Irreplaceable (5 page)

“You can go, Logan,” I said, noticing him lingering at
the doorway.
Please go.

Marilyn was beside my bed in seconds, pulling back the
blankets. I held them tightly, earning me a dubious look from the woman. I
wasn’t ready for Logan to see all my wounds.

“You have to do at least one lap, Cassandra. We can’t
have that leg stiffening up on you.”

“I said go, Logan!” I didn’t mean to yell as loudly as I
did, but panic was setting in as she pulled the blanket from my grasp.

Logan stepped closer to me. I yanked on my gown to help
cover the bandage, but I could tell by his stricken face that he saw.

“I think I’ll stay,” he said softly, now standing next to
Marilyn with a frown.

Of course he would.

With a short breath, careful not to awaken the sleeping
beast in my ribs, I shuffled both legs off the side of the bed. The bandage
covered most of my thigh, and thankfully so did the hideous gown.

I sat there as Marilyn slid on the white robe to cover my
backside and helped me to my feet. It took a moment to let my body stretch,
willing myself to walk down the hall and back with no help. Marilyn was always
there for support, but today I wanted to prove that I didn’t need it. I was
just fine, and ready to leave the hospital in the morning.

The moment I took my first step, I knew I was in trouble.
My leg gave in and my knees wobbled, but I was able to catch myself on the
railing of the bed. Not that I needed it—Logan’s supportive arm was there,
holding me up.

“I’m here. Let me help.”

“It looks like I’m not needed today,” Marilyn said with a
smile, oblivious to the angry frown on my lips. “She needs to walk to the
elevator and back on her own. Stay with her, though.” And with that, she was
gone.

“You ready?” he asked kindly.

“I guess.” No way was I ready for him to see me in need
of help. “You can let go now. You heard the woman: I need to do it on my own.”

The warmth of his grip released my waist and I was
standing freely, ready to get the walk over with.

To my complete satisfaction, I made it to the elevator
without missing a beat—no stumbles or weaknesses—and with Logan behind me out
of sight, I was able to truly enjoy the accomplishment. The doctors were right:
my leg was healing. I finally believed them.

I turned to walk back, grinning to myself.

“I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be going through this.”
Logan looked at me, and it was then I noticed the forlorn expression from the
previous day was back.

“Don’t!” I snapped. “I just walked down a hall that I
struggled with all week and still have the strength to walk back. You don’t get
to ruin that for me. You don’t get to make me feel bad about the situation.” I
ambled on past him.

Damn it.
I was in such a better place, and he
squashed it. The walk back was eerily silent as I let the irritation pick at
me.

When I landed back in bed, that nap sounded better than
ever. I rolled to my side and closed my eyes.

“Goodbye, Logan.”

I waited for him to reply—to say a thoughtful goodbye, or
that he wasn’t leaving. Instead, I heard him sit, and then he began to read
aloud.

My eyes opened wide. He was reading to me—and not just
any book, but the first classic novel I read as a young teen. Another tidbit my
mother must’ve told him.

With a nearly silent sigh, I allowed my eyes to drift
closed as Elizabeth Bennet prepared with her sisters for the dance that would
lead her to making the acquaintance of Mr. Darcy.

The hum of Logan’s sweet voice lulled me into my slumber,
where he no longer awaited me in the alley. Rather, I found myself at home,
standing in my backyard, watching Oliver chase Scout. But we weren’t alone—Logan
was there as well. Far off in the distance, the trees surrounding him stood
miles away, yet his searing gaze was concentrated on me, searching my soul for
answers I couldn’t give.

Chapter Four

Scars

“Rise and shine, sleepy head!”

My eyes fluttered open to meet the marvelous grin
covering Hilary’s cheerful face.

“Come on, the doctor’s signing the papers for your
release as we speak. Let’s get you the hell out of this place.”

I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. Home, finally. A
slow smile tugging on my lips lifted my spirits as her words settled over me.

“That’s my girl. Now go get dressed.” Hilary held out a
pile of clothes and watched as I slipped my feet off the side of the bed but
didn’t make a move to stand.

“Can you just shut the curtain? I’ll change here.” I
motioned my hand to the yellow drape behind her.

Hilary turned and rustled it closed without a word. After
she helped me shuffle into a white shirt and pink sweats, I was feeling more
eager than ever to get out of there.

