Irreplaceable (15 page)

“You can’t expect me to believe that you’d all of a
sudden go from sleeping with more women than I can count to just little ole
me.” A soft, insecure laugh crept out.

He stared at me silently, his eyes taking in my
expression, reading me. I shifted on the stool, uncomfortable under his
penetrating gaze. What the hell was he thinking?

“Why don’t you see it? You’re so fucking beautiful, and
you don’t even see it!” A spark of anger flashed in his eyes. “There was a time
I wanted to feel you pressed under me, that sharp tongue of yours put to work
in ways you could only imagine. But then somehow I lost myself—forgot about how
much I wanted just your body at my control. It was deeper than even I realized.

“It was you, Cassandra—your heart, your kindness—and
before I knew what was happening or had a chance to stop it, I found myself
lying in bed at night wanting to hold only you. To kiss you, worship you, and
finally discover what it was like to make love to a woman.”

I sat there, the lost butterflies that’d been hidden for
the past month buzzing to life throughout my clenched gut. My heart raced, and
I watched with soft eyes as his hand reached out, the pad of his thumb
caressing my cheek and catching the single revealing tear that slid out of my
unsuspecting eye.

He placed his thumb in his mouth, sucking it clean before
whispering, “Tell me to walk away. Tell me to leave and let you go. Tell me I
have no chance, and that you’ll never love me, and I’ll listen. I’ll never
bother you again. If you want me to move away, I’ll put my house on the market
tomorrow and be gone. I just need you to be honest and tell me. I can’t see you
in pain anymore, and I know it’s me that’s hurting you.”

Harsh tears stung my cloudy eyes, his words cutting deep.
My eyes never strayed from his. My heart screamed out to him, beating against
my ribcage, fighting with everything it had to reach him and beg him to stay.
But all I could hear was the voice in my head telling me, “This is it. Your
next words will forever change your life, one way or another.”

Could I really let him leave? Could I walk away from the
one man who awoke something so pure and raw inside me? What if he was the
one—the one I was waiting for?

Could I really live without him? Could I—

It happened in a flash: my body thrust forward, crushing
my lips onto his. There was no thought behind it—only need.

Logan reacted instantly, pulling me closer with his hands
in my hair, kissing me with a ferocious need. My tongue ran along his bottom
lip, searching for entrance, but he pulled back, resting his forehead on mine.
“I adore you.”

With a ragged breath, I opened my mouth just enough to
slide my tongue into his.

Chapter Fourteen

Bombshells

Heat was all I felt—a scorching
wave of warmth prickling my skin, flooding my system, and fueling the arousal
building within me as Logan’s tongue parted my lips and dived in, exploring and
dancing with mine.

My legs were between his, his hands in my hair. It felt
so good, yet my brain was flickering back to life despite my will to block it out.

What am I doing?

No, I wasn’t going to think—not now—just feel. It was
amazing and perfect, sating my angry nerves that had been restless for far too
long. I kissed him harder, as though there was nothing else in the world I
should be doing, as his hands traveled down my back and settled on my hips.

My head was spinning, focusing on only one thing: his
unrelenting and demanding kiss. It matched mine with every move, every prod of
his tongue.

“Logan?”

I pulled back, panting, head dropped.

What?

Blinking once, twice, three times slammed me back to
reality. I straightened, letting my hair fall down to block my flushed face
from the room—the bar full of patrons getting a free show.

“Excuse us, ladies, we were in the middle of something,”
Logan said to the female voice that had interrupted us.

I didn’t dare look back, though her voice was much too
squeaky to belong to Natasha.

“Wow, forgotten already,” another girl chimed in as I
held up my hand to the bartender for another shot.

The weight of Logan’s stare boring into my side grew
unbearable as I sat in silence. I blocked him out and downed the shot that was
in front of me instantly.

When his fingers slid through my hair, tucking it behind
my ears and revealing my hidden emotions, I stiffened.

“Let’s get you home, sweetheart,” he leaned in and
whispered, placing a soft kiss on the corner of my jaw. I bit my bottom lip and
closed my eyes, struggling to collect my thoughts.

“Come on, there’s no way you could forget about us. The
fun on the airplane? Come on, it was just the other week.”

The other week?
My eyes closed, gut churning.

I felt Logan move back from me. “Leave!” he demanded, his
voice taking on a stern edge.

The girl scoffed. “Really?” She giggled, then lowered her
voice to a seductive purr. “Since when do you like privacy?”

I swallowed hard, my icy veins flooding with rage,
chilling me to the bone and extinguishing the fire Logan had lit seconds
earlier. I wouldn’t let this break me. I was going to sit right there and hold
it together. Logan was a free man who could do whatever or whomever he wanted.
As much as it hurt, I feigned indifference. My eyes were set on the bartender
as he walked past with a bottle in hand. I threw up my hand, requesting one
more.

