Irreplaceable (6 page)

Logan had a key! How the hell did he get that? He’d
returned the one from when I babysat Oliver before Christmas, so unless he’d made
a copy…

“Where are you?”

The humiliation stung. What was it with Logan and
bathrooms? I looked down at the clear plastic doing nothing to hide my sopping
body and cringed. The fluffy towel on the rack against the far wall mocked me
as I reached out in vain.

His voice grew closer, calling my name in a panic.

“In the bathroom,” I croaked.

One hand covered my breasts over the sticky vinyl as I
rolled slightly to my side, hiding my front as best as possible. I struggled
against the tight space and cool water to press the curtain over my backside,
attempting to shield the last shred of dignity I had.

I felt him approaching before I saw him, goose bumps
prickling my skin. With hesitant movements, I looked up, my breath catching. He
was standing in the doorway, candlelight flickering around him. His dark,
hooded eyes locked on mine, concern etched over his brow.

“How did you get in?” I asked more softly than I meant
to, swallowing the lump in my throat. It was the only thing I could think to
say to break the tension, and it seemed to work.

He tore his gaze away, stepping farther into the room and
grabbing the fluffy white towel from the rack. With his back to me, I watched
his shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath, then turned to face me. He
seemed to have collected his thoughts, resuming the confident and smug Logan
demeanor I remembered.

“Your mother gave me a key for situations…” His lip
quirked up just the slightest bit. “…well, like this, I assume.”

With a scoff, my eyes rolled back. He was overly amused
with my situation.

“Just to clarify, this is not going to be a regular thing
with us: you, me, bathrooms.”

A familiar smirk grew over his lips shamelessly. “I have
to admit, I quite like this being our thing.” He kneeled down beside the tub,
and I jerked back.

“Are you hurt?” The amused expression on his face was replaced
with distressing concern.

“No, just sore.”

“All right, let’s get you out of here and into something
other than a vinyl wrap. Not that I’m complaining, sweetheart.” He frowned the
instant the endearment slipped out. He looked away, eyes dipping with a sharp
stare at the floor, then rising back to me. “Sorry. Force of habit around you.”

“I’ve noticed,” I breathed.

Our eyes locked, and it was me who broke the stare. I
wasn’t going there again. It was done.

My chin jutted out and I kept my hands placed strategically
as he positioned the towel over me, rubbing the soft cotton up and down my
shivering arms. I kept my eyes downcast on the metal grommets punched into the
curtain when he finally reached into the chilled water and pulled out the plug
near my feet. I listened as the water drained, using it as a distraction.

“You know, I have to ask: why did you feel the necessity
to bathe while home alone in your condition?”

“My condition?” I hissed, pursing my lips.

The water was draining quickly, the last of it circling
the drain with a final loud gulp.

He recoiled, his eyes soft and rueful. “I didn’t mean…”
He sighed.

“Yeah, I get it. You know what? Just hand me my cell and
you can go.”

He stood and left the room. Was he really leaving that
quickly?

He stepped back in a moment later with another towel he
must’ve grabbed from the hall closet. His little house check earlier had him
way too familiar with where things were.

“I’m not leaving you here like this. You’ll freeze.” He
bent down, his face inches from mine. “Your lips are nearly blue.”

His lips were perfection. I looked away.
No, not
perfection—deceit.

He held up the second towel but didn’t lay it over me. Instead,
he held it up, blocking my view of him.

What was he doing?
My brows pulled in.

“Let go of the curtain and use the towel I gave you to
cover yourself,” he explained.

Oh.

“No peeking!”

The towel shook in his hands as he chuckled. I released
my clammy grip on the vinyl reluctantly and pushed it behind me, quickly
wrapping the towel back over me.

“Okay,” I said, nerves buzzing. Being naked that close to
Logan began to stir the desire I feared I someday wouldn’t be able to push back
down.

Logan covered me with the towel in his hands and smiled.
“I’m going to lift you out. Don’t be stubborn—put all your weight on me.”

I prepared for the closeness as he slid his hand under my
damp, quivering legs and behind my back.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his rough voice barely above a
whisper.