“Remember to continue taking the
medication as needed for pain, and make sure you schedule an appointment next
week to check your stitches. We want to make sure that leg keeps healing
properly.”

The doctor whom I’d seen since childhood stood across the
room and rambled on and on as I sat at the edge of the bed, zoning out. Anxiety
set my nerves on the fritz, my hands smoothing small circles over the mattress
I’d be leaving for good as soon as he was done talking.

Hilary squatted in front of me and helped me slide on my
comfy suede boots, though my attention was not on her or the doctor, but Logan.
He’d come in sometime during my dressing, and was standing near the door,
jotting down endless notes on a small black leather pad as the doctor listed
off instructions.

He wasn’t seriously going to visit me at home as much as
he did here. Was he?

Hilary smacked the bottom of my shoe when it was on and
stood, a smile lighting her face when she turned to Logan, watching him asking
the doctor a question. Of course he was.

It was his car that awaited me outside the hospital,
since my mom was stuck with a shift she couldn’t switch. After enough
complaining, I managed to win a ride with Hilary.

I didn’t say a word when he made it to my house before us.
He stood in the driveway, waiting for her car to stop.

After opening the passenger-side door, he leaned down,
encircling his arm around my waist, and helped me inside my house.

“It has to feel good to be home. I mean, we can finally
see each other past seven,” Hilary said with a laugh.

Visiting hours were no friend of hers. She tried to sneak
in a couple times, but the nurses weren’t having it. Not surprisingly, Logan
was there after visiting hours, meeting nothing but giggles and blushing from
the previously grouchy nurses once he explained why it was important he stayed.
I was a lucky girl, they said. If only they knew.

Before I could respond, Logan reappeared from his jaunt
around the house, during which he’d surveyed every room for trip hazards and
potential serial killers lurking in closets. He stood in the doorway to the
living room, staring at me as I rested on the couch with a thin quilt covering
my lap.

“Everything looks good in here, sweet—”He cut himself
off.

Smart man. I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes at the
television, and he knew why. I’d made it clear I was not his sweetheart, and he
was not to call me so.

Not bothering to look his way, I replied, “Of course it
does. Now you can leave and not bother coming back.”

“Cassandra!” Hilary gaped at me, appalled at my lack of
appreciation.

Logan, however, seemed to have taken the jab in stride.
“Right, well I’ll bring dinner by tonight. Let her get some rest. She needs
it,” he said to Hilary, completely unaffected by my venomous tone.

I said nothing, expecting no less from him, since it was
becoming our thing lately for him to hound me to no end. Being home reminded me
of the last time I was there, dancing around, eager to wear my new party dress
and confess my feelings to the man I was certain would be the last one I kissed
on New Year’s.

My nose scrunched. The image left a sour taste in my
mouth.

Ignoring Hilary’s pout, I picked up the remote and began
flipping through the channels. Hilary, on the other hand, pushed off the couch
with an exaggerated huff and walked Logan to the door, where they began talking
in quiet voices.

“Thanks again,” she said as he stepped outside, finally
leaving us alone. The moment she shut the door and turned back to me, I knew I
was in for a lecture.

“Look, I didn’t want to press you in the hospital, but what
the hell happened between you two?” She walked back to the armchair across from
me. 

I said nothing, eyes on the flickering screen.

“He’s just wants to help,” she added, her voice raising a
pitch.

“Mm-hmm.”

She sat down and leaned forward, elbows resting on her
thighs, waiting for me to explain myself. “He cares about you. You should have
seen him the night of the accident. He was wrecked. I’ve never seen a grown man
so broken. Maybe you should give him a chance.”

I looked up at her, exasperated. “A chance to what? Completely
incinerate what’s left of my shattered heart? No thanks.”

Her posture resigned, shoulders slumping forward.
“Whatever happened between you guys, he’s trying. He cares about you. He won’t
tell me or even Caleb what he did, but whatever it was, he hates himself for
it. That has to be worth something.”

No, it wasn’t. I shot her a look that told her to drop
it. If only she knew. As much as I wanted to tell her, I couldn’t stomach the
idea of repeating that night out loud.

I hit the channel button again and again before landing
on a rerun of
Sex and the City
. Perfect. More women examining how much
men sucked.

“Look, I’m not saying give him a chance romantically,
Cassandra. Just maybe…I don’t know, try being nice, or at least civil. What
happened to my sweet best friend who never had a mean bone in her body?”

