Insight (16 page)

I can’t answer. It’s his car. He’s a boy. Boys don’t trust their cars with anyone.

“You know I can’t drive a stick, Landon. We’ve had this conversation before.” Steven’s voice is full of irritation.

“Well, maybe I’ll teach you sometime. And then you can teach Jessica.” He pulls into a parking space at the school.

I leap out of the car. Landon slides out in his relaxed, strong movements, and I move away from the passenger’s door. I don’t need a confrontation with Jessica.

If I were her? I’d be pissed. She got picked up by one boy, possibly set up with another boy and the guy she thought was picking her up, brought his own girl. Wait, I just thought of myself as Landon’s girl. Am I his girl? Is that where we are? The whole thing is hard to believe.

“Next time you want to run around picking up half the neighborhood, maybe you should let us know so we could find another ride.” Steven looks from Landon and then back to me.

“Thank
you
.” Jessica throws a glare at Landon. Fortunately, she skips me.

I open my mouth to apologize, but Landon catches my eye and shakes his head.

“Your cousin can be a real jerk.” Jessica says as she and Steven meet near the front of Landon’s car.

He
turns t
oward her, and h
is eyes are wide at her remark or maybe for the simple fact that she talked to him. “Yeah, he can be.”

Jessica says something else making Steven laugh, then smile
s
.

“See?” Landon bites his bottom lip. “Steven has liked her since like, ninth grade. They just needed someone to mutually hate.” He bows slightly.

“Then I guess that was very good of you.”
Great
of him.

“You
guess
.” He walks around the front of his car to stand next to me.

“Warn me next time, okay?” My chest still feels tight from the tension resting in that car.

“Sorry.” He’s not sorry. He looks smug as he watches them walk to the school together.

“Don’t apologize when you’re not sorry.” I try to sound angry, but I’m not, not really. Especially now that I know what his motivations were. I wonder how many more unexpected layers I’ll find as I get to know him. And this crazy thing like hope grabs a hold of me, telling me I might have a chance at this. With Landon.

“How about I know I
should
be sorry
,
but it was fun to watch your face as I picked them up. But look at you! You survived. They’re just
people
, Micah. You need to be okay with being around people. No one touched you. I mean, I know it has to suck sometimes, but it’s really just glimpses into their lives. It’s a big deal, but it’s also not a big deal.” He reaches out to touch my shoulder and stops just before we connect.

“It’s okay.” I close my eyes and wait for it.

The sun, his hands, our kiss.

The bell rings.

“Oh, shit!” Landon rests his hands on his head. “Dad’s going to kill me. We
just
had this whole big discussion about school and possibilities and responsibility…”

I set my pack on the ground, thrilled to be able to contribute. I dig through my outer backpack pocket until I come up with the late passes I got on my first day as part of the welcome packet. I hand one to him.

“You’ve got to me kidding me.” He looks at the slip in his hand like I just handed him a thousand bucks. “Ha!” He throws his arms around me and picks me off the ground sending the vision and feeling of our kiss through me.

I bury my face in his shoulder and let myself soak up the warmth of him, the feeling of his arms. I love the way he smells—like boy but good, clean, and juicy fruit gum. I want to stand here with his arms around me all day. I’m in
so
much trouble. I’m really, actually, completely falling for him.

He sets me down. “Sorry.” He slides his pack up.

I grab mine from the ground. His apology almost feels like a rejection.

“Actually, I’m totally not sorry.” He slides his hand over my shoulders. Our faces come close again, the picture and emotion just makes me enjoy him even more.

It would take so little for me to press our lips together, just a tiny shove with my feet. We’re stuck in the moment before Landon breaks it.

“We should walk in the backdoor.” He clears his throat. “So, we…uh, don’t have to pass the main office.

“I’ll follow.” It comes out in a whisper. We’re already touching, the picture’s gone, so I simply keep next to him, our sides touching, his arm over me. My morning went from one of my worst to one of my best in about two minutes.

***

I walk the empty halls to my locker, hoping to get my stuff packed up so I can see Landon quick before catching the bus. No way I’m driving his car.

I pull the books I need and shove them into my pack.

“You know he has a short attention span, right?” Brigitte’s voice is unmistakable.

I zip up my pack and toss it over my shoulder.
Now what?

“I know you heard me,
Micah
.”

I slam my locker to see her in her cheerleading shorts, arms crossed in front of her, and her dark hair pulled into a neat ponytail.

“I had no idea you were so concerned about my welfare.” I step around her to head toward the gym.
Avoidance has worked for me so far.

“There’s just no way he’s actually interested. You must be an easy lay.”

I clench my hands in fists, and keep walking.

“I’m talking to you.” Brigitte grabs my arm.

Her head whips around, it looks as if half the school is on the creek near the beach. Bitterness. Satisfaction. And then jealousy as Landon and Steven start running.

Toward who I already know is me. Even though she’s even further away and can’t see me well.

“Don’t touch me!” I don’t mean to yell, but it comes out just the same. This stupid image seems to be what everyone’s thinking about.

The hall has filled with students. Brilliant. I’ll push my way through any amount of people to put distance between me and BrigitTE.

Passion. Anger. Parents. Boys. Girls. Movies. Fear. Exhilaration.

I want to scream. I’m out of breath by the time I make it outside.

“There you are.” Landon stands off the bench and tosses me his keys.