A shiver shot through me and I nodded, thankful for the
candlelight that hid my terror as the pressure of his embrace seared into my
skin. It felt so…right.

My teeth caught the inside of my bottom lip, determined
to hide any revealing emotions. I interlocked my hands around his neck, his
clean, familiar scent so close my head dropped of its own volition into the
nook of his neck.

I’d never been more aware of my own body as I felt his
brush against mine with every step he took as he clutched me in his arms. His
scorching hands imprinted into my flesh as he carried me to my bedroom without
a word and sat me on the corner of my bed.

The towel was clutched tightly in my grip against my
chest as I turned away from him, desperate to hide both my nudity and the wound
on my thigh. It hung open in the back, since it was draped over the front of me
and my hands weren’t flexible enough to keep it closed in the back. I rushed to
bring the covers up in time to cover my behind.

Logan was standing at the edge of the bed directly behind
me, and the moment I grabbed the blanket was too late. I’d been too focused on
my backside that I’d let down my guard and hadn’t noticed the towel slipping
away from my thigh, revealing my worst.

I couldn’t look back up at him, feeling his intense gaze on
the wound. The clear bandage I’d placed over it to protect the stitches from
becoming saturated hid nothing.

My head dropped. I’d never felt uglier.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him hunch down and fall
to his knees. I closed my eyes.

Yes, this is what you did to me.

It was wrong. He wasn’t solely to blame. It wasn’t him
drinking and driving. It wasn’t he who flew through the red light and nearly
destroyed me. It was he, however, who caused me to lose my head and get in that
car without a seat belt. It was he who put me there with tears clouding my
vision.

My thoughts were interrupted by the touch of his warm
palm settling on my leg beside the bandage—inspecting it, from what I caught from
my sidelong glance at him. My stomach flipped, heart pounding feverishly as the
nerve endings in my leg jittered and buzzed to life. My eyelids snapped shut as
Logan mimicked the skillful ease of a gifted surgeon to pull the bandage away
slowly. To my disbelief, I didn’t even wince; his touch was so gentle and slow.

My eyes opened gradually and cast down, unable to look at
him as he placed the soiled bandage aside. I felt the pads of his fingertips
trailing along the tender stitches that ran halfway down my outer thigh.
Doctors said a scar was imminent, but that plastic surgery could make it near
invisible in the future. I told them no. Not that I could afford the option,
anyway, but this was me now. This was the mark on my body that reminded me I
took a chance and lost.

My eyes fluttered as the pads of his fingertips continued
their slow descent to where the stitches ended.

“Hideous, I know,” I breathed finally, my body tense,
embarrassment raw as his touch sent me spiraling.

Logan peered up at me, and I saw the swell of anguish in
his eyes.

“You’re beautiful, strong, and what every man could ever
hope for. This,” he said, his fingers continuing back up, gaze locked with
mine, “proves you’ve lived life, but unfortunately trusted an unworthy man.”

My eyelids shut tightly again, willing the tears not to
spill forth from the way his soft voice faded into a broken whisper. A beat of
silence was followed by my stomach exploding with butterflies when I felt his
lips cover the top of the stitches. My hands clutched the towel more tightly,
using it to control my urge to reach out to him as I sucked in a ragged breath.

With sensual tenderness surrounding his unexpected and
gentle touch, I watched with half-lidded eyes as his lips pulled back, then
placed another open-mouth kiss down a bit further. He kissed me over and over until
his lips were halfway down my thigh and I was left with a tear-stained face and
swollen heart.

Before I could speak, Logan tilted his head to the side
and stared up at me, raising his thumb and wiping away my agony. A long,
content moment settled between us until he was standing up and placing the
blanket over my shoulders and around my legs, wrapping me in snugly.

Speechless, I watched as he strode over to my dresser and
opened the top drawer.

I shuddered.
Not that drawer.

With a boyish grin that lit a twinkle in his eye and a cocked,
playful eyebrow, he looked back over his shoulder. He was holding a pair of
yellow-and-white polka-dot panties.

