It's All Relative (38 page)

Jessie was getting sick and tired of April ignoring her. Yes, she’d been horribly rude, and had basically called her a whore, but honestly, girls said far meaner things over much smaller issues. It wasn’t all that long ago that April had told her she was a conniving little cunt for snagging the last pair of 75 percent off boots. Jessie had forgiven her for her comment, why couldn’t April forgive her for hers? Of course, there were no kickass boots in April’s life to make her feel better.

Smiling at the memory of that long-ago spat, Jessie inadvertently swung her gaze to Kai. He was still looking at her, and their gazes instantly locked. Suddenly, it was like they were the only two people in the car. His eyes, a warm tropical color that clashed so harshly with the chill in the December air, bored into hers, and a shiver ran through Jessie, despite the thick layers of clothes she was wearing.

Kai flicked a quick glance at Harmony and April in the front seat, then leaned toward Jessie. She wanted to hold her breath as he came closer. “I’m sorry about this.” His perfect lips twisted into a wry smile. “Gran wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He looked down then, and his hand shifted to rest in the space between them on the seat. Without consciously thinking of doing it, Jessie moved her hand near his, until the tips of their fingers touched. She was instantly warm.

Kai peeked back up at her at the slight connection. “I thought about telling her I’d go and then staying home, but…” As his voice trailed off, his eyes focused past Jessie’s shoulder, to the white capped trees blurring past them in the distance. A light snowfall was splattering large flakes against the car, and Kai stared at the display with childlike wonder on his face.

Kai hadn’t been around snow before moving here. Having played in the white stuff her entire life, being around someone who had never even seen it before now was a little wondrous. Smiling, she filled in the blanks for him. “You’ve always wanted to ski. I remember.”

The memory of how easy it was to be around Kai slammed into Jessie with a force that stole her breath. But that was sort of the problem. It was too easy to be around him. It felt too nice. It warmed her in ways it shouldn’t. It gave her thoughts that she shouldn’t have about him.

Even now, as the tip of her finger stubbornly started to stroke his, she was reminded of all the reasons they should be apart. But, God, that had been so hard. Being apart was as difficult to her as being together, just for completely different reasons. Around Kai, Jessie was always beating back her feelings for him. Apart for Kai…it was like those feelings were eating right through her, leaving only emptiness and pain in their wake.

Kai nodded at her statement; his eyes looked apologetic for not being able to resist an opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream. He glanced at their fingers on the seat, hers a creamy white, his a deep warm brown. Looping his finger over hers, he locked gazes with her again. The feelings he stirred inside her with just his index finger wrapped around hers, was a thousand times more intense than anything Jeremy had ever given her, and she was well aware of how wrong that was, but she couldn’t escape it. That undeniable, horrible attraction.

Jessie made herself pull her hand away when all she really wanted to do was lace their fingers together. She couldn’t though, not with April and Harmony in the car. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her thoughts. She shouldn’t regardless if her friends were here or not. She shouldn’t touch him any more than was absolutely necessary.

Kai let out a soft sigh as he resumed staring out the window. Harmony talked to April while she rested her head back on the seat and closed her eyes, like she was going to take a nap. Aside from Harmony’s voice and the annoying country songs playing, the rest of the car ride was made in silence.

A couple of hours later, the foursome pulled into the parking lot of the ski lodge where Harmony had booked their rooms. Kai had luckily found a room in the same lodge, although, not on the same floor. Jessie was happy there would be some distance between them. A little space was good right now.

After stepping out of the car, Jessie watched Kai get out. A huge smile on his face, he closed his eyes and inhaled the crisp air. He laughed as light flakes fell on his face, immediately melting onto his skin. Watching him was mesmerizing. She was so used to snow, so the beauty of it really didn’t faze her anymore. It was heartwarming and refreshing to see someone so enchanted by it.

As Jessie stared at Kai with a dopey smile on her face, she heard heated whispers coming from the front of the car. Looking over she saw Harmony and April engrossed in a lively discussion. A sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told Jessie the discussion was about her.

Harmony had red splotches on her cheeks, and it wasn’t from the nip in the air. The flaming spots showed themselves whenever she was angry. April looked just as peeved. Great. They’d only just gotten here and there was already trouble brewing. April suddenly jerked her thumb at Jessie, then pointed over to Kai. The ominous sensation in Jessie’s gut hardened into a tight knot of apprehension. What the hell was April up to?

Feeling like she was about to walk into the line of fire, Jessie hesitantly began walking their way. “Everything okay?” she asked, her gaze flicking between April and Harmony. April had her chin up and her arms crossed in a position of defense and defiance. Harmony looked frustrated and trapped, like she was dealing with a crazy person, and she didn’t know what to do.

