Insane City (43 page)

Big Steve muted the sound. The room was silent.

“Holy mother of fuck,” said Marty.

“I know, right?” said Kevin.

“What is he
doing
?” said Marty. “With an
orangutan
?”

“He says it’s complicated,” said Big Steve.

“You talked to him?”

“He called a little while ago. He wanted to make sure we were in the room. Said he’s bringing some

people here.”

“What people?”

“He says that’s also complicated.”

“Does he know he’s supposed to be getting married? Like,
soon
?”

“I assume so,” said Big Steve. “Tina’s looking for him. She’s been calling here.”

“Oh Jesus,” said Marty. “What’d you tell her?”

“I said he went for a walk,” said Kevin.

“He
went for a walk
?”

Kevin shrugged. “Best I could do. Short notice.”

Marty slumped onto the sofa. “This is very, very, very bad,” he said. “If he fucks up this wedding,

Tina will kill him. She will remove his balls with barbecue tongs.”

Kevin and Big Steve nodded, knowing that this was hyperbole, but only mild hyperbole.

“Maybe he’ll get here in time,” said Big Steve. He looked at his watch. “There’s still a little time.”

“Except he’s probably going to get arrested,” said Kevin, nodding toward the TV. “He’s on there

every thirty seconds. He’s like the fucking GEICO gecko.”

“He’s gonna need a lawyer,” said Marty. Kevin and Big Steve looked at him.

“What?” said Marty.

“Marty,” said Kevin, “don’t screw this up worse than it already is.”

“What are you talking—”

The phone rang. Big Steve grabbed it. “Hello? Jesus, Seth! What the—OK, OK. Yeah, he’s here.

Hold on.” He handed the phone to Marty.

“Seth?” said Marty. “What the . . . OK. Yeah. OK, go ahead.”

For the next several minutes, Marty listened in silence, except for emitting the occasional “Oh

Jesus.” Finally, he said, “Are you sure? I mean, couldn’t they just . . . OK. OK. When?” Marty looked at

his watch. “OK, we’ll be there. OK. Bye.”

Marty hung up. “Jesus,” he said.

“What?” said both Kevin and Big Steve.

“He’s bringing the Haitians.”

“What Haitians?”

“The ones he had in his room. Remember? He told us?”

Blank stares.

“OK, he had these Haitians in his room, which he found in the ocean. He was hiding them from the

police while this guy tried to find their sister. But then Mike Clark’s security guys grabbed them.”

“Why’d they do that?” said Kevin.

“Apparently Mike didn’t want them around because they might interfere with the wedding. So he had

his guys, like, kidnap them. So Seth and Cyndi and Meghan went after them and they got the Haitians back,

but there was some shooting . . .”

“Some
shooting?”
said Kevin.

“That’s what he said, some shooting, and now the cops are after them for various things they think

they did even though, according to Seth, they didn’t really do any of them, including, supposedly, a

robbery.”

“A
robbery
?” said Kevin.

“What about the orangutan?” said Big Steve.

“He didn’t really explain the orangutan,” said Marty. “But here’s the thing. He wants to bring the

Haitians back here, hide them in this room. He doesn’t want them to get into any trouble.”

“Why’s he so concerned about them?” said Kevin.

“He didn’t go into it. He just said it’s very important. So he wants us to go out and meet them.

They’re all coming here, to the hotel—by boat.”

“Where, exactly?” said Big Steve. “Out there on the beach?”

“Yeah. The beach.”

Kevin went to the balcony window, looked out. “There’s a bunch of boats out there right now,” he

said.

Marty went over and looked. “Those aren’t them,” he said.

“How do you know?”

“Because,” said Marty, “Seth says they’re on a pirate ship.”

67

“You see that boat?” said Brewer. “The pirate boat?”

From the bridge of the
Bay Wanderer
, Castronovo was pointing at the
Barco Loco
, a quarter mile

ahead, turning right into Government Cut.

“I see it,” said Joe Sarmiento, at the wheel.

“We want you to catch that boat.”

“That’s not the route we take,” said Joe. “We’re supposed to follow a specific—”

“We don’t give a rat’s ass what route you’re supposed to take,” said Brewer. “The men on that boat

have committed robbery and kidnapping. There are innocent victims aboard that boat. This is a police

emergency, and you need to cooperate with us.”

