Indelible Love - Emily's Story (26 page)

Early the next morning, the phone
rang, and Jane yelled so loudly I quickly ran to her room to see
what was going on. She began apologizing as I calmed her
down.

“That was Nick on the phone. Jake and
Nick are in town and they’re on their way here. I’m so sorry,
Emily. Please believe me when I say that I didn’t know that they
were coming. I checked with my mom, and she told me that Jake was
scheduled to work all weekend.”

My knees buckled at the thought of
seeing Jake again. I panicked and ran to the guest room and started
packing my belongings.

“Emily, I’m so sorry!” Jane began
crying.

I comforted her and told her not to
worry. Of course I trusted Jane. I knew that she wouldn’t trick me
into coming to New York to meet up with her brother.

“Jane, it’s OK. I’ll
leave.”

“Emily,” she cried some more. “No.
Don’t go. This is your chance to talk to Jake and resolve your
problems. You have nowhere else to go. Please stay!”

She could tell by my doubtful
expression that her words were not convincing.

“Where will you go? Don’t you want to
clear up this misunderstanding?”

“I don’t know where I’ll go. And yes,
I’d like to go back to my life before Christmas, but I think what’s
between me and Jake is a bit more than a misunderstanding,” I
answered as curtly but politely as possible, trying to squelch any
emotion, lest I cry again. “I’ll call you when I figure it
out.”

I had no idea where I would go. To a
hotel? Back home? As much as I wanted to see Jake one more time, I
didn’t think my feeble heart could handle it. I thought it best to
leave before they arrived.

Ding
Dong
.

Too late. My heart beat a million
times a second. I felt faint and nauseous again. My face turned red
from the tears I held back and my body began to shake. The moment I
had dreamt of for the last three weeks crept up on me in the last
thirty minutes. How was I going to handle seeing Jake without
crying? I wanted to be strong but didn’t know how.

“What are you doing here?” Jane yelled
after slamming the door.

“What’s gotten into you?” That sounded
like Nick fighting back.

“Why didn’t you let me know you were
coming?”

“We did. That’s why we called when we
landed at JFK. Why are you so angry we’re here? I have some good
news. Jake agreed to keep our reservation at Masa so we’re
basically here to eat dinner. We’re both leaving first thing
tomorrow morning.”

“It might have helped if you had
called.” Jane was still angry.

“We left at midnight. That’s three in
the morning your time. I didn’t think that you’d appreciate that
call. Anyhow, why are you really angry? Are you hiding a boy in the
other room? Is that why you’re so upset? It’s all right. I won’t
tell Mom.”

Nick continued to speak and I didn’t
hear Jake outside so I thought maybe he hadn’t arrived yet.
Thinking the coast was clear I got my suitcase and came out of the
guest room. Everyone—Jane, Nick, and Jake—stopped talking and
stared at me. Though I saw Jake, I didn’t look at him. My eyes
stayed on the ground until Nick came to give me a hug.

“Emily, when did you get here? It’s so
great to see you!” His bear hug reminded me of my first encounter
with the Reid family. It was so warm and loving.

“Um, I um got here yesterday,” I
stammered.

“Why do you have your suitcase in your
hand? Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I was just leaving. It was nice
seeing all of you.”

I gave Jane a quick hug and darted for
the door. As I opened the door, I could hear Nick calling me back
saying, “Emily, don’t go. We’re going to Masa for dinner. You have
to join us.”

Jane simultaneously yelled at Jake.
“Jake, you’re such a jerk! How could you leave Emily stranded in
Arizona? Why are you ignoring her when she’s been trying to get a
hold of you for weeks? How can you be so cold? How do you propose
to Emily and then completely disregard her? That’s not
love.”

Not able to endure any more, I shut
the door and ran down the hallway, half hoping Jake would follow
me, and half scared he wouldn’t. I got in the elevator and ran out
the front door, walking as fast as I could to the biggest
intersection to catch a cab. Nearing the end of the block, I heard
the voice that stopped my heart.

“Emily!” Jake yelled out at
me.

I stopped in my tracks.
His one word paralyzed me.
I have to be
strong and not let him break my heart again
. My legs wanted to buckle under and collapse to the
ground.
I’m not going to cry, I’m not
going to cry
. This was all I could promise
while he ran over to me. I flailed my arms, caught a cab, and
started putting my suitcase in when Jake caught up with me. He
started our conversation with much tenderness in his eyes and love
in his voice. I wanted to fall into his arms and tell him how much
I loved him…just how terribly I missed him.

“Emily. Please, don’t go.” He grabbed
my hand and tried to get me to take my suitcase out of the
taxi.

“I should leave. You three have a
great time.”

“I feel terrible interrupting you and
Jane, but I’m glad you’re here. You didn’t mention you were coming
to see my sister… Regardless, we need to talk.” So I guess he did
read my texts. He just didn’t feel the need to respond. Why would
he? Why should he?

“Emily, what was Jane talking about me
leaving you in Arizona?”

I didn’t answer him because I felt
foolish waiting for a man who never returned for me.

“Answer me! What was she talking
about?” He soon did an about-face once Arizona became a part of the
conversation. He remembered our abrupt ending.

“What do you care?” I answered
shutting the trunk.

“Tell me!” he demanded, but quickly
softened. “Please?”

“I waited for you to return,” was all
I wanted to say, hoping he would let me go without asking any more
questions.

“What do you mean you waited for me to
return? For how long?”

I stayed silent.

“Damn it, Emily, how long did you wait
for me?” His icy demeanor melted as soon as he saw tears well up in
my eyes. Though he demanded, he knew he didn’t want to know my
answer.