“Interesting choices you have.”

Any sexual tension between us was instantly squashed. I
rolled my eyes, sniffing once, snipping away the final thread of intimacy we’d
shared seconds earlier. I fought in vain to cover the smile threatening to
break out.

Logan was trying to make it easier; I could see it in his
posture as he turned back away for a moment, sifting through my unmentionables until
he spoke to himself again.

“Perfect.”

I waited anxiously, unsure what he’d found, when he
stepped closer to the door and snagged the pale pink robe from the hook beside
it.

“Do you need help?” He set the robe beside, me holding my
panties and a white lace bra as though he had done so a thousand times before.

I shook my head once, too grateful for him breaking the
tension that had been developing between us to be angry. Not a bit of me felt
embarrassed when I held out my hand. My eyes narrowed into thin slits up at him,
but not in the same way they had throughout the week. Logan had somehow managed
to kiss away my anger—at least for the night.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

He placed the underwear in my hands with an easy smile.
“I’ll be right in the kitchen if you need me. I brought over Chinese tonight.
Hope you like it.”

He didn’t already know? I wasn’t expecting the way it
lightened the heaviness inside me.

“Yeah, I do.”

Chapter Five

Hard Truths

I’d never have admitted it aloud,
but my resolve toward Logan was already softening. Was that all it took—a few
brief but incredibly intimate touches? A pleasant calmness over dinner that
evening earned him an actual conversation as we sat at the table nearly an hour
after the food was cleared from our plates.

This discovery should’ve made me happy or at least
content, yet I awoke the next day feeling the exact opposite. I was falling for
him again, and there would be no way to stop it if he kept up the perfect
man-in-love spiel. I knew what he was doing, and as much as I wanted it to
work, I was terrified.

Neighbors, I could live with, but even friends just
seemed too difficult. As disheartening as it was, the notion of friendship
seemed impossible with my irksome old feelings blurring the lines.

The week lurched by, and Logan never missed a beat. He
sent a good-morning text first thing when I awoke and stopped by with both
breakfast and dinner. I listened as he told me about Oliver, and even
interacted with him over the designs of Julia’s house.

However, I kept myself guarded so as not to step over the
substantial line I’d drawn between us. I had to make it clear there was no
chance for us. I couldn’t let myself go down that road again only for him to
walk away the moment things got rough—or worse, once he grew bored. And the
last thing I wanted to do was lead him on. I knew how that felt, and I wouldn’t
do that to him.

He didn’t say a word or play the charming card when I
switched to a clipped and guarded tone, but I knew he felt the change. His
confident behavior slipped, and the sporadic words between us slowly grew into
nothing more than civil, almost businesslike blurbs of ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ over the
house project.

We exchanged a few small jokes here and there, with the
occasional brush of his hand over mine. It stirred that familiar electric wave
residing deep inside me, and yet he never showed a sign that he felt it. There
was now an unspoken understanding that I had nothing left to give.

As the week drew to a close, I noticed his visits grew
shorter. On Thursday, he brought dinner by, but didn’t stay a minute after we
finished eating.

He was finally taking the hint. I couldn’t offer him
more. I couldn’t offer him anything. It wasn’t until Friday, when I opened a
door that should’ve remained closed, that everything changed.

Julia was standing on my porch, a shivery smile on her
lips as she hurried inside to warm up.

“Hey, come in.” I chuckled at her impatience.

“Thanks, its freezing out there!” She rubbed her gloved
hands together and her body’s stiffness from the bitterness of the blizzard
began to wane. “Hope you’re not busy. I needed to talk to you a minute.”

“No, not busy. Just watching some trash TV.” I sat back
on the sofa, curious as to why she was visiting. It was a first—not that I
minded.

“Sounds…fun.”

Boring and mundane were more accurate. I hit the mute
button and set the remote beside me. She sat on the other end of the couch.

“Listen, I know this is none of my business, but Logan’s
miserable.”

I sat up further, brows rising at her brashness. “You’re
right. I don’t mean to sound rude, but it isn’t any of your business.”

