I see him.” The plea came out more despondent than
desperate. The bright light in my life grew dim. Judging from all
we’d been through in the last two months, a shutdown would be his
next course of action. I tried to explain my feelings to him, but
Jake ignored me like he had the morning he proposed to me. He
wouldn’t respond or listen to anything I had to say. He was trying
to protect me from his hurtful words, but this lack of
communication hurt even more.

I begged, “Please, Jake. Don’t shut me
out. Talk to me. Yell at me. Do whatever you want, but don’t go
silent on me. Please…I don’t love Max. I love you. As soon as we
get home, I’m going to have a talk with Max and tell him the truth.
I’ll clear everything up.”

Nothing worked. Jake’s
afflicted face made me hold back, and I gave him room to think.
Only a few minutes passed before he let go of my hands and walked
away. Afraid to be alone I walked toward him and attempted to grab
his hand. He gently pushed me away and walked into a crowd of
people and out of sight. I crouched down in the middle of the
Skywalk, hugging my knees to my chest, and waited for Jake to
return. Once he calmed down and gathered his thoughts, I trusted he
would come back and talk to me. He would reassure me that he loved
me just like he had Christmas morning.
He’ll be back. He’ll be back soon
.

My phone rang, and I was only too
happy to answer it, believing it was Jake.

“Emily, it’s me, Sarah. Are you
OK?”

Not knowing what to say, “I’m OK,” was
the lie that came out.

“Do you want us to come and get
you?”

“No, I’ll go back with Jake. I’ll see
you at home.” I trusted Jake would come back for me.

“OK, call if you need
anything.”

“Thanks, Sarah.”

Visitors came and left,
and many were annoyed that I was in their way. My body didn’t move.
I became a part of the Grand Canyon scenery. As the hours ticked
by, I thought about my life. I couldn’t believe the hurt both Max
and Jake were putting me through. My mind fought with my heart
trying to figure out why I couldn’t have answered Max’s proposal
sooner. I knew in my mind I didn’t love Max anymore. There were no
more desires or fanciful thoughts of marrying Max. We didn’t have a
future together. I knew in my heart that I loved Jake. Though I had
refused his Christmas proposal, I would answer yes to his next
proposal and live my happily ever after. All thoughts of my future
only included Jake.
Jake will be here.
He’ll be here any moment now.

The sun went down sooner
than expected. Even my deep sadness couldn’t deny Grand Canyon’s
majestic sunset. Jake never came back for me. Dejected, I couldn’t
believe he left me waiting for him.
How
could he not know I’d wait
? How could he
not believe all my declarations this morning? At this very moment,
I understood my relationship with Jake was over. A dream, a
nightmare—this was not what I had pictured. How would I salvage my
relationship with Jake? Would there be a second chance?

Jake’s silent walk out of my life
signaled his gracious way of letting me go. Whether he was letting
me go because he was tired of me and my roller coaster emotion, or
so I could have a life with Max, I didn’t know. What I knew for
sure was that he wouldn’t want to see or talk to me. My biggest
fear had come true. Today, Jake woke up and realized he didn’t want
to love me anymore. Yes, it was my fault this time—but the fact
still remained, I had been abandoned again.

The ironies of life were unending. My
two offers of marriage within a week spoofed a comedy and a
tragedy, as neither was viable at this point. Max’s love for me
destroyed my love for Jake. I could write a Shakespeare play based
on my life—only child loses both parents, loses first boyfriend,
first boyfriend pushes away second boyfriend, girl ends up alone,
again. Almost comical…

Feeling tired and beaten up by life
and love, I couldn’t cry anymore. I didn’t want to fall apart this
time. I wanted to be strong, accept the curve ball life had thrown
at me again, and move on. Of course, this was easier said than
done.

“Miss? Excuse me, Miss?” I awoke to
find my body still crouched in the middle of the
Skywalk.

