It's All Relative (30 page)

Stepping out of the truck, Jessie ran a hand through her curls. Exhaling a long breath, she prepared herself to see the man who occupied so much of her mind…and her heart.

Jessie opened the front door and walked through it like she lived there. Grams insisted that family didn’t have to knock. She didn’t see Grams and Kai and couldn’t hear them, but she knew they were there somewhere. “Hello?” she tentatively asked.

When no one answered her, she realized that they were probably out back, in Gram’s greenhouse. She stepped into the sunshine-filled kitchen. The bright yellow walls added to the cheeriness of the room, but didn’t help Jessie’s mood. Peering out the thin lace curtain over the window, she could see the opaque greenhouse in the back corner of Gram’s yard. Inside, she could easily make out two shadowy shapes—a short, frail one and a tall, lean one. Jessie sighed; even Kai’s shadow was appealing.

Her stomach started to buzz with nervous energy, and she turned around and considered leaving. If Grams and Kai were tucked away in the greenhouse, then they probably hadn’t heard her truck pull in. She could slip out and drive away and they’d be none the wiser. Then Jessie could come back later, when Kai was gone.

Jessie took a step, then paused. She hated the fact that she was fleeing from her cousin. This had been her idea. How did she think it was going to feel when Kai started seeing someone? And not just anyone either, but her roommate, one of her best friends. A best friend who was chatty, and who liked to delve into the TMI zone all too often. And now April’s too-much-information involved a man who possessed such warmth, graciousness, and caring, not to mention the most incredible set of tropical eyes, that it made Jessie’s heart ache.

“Jessie?”

Turning at the sound of her name, Jessie came face to face with those amazing eyes again. Kai was coming through the back door, his brow furrowed in concern as he watched her. Jessie wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing still, debating if she should leave or not. The butterflies in her stomach flew up to her heart and her nerves began to sizzle her skin.

Titling his head, Kai quickly glanced back at where Grams was still poking around in the greenhouse. Softly closing the door, he walked up to Jessie in the middle of the kitchen. “What were you doing?”

Jessie exhaled softly; her breath came out stuttered, and she couldn’t quite relax.
Thinking about how to avoid seeing you.
She thought it, but couldn’t say it to his face. Hating the tension that she could feel building between them, she gave him an awkward smile; all she could see when she looked at him was April’s lips against his. “I was just wondering where the two of you were.”

Kai stepped in front of her. Looking down at her tense body, he let out a soft sigh. “April told you, didn’t she?” Jessie felt the tears reappearing and looked away. Why did he have to bring it up? Jessie was willing to pretend she was ignorant. A forlorn sound escaped Kai’s lips and touching the edge of her jaw, he turned her chin back to him. “Jessie, I’m so sorry. Did she tell you everything?” he whispered, his eyes as remorseful as his voice.

Jessie could only nod. His fingers on her face burned through her body, and she hated it. Hated how much he still electrified her, how much she still wanted to be in his arms. At any given point in the day, Kai’s arms were where she wanted to be…and that wasn’t helping anything.

After another second of silence, Kai wrapped his arms around her. Jessie closed her eyes; her body was finally getting what it was craving. Her heart and mind weren’t as thrilled, however. She couldn’t have him like this, and it would only hurt them more in the end to let it continue. Even still, she couldn’t make herself pull away.

Into her hair, Kai muttered, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hear about it. I wish I could tell her to not say anything to you, but she wouldn’t understand why. I’m so sorry.”

At hearing the ache in his voice, Jessie finally pulled away, but just to look up into his eyes. She left his arms wrapped around her and was a little surprised to find that her arms had slipped around his neck; she didn’t remember doing that. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Kai.” She shrugged and looked down. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

His head came down to touch hers, their foreheads resting together. Gently rocking against her, he whispered, “I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I’m…betraying you.”

Jessie pulled back to stare at him, surprised that he would feel that strongly about what he was doing. It made her feel even worse. He shouldn’t feel guilty about seeing someone, not when the two of them were only family. That was all they could be, and she didn’t want him to forever feel guilty for moving on.

