Into The Fire (38 page)

“Why?” she asked.

“I don’t know…” It still didn’t make any
sense to me. “I said that’s as far as I go and he made some comment
about how stupid it is to wait based on principle. Then I said
something I shouldn’t have…”

“What did you say?”

“That we shouldn’t rush into things.”

Marie raised an eyebrow. “And why was that a
stupid thing to say?”

“I’m not totally sure, but it obviously meant
something to him. I changed my mind and invited him inside because
I knew he was right. Why should we wait just to wait? We both had a
great time and we were really into each other. But that’s when he
blew me off.”

Marie cringed. “He blew you off? I don’t get
it. You invited him inside and he just changed his mind?”

“I don’t get it either. I’m pretty sure he
was lying about taking his mom to the airport but I wasn’t going to
call him out on it.”

Marie pressed her lips tightly together while
she considered my words. “We’re missing something here.”

“But what?”

“Maybe there was something else on his
mind.”

“I don’t know…” I wish it didn’t bother me
but it did. If he really was a jerk then I shouldn’t waste another
moment thinking about him. But he didn’t have that personality at
all. He was a good guy. I knew he was. Nothing was adding up and
that bothered me most.

And I admit I was hurt he hadn’t ask for a
second date…

The bell rang over the door and Marie glanced
at the customer. Then she did a double take. “Shit, he’s here.”

“Hawke?”

She nodded then darted into the back room.
“Talk to him.” The curtain closed as she disappeared.

I was suddenly nervous even though I had no
reason to be. I refused to be intimidated by anyone. Maybe I said
something I shouldn’t have but I had the right to say it. I
approached the counter and saw him standing there.

Hawke was in his typical work clothes. The
slacks fit him snugly and so did the collared shirt. A small part
of me regretted not seeing that beautiful man naked when I had the
chance.

“Hi.”
What else was I supposed to say? Why
haven’t you called me? No, I wasn’t one of those girls
. Hoped
burned in my heart at his appearance. If he really never wanted to
see me again he wouldn’t have come in here at all.

“Hi.” He approached the counter with his
hands in his pockets. “How’s it going?”

“Good. You?”

“I’ve been better,” he said. “I just got out
of a meeting so I’m a little drained.”

“Was it boring?”

“No…just long.” He glanced up at the menu.
“I’m going to need an espresso today—make it a double.”

“Sure.”
Were we not going to talk about
our date?
Right now he was acting like it never happened. Did
he not want to go out again? I already asked him out once and I
wasn’t going to do it again.

“No muffins, I’m guessing?” He gave me that
smile I’d fallen for. It reached his eyes like always.

“No, not today.”

“Darn.” He gave a half-hearted shrug.

I rang him up.

He handed me the cash as he watched my
face.

I returned the change.

Then we just stared at each other.

Seriously, that was it? Did I dream the whole
date up? Didn’t he like me as much as I liked him? Why was he just
staring at me? Was he going to say something?

“Uh…can I have my coffee?”

I’d never given it to him
. God, I felt
like an idiot. I was just staring at him thinking he was going to
say something. “Oh, sorry.” I turned my back to him and got the
coffee, feeling my cheeks redden in embarrassment. Then I turned
back around and tried to keep a brave face.

“Thanks.” He took it and added a sleeve. Then
he turned away.

“So, is that it?”
Why did I just blurt
that out loud? Especially at work? Why couldn’t I just keep my
mouth shut?

He stopped then turned back to me. “Excuse
me?”

Now I wish I hadn’t said anything. This
wasn’t the place for the conversation. “We went out and had a great
time and I haven’t heard from you…and you left in such an odd way.”
I’d never been in this situation before. Guys were pretty easy to
read, and I’d never been blown off.

He glanced at the people in the lobby before
he turned back to me. “It just didn’t feel right.”

What? What didn’t feel right? We had a great
time. Everything was perfect. Our kiss…did he always have kisses
like that? Because I’d never felt anything like that in my life.
Even though I was hurt and upset I couldn’t deny what I felt. “Just
because I wouldn’t sleep with you?”

