It's All Relative (34 page)

Jessie’s hands came up to cup his cheeks, her body moved forward, to firmly compress against his. Against everything inside of her, every single instinct she had, she whispered, “Me. You should be with me. You’re supposed to be with me.”

Kai rested his forehead on hers, gently shaking it back and forth. “Jess…it’s not right. I can’t…We can’t…” He sighed and didn’t say what they were both feeling. Pulling his head away, he stared at her for long, intense moments. Then he brought a hand up to run it through her hair. “We can’t, Jessie. We just…can’t.”

Then his lips crashed down to hers, and the world outside stopped mattering. Her friends in the house no longer existed. The matching blood running through their veins didn’t mean anything. All that mattered was his hand slowly running from her hair to her neck. All Jessie could concentrate on was that hand clenching around her, and drawing her in, forcing her lips firmly onto his. In an instant, everything else disappeared.

Twisting them around, Kai slammed her back against her bedroom door. Jessie grunted, then groaned as his lips and his body crushed hers. Her hands drifted down his chest, then around his waist and up his back, under his multiple layers of shirts. Letting the passion they usually pushed back flood into her, she was quickly drenched, throbbing with need. She wanted him. She wanted him so much.

Kai’s hips were pushing against into hers, and Jessie could feel his desire for her pressing into her abdomen. She wanted him lower. She wanted him inside of her. Remembering the feel of him, the fullness of him, she wanted him deep in her, thrusting over and over until they both cried out in ecstasy. Jessie’s fingers trailed down his back, to the waistband of his jeans. Slipping around to the front, she desperately tried to pop open the button.

An erotic moan left Kai’s mouth and the hand on her neck ran up to grab a fistful of her hair. Tilting her head, he drove his tongue inside her. Jessie whimpered with the forcefulness, the uncontainable passion they both felt. She minutely pulled away from the door and he pushed her back into it with a dull thud. Her fingers, finally having unsnapped his button, flattened between them. Jessie let out a soft, frustrated cry. She wanted him so bad, she couldn’t take anymore. His hand slipped under her shirt. Pushing aside the fabric of her bra, he cupped her breast. Sucking a quick breath through his teeth, Kai paused to rest his head against hers. A low swear passed his lips as his thumb stroked over her nipple.

Panting, Jessie let out a low groan as she successfully shoved her hand down the front of his open jeans, just barely squeezing in-between their smashed together bodies. She wanted to feel him. She needed to feel him. Just as he let out a noise that made Jessie ache with the need for him to touch her, she grazed the tip of him. His fingers tightened and pinched her nipple, and she cried out again, a little louder than before.

Cursing again, Kai quickly ran his hands down her body and lifted both of her legs around his waist. They staggered forward a step before she slammed back into the door again. Breath heavy, Kai slid his hands down the knit pants she had on, cupping her backside. A stuttered groan left Jessie as she rubbed herself against the hardness in his jeans; his arousal was finally where she needed it most. His lips returning to hers, Kai slipped his fingers inside her underwear. Jessie whimpered into his mouth, then arched her back; she needed him to touch her. Needed it more than anything.

She bucked against him, her back rattling the door, as his finger slowly slid across her wet flesh. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as a bolt of electricity ripped through her body.
Yes…more.
Pressing her back more firmly against the door, she fought for space between them so she could push his jeans down. She needed more than one finger sliding up and down her sensitive core. She needed all of his marvelous length and width sliding inside of her. His lips attacked hers as his finger running against her picked up pace. She managed to get his jeans partly down his hips, and managed to wrap her hand around the top of him, just as he slipped his finger inside her.

Before she could cry out in ecstasy, the door they were pressed against was knocked on.

“Uh, Jess…you guys okay?” It was Harmony, and she sounded very concerned.

Jessie stopped breathing, stopped moving. Her eyes popped wide open and she stared at Kai; the shock and fear on his face was a mirror of her own. Like a floodgate had been opened, the horror of what they’d been doing crashed down upon her. She immediately yanked her hand out of his pants and slapped it over her mouth. She felt like screaming, she felt like vomiting…she felt disappointed it was over. She’d never been so conflicted in all her life.

Kai also pulled his hand away. Quickly setting her down, he took a step back. His jeans were still open as his gaze flicked from Jessie to the door. The knock sounded again. “Jess?”

Feeling able to breathe, Jessie snapped, “We’re fine! Just give us a minute, okay?”

“Jesus. I’m just checking to make sure you guys weren’t fighting or anything. There was a lot of banging going on in there. No need to bite my head off.” She heard Harmony grumble something else under her breath, then she said, “April would like her date back, by the way,” before she walked away.

Jessie crumpled to the floor, her knees no longer able to keep her standing. Tears hazed her eyes as she covered her face with both hands. Barely able to still see Kai over the tips of her fingers and her watery vision, she watched him readjust and re-button his jeans.

When he was finished, he ran a hand down his face; his skin seemed much paler than before. Both of them were silent as their breaths and heartbeats returned to normal. Well, as normal as they could. Jessie felt like hers would never stop frantically racing. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the door. Had she really just knowingly made out with her cousin? Had she really just shoved her hand down his pants and let him do the same to her? God, had Harmony heard any of that? They hadn’t exactly been quiet, what with their panting, groaning, and door banging. Jessie could hear the TV blaring in the living room, but surely they’d heard a little. Harmony had certainly heard enough to need to know if they were okay.

Kai finally broke the silence. “Jessie?” As she glanced up at him, she felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Kai looked torn as he watched her pain. He pointed to the door she was blocking. “I should… I should go…”

A soft sob escaping her, Jessie nodded and tried to stand up. Leaning against the wall next to the door, she bit her lip in an attempt to hold back the confusing tears. Kai silently walked up to the door and put his hand on the knob. Hesitating, he looked over at her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Jessie nodded, unstoppable tears dripping off her cheeks. “I’m sorry too.”