With my eyes trained on the television, I answered, “He
broke her.”

It was just past four when I persuaded
Hilary to leave, and I knew it would be at least another hour or two before
Logan came back with dinner.

I was finally alone in my own house. All I wanted to do
was crank up the stereo and dance around half naked, but I was stuck on the
couch, drained from pain meds. There was, however, one thing I was dying to do so
badly that I wasn’t going to let anything stop me.

With a wholehearted grin in place, I wobbled around the
house collecting candles, a lighter, and my cell phone, then stood in the
opening to my small bathroom. The sun was shining brightly through the clouds,
but with one tug of the blinds I was cast in a peaceful aura of darkness. I was
absolutely giddy at the idea of taking a nice, relaxing bath…alone.

As I eased down onto the linoleum beside the tub, taking
gentle care when I bent forward to plug the drain and run the hot water, I began
lighting the candles that lay scattered around me.

I positioned them around the room, my limbs growing
heavier with each passing minute as the pain meds began to take full effect.
The scent of lavender filled my nostrils, and with the flow of water filling
the tub, a calmness settled over me.

Once I slinked out of my clothes, sealed a clear
waterproof bandage over my thigh, and poured some sweet vanilla bubbles into
the tub, I was ready to climb in.

With a nauseated groan, I nearly bit through my bottom
lip as I maneuvered into the bath, being careful not to slip. I propped my foot
up on the side; even with the bandage covering the stitches, the less water
around it, the better. The last thing I needed was an infection. Once I was
settled and comfortable, I rested my head against the cool porcelain.

For once, I could just lie back and let the warm water
soothe my sore muscles. There was no rush to clean and go, or a nurse bathing
me with basin of water and sponge, or my mother sitting on the toilet talking
to me as I sat on the handicap chair in the shower.

I was home, in my bathtub, with no one to interrupt. It
was the one thing I’d been secretly craving since I was released from ICU into
a regular room. I sank further into the billowing bubbles, a smile on my face.
The fact that Logan was a constant in my life the past few days had been taking
its toll. His image assaulted my dreams every sleeping moment. Even if they
were better than the nightmares, he was always there, waiting to torment me
with the feelings for him I couldn’t dispel.

Logan had charmed his way into my life, into my heart, as
a dear friend. And by taking it to the next level, I lost that. I lost him. I
knew the man he was when it came to women, and I was a fool, like always, to
believe I was the one he’d change for.

A tear escaped from my eye and slid down my cheek. I
didn’t bother to wipe it away; instead, I allowed it to slide to my chin and
fall into the water around me. With a deep breath, I closed my eyes, hoping to
escape from the pressure of the outside world surrounding me.

I awoke with a stir, splashing
water around me, jerking up at the realization that I was sinking under the
water. I was still in the tub. The muscles in my leg that had been resting on
the edge were now rigid and sore. I choked back a yelp as I allowed it to fall
into the water, aching from the discomfort it had endured during my little nap.

Oh crap!

Blood pounded in my ears, panic setting in as I realized
a bath might not have been the best idea. As I attempted to sit up, my entire
body cried out at the stiffness in my joints and distressing ache in my bruised
ribs. My head throbbed and I dropped back against the tub, wanting to do
nothing but cry. But no—that was the last thing I’d do.

I propped my shriveled hands on the edges of the tub,
using all my strength to lift myself. The movements triggered a sharp,
excruciating stab of pain that shot through the laceration down my thigh. A
gurgling scream rose from my throat.

In a panic, I sought out my cell phone. I thought I’d brought
it in with the candles, but as I looked around, I realized I’d left it on the
hall table.

This was not good. My chest began to heave, and tears
stung at my eyes. What was I going to do now?

To my relief, there was a knock on my front door only
seconds later.

Logan?
I wasn’t positive, since he’d never knocked
before. Worried it may be a stranger—or worse, a homicidal stranger—I tugged on
the shower curtain until it fell free, the metal rod clanging to the floor.

“Cassandra!”

It was definitely Logan, and the knock from before was
now a forceful pounding that could’ve easily busted down the door. I began
pulling the clear vinyl curtain over me.

“Logan! I need you.”
I did not just say that.
Today
was so not my day. I should’ve stayed at the hospital.

I waited for another loud bang at my door or the crash
from him breaking it down. Instead, I heard the sound of a key in the lock,
then footsteps entering.