It's All Relative (32 page)

April had him in scruffy, well-worn black trousers, with heavy black boots over the top. A colorful scarf belt matched the ribbon around April’s neck, and a white, lacy, bell-sleeved shirt exposed a good portion of his skin, although, not a speck of his tattoo showed. Over his shirt was a black vest topped off with a long, black coat. He had on enough gaudy jewelry to rival April’s, but the kicker, and the part that Kai seemed the least happy about, was the ridiculous hat. Wide brimmed with a band around the middle that matched his belt, it absolutely completed the look; it even had a feather.

As April clapped her hands and squealed again, thrilled over her date’s appearance, Jessie studied Kai. He didn’t look very happy. In fact, he looked miserable. Not noticing, April exclaimed that she just had to touch up her makeup, then they could go. Once she was gone, Jessie walked over to him. Crossing her arms over her chest as a precaution, so she wouldn’t be tempted to touch him, she nodded at his outfit. “You look good,” she whispered.

He gave her a glum look. “I feel like an idiot.” Jessie cracked a smile but didn’t say anything. He looked anything but.

As Jessie examined him in his alluring costume, Kai’s gaze drifted to the floor. Kicking a nonexistent object with his boot, he muttered, “Hey…um, yesterday…” Biting his lip, he peeked up at her. “I’m sorry.”

Jessie wanted to sigh in frustration. Yesterday hadn’t been entirely his fault. They’d both given in. Shaking her head, she whispered, “It wasn’t just you, Kai.” She looked away from him, the memory of his lips on hers was too fresh, too wonderful. And too horrible. “We’ve got to stop this from happening. We can’t…be like that.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. Jessie was relieved that he didn’t want to delve into their complicated feelings. As she looked him over, she instantly remembered that their kiss would soon be replaced by April’s. Even if Kai didn’t initiate the act, Jessie was positive April would. Her eyes started to water and blinking, she quickly looked away.

His hand came out to rest on her arm, and Jessie peeked up at him. His unbelievable eyes flicked over her face, worried. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he whispered.

Jessie watched this man before her, a man about to go off and have an amazing night with one of her best friends. A friend that Jessie knew really liked him. Hating how hard the situation they were in was, hating that she had to share him with another woman, and hating that she didn’t want to share him at all, Jessie swallowed and slowly nodded her head. “Yesterday only goes to show that you and I need this buffer between us.” Her voice cracked a little on the word buffer.

Her voice cracked on the end of her sentence, and Kai’s eyes narrowed at hearing her pain. His hand shifted to her cheek. “Are
we
okay?” he asked, more intently than before. Searching her eyes, he stepped closer to her. “Please tell me we’re okay, Jessie. Seeing April isn’t worth it to me if we’re not okay.”

Jessie brought her hand up, resting it over his. Of course they were okay. They were
too
okay, that was the problem. They were perfect for each other. Perfectly matched, perfectly balanced. But they couldn’t be anything more than what they were—cousins. Peering up at him, she answered, “You and I are always okay, Kai, no matter what. That’s part of being family.”

Kai silently studied her; his face was so torn it broke Jessie’s heart. Pulling his hand from her cheek, she nodded and forced a smile. He had to do this. He had to leave with April, and he had to try to make a connection with her that would break this thing between the two of them. He had to…or they’d eventually cave into this passion, and then they’d hate themselves.

Letting his fingers fall away from hers, Kai nodded. As Jessie took a step away from him, April skipped back into the room. Opening her purse, she dug inside and pulled out her car keys. Giving Kai an admonishing look, she pointed the keys at him. “We’re taking my car this time.” She grinned as she glanced at Jessie. “No more helmet hair for this girl.”

Kai let out a weary sigh as April grabbed his hand. She waved goodbye to Jessie, then opened the door and yanked Kai through it. Before he completely disappeared, he looked back at Jessie, watching them leave.

“Goodnight,” he softly said.

Words not possible, Jessie could only nod. The door closing separated Kai from her vision, but Jessie couldn’t move to a window to watch him leave. She couldn’t move at all. She just kept staring at the door, waiting for him to come back. Waiting for him to tell her that he couldn’t go off with April. Waiting for him to say that he was hopelessly, madly in love with her. But she knew he wouldn’t do that, even if he did feel that way. He wouldn’t do it because he had told Jessie he was going to try with April. Because neither one of them were going to willingly give into this taboo feeling that was escalating between them.

No, because he deeply cared about Jessie, Kai was going to make himself see another woman. As the sound of April’s car starting filled Jessie’s ears, she finally found the strength to move. She shuffled off to bed, collapsed onto it, and buried her head under the covers. And even though she tried to block out the image, all she could think about was Kai dancing with April—his hands on her body, his fingers running up her back, and his lips lingering over her mouth.

Her stomach hurt by the time she finally passed out from exhaustion.

J
essie smiled at the sight of her grandmother doing a small dance for her. The old woman was flapping her scrawny arms and shuffling her feet in a loose interpretation of the world famous chicken dance. Jessie knew Grams was trying to convince her that she was completely healed, that she didn’t need Jessie and Kai dropping in on her all the time. Jessie heard this every time she checked on her, about every other day ever since her grandmother had injured herself four weeks ago.

Jessie giggled as she watched her grams strut her stuff around the living room. She was humming to herself, thoroughly playing up the healthy and vibrant image that she wanted Jessie to believe. Jessie knew she was tough, but she saw the occasional flinches of pain in her jaw when she shimmied her hip the wrong way.

When Grams started shaking her booty, Jessie’s light laughter turned uncontrollable. “Oh, all right, you’re a healed woman. Got it. Now please stop doing that.” Jessie held her stomach as her laughs consumed her. She gave into the feeling, enjoying the lightheartedness for a change. She hadn’t been feeling that much lately.

