Insight (18 page)

I have to give him something. Something to show him I want him. I take a deep breath before pushing out he words. “I can’t wait to kiss you again.”

“You have
no
idea.”

I let each of his words fill me as I hang up. Landon wants me.

The tingles of happiness drift from my chest and fill me as I slide down to lying on my bed. And then I think about what I need to tell him, about Lacey, and wonder if there’s any chance of sleep tonight.

SEVENTEEN

I step outside to get away from Mom and Ethan snuggled up on the couch. Landon might not want to see his uncle making out with my mom. Actually,
I
don’t want to see Landon’s Uncle making out with my mom.

All day today I wanted to say something to Landon but didn’t. How do I start a conversation about his dead friend? I’m aware I’m completely pathetic, but I feel like I have this thread of a relationship with him, and that it’s still just too fragile.

Or I’m too much of a wimp. One of the two.

The massive trees surrounding our small house make the night even darker and our small porch light doesn’t reach far. I sit in th
e bed of Ethan’s truck to wait for Landon.

A branch sways. The movement catches
the corner of my eye, and I squint into the darkness
, heart pounding, but see nothing
.

“Landon? Is that you?”
Already my heart’s beating so fast that it’s difficult to breathe
.

No answer.

Something made the branch move, just like something brushed against the large ferns the other day.

Like a complete moron I slide off the back of the truck and walk toward where I saw the flicker of shadow, but nothing’s there. I rub my hands together and then up and down my arms. The spring night turned cold fast. I see movement again, but can’t even make out a shape, almost like the dark is moving or a shadow. Okay, so once or twice I could ignore, but to see the same kind of thing again? That can’t be a coincidence, can it?

My hands rub harder trying to get rid of the goose bumps that have nothing to do with the cold.

The shadows roam the earth, searching for their descendants, wanting to pull them into their world and—

“Hey.”

“Ah!”
I jump at the sound of Landon’s voice.

“You’re jumpy tonight.” He reaches his arms around me and puts our lips together before I can answer. I see our night together again.
His light jacket. My pajama pants. The light. The pattern of the branches in my room. Our kiss. His hands.

It takes me a moment to recover from the closeness of him, our kiss, and the picture I keep seeing of us together. I back my face away from his and look over my shoulder. “I thought I saw something.” I squint toward the woods again.

“Right…” He
grin
s. “I think you’ve been watching too many horror movies. Actually, if you had, you would have known that you should always,
always
stay in the light.” He reaches around my waist and throws me over his shoulder, running us back into the circle of yellow light surrounding the porch. The vision of the intense mood of us in my room is a stark contrast to how he has me slung over his body.

My protest comes out in a screech of laughter. “Landon! Put me down!”

“Done.”

He slides me down and kisses me again before I can catch my breath.

“Hey.” My voice is soft, like I have no air.

“Are you hiding out here?” he asks.

“My mom and your uncle are inside…together…on the couch...”

“Enough said.” He makes sure we don’t break contact, slides his hand down my arm until our hands are together. I have to let go of Landon to get onto the back of Ethan’s truck, and now we’re not touching. Goose bumps break out over my body again. The night really is cold. It’s more obvious when his arms aren’t around me.

“You know the things you say really have me thinking.” His voice is quiet.

“Are we being serious now?”

“Yes, but only for a moment.” He smirks.

I love that this friendly Landon is back after Lacey. “Okay, what have you been thinking about?” I’ll play along.

“About Brigitte.”

“What about?” A small line of jealousy forms in my stomach that slowly seeps outward as I wait for him to continue. Why are we talking about her?

“Just when you told me that I should be nice.” He shrugs. “I don’t think about people the way I should. I think.”

“You
think
? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m spoiled, you know.”

“Everyone knows you’re spoiled, Landon.” I start to punch his shoulder but stop when I realize what will happen.

He reaches out so fast I don’t have time to react and he takes my hand.

Panic. Anger. Steven’s running. Landon’s running. I’m on the edge of the woods with someone in a dark hoodie. A creek in front of me. Tons of students are there.

I jerk away. “I was trying to avoid that.” I breathe out as the picture floods me again. I close my eyes. It scares me, but I don’t even know what it
means
.

“Did something change?” He’s voice is suddenly full of concern.

I push down the fear that’s starting to well up with the vision I just saw. Maybe it
isn’t
worth being close to people. I’ve gotten this same thing from too many places. I just need to keep my voice even. Just keep it even. I should be able to tell him. But what good would that even do? I don’t know when or how or IF this will even happen. All I’d do is worry another person, and make someone else feel as helpless as I do.

My body starts to shake at the thought of me being chased, at the expression on Mr. Michaels’ face as he scanned the trees, at the flickers of movement I’m sure I’m seeing out here.

“You were telling me something.” I open my eyes, hoping he goes back to his train of thought.

He doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me, brows pulled down. He’s worried. About
me.

“It’s fine. I mean. It’s just fine.” I shake my head and stare at my feet.

“Micah.” He steps toward me, resting his hand on my shoulder.

I jump when the picture of him running toward me, hits me again.

“What is it?” His face is inches from mine. “You’re shaking.”

“Nothing.”

“Dammit, Micah. It’s not nothing.” His face is inches from mine.

“It’s all fine. It just surprised me, that’s all.” I force a smile. “Sorry. I’m
good
.”

