Insight (13 page)

“See, Micah?” Steven smiles. “We can hang out and talk. It works fine.”

Ha ha. “You’re right.” I nod, hoping he doesn’t hear me trying
way too hard. “It works fine.”

THIRTEEN

A knock on the door forces me to wrap my blanket around my shoulders, wipe my nose, drop the tissue in my overflowing bucket, and get up. I switch the deadbolt and stand aside to open the door.

“You weren’t at school today.” Landon’s voice is accusatory. He’s in a school sweatshirt, and his
hands are stuffed in his
pockets. He looks pale and maybe a little shocked. His face is too still for Landon. It’s like the shadow from the weekend after Lacey is back, but there’s something else there, too. Something I don’t recognize.

“Maybe I was worried that you were going to start pushing me into everyone you know as some big joke.” I shrug deeper into my blanket.

“I believe you.”

My heart stops. He’s serious. I’ve never seen a face on Landon like the one he’s showing me now. It’s soft and full of things I don’t understand and probably don’t want to face.

“It’s freaky, gives me chills. Like
the Twilight Zone
.” I wait for his smirk, but it doesn’t come.

“You’ve already used that one up, Landon.” I try to sound bored, but I’m completely on edge.

He believes me, and he’s here.

“
The Blair Witch Project
then.” He leans forward slightly. “Can I come in?”

“We’re back to witches now?” Again, I pull my blanket more tightly around me.

“
Please
?” He looks more than a little freaked out. His eyes are wider than normal and there’s more seriousness on his face than I’ve ever seen.

“I’m sick.” I look down at my slippers, pajama pants and the obvious fact that I’m wearing a blanket.

“Mrs. Hobbs came in today and said her favorite cat died over the weekend and would we all be extra nice to her. Her big orange cat she named after Garfield.”

“Oh.” I know I can’t stand here and have this conversation. “Come on in.” I back up until he comes through the doorway. I’ve noticed Landon. Any girl would be an idiot not to at least notice him, but to see his muscular frame coming through my doorway feels significant. I breathe in as he walks past me. Even after school, he smells good.

“Not just that. Cameron got hammered. Both he and Lisa disappeared. I found them in a room. Her eyes were all wide and scared and Cameron was on top of her, but he so wasted he could barely move.”

“Wow.” I breathe out. I helped someone. I
said something to Landon, and Lisa’s night was probably different than it would have been if I hadn’t. Something
changed
because of what I saw. That’s what Dad meant. I can change things.
I
, can change things. Wow. The whole idea of it washes through my body leaving me feeling weak.

Lacey.

I didn’t even
try
.

My legs buckle, and I half flop to sitting on the edge of the couch. I should have called her parents, gotten her in trouble so she couldn’t go out.
Something
. I just didn’t know enough. No timing. No specifics.
Why didn’t I try?
I need air.

Now my brain goes to the vision of me from Steven and Landon. I don’t have any specifics on what might or might not happen to me. Only that both Landon and his cousin will be there. How on earth will I stop something when I have no specifics at all? Only that it hasn’t happened yet?

“How did you know about Steven?” he asks.

Good. Think about Steven. “How do
you
?”

“He’s my cousin.”

Right. Of course. “He sat next to me in the cafeteria, and I bumped against him.” His father’s face, and the feeling of fear still hit me.

His brows come together. “That can’t be a fun thing to see.”

“A lot of it isn’t.” Our eyes lock for a moment. It’s starting to be real to him, what I do. Now is when I have to tell him about Lacey. If I can.

Landon sits next to me on the couch. “I don’t have any spies in my parent’s bedroom or anything, but she bought a red dress for some function they have going on in the city tomorrow.”

“Oh.” My heart’s going crazy—
half from having him so close
,
and half because I’m sort of in disbelief at what he’s telling me.

“And…” He looks away from me, out the window and back to me again. “Last night was the first night I’ve been at a party and didn’t drink.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Just say we’re friends. We’re friends. Wow. Landon’s here. We’re talking. Sharing. That’s got to be friends.

His phone rings, and he pulls it from his back pocket with a grimace. “Oh, crap.”

“Who is it?”

“Brigitte.” He stares at the phone as if it might explode.

“You know, if she annoys you, there’s a solution to that.” I pull my legs up on the couch and cross them in front of me.

“I know, but I don’t know if I want to dea
l with the after-math.
She’s crazy enough right now. I mean we’re only kind of dating and…
I don’t want to talk about her.” He slides his phone back into his pocket.

“Well, there’s a reason to stay with someone. Not wanting to deal with the after-math.” I snort and am immediately embarrassed.

Landon reaches out and touches my hand briefly. I suck in a breath. It’s the same,
the kiss, the feeling, the boathouse
. I’m relieved it isn’t the fear one.

“See? You don’t react like that to everyone. You’re making me crazy here. Is it good? Am I gonna die or something?” And his voice is teasing, but there’s a touch of honest curiosity there, too.

“No.” I laugh. “I just… I’ll tell you after it happens, okay?” My cheeks start to turn red as I realize how much I really, really want it to happen. Could I actually do that? Kiss him?

“You see me with a girl? Is it Julianne Hough? Cause she’s totally hot.” He grins and starts to look more like himself. Tanned face, floppy blond hair, big smile, shining hazel eyes. More relaxed and like everything is a big fun joke.

“Nope. Sorry.” I shake my head, and I guess after thinking about her, kissing me would probably be a serious letdown. This is all a game to him. Or it feels that way now, and I’d honestly rather keep that feeling in the room than anything else. Anything else is too intense.