She sighed, tugging off her gloves. “I’m sorry. I don’t
normally get involved in any of my brothers’ relationships. It’s just that I’ve
never seen him like this before. He’s all mopey and grumpy, and besides hanging
out with Oliver or coming to see you, he’s checked out.” Her words blew out in
one long breath. She inhaled to fill her lungs and waited for me to respond.

Checked out? Logan?
I couldn’t picture it.

“I know he’s your brother and I think it’s sweet that
you’re trying to help, but there’s nothing to be done. He can’t expect me to
come running into his arms when I can barely even walk.”

She shook her head and groaned, irritated at my reply.
“I’ll be honest with you, Cassandra. I don’t understand Logan most of the time
when it comes to women. He’s always so reserved, never wanting to even date.”

A chuckle escaped and I sucked in my lips, containing my
grin. “Sorry, it’s just that Logan definitely
dates…
just not like most
men,” I said.

Julia relaxed into the sofa. “I know Logan, and I know
that he…enjoys the company of many.” Her words were so hesitant and forced I
couldn’t help but grin more widely.

“All right, fine! Logan’s a slut! My fucked-up brother
with commitment issues can’t stand to even speak to a girl once he’s screwed
her. There, I said it, and I tried to warn you when we first met. But he
already had his eye on you, and it was too late to try and stop it. God knows I
tried! I knew this would happen. It always does.”

She sighed, pulling off her thin designer hat and running
her fingers through her hair. I swallowed hard, gaze fixed on the wall behind
her now.

My cheeks heated, skin prickling with emotions I didn’t
recognize.
Always does?
Why did that send my gut roiling? My posture
turned painfully stiff.
I’m one of many?

Block it out. Block it out.

A shiver raced through me, awakening my senses that were
slowly losing their grip on the fact that she was still there, watching me.
Searching for all the strength I could muster, I pulled on an unaffected
smile—so small I wondered whether it even looked like one—and found my voice.

“So if this always happens, why are you sitting here
talking to me about it? You want me to screw your brother so he’ll leave me
alone?”

“No!” She looked appalled at first, and then her head
ticked to the side. “Although that may work.”

Now it was my turn to pull on a scrunched appalled and
offended expression. She shook her head and cackled with frustration.

“All I’m trying to say is that when Logan sets his mind
to something, he doesn’t give up—ever. Right now, he wants you, and until you
see that, you’re fighting the inevitable. It’s a game to him, and he
will
win. I know you’re attracted to him, so why not just try and see what happens?”

“You just told me that he never even speaks to women when
he’s through with them, so why the hell would I take a chance with him?”

“Because I know you’re different. He’s only ever pursued
one other woman.” She paused, hesitant. “Oliver was almost three, and Logan met
her on an airplane. Whoever she was, she played hard to get, and Logan flew out
to see her every chance he had for about a month. He’d come back to the city
frustrated, and we all thought it was hilarious. He’d found a woman who caught
his attention, yet she wouldn’t sleep with him. My other brothers and I thought
she might be the one.”

I released a breath, nearly suffocating from holding it
in too long unknowingly. I couldn’t hear this. It was too much. I was no
different—another pursuit.

“I’m done,” I breathed, heat stinging my eyes as tears
glossed my vision.

“No, listen. It was a little over a month after he’d met
her that he flew out one weekend and came back looking…satisfied. He went back
one other time a few days later, and that was that.”

There was a woman out there somewhere who’d endured the
charm of Logan West and was left broken? Shocker. Bile began to rise inside me,
and my head started spinning.

“He just walked away?” I managed.

“Yes, because she wanted more. She wanted to meet Oliver.
He didn’t even know how she found out he had a son. He doesn’t talk to women
about him.”

“Julia, please just leave. As a woman yourself, how can
sit here and tell me this? Sit here and ask me to give him a chance to
humiliate me?”