“We’re leaving,” Logan snarled, yet the girls didn’t seem
to hear him. One of them leaned in behind me, snickering.

“Word of advice: the man likes it rough and he prefers
two at once, so why don’t you let us take over and you can go find yourself
some nice boy next door to take home?”

I heard and felt Logan stand, but I was already out of my
seat.  That was too much.

“He’s all yours,” I shot back, walking out.

There it was—yet another item on the endless list of
reasons Logan was off limits. Why men sucked. Why he was nothing more than a
man I was attracted to. I had to get out of my head. I wouldn’t let it happen.
Not again.

He likes it rough. Two at once.

The words replayed through my thoughts as I pushed open
the front door, heading to the parking lot. My day was bad enough discovering
my dad had run off with my nineteen-year-old babysitter, and now this?

“Cassandra! Stop!”

“You should go back in, Logan. I’d hate for you to miss
out on a sure thing tonight!” I yelled.

“Cassandra!” he threatened.

“Go! They know what you like, and for the record, I could
never share a man, so why waste your time?”

“Stop!” Logan grabbed my arm and whirled me around. “I’m
not that man anymore! Now listen to me!”

I yanked my arm free, standing off the sidewalk in the
freezing night air, snow flurrying down over us.

“But you were that man a week ago for them?”

His expression softened. “Sweetheart—”

“When? When were you with them?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, tell me when. That night Luke drove me home? I saw
you head back into town.”

Logan’s eyes never strayed from mine as he spoke. “I did
come back to Haven that night. Natasha had left the bar and I needed a drink. I
was angry, and those girls approached me. I told them I wasn’t interested, but
they gave still me their numbers.”

“And you kept them?”

“I put them in my coat pocket and didn’t think about it
again until the next morning after our conversation at your house. When I left
for my business trip, my head was a mess. I thought I just needed to give up
and go back to my old life—let you go so you could find someone to make you
happy.”

“I don’t understand. When did you call them?”

His head ticked slightly to the side, reluctant to say
more.

My eyes closed, and I inhaled a breath as realization
sunk in. “You took them with you.”

“I wanted to move on. Not for me, but for you. To leave
you alone, and I thought—”

“You took two women on a business trip for sex minutes
after you left my door.”

“They didn’t mean anything. I regretted it the moment it
happened, but it was too late. I just wanted to get you out of my head. You
were never going to give me a chance. ”

“You’re right. It’s better this way. You’ve solidified my
belief that there is no future for us.”

“No, you didn’t want me, and I just needed to see if—”

“If you could forget me by having sex with strangers? I
got loud it, and clear!”

“I know how it sounds, and I wish it’d never happened,
but it did. I had a moment of weakness because the woman I love wouldn’t even
allow me to drive her home! I haven’t wanted to sleep with anyone but you for
months, and those girls were no different. I hated myself every second I was
with them.”

“Yet you still gave them a time to remember.”

His expression lost its remorseful softness. “I’m through
talking about them. This is about us!”

“Don’t you get it yet!?” I shouted with a ridiculous
cackle as he regarded me with a tight expression. “There is no ‘us’! We won’t
work, Logan. Ever! We’re different people. I want a completely different life
than you.” I nearly screamed it out, not only for him to understand once and
for all, but for myself as well.

I turned and began walking again. It felt
good—liberating—to release it from my body. We would never have a happily ever
after. It wasn’t in the cards for us.

It took only a second or two until he was there, jogging
over and stepping in front of me.

“You don’t know what I want because you won’t give me a
chance to—”

“A chance to what, Logan? Even if I forgot about those
girls, you’d be miserable with me after the first week. You’re not exactly the
monogamous type, so why are you pushing this?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.

“I’m not into women,” I said with unwavering confidence.
It was time he saw exactly what he was working so hard to obtain. “Never been
with one, and never plan to. So you and me?” My finger flipped between us.
“This is just some irrational attraction that has gone on for too long. I’m
done feeling like this—enduring this connection based purely on lust. That’s
it. Bottom line: we have no future together. Why can’t you see that?”

“You don’t know me as well as you think you do,
sweetheart.” His jaw was clenched, hard eyes on me.

“I know you spent weeks trying to be my friend just so
you could sleep with me!” I blurted out. “And I know the longer you keep
reeling me in, the harder it’s going to be to put myself back together when you
toss me aside like all the rest. Like the girls in there. I can’t.” My head
dropped, eyes slamming shut. “I can’t be one of those women, Logan. It would
destroy me.”

He said nothing, lifting my hands in his. I tugged them
away and looked up at him, determined to keep the upper hand as long as
possible. He was winning, and there was no way I could stop it.

I spoke with newfound determination and strength. “So
let’s just get this over with—right where we started, exactly where you wanted
it!”