We sit in silence. I know my mom will be home soon. It’s okay. She won’t mind that Landon’s here, but it will lead to questions from her that I don’t know how to answer.

“I want to know more. I want to know what it’s like, what you’ve seen. Does your mom know?” He leans toward me. And just like that, the teasing is gone. He’s intent on me again.

I shake my head. “She doesn’t know. I hate that she doesn’t know. I asked her about the pictures when I was in kindergarten and she looked at me with this worried expression on her face. It was the first time I realized not everyone can do what I do.” That moment still hits me hard. Every time I think about it.

“Your dad?”

“Him too, and he knows. I just found out on my last trip.”

“Wow. So you’ve been holding on to all of this all by yourself for like—”

“Ever. Yes.” Having two people know makes me wonder why I didn’t tell anyone sooner. It feels indescribable to have someone believe me. I’m lighter.

“Have you ever seen something bad?” He rests his elbows on his knees. “I mean, like Steven?”

I stare, debating whether or not to say anything.
Lacey
. There’s a rock in my gut. I want to hide. I can’t tell him that. He’s barely recovered. It would just send him down. Is that why I don’t want to tell him? Or is it more selfish than that? He interrupts my thoughts.

“It’s the least you can do since you won’t tell me my future, or past or whatever.” He’s practically begging with his eyes.

Maybe it’ll be a relief to say it all out loud. Landon and I are supposed to get close, right? Apparently, he’ll like me. I shouldn’t be afraid. But I am. I suck in a deep breath and tell him a different story. A safer story. “There was this girl that I used to sit next to in Biology. We shared a table so we bumped into one another a lot. I always saw her in a hospital bed, gasping for air, voices all around. She was terrified, certain she’d die.

“I felt this responsibility to make sure it never happened, even though I had no idea how to go about changing things. But as I learned about her, I found out that she had a pace-maker for her heart. The fear of it happening again defined a lot of her life, so I guess that’s why I saw it. It was hard living that moment every time she bumped into me. Unable to breathe. Certain I would die. It was terrifying.”

“So, you feel things, too?”

I nod.

His smile is back. “So, my parents… My mom’s back against the wall.” He wags his brows. And we’re back to the teasing Landon, which is a relief, even though he’s teasing
me
.

“It’s just a flash, Landon.” I’m irritated, but more embarrassed because for a moment I
do
feel those things. Will he think I’m
as weird as I do? That I’m some crazy anomaly
?

“So does the vision stay as long as you make contact or does it just flash and go away?” He leans toward me again.

My heart beats. “Just flashes, and then it’s gone.”

Landon scoots closer. Our arms touch.

I feel it,
the kiss, his feeling, the boathouse, the hands…

I let my head rest on the top of his shoulder. I’m shocked that I do it. I’ve just felt us together through him so I don’t think until I’m there. When I realize
my head is on his shoulder
I want to pull away. But I don’t want to because it feels good to sit with someone like this. Someone who isn’t one of my parents.

It was good that I didn’t talk about Lacey. He needs this, too, right? Closeness? Or maybe he really doesn’t, since I’m sure he has no trouble finding someone to share time with.

He reaches to my lap with his hand and touches my fingers with his.

My breathing gets shallow. My ribs lock in place. Despite what I saw, I still don’t know if I can do this.

Landon’s fingers keep moving until my hand is in his and our fingers are laced together. It seems like it should be the most silly, juvenile gesture in the world, but it isn’t. His hand is large and warm and mine gets lost in his. Warm tingling radiates up my arm and settles in my ch
est. I let out a relaxing breath
and concentrate on how he feels in the vision of him kissing me. It brings a new kind of tension. One I like feeling.

“I’m home!” Mom calls from the doorway.

Landon jumps up, dropping my hand.

Just like that my tension is gone. I laugh at his reaction and the panicked, wide-eyed look on his face. “In here, Mom.”

“Hey, Landon.” She smiles as she walks into the living room. “How are you doing today?”

“I was just popping in, you know, to say hi.” He shifts his weight and doesn’t look at me. He puts his hands in his back pockets as his body stiffens.

I try to hold in my laugh at how he’s fidgeting. It helps my built-up nervous energy slowly disappear.

“Well, you’re welcome any time. I’m sure Micah enjoyed the distraction. She gets bored when she’s stuck home sick.”

“Thanks, you know, for rescuing me from boredom. You’re good at that.” I laugh a little, knowing he’ll catch my reference.

“You, too.” He glances back and forth between Mom and me. “I should get going.”

“Well, don’t run out on my account. I’m about to spend an hour in a hot shower.” Mom laughs and disappears into the bathroom.

“So, your mom is pretty laidback?” Landon’s still standing in the middle of the living room.

“It’s always been just the two of us and she trusts me, so yeah, she’s pretty laidback.”

“Thanks, Micah.” His voice is quiet and his face looks tense, like he’s thinking hard about something.

“For what exactly?” All I’d done was dump on him. And not even as much as I could have.

“Sharing. Trusting me enough to share. I don’t know.” His eyes, head and body make this sweep to look around the room.

“Oh.” I’m still sort of amazed that he knows. But that trust word comes out, and I see Lacey’s face as she jogs up the stairs of our school. Nope. That doesn’t have anything to do with trust. The timing isn’t good. Not now. It’s too soon.

“I’m, um… I’m going to break it off with Brigitte.” He rubs his hand across the back of his neck.

I can feel my forehead tense up. Is this the beginning of what I see between us? Then I remember the picture from her. “She likes you. Be nice about it.”

His eyes widen a little. “Are you trying to make me feel worse? And why would you care? She’s not exactly nice to you.”

“Still.” I’m used to people not liking me. “She likes you. Be nice.”