“No, that’s not what I’m doing. I want you to understand.
You need to know this. When Logan was pursuing her, he never stopped sleeping
around. Jax was staying with him at the time and said Logan had women over when
Oliver visited my mother. He continued to have sex with other woman.” Her voice
grew louder, hands working animatedly. “He never told her about Oliver! Don’t
you get it? Jax and I know for a fact that Logan hasn’t slept with
anyone
since November. He went from getting caught screwing slutty women on balconies
to showing no interest in the opposite sex. He’s never been like this over a
woman before—not even Natasha. You’re different. He truly cares about you!”

“And if I’m just a conquest?”

“You’re not. My brother is lost without you. He won’t say
it, but it’s obvious it’s destroying him. Can’t you just give him a chance—just
one? I mean, at least try the friends thing again. Please. He’s a good guy,
he’s just… guarded.”

I swallowed. My head was muddled and heavier than ever
trying to process everything. It killed me that he was hurting, but so was I,
and this new information only built an additional wall around the thick prison
protecting my damaged heart.

“Julia, between you and me, I appreciate everything your
brother has been doing. I really do, and it makes this so hard, but I can’t go
there again. I don’t even know what to think about everything you’ve just told
me.” My voice lowered from the emotional exhaustion. “I need to focus on
getting my life put back together before—”

“Why the hell are you here?” I looked up and found Logan standing
in the doorway. Acid dripped from his tone.

“I was just visiting. Calm down.”

“Oliver’s with Jax. I told him you were going over to see
him.”

She narrowed her eyes as she stood. “I’m on my way. I
just wanted to check in on Cassandra and see how she was feeling.”

“You can see she’s well,” Logan scowled. It was obvious
from his stance that he’d heard most of what she’d said to me. His jaw was set,
eyes dark.

Julia walked to the door, glancing back to me with a
pleading frown. I looked away, unable to take the pressure.

“I said I’m going. God, you need to relax!” Julia yelled,
stomping past him and slamming the door behind her.

Silence hung between us for too long before he cleared
his throat.

“I was stopping by to drop off the vitamins I told you about.”
Logan held out a bottle of pills. “Here.”

“You need to apologize to her.” I stood and grabbed the
bottle, setting it on the coffee table.

“She needs to stay out of my personal life. Our
relationship has nothing to do with her.”

Relationship?
Is that what he called this? I
couldn’t keep dragging him on when I knew it was going nowhere. Whether I was
another conquest he needed to claim or there was even a small chance I meant
more, I couldn’t let anything happen.

I laid it out with a gentle tone. “Logan, I don’t think
you should keep coming by.” My eyes locked with his, imploring him to hear me
out once and for all. “I mean, this isn’t going to go anywhere, and I don’t
want to see you get your hopes up or me broken all over again. So let’s just
end this…whatever this is…and both walk away.”

“Why?”

My brows pulled in. “Why what? Logan, I can barely
process what happened that night. It’s still a painful mess in my head, and the
last thing I can handle right now is trying to date someone I don’t trust.”

“No, why don’t you want to see me get my hopes up?”

I don’t know, because I’m not a complete bitch?

“Because I don’t.”

He stepped forward, standing inches from me. “Because you
care.”

“Logan.” I sighed.

“Tell me you don’t care.”

“It’s not enough,” I murmured, his breath hot on my
cheeks. I needed to step back, but the couch hit my legs, stopping me from
moving. I couldn’t think straight with him that close, so I just spoke quickly.

“I care about your feelings, just like I do Caleb’s or
Hilary’s. That’s not enough for what you want.”

“You care as a friend.”

Did I say that?
No, he wasn’t a friend. I wouldn’t
let him be—not again. I shook my head.

“You’re lying, and we both know it, Cassandra. I know you
care, and that’s why I’m going to give you the space you need to make you see
that I’m worth letting back in.”

He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss to my temple,
leaving me breathless, and then turned to leave.

“I’ll come by in a few days. If you need me, you know I’m
only a call away.”

The moment the door shut behind him, I slumped down on
the couch. He wasn’t going to make it easy on me, and a tiny piece of my heart
swelled—a piece of hope that I fought to bury.

He was, however, offering me space and time—things I
needed desperately without confusing emotions nauseating me or sexual tension
so thick I could suffocate. I was handed a couple days off, and for that, I was
grateful.