I reached out and gripped the fabric of his dark wool
coat around his forearms and crushed my lips to his before he had a chance to
reply. The pounding music blaring from the bar set the tone of our pained kiss.
This was it. I was giving him what he wanted—what my body needed.

On my terms.

Clutching onto Logan for dear life, I ambled backward,
his hands now tight around my waist. He kissed me with equal force.

There we were—ready, wanting. Quick and hard in the
parking lot of Haven. The thought broke the last shred of hope I’d held onto as
his hands roamed freely over my back and down to my ass, squeezing me against
him.

When I hit the wall, stopping my steps, my hands worked
quickly, making its way down his broad chest and pushing his unbuttoned coat
open. The width of it hung around me, sucking me into the warmth and heady
scent I’d forever crave, despite myself.

“Cassandra.” My name on his lips sounded almost like a
plea.

A plea for more?

With one hand holding him close around his neck, the
other traveled to the waist of his trousers and, in a brazen move, stroked his
growing erection.  Tonight I’d be the woman who took what she wanted, then
walked away before he had a chance to.

A groan poured from his lips and vibrated through mine.
He pulled me closer, his manhood pressed tight against the fabric covering my
body, begging to be released. With angry hands and skillful fingers needing to
make a point and show him exactly what was behind his fascination with me, I
tugged open his belt.

I caught his bottom lip in my teeth, tugging and nipping,
leaving kisses over his five o’clock shadow. I made my way up to his ear, where
I ran my tongue over his lobe.

“Sweetheart…”

Pleased I was able to take control so easily, I ran my
tongue over his earlobe and whispered, “It’s time we got this over with.” Not
missing a beat, my lips descended to his neck as my fingers snapped open the
button on his fly.

The zipper was in my hand, and with one look up under my
long lashes to Logan’s dark, tense eyes, I dropped down to my knees—a first for
me—taking his zipper down with me.

This was what he wanted, and this is what it would take
to show him I was no different from any other girl. I was nothing he’d consider
special for long.

My hand dipped inside his open pants, grabbing his hard,
impressive length. The strong, hefty girth filled my palm; he was larger than
I’d dreamt, and oh, how I’d experienced hours and hours of fantasies about the
moment I’d finally have him like this. None of them even came close to reality.

When I closed my palm around him, I gave a firm squeeze,
relishing the sight of his head falling back as he grunted an inaudible mumble.
I pulled his erection completely free of the prohibiting fabric to take control
over his body.

I wasn’t prepared for his reaction. He stepped back with
a loud huff.

“Damn it!” Logan grunted as he tucked himself back in and
zipped his pants. “Not like this,” he said to himself, but I caught it.

Snowflakes floated down around him as he turned his back
to me, and I watched the rise and fall of his shoulders as he took a deep
breath and then ran his hands through his hair.

Slowly, he turned back and looked down at me, still on my
knees, muddled with chaotic thoughts and arousal, desperate to be sated.

“Get. Up!” He growled, his face set with rage.

“Why? This is what you want—your words, I believe, were
that you wanted to ‘fuck me in the alley’! So what’s the problem? You want to
move down a few more feet to be in that exact spot?”

“Get. The fuck. Off your knees!”

It was irrational, but I wasn’t moving. “Get the fuck out
of my head!” I screamed.

He stood over me, eyes wide with fury, and ripped me from
the ground, holding me up by my forearms.

“Why?” he hissed through gritted teeth, nostrils flared.
“Are you that scared of me—of the possibility of us?”

“Shut up!” I struggled in his arms and beat my hands
against his chest, but his grip never wavered.

“I’m not the same man I was then.”

“A week ago?” I scoffed.

“You didn’t want me!” he protested, but I was too lost in
my anger to process anything at that moment. “You changed me, Cassandra—showed
me what was possible. What do I have to do? Tell me anything, and I’ll do it!”

I let out a heavy breath and sunk into his hold on me.

“I never wanted a relationship with any woman after
Natasha. Do you hear me? Never. I foolishly convinced myself that what I had
with her was as good as love could get, so I gave up and never thought about
the possibility of it again.” He crooked his finger under my chin, lifting my
face to him.

“I hate that you saw my past indiscretions, and worse,
what you saw of them tonight. I have no excuse, but a man has needs, Cassandra,
and I was never one to refrain from activities I found enjoyable. So for the
past four years, I’ve taken what I wanted—what desperate women threw so easily
at me. You should have never had to listen to those girls in there who meant
nothing to me—women I never spared another thought about after I’d left them.”

I tried to look away—it was too much to hear—but he held
my chin firmly.

“I was miserable, Cassandra, for years—young, and unsure
how to raise Oliver on my own. So I did things that I regret—things at the time
to…to help me feel. Regain the control that Natasha stole. It was nothing more
than a means to an end for lonely nights. I can’t deny that I had more than a
man’s fair share, but I never felt like this. Not until you.”