She brought a hand to his cheek as he averted his eyes from her. “You’re not betraying me, Kai. You’re doing what I asked. You’re doing the right thing.” His eyes hesitantly came back to hers, and his arms around her tightened. Jessie swallowed and said what she didn’t really feel. “You should keep pursuing this with April. The two of you could be great together.” Stroking his face with her thumb, she added in a whisper, “This thing between you and me…will pass.”

Kai closed his eyes and swallowed, like he hadn’t wanted to hear that. Jessie felt the same way; she hadn’t wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him to never see April again. She wanted to tell him that they could run away, be ostracized from their families and friends, find a way to be together. But even then, the thought of knowingly being with her cousin…it made Jessie ill. She couldn’t. As right as it felt, it still made her feel sick.

Kai opened his eyes, but kept his gaze down, studying the inch or so between their bodies. “Still, you shouldn’t have to hear about it, and I’m sorry for that.”

Hating where her thoughts had been, hating where she could feel them starting to go, Jessie stepped into Kai’s embrace, closing every gap between them. Sighing into his ear, she ran a hand through his hair. “It’s okay. I like April. I like you. I want you both to be happy.” With a shudder, Kai nodded. Idly, Jessie wondered if this was making any of them happy.

After a few long, silent moments, they stepped away from each other. As their fingers disconnected, Jessie felt her heart crack into jagged pieces. Staring at each other, a couple of feet apart now, Kai broke the stillness with a painful question. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be happy?”

His eyes searched hers and Jessie answered with a noncommittal shrug; his happiness mattered more to her anyway. With an unsatisfied frown, Kai shook his head. “Maybe you should start seeing someone, too. I mean you shouldn’t have to be alone…through this. Maybe if you were dating, it would make it easier…for both of us.”

He averted his eyes, but not before Jessie noticed how torn he was over the idea of her being with someone else. Jessie didn’t want to think about herself with someone else either. She just couldn’t imagine that anyone she might meet soon could even remotely compare to the amazing man before her, but she shouldn’t think that, and she definitely couldn’t tell Kai that.

She shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it, since his eyes were still on the floor. “Who would I go out with, Kai?” He peeked up at her with disbelieving eyes. Maybe he thought she had a little black book tucked away with pages and pages of men who were eagerly waiting for a phone call from her? She let out a soft chuckle at how untrue that was. “You have any roommates I don’t know about?”

Smiling, he leaned back on the counter behind him and said, “No…the one perk of having a studio apartment.”

Without thinking about what she was saying, Jessie rolled her eyes and muttered, “I suppose I could call up Jeremy.” Knowing that the horn dog would probably take her back so long as he got some made her grimace.

“No!” Kai suddenly exclaimed.

Jessie blinked in surprise at his passionate reaction. Face firm and eyes hard, he shook his head. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand, and in a softer voice told her, “No, don’t lower yourself for that douche, Jessie. You’re too good for him.” By his tone, it was painfully clear that Kai thought Jessie was too good for anyone…except, maybe him.

She sighed as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. As she felt the awkward tension begin to build again, Kai cracked a small smile and added, “You could always start seeing Harmony?” His grin grew as he interlaced his fingers with hers.

Jessie laughed at his comment, and felt the last of her nerves disappear. A pleasant warmth flowed in behind it as she gazed at him, admired him, and cared for him in the only way their relationship would allow…from a distance. “Cute,” she said.

“Oh, Jessica Marie, you’re here to check on me, too, I see.”

Shock raced up Jessie’s spine, and she snapped her head around to watch her elderly grandmother waddle through the back door. Jessie and Kai simultaneously dropped each other’s hands and stepped even farther apart. Slapping on a warm smile, even though her heart was pounding, Jessie walked over to help her grandmother into the kitchen. “Morning, Grams. How are you feeling?” she asked, wrapping an arm securely around her.

The old woman snorted as she shifted her gaze from Kai to Jessie. “Besides feeling a little smothered by the two of you worrywarts, I’m perfect.”

She narrowed her eyes at the two of them, her wrinkled brow furrowed in concern. “Everything all right here?”

A flare-up of terror raged through her body, and Jessie did her best to swallow it back. Her grandmother could
not
know about them. Free spirited or not, she would surely have a problem with her grandchildren lusting for each other. “Of course, Grams. Kai and I were just…going over his date with April.”