His eyes narrowed like he’d been provoked.
“No, of course not. You invited me inside, remember?”

“Then…what happened?”

He held my gaze without blinking. “We’re just
from different worlds, Frankie. I really like you but…I’m not the
kind of man you want.”

“And what kind of man are you, exactly?” I
should just let him walk away but I was struggling. I’d never been
dumped like that before. He was into me one moment and we were
having a great time, and then he forgot about me the second he
turned around.

He leaned toward me and lowered his voice.
“The kind that isn’t good enough for you.”

***

I would never understand what happened with
Hawke, and I needed to learn to let it go. I had no idea what he
meant when he said he wasn’t good enough for me. He was a great
person. What was he talking about?

No matter what happened or what he meant, it
didn’t change the fact that it was over. I didn’t want to be with
someone so vague anyway. It would cause more migraines than
orgasms, and I just didn’t have the time to deal with drama.

He had drama written all over him.

I tried to forget about him but it was
surprisingly hard. When I folded my laundry, I thought about the
way he looked across the table. He stared at me like I was the only
woman in the room. And he was charming and polite…he made me laugh.
And the physical chemistry between us couldn’t be quenched with a
fire extinguisher.

I refused to mourn over a guy that wasn’t
worth my time so I moved on and went on other dates. I met a few
guys through mutual friends and at the bars. All of them were
attractive, some were clingy, but none of them were a good match. I
just didn’t feel anything for any of them.

Not like I did with Hawke.

Why? Why did I want a guy clearly
unavailable? It was so annoying. There was a plethora of guys at
school. Why couldn’t I just like one of them? After a month had
passed, I thought about Hawke less.

But I hadn’t forgotten him.

He hadn’t come into The Grind in a long time,
and I assumed he never would again. He probably didn’t want to see
me, not after I confronted him like that. And I didn’t blame him.
That definitely didn’t project me in my best light.

But one day, on a Monday, he walked inside.
Like always, he wore his business clothes with his satchel over his
shoulder. A light amount of facial hair was on his face, and I
liked the look. It was more rugged and highlighted his nice
cheekbones.

My immediate response was to run into the
back and act like I hadn’t seen him but I refused to do that. I
wasn’t afraid of anything. I held my head high and acted like he
was nothing special.

He approached the counter and his eyes moved
to my face. He took me in like he was trying to memorize every
feature. His hands were in his pockets and a distant look was in
his eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey. The usual?”

He ignored my question. “How are you?”

“Good. Getting ready for Thanksgiving. How
about you?”

“Good. I’m excited to have a few days off.
I’m spending the holidays with my friend and his family. It should
be fun.”

Did he not have a family of his own? I didn’t
dare ask. “You deserve a vacation. You’re much more handsome when
you’re rested.” I gave him a teasing smile.

He smiled back. “I’m sure you’ll be baking
some of those famous muffins for your family.”

“They won’t let me in the door unless I do,”
I said. “I’ll save you a few.”

“That’s very kind of you.” An affectionate
look was in his eyes.

Now I was even more confused. We were two
sides of the same coin. We just clicked. It wasn’t forced. It was
completely natural. I didn’t have this kind of connection with
anybody.
Did he
?

“How are your classes?”

“Good. After Thanksgiving it’s finals. Not
exactly something to look forward to.”

“Well, at least there’s Black Friday.”

I laughed. “God, no. I’m not going out to get
trampled. I’ll buy everything online.”

He chuckled. “That’s how I do it too.”

“So…black coffee?”

He rubbed the side of his cheek where his
hair was coming in. “Add a shot of espresso. I have a lot of work
to do.”

“When you come here you work?”

He gave me a grim smile. “I work at the
office, and then I have to prepare for the next day. On average, I
work about thirteen hours every day, including weekends.”

I cringed. “Are you sure you don’t want to
make it a double then?”

He smiled with his eyes. “Actually, that
would probably be best.”