I grab them without thinking. When someone throws something toward you, you catch it
, but I’m still breathing hard and wanting to disappear.

“I won’t take no for an answer. Josh and I have man-business after school, so he’ll give me a ride. You’re actually doing me a service.”
Landon grins.

“No.” I shake my head
and finally take a deep breath
. “No, Landon.”

He laughs and jogs toward the school. “I’ll come by and get my keys later!”

And he’s gone.

I stand on the sidewalk staring at Landon’s keys. Not just to his car, but his key card for the gate. His house. Everything.

The easiest option now seems for me to just drive his car back. I should protest more, but seriously. Mom drives a mini-van.
And I’m ready for this day to be over. Driving Landon’s car has to be better than running into Brigitte.

I
stare
at the pavement, not wanting to attract any attention in the parking lot, but there are girls’ legs next to Landon’s car. I let my
eyes slide up to her face. I really don’t want
another confrontation today.

“Oh, hey.” Lisa’s face goes a bit flat when I stop.

What now?

“Is Landon giving you a ride today?” she asks.

I feel this weird buzz of nervous energy, just hoping that I won’t be accosted by her, too. “He has baseball.”

“Oh, crap!” She slumps. “I don’t know how I forgot.”

“If you need a ride...” I hold up the keys. Did I just offer her a ride?

“He gave you his
keys
? To drive his
car
?” Her eyes widen.

“We live, you know…
I mean,
my mom works there, and we…
”

She laughs. “I know. Your mom is dating Ethan, right? Small town, Micah. Everyone knows everything.”

Right
.

“My coat’s in the trunk. That’s all.”

“Oh.” I press the button for the trunk.

“Cool he’s letting you drive his car. Lacey’s the only one he’s ever let drive.”

“Oh.” Am I supposed to say something here? Now it feels like an even bigger deal than it did this morning, and it felt big then.

“Landon’s a nice guy,” she says.

“So Brigitte reminded me.” Only not.

Lisa laughs. “Brigitte’s full of shit. The sooner you learn that, the easier your life will be – especially if you’re…” A small smile pulls on the corners of her mouth. “…
driving Landon’s car.”

She’s being nice. So obvious I guess. I keep eye contact. Her eyes are a soft brown, her short hair is perfectly straightened and pulled up in just the right way, and she’s definitely not the kind of person I thought I’d be talking with—if I talked with people.

My smile starts to spread, as she grabs her coat from the trunk.

“Okay, thanks, about Brigitte, I mean.”

“No problem. See ya around, Micah.” She waves as she jogs back to the school.

Okay. Talked with Lisa. Survived. No touching. No yelling. All good things. Maybe Landon’s right, and it doesn’t always have to be such a big deal.

I slide down in the soft leather seats of Landon’s car afraid to touch anything, but now if I don’t drive his car home, it would be weird. And he and Josh have “man-stuff” so really, I’m doing him a favor.
Even though I know I’m mostly trying to convince myself that I’m doing him a favor.

The engine roars to life, and I’m seriously giggling in the driver’s seat.

This is awesome. Only now I’m terrified and know that I’ll be driving home like a Grandma.

But still.
Landon Michaels
trusts me with his car
.

SIXTEEN

I lie in the sand reflecting on my day, and close my eyes. It feels good after the confusion of my ride to school and Landon and Steven and Jessica. There’s also the confusion of how Landon stuck closer to me today but still seemed…hesitant. I think that’s the right word. And even though I was terrified t
o drive his car, it was
really awesome.

And my stupid vision. The one I’ve gotten from Landon, and am getting from both Steven and Brigitte. I’m not sure how much thought I want to put into it—the whole intense situation involving Micah thing. Do I really want to know if I can’t change it? There was someone else there. Were we in trouble together? Or was it something I should start carrying pepper spray for?

“You look pretty.”

My eyes snap open at the sound of Landon’s voice. He’s standing over me. My hair is out in the sand, and the sun is warm on my face. I gasp quietly. This is it. The first picture I saw in
my head. I sit up, heart hammering
. Did I bring myself here on purpose? I’m not sure. But I do know what he’s thinking, and I find confidence from it. The confusion from earlier is gone. This moment is all mine. All ours.

“This is an unexpected reaction from someone who loves her scowl so much.” He chuckles and sits next to me.

I’m smiling.

“I didn’t know
you’d be down
here.” And I’m already breathless.

“Practice finished up. I showered off and went in search of you.”

“And here I am.”

“And my keys.”

I pull them from my pocket and toss them to him.

“How was it?” He smirks.

“I was too nervous to enjoy your car,” I admit.

“Well, maybe some other time then.” His broad shoulders pul
l on his green T
-shirt, just accentuating how athletic he is.

What is he doing here with me?
And,
other time
? It’ll happen again. That thought hits me hard, bringing another wave of happiness and disbelief through me.

“Maybe.” I smile.

His eyes are intent. “I want to know what you saw, or what you see, when you touch me.
Please
?” He leans toward me until our faces are so close that we almost touch. I can feel the heat from his skin.

“You just saw what I saw.” My chest squeezes in anticipation of his reaction.

“You?” His eyebrows pull together.

“Me.” I nod. “In the sun, looking down on me, just like you were.” And next, we’re supposed to kiss, but I can’t bring myself to say it. My heart begins a frantic pace, and for the first time I sort of get ‘worth the risk’.