Her personal life for the past few weeks had been hard and confusing, especially last week. Last week had twisted Jessie in ways she couldn’t even fully express, and she couldn’t talk to anyone about what she was going through. Well, no one but Kai, that was. But since Kai was the focal point of her torment, she couldn’t exactly talk to him about her feelings. And talking to him would be fruitless anyway, since they’d both agreed that what Kai was doing was for the best. The worst part was that all of this had been Jessie’s stupid idea in the first place. She’d convinced him, time and time again, that he should give April a chance.

Jessie had cried after April and Kai had left for their second date. She hadn’t wanted to break down, but lying in bed, imagining them together, the tears had come regardless. April had looked more gorgeous than Jessie had ever seen her, and that was saying a lot. And Jessie knew that Kai noticed April’s appeal. What man wouldn’t? It hurt to see the attraction, but really, it was all for the better if he was physically interested in April. Lord knows April was sure interested in Kai. Once again, Jessie had heard all about their date the next morning.

While their first date had been sort of a letdown for April, the second date was not. Over breakfast, April let the entire house know just how closely she and Kai had danced together, how his hands had effortlessly slipped over her body, like he already knew her in intimate ways. Between dances, they’d shared quiet conversations over drinks in the back corner, and April just couldn’t get over the fact that Kai would let her go on and on without ever interrupting her. Then, right at midnight, they’d won the stupid costume contest. Getting to prance about on the small stage with Kai had been April’s favorite part of the evening.

Well, no, that wasn’t true. Her
favorite
part of the night had been afterwards, in her car. They’d come back to the house and parked in the driveway. Then April had thrown herself at him, but from her story, it was quite clear he’d eagerly reciprocated. Jessie had had to dig her fingers into her thighs under the table, as she’d listened to April describing Kai’s kissing technique; she’d even given herself deep blue bruises on her legs.

It hurt so much. Jessie never would have imagined how hard it was to see and hear him moving forward with someone else. Kai had called her the day after his date, and she’d met him for lunch and a tour of the museum. He never mentioned his night with April when he was with Jessie, but the tension of his evening with another woman was thick in the air. The whole day had felt different. Like, even though April wasn’t there, somehow she
was
there. Her spirit was there, hovering between them, and for once, they’d managed to keep a respectful distance.

That killed Jessie, too, but really, it was the whole point of Kai seeing April, to break the connection they had. And even if Kai was only mildly interested in April, he needed to keep seeing her, because it was having an effect on them. A horribly painful effect, but an effect nonetheless.

After their afternoon together, Kai had been busy with work, and a few days had passed without Jessie seeing him. She talked with him often on the phone, Kai checked on her at least once a day. It was almost like he needed the constant reassurance that the two of them were really okay. Jessie also heard about him from April, who took every free moment she had to call him, since she wasn’t seeing him either. It annoyed April to no end that their dates were being spaced so far apart, but Kai routinely told her that he didn’t have time for another date until the weekend. And last of all, Jessie heard about Kai through Grams, since he stopped by her place on the way home most nights, and Grams told Jessie about every visit.

Coming back to the present, Jessie watched her grandmother settle into her favorite chair. Even if she’d never admit it, she needed to sit down. A sad smile was on Jessie’s face as she watched the woman; her earlier laughter now subsided. While she talked to Kai once or twice a day, Jessie was really starting to miss him. She missed the quiet moments they used to share, back when it was just the two of them in the relationship, and she felt horrible that she couldn’t let it go. She needed to let it go. She had to share him; she had no other choice. They couldn’t be anything more than family. Close family.

“My dear, you look troubled. Something wrong?” Grams gave her a concerned look as she shifted her hip into a comfortable position. Jessie made herself smile and shake her head. Grams didn’t buy it. “Boy trouble?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Jessie rolled her eyes. Ever since Kai had started dating April, Grams had been relentless. She seemed to think she’d successfully placed one grandchild on the path to happiness, even though Jessie had done the actual placing, and now she was anxious to see Jessie paired off. “No, Grams, and stop trying to set me up.” She sighed in exasperation, letting all of her frustrations about Kai and April seep into the sound. “Some guy named Simon called me last night. Said his mother was a friend of yours?”

Her grandmother gave her a wide grin, her wrinkled face was much more youthful in her glee. “Oh, that’s Susan’s boy. You know, my nurse from the hospital. She said he might call you.”

Sighing, Jessie sank down into a chair next to her. “Yeah, well he did…and no, I’m not going out with him.”

Grams looked about to protest, but Jessie shot her a warning glare; she was not in the mood to be bugged about dating. Not when she had to endure thoughts of Kai’s mouth all over April’s. Having to listen to her friend proclaim how “freaking unbelievable” of a kisser he was, made Jessie ill.

Changing her line of questioning, Grams asked, “So, do you and Kai still get to see each other a lot since he started dating that girl?”

Jessie made herself smile, but it felt sad, even to her. Why did Grams always have to bring up Kai? Jessie would rather be bugged about Simon. She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, just last weekend we went to the museum…but…I don’t know, he’s busy getting to know April, and busy with work.” She made herself chuckle; it sounded hollow. “I thought I wouldn’t lose so much of him if I set him up with my roommate, but…it’s different now. There are three of us in the relationship, and it used to just be me and Kai.” She didn’t mention that was the point of him seeing April.

Jessie’s grandmother frowned as she rested her hands on her lap. She adjusted her hip again and Jessie stood up to get her a pillow to put underneath her. Grams smiled, then her face turned serious. “But you still talk often?” Jessie nodded absently as she helped ease the woman’s pain. Grams was silent for a long moment, then asked, “Is he happy? With April? With work?”