“You got it.” I put the order in the
computer. “Anything else?”

“That’ll be it. Thank you.” He set the cash
on the table.

I gave him the change and made sure I got him
a coffee this time. “Well, have a good holiday.”

“You too, Frankie.” He gave me a final nod
before he walked away and sat in a booth.

I released a deep sigh as I watched him. What
was it with this guy? Why couldn’t I forget about him? Why couldn’t
I just say hi and bye? Why did we have to have conversations that
flowed so naturally? Why was it so easy for us to get along? I wish
he were just an arrogant jerk that pissed me off so much that I
never thought about him again. I wish I hated him for the way he
ended our date.

But I just couldn’t.

Thanksgiving

Francesca

I loved the holidays.

It was the time of year I got to see my
family. During the school year, I was too busy to do anything fun.
I barely had time to even brush my teeth sometimes. But during the
four-day Thanksgiving weekend, it was required of everyone to do
absolutely nothing. We lay around the house, ate, took a nap, and
then lay around the house some more.

It was one excuse to be lazy.

And I got to see my yaya. She was the
sweetest lady in the whole world. She’s been through a lot in her
life, a loss of a husband and a daughter, but she managed to remain
happy and uplifting. She never let anything bring her down. To her,
life was meant to be enjoyed. It was because of her that I managed
to stay positive all the time.

Yaya lived a few miles from the coast toward
the mountains. She had a cute cabin in the midst of the trees. Just
a mile hike away was a beautiful lake. It was always so quiet and
serene, and it was a peaceful place.

The second I drove up to the house, I felt
the excitement course inside me. This weekend was going to be
amazing. There would be no talk of schoolwork or work. It would
just be a fun and relaxing weekend. My brother was coming too, and
I always looked forward to seeing him. We actually lived in the
same city, but we were usually too busy to take time out of our
lives to spend time together.

I carried my bags to the door, and before I
could knock the door flew open. Yaya obviously had been sitting at
the kitchen table waiting for my brother and I to pull up. The
delight was on her face, and she screamed before she hugged me. “So
beautiful.” She always said this to me whenever she saw me. “I
missed you so much, dear.”

I returned her embrace. “I missed you too,
Yaya.”

She continued to hug me for a moment longer
before she reluctantly pulled away. “I’m so glad you’re here. I
haven’t been able to sleep because I’ve been looking forward to
this so much.” She helped me carry my bags inside.

“I’m more excited. I get to have some of your
amazing pie and everything else you make.”

“I’ve been prepping for that for weeks,” she
said with a laugh.

We got my bags by the door. I’d carry them to
my room later. I was too excited to think about that at the
moment.

“Axel will be here soon. He’s bringing a
friend for the weekend.”

“A girlfriend?” I blurted. My brother hadn’t
brought anyone around ever. I knew he had relationships, but none
of them were ever serious enough to be introduced.

“No, I guess it’s a friend from work. It
sounded like he didn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” I said. “But if he’s
friends with Axel then he must be a fun guy.”

“I’m sure he’s lovely.” She went into the
kitchen and made two cups of tea. Then she sat across from me at
the kitchen table. “Anything new with you, dear?”

I grabbed my cup and took a sip. “Nothing
really. I’ve just been working and going to school…my life is
pretty boring, actually.” I released a sad chuckle.

“That’s not true,” she said. “How’s the
baking?”

“I hardly have time to make anything, but I
made these apple cherry muffins. They’re really good, or so people
say.”

“I’ll have to try them.”

“Sure. I have some in my bag.”

Yaya took a sip. “So…is there a man in your
life?”

I immediately thought of Hawke. “No.” I wish
I had a different answer. “I went on a date with this guy a while
ago…”

“And?” she pressed.

I shook my head. “It didn’t go anywhere. But
I really liked him.”

She patted my hand. “You’re so young. You
have your whole life to find the right guy. I’m just glad you’re
picky.”

I’m picky, but only for the wrong
ones
. “Yeah, I guess.”

Voices were heard from outside.