He stares at me for a moment longer, which makes me know he probably doesn’t believe me. Fortunately, he continues. “So, the Lacey thing is happening tomorrow night.” He pulls me closer, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

He might even still be worried about me.

“Oh.” I don’t want to think about Lacey, not around him. It’s just a reminder of a guilt we share, only he doesn’t know we’re sharing it. Because I’m a big coward and can’t say anything. “You miss her.”

“I do. But not like you think. I liked her, Micah. She was a friend. A really, really, good friend. It’s just the guilt.” He forces out a breath. “But you already know that part.”

But, what would you think if you knew I saw it, Landon? How mad would you be? How hurt?
Maybe I can tell him tomorrow on the way to school.

I slide my hands around his neck and lean up to him. Maybe our lips together will help me breathe again.

He kisses me so deeply that I can’t think about anything but him. The warmth. Our bodies pressed together. This is the perfect distraction from…well, everything.

“Hey you two!” I hear Mom’s voice as the door opens.

Landon jumps away from me. “Hi, Ms. Parson. I was just dropping in to say hi.”

She laughs. “It looks like you dropped in for a kiss. It’s nice to see you, Landon.  You r
eally should call me Beth
.” She looks between us. “I’ll give you two some privacy, but it’s getting late, Micah.” She lets the door close behind her.

“Your mom’s okay with this?”

“She’s happy because I’m happy, and she likes you.” I slide off the bed of the truck and start to the door.

“Wait.” He starts to reach out for me, and then stops.

I turn toward him when I’m on the small porch.

“You know, I feel kinda bad just reaching out to touch you, now that I know what it does.”

“It’s okay.” I lean against the screen door, really hoping for the scary vision of us
on the bed rather than the scarier
vi
sion of him running toward me—
I wish I was still getting our kiss. “I’m used to it. It just doesn’t always look like it.”

“I want to hug you or kiss you or something before I go home, even though your mom’s still freaking me out a little.” His weight shifts from side to side a few times as he stuffs his hands in his jeans pockets.

I can’t imagine why my mom would freak him out.

“Do you want to touch
me
or...” he trails off.

I close my eyes. “I trust you. Touch me.” And I don’t want him to think anything is weird with me, so I’m braced and ready.

“You are totally in love with me.” The fun side of him is back. “You just don’t know it yet.” And then I feel his lips on mine. The picture is of us in my room, and it only intensifies what would be an intense moment on its own. Landon doesn’t just kiss me. It’s like he’s soaking up every part of it, moving slowly, softly, without rushing, but also without hesitation.

“Goodnight,” I say when we finally pull away, amazed that my brain works well enough for vocal thought.

“Watch out for the ghosts in the woods.” He chuckles.

Ghosts
. I lose my breath and nearly crumple at my doorstep. My whole body shakes. “See you.” I step inside and close the door between us. Hopefully he’s turned away and doesn’t think I’m crazy.

Ghosts in the woods.

My heart’s racing, and the living room is fuzzy as I walk through. I don’t turn the light on in my room when I walk in because I don’t want anyone, or anything, to see in. I feel like an idiot, but I’m also too scared to feel like an idiot as I start to crawl across the floor. That’s it. That’s gotta be it, right?
Ghosts in the woods.

Lacey.

I sit at the foot of my bed and stare out the window. Nothing. No movement, no shadows, no
ghosts
… But I’m becoming more certain that I saw something out there earlier. No way that was my imagination. Not more than once.

And since our stupid project has kept that idea in my head, I haven’t thought about other explanations. But this one fits, too.

The only thought rolling through my head is that
she knows
. Lacey’s out there and knows I could have saved her. She knows I should tell Landon. And I know I’m talking about things that don’t exist, things that don’t happen. But how many people have visions they can’t control? That doesn’t exist either, right? I can’t get enough air, and my heart can’t keep its frenzied rhythm forever. What am I going to do?

EIGHTEEN

It’s early. Landon hasn’t come to get me for school, and won’t, not for a while. Mom’s still asleep. I slide on my running shoes and step into the cold morning. The light is dim, but the sun is nearly up. Even on this spring day, I can see my breath as I step off the driveway into the woods.

My heart sprints
,
and as quiet as I’m trying to be, I can’t make myself breathe normal. I’m not crazy. I saw something
,
and I’m suddenly determined to see it again. Seeing it again, in the light, will help me
know
that I’m not crazy, or kill me with a heart attack. If I don’t see anything, I may be in need of some medication and a possible institution. If I do… I guess it means something’s out here watching me. A chill jerks its way up my spine.

I walk slowly. One step. Another step. Now I get why the girl in the horror movie goes up the stairs. She can’t help it. She’s practically pulled there by a combination of stupidity and curiosity. I scan the trees with my eyes. Another step. Another scan. I need to see
something
. I need to know I’m not crazy. And I can’t believe I’m alone in the woods wishing to see something that shouldn’t be here.

Shadows determined to find their gifted descendants and do…what? I don’t want to know. Or Lacey, stalking, watching, waiting. When will I know? And the worse thought is—
how will I find out?

Movement on my left. I snap my head, squint my eyes and stare. I start to move that direction. My head is screaming for me to turn and run. Run back to the house. Run back to safety. But I can’t. I have to know. “Where are you?” It comes out in a rush of breath.

There’s a shadow pressed
against one of the larger trees. I squint and
run toward it. I swear the shadow moves. Is it just a normal shadow that’s moving because I’m moving?