“Are you OK?” a park ranger asked.
“You’ve been here a long time. Do you need help?”

“What time is it?” I asked, dazed and
a bit confused.

“It’s 6:00 p.m. We need to close the
Skywalk. Are you with anyone? Do you need a ride
somewhere?”

The ranger woke me up to my living
nightmare—Jake had never come back for me. I was left stranded in
the middle of the Grand Canyon.

“Sir, could you take me to the nearest
rental car place?”

“Sure.”

During the car ride, I did everything
in my power not to break down and sob. I couldn’t believe the man
who said he wanted to take care of me the rest of my life abandoned
me. I was sure he saw my friends leave. Didn’t he wonder how I
would get home? How could Jake leave me?

“Miss, here you are.” The ranger
kindly dropped me off. “Take care.”

“Thank you.”

At the car rental place, the first
call went to Sarah.

“Sarah?”

“Emily. Where are you? Did you and
Jake go back home?”

I started to cry.

Frantic, Sarah started crying with me.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Sarah, I’m still in
Arizona.”

“What? Why are you still
there?”

“Oh, Sarah!” My tears continued. “Jake
never came back for me. He left me here by myself.”

“WHAT
?” Sarah yelled loudly. “Where exactly are you? Charlie and I
will come get you.”

“I’ll explain it all when I get home.
Right now I want to go visit my parents in Texas. Could you book a
room for me at that hotel near their gravesite? You remember, the
one we stayed at last time?”

“Emily, it’s too far for you to drive
alone. Let me go with you.” Sarah was always a kind soul. She would
go to great lengths for me and for that, she would always have my
thanks.

“I need to be alone and figure out a
few things. I’ll call as soon as I get home.”

“Why don’t I fly out and meet you
there? Let’s do that.”

“Thanks, Sarah but I need to do this
on my own.”

Chapter 10 Visiting Mom and
Dad

Today was New Year’s Eve, and having
no one to turn to, I wanted to see my parents. As grateful as I was
for Sarah’s friendship, I needed to be with family. After leaving
the rental agency, I drove all night, eager to be with my parents.
If timed perfectly I could be there by New Year’s Day and spend New
Year’s with them. That would give me just enough time to get back
for school. This would be a great distraction from my sorry
life.

Struggling to smile, I tried not to
think about the pain that lodged back into my heart. I wondered if
Jake was worried about me right now. Would he call soon to
reconcile? Or was he so angry he simply stopped caring?

The drive through Arizona was a
peaceful one. It was a bit windy at times but the serene setting
was much needed and appreciated. To distract myself, I marveled at
the beauty and diversity of plant life. One would never find such
huge cacti in Southern California, but Arizona was filled with them
at every turn. My stomach growled, signaling that it was running on
empty—a highly unusual occurrence for me. Jake and Max would have
both laughed at this notion.

I forced myself to think about
everything but Jake. Unfortunately, when not thinking of Jake, my
mind wandered to the confusion I’d caused with Max. What would I
tell Max when I turned him down?

Sigh
!

Thinking over all the fond memories
created during college, there could be no other resolution than to
tell Max that I loved him. But, no amorous love existed between us
anymore. We loved each other like the five of us, Peter, Charlie,
Sarah, Max, and I loved each other—as the best of friends. Max and
I would always love each other since we knew no other feeling when
it came to one another. A passionate love that bonded a man and a
woman to live happily with one another for the rest of their lives,
was not a part of us anymore. Ours was the kind of love family
members shared. There was no set beginning and no direct course but
it would always be there. I would always love Max, but only as a
friend.

Hopefully, I could also convey that I
had moved on and found a new and deeper love. One that made me feel
joyful and content, safe and protected, one that I knew could be
there forever. Why couldn’t I have mentioned this to Max in the
morning? Just a few hours earlier and I could’ve avoided this
chaos. My fiasco with Jake forced me to view life more
objectively—finally with clarity.