Kai nodded, and his beautiful blue-green eyes dulled as if the spark behind them had gone out. Looking utterly defeated, he left her alone in her room. Jessie sank back to the floor, and softly sobbed into her knees.

W
ith an aching heart, Kai gently closed the door to Jessie’s room. He could hear her crying on the other side of it. He wanted to sink to the ground and join her. He’d just let happen what he’d sworn he would never let happen. He’d made out with his cousin. No, that wasn’t just making out. That was a full-on prelude to sex. He knew enough about himself and about Jessie, to know exactly where that would have led, if they’d been left alone.

It made him ill.

Gathering his strength, he struggled to remember what he’d been doing
before
that moment. Had anything happened today before that moment? It was so cataclysmic to him, that it was almost as if the world hadn’t begun turning until he and Jessie had finally caved. Souring his stomach even more was the fact that Kai had started it. Jessie might have cupped his face, might have begged him with those beautiful brown eyes to be with her, but he was the one who had slipped. He was the one who hadn’t been able to resist the draw of her lips anymore.

Weeks of having another woman’s mouth on his had only made his need for Jessie stronger. He hadn’t realized it until that split-second he’d debated what to do. Not that he’d really had much choice in the matter. Kai needed Jessie; he couldn’t resist her anymore. That was the problem.

Walking in a zombie-like daze to the living room, Kai was shocked at the normality he saw. Harmony was sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched a movie. April was sitting across from her, a small pout on her lips as she impatiently strummed her fingers against her folded arms.

Kai’s world had just been flipped upside down. Why wasn’t the rest of the world following suit? Shouldn’t the sky be green and cats and dogs have learned to talk in his absence. That was how rocked he felt.

April glanced at him as he woodenly walked into the room. Her frown deepened as she stood up, and Kai suddenly remembered why she wasn’t happy. Jessie had gone off on her when she’d walked in on the two of them kissing. Kai let out a soft sigh as his melodramatic thoughts wound down. What was going on with his cousin was intense, painful, and confusing, but what was going on with him and April was just…wrong.

He shouldn’t be with someone, just so he
wouldn’t
be with someone else. That was how people got hurt. Kai didn’t want to hurt anyone, even though he seemed to be really good at it. But continuing to see April would be misleading to her, since his feelings were obviously elsewhere. It would be cruel to let her fall for him, if she was.

April sauntered over to him, her arms locked across her chest like armor. Harmony glanced up, then forcefully redirected her eyes back to the TV. April’s lips hadn’t shifted from the pout she’d perfected, and Kai’s thoughts drifted to kissing her. He’d been trying to feel the heat and passion for April that he felt for Jessie, but no matter how hard he tried, kissing her didn’t give him the same flying sensation. He’d even let himself make the first move, just to see if it would help, but he still hadn’t felt that spark. It just wasn’t there.

Glancing over his shoulder at Jessie’s bedroom door, April bit out, “You talk her down off her high horse?”

Kai sadly shook his head. “I’m sorry you got dragged into the middle of that, April, but trust me when I say that all of Jessie’s comments were more directed toward me than you.”

April looked back at Kai with furrowed brows, like he’d just spoken in another language. Kai supposed he had, since none of that probably made any sense to her. He was going to have to find a way to be honest with April, without actually being honest.

It was clear she was just about to ask him what the hell he was talking about, so Kai grabbed her fingers and walked her to the back door. He needed privacy for this. Knowing what he was going to do made Kai’s stomach twist into one giant knot. He had no choice though. Sliding open the door, he walked through it. She shivered and rubbed her arms once she was outside, and Kai stepped back in to grab their coats off the couch. April looked sad as she slipped hers on, like she knew something was up.

Sliding the door shut, so they’d at least have some verbal privacy, Kai noticed Harmony watching them through the glass. When he turned to face April, her eyes were narrow slits as she peered at him intently. Sighing, Kai looked down and mentally traced a long crack in the cement while he composed his thoughts. He didn’t want to mess this up.

In his silence, April spoke first. “You want to tell me what’s going on, Kai?” Her voice was slightly accusatory, but mainly worried. Kai swallowed. He’d let this go on for far too long. He should have ended things after that disastrous first date. Or never agreed to date her in the first place.

Looking up, he whispered, “This is all my fault. Please don’ be mad at Jessie for what she said to you. She was angry at me, not you.” He shook his head. “She just didn’t express it correctly, but she really was looking out for you.” Kai wanted to cringe; he was pushing the envelope of truth in that statement, and he knew it, but in a way, it was true. Jessie’s anger had been more for Kai than April.

As April shook her head, confused, Kai said, “She adores you, April. She just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.” Kai finally smiled. That was completely true.

Still looking like she didn’t understand, April shoved her hands in her coat pockets. “That doesn’t make any sense. You wouldn’t hurt me. You’re a good guy.”

Kai had to avert his eyes. He hated what he knew that April didn’t. A good guy didn’t shove his hands down a girl’s pants while preparing for a date with a different one. A good guy didn’t do
any
of the things he’d done with his cousin. No, Kai felt like anything but a good guy. But maybe he could start atoning, right now. Looking back at April, he whispered, “There’s someone else. A girl…from my past.”

He had to blink away the emotion stinging his eyes after saying that out loud. April’s face went ghostly pale; that was a sentence no woman liked hearing. A wrenching pain ripped through Kai, but ignoring it, he fortified his stomach. He had to do this. “I’m so sorry, April. She and I…we can’t be together, and I thought that if I dated you, I could get over her. I thought I could move on.” He sighed as thoughts of Jessie filled his brain. “But I can’t move on. She’s all I think about…”