“Can I at least radio the base, let them know—”

“No,” said Brewer, stepping close. “You’re not going to radio anybody. You’re going to do exactly

what we say. You catch that boat, understand?”

“OK,” said Joe. He glanced at Yolanda Berkowitz and shrugged.
Hey, they have guns.

Yolanda, her face reddening, faced Brewer. “Those are innocent people down there,” she said. She

pointed down toward the observation deck, behind and below the bridge enclosure, where rows of

cruisers sat expectantly in the sun. “They paid for a tour. They have nothing to do with this. You can’t just

—”

“They’ll be fine,” said Brewer. “Everyone will be fine, long as you cooperate. We just need to catch

that boat, that’s all. Then we’re out of your life.”

Yolanda reached for the door handle. Castronovo grabbed her arm and said, “Where are you going?”

“I’m the tour guide,” she said. “I’m supposed to give the tour. I stand out there by the microphone.”

“Right there,” said Castronovo, pointing to a microphone mounted on the wall next to Sarmiento.

“Use that one.”

Yolanda looked at Joe, who shrugged again. She turned the knob to PA, unhooked the microphone,

held it to her mouth, pressed the key. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, “welcome aboard the
Bay

Wanderer
. Today we have a very special tour in store for you.”

Ahead, the
Barco Loco
had completed its turn into Government Cut and was disappearing behind the

massive stern of a cruise ship.

Brewer nudged Joe. “Speed it up,” he said.

Joe pushed the throttles forward.

68

The phone rang just as the Groom Posse was headed out the door to meet the pirate boat. The

Groom Posse almost didn’t answer, but decided it might be important. Marty trotted over and grabbed the

phone.

“Hello? Oh,
hey
, Tina!” He gave Kevin and Big Steve an
Oh shit
look. “Yes, I do know where he is.

I just talked to him. He’s on his way here right now and . . . Oh. So you saw the TV news.”

“Oh shit,” said Kevin.

“Listen, Tina,” said Marty, “I can explain this. Seth had these Haitian people he res— OK, so you

know about that. Well, anyway, apparently those two big dudes who work for your dad— OK, you know

about that, too. Right. Right. I’m sure they were, but Seth was concerned so he went to, um, get them back

and apparently there were some, um
problems
tha— Right, I understand, and I’m sure Seth totally agrees

— Right, no, I know you do— Of course, it’s your wedding day, and I’m sure Seth totally— OK. Right.

No, he shouldn’t, and I’m sure he wou— Right. Right. Of course. But anyway, the important thing is, he’s

on his way here right now and he should be here any minute. He just called. Wha— Well, yes, they’re still

with him, but he’s— Tina? Tina?” Marty looked at Kevin and Big Steve. “She hung up. She is
really

pissed.”

“So what do we do?” said Big Steve.

“We’re the Groom Posse,” said Marty. “We got the groom’s back.”

“What the hell does
that
mean?” said Kevin.

“I don’t know yet,” said Marty. “Let’s go.”

69

Tina stared at the phone for several seconds. Gathered in a semicircle in front of her were her

mother, Blaze Gear, Tracee and Traci. Behind them the TV was showing, yet again, the Bayside

Marketplace video of Seth struggling through the crowd, his arm around Laurette.

“I do
not
fucking believe this,” said Tina. She looked up. “He’s bringing them back here.”

“So that’s good!” said Blaze, always thinking timeline. “If he gets here in the next half hour, we’re

—”

“It’s
not
good,” said Tina. “He still has those people with him! It’s like he doesn’t care about me at

all! About his
own goddamn wedding
. All he cares about is those people who shouldn’t even
be
here.”

Marcia put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Look, Tina, once he gets here I’m sure everything

will be OK.”

“Except the police are after him.”

“Daddy can take care of that, honey. We can make this all work.”

Tina looked at her mother for a few seconds, then nodded. “Yes we can,” she said. “We can make

this work.” She picked up her cell phone, hit the speed dial. She waited, tapping her fingers impatiently,

but not in such a way as to jeopardize her manicure.

“Hello, Daddy?” she said. “Your guys screwed up. Time for Plan B.”