“…
till it closed,” I
answered quietly, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“What?” Terror struck him. He
understood what he had done. “How could you have waited for me till
closing time? Didn’t you realize after a while I wasn’t coming
back? It was freezing that day. You didn’t even have a jacket on.”
His voice began with regret, only to hurt me with his next
question. “How stupid can you be?”

How can you be observant
enough to notice I didn’t have on a jacket that day but not
observant enough to know I would be waiting for you?
Tears kept surging but I forced them back just
long enough.

“Yeah, I was stupid all right.” I was
angry right back at him.

“
Stupid enough to believe
you when you said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your
life with me. Stupid enough to trust your words when you told me
you would never let me be alone again. Stupid enough to think that
the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wouldn’t abandon
me—that after he calmed down—would come back for me. That’s how
stupid I was.”

He groaned my name in anguish. “I left
you by yourself at the Skywalk? You mean you didn’t go home with
Max?” He really sounded tormented at this point. “I’m sorry, Emily.
I didn’t mean to leave you there. You know I would never abandon
you. I really thought you were with your friends. I can’t believe I
did that to you. How did you get home? Oh, Emi.” He moved closer to
embrace me but I pushed him away.

“I don’t want your sorry or your pity.
My breakup with Max was a walk in the park compared to what you put
me through. You made yourself clear by not returning for me, and by
not returning any of my messages. I was right to doubt your love.
There was no way you could have loved me as much as you said you
did!” Tears went everywhere as I fumbled to take off the ring I
didn’t want to let go. “Here! I don’t think this belongs to me
anymore.” I handed him the ring not so gently as I heard it clang
onto the cement and roll down the sidewalk.

I saw a torn look on Jake’s face
trying to decide whether to chase after the ring or keep an eye on
me who was halfway in the cab. He chose the ring.

“JFK” was all I could say to the cab
driver before I began hyperventilating.

Chapter 13 Time to Say
Good
-bye

The flight back home gave me a chance
to calm down and think through the conversation I needed to have
with Max. I hoped that I wouldn’t lose him as a friend after our
talk. We were past the point of marrying each other, but he would
always be part of my intimate circle of friends.

Once home, I took a last look at my
cell phone before shutting it off for good. Fifteen missed calls
lit up the screen. Even Jake had called, no doubt feeling guilty
about leaving me in Arizona. I chose not to listen or read any of
them. Where I was going, there would be no need for a cell phone,
and dwelling on my life here would do me no good. I texted back a
simple message letting Jane know that I was OK.

Just got home. Thanks for
being my friend. Enjoy your dinner. Tell Nick I’m sad I missed
it.

She immediately texted
back.

I need to talk to you.
CALL ME!!!

I ignored the last part. Of course,
she called right away, but I declined the call.

One unreturned phone call still
haunted me.

“Hi, Max. It’s me, Em. I’m sorry it’s
taken me so long to get back to you. How are you?”

“I’m busy, but doing well. How are you
doing?”

“I’m doing ok, I think.” I hated lying
to people, but lying was the easiest way to get out of drawn-out
explanations.

“Are you ready to talk, Em? Can I come
over?”

“Yeah, I’m home. Come over if you’re
not too busy. Or, I can come to you.”

“I’ll come to you. Have you had
dinner?”

“No.”

“I’ll bring something over. See you
soon. Bye.”

I sensed a change in Max’s tone during
this conversation. Peaceful? Yes, he sounded more peaceful talking
to me. Perhaps this conversation wasn’t going to be as hard as I
expected.

Max came over within the hour and we
had dinner. We had gone through almost a pot of coffee before I
found the courage to bring up the topic of us. In the meantime, we
conversed about his school year and all his classes. He told me
that he wanted to be a pediatrician, and wanted to eventually go
overseas and help children in impoverished countries. I could see
that Max had matured since our college days. He knew what he wanted
out of life, and he was willing to give more to life than take from
it. He had found his peace.

“Max. I’m happy to hear about your
plans. When did you decide all this? And what brought on this
change?”

“I did some soul searching
after Vegas, and realized that I wanted to make use of being a
doctor. So many children don’t have proper medical care. I want to
go and help these kids. My mind is finally settled on what I want
to do the rest of my life. The question is, will
you
be there with
me?”

“Max. I’ve been doing a lot of soul
searching as well, and let me share my heart with you. That morning
on the Skywalk, a lot happened to me after you proposed. Did you
know Jake saw you propose to me?”

Max shook his head no.

“Because I turned down his proposal
but not yours, he got upset and left me. We are no longer
together.”

Max looked guilty and
surprised.

“Since then, I’ve been thinking about
us and what you mean to me. You know I still love you.” This
brought a smile to Max’s boyish good looks. “I still love you, Max,
but not the same way I did back in college. If you think about it,
you and I know no other feeling for each other. We saw each other
our freshman year, and boom, we were in love. I don’t know what
it’s like not to love you. But, sometime even before I met Jake, my
love for you changed. There was no more physical love. I just
continued to love you like my family or best friend. You have
always been like family and one of my very best friends. That’s how
I love you and that’s the only way I see us staying.”

Max looked hurt.

“When I think of the past, I reminisce
about us and smile. When I think of the future, the only person I
see is Jake. I’m sorry, but I have to say no to your proposal. My
big regret is that I didn’t tell you this back in
Arizona.”

“Em, think about it some more. You and
I loved each other deeply for four years. It can’t be over for us.
I know I haven’t been fair to you. I understand now what you meant
when you told me the other day that you always thought you loved me
more than I loved you. I never fully showed you how I felt. I
didn’t think I needed to. I just assumed you knew. Truly, my love
for you was over and abundant. Let me show you this love, now and
for the rest of our lives. Please, reconsider.”