Jessie grimaced right after the words left her mouth; Kai gave her a disbelieving look, as well. Why the hell had she just given her grandmother that opening? The sprightly woman jumped all over it too, wanting to hear all about the girl she was positive would one day be Mrs. Kai Harper. The thought instantly soured Jessie’s stomach.

Faking a smile, she sighed internally. She couldn’t help it if Kai and April were forefront in her mind. And now that Grams only wanted to talk about them, thanks to her, they were forefront in everyone else’s mind for the rest of the afternoon.

Later that evening, when Kai and Jessie were saying goodbye to their grandmother, Kai’s phone started chirping. Pulling it from his coat pocket, he glanced at the number, silenced it, and then put it back into his pocket. Jessie instantly knew who had just called him.

While he walked with her to her truck, she called him on it. “That was April, wasn’t it?”

Sighing, he slowed at the front of her truck. Resting his hand on the hood, he studiously watched his fingers circle a ding in the paint. “Yeah, I didn’t want to answer it with you…”

Jessie sighed, too. “It’s okay to talk to her in front of me. She was probably calling to set up another date. She’s anxious to see you again.”

Kai looked startled when he raised his eyes to hers. “Really? I didn’t think she had a very good time.” He cringed, like he hadn’t meant to bring up the date again.

Remembering April at the table going over and over the part she
had
liked, Jessie whispered, “Some of it…appealed to her.” Kai looked about to apologize again, but not letting him start, Jessie spoke first, “You’re dating her now, and you’ll need to talk to her, and if you and I are going to still hang out together, then you should feel free to do it in front of me.”

Kai slowly let his breath out as he studied her face. “It feels…disrespectful,” he finally said.

The look on his face made Jessie’s heart compress, but she pushed the feeling back and forced herself to say the words that needed to be said, no matter how much they hurt. “It’s not disrespectful to talk to the woman you’re dating. And you and I aren’t…anything.”

His hand reached up to cup her cheek, and he muttered something under his breath that almost sounded like, “Aren’t we?”

Kai drew closer to her, and she drew closer to him. They were within a foot of each other now, and Jessie’s heart was leaping from her chest. Her breath was fast and shaky, and she tried to look anywhere but his lips, but she couldn’t. They were slightly parted, the breath flowing from them fast and ragged, and the shape of them pulled all of her attention. They were the most inviting pair of lips she’d ever seen.

They were nearly on hers when they suddenly shifted to her cheek. Jessie inhaled a quick breath, relishing the heat and hating it all at the same time. A peck on the cheek wasn’t what she really wanted, but it was much more appropriate than where her thoughts had been.

Needing to leave, his lips still lingering near her face, she breathily whispered, “Goodnight, cousin.” Then she opened her truck door and left her grandmother’s house as quickly as her truck would take her; she hadn’t even waited for a response from him.

After that, Kai listened to Jessie’s advice and answered all of the phone calls he got from April when they were together. And that was when Jessie started to notice something about her good friend that she hadn’t really noticed before. April liked to talk on the phone…a lot.

When Jessie had gone to the store and found an unbelievable buy one, get two free deal on Kai’s favorite canned meat, she’d snagged a bunch for him. Later that evening when she’d gone to his place to drop the groceries off, Kai had been on the phone with April when he’d opened the door. He’d given Jessie an apologetic smile and immediately tried to get off the phone with the chatty girl. It had taken him three tries to successfully disengage from the conversation.

When Jessie was at home, watching a little mindless TV, April would, more often than not, be sitting beside her on the couch, laughing on the phone as she talked to Kai. It made Jessie bite her cheek in annoyance to watch her friend twirling a strand of hair, subconsciously flirting with a man who couldn’t even see her. But phone calls were all April got from Kai that entire week after their first date.

Since Kai was busy with work and with Grams, they weren’t seeing each other again until Saturday night. April wasn’t thrilled about their dates being a week apart. She was anxious to speed up their relationship, but Kai was content with the slow pace. And Jessie didn’t fail to notice that even though his work did keep him out late during the week on occasion, and even though a lot of his free time was spent with their grandmother, Kai always made time to see Jessie.