Tossing her hands up in the air, Harmony told Jessie, “She’s being completely unreasonable.”

April scoffed at her. “I am not. I’m being practical. There are three of us crammed into one tiny room, while Kai has a room all to himself. I’m just saying we should make the rooms even. How is that being unreasonable? And since Jessie is the one who decided to drag him along at the last minute, she should be the one to stay with him. It’s only fair,” she said with a haughty shrug.

Jessie was so shocked at April’s suggestion that it took her a few tries to spit out a response. When she did, it wasn’t what she really wanted to say, but it was the first thing that made it past her lips. “I thought you and Kai were still friends? Why are you sore that I brought him along?”

April turned her eyes to Jessie; they were ice-cold, but there was a lingering pain behind the wall of anger. This wasn’t about Kai joining them on their girl’s weekend, this was about Jessie’s unfortunate comment about April acting like a slut. “I’m not mad
he’s
here.” Returning her eyes to Harmony, April shrugged and said, “It makes sense, Harmony. Why be packed like sardines if we can all be comfortable. And besides, we’ll be spending most of our time on the slopes or in the lodge. Does it really matter if we don’t all sleep together?”

Harmony bit her lip, and Jessie knew April was convincing her. Jessie felt like the frigid air was freezing her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t room with Kai, but if Harmony saw April’s side of things, how could Jessie argue against it? Because in a way, April was right…if this was any other situation, they would be more comfortable two to a room.

Knowing this was her only chance, Jessie put a hand on Harmony’s arm. Her pale eyes were conflicted. “Harm…I want to stay with you guys. I know I messed up girl’s weekend by inviting Kai, but my grandmother insisted. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want to spend as much time with you two as possible though. I want to be in the same room as you guys.”
And I can’t sleep in the same room with Kai. I just can’t.

Harmony opened her mouth, but April was the one who spoke first. “Look, I didn’t want to be a complete and total bitch, but you’re not really leaving me a choice. I understand from Kai that you were just trying to protect me...or whatever…but I call bullshit on that. You basically called me a whore who wasn’t good enough for your family. If it was really about protecting me from his past, you could have pulled me aside and told me Kai was hung up on someone else. You didn’t, so obviously it had
nothing
to do with sparing my feelings. You just didn’t want me with your cousin for some reason.”

For a minute, Jessie was too dazed to respond. He’d told her he was hung up on someone else? When she recovered, she immediately shook her head, but April held her hands up. “Save it. I thought I could do this, I thought I could mend us, but seeing you and Kai together just reminds me of that whole night, and I can’t do it. If you don’t room with him tonight, then I’m going home. I can’t sleep in the same room as you. Sleeping in the same house is bad enough.”

With that, she turned and stormed toward the lodge. “April!” Jessie yelled, but she ignored her. Kai finally noticed something was going on, and had a concerned expression on his face as he alternated his gaze between Jessie and April.

Jessie let out a frustrated grunt as Harmony put a hand on her shoulder. Her cheeks were still muddled, but she looked calmer. “I’m sorry, Jess. She’s just…hurt, I think. She values your opinion, and you were pretty…rough on her.” Harmony’s brows drew together, like she was wondering why.

Before she could ask, Jessie spat out, “What am I supposed to do, Harm?”

Harmony shook her head; her hair was tucked into a knit cap, but some loose strands brushed her shoulders. “Give her space, and see if Kai will let you crash with him. I really think she’ll feel bad for kicking you out of the room, and this whole thing will finally blow over. And besides, you haven’t spent time with your cousin in a while, right? Just think of it as a good opportunity to catch up? You can have cocoa, make s’mores, curl up by the fire…it will be just like camp!”

All the color drained from Jessie’s face. Curling up with him would be like no camp that Jessie had ever been to. Kai was still looking her way, brows scrunched as he tried to figure out what was going on. Light flakes were collecting in his hair and for a moment, Jessie thought he put every outdoors-wear model to shame. For someone who had never even seen snow, he looked right at home on the mountaintop. Jessie couldn’t picture anything good happening if they stayed in the same room together. All night. Alone.

While Jessie tried to understand how this weekend had gone south so quickly, Harmony wrapped her arms around her in a warm hug. “While you’re bonding with Kai tonight, I’ll work on April. This weekend will be the end of it. I promise.”

Jessie sighed and nodded. What other choice did she have but to accept this and hope everything went okay? Besides, maybe this would be the slight revenge that April needed to get over Jessie’s hurtful comment. As Harmony pulled away, she casually tossed out, “I’ve been wanting to ask…why’d you say that to her, anyway?”

It was the question Jessie had been dreading. The one she’d managed to avoid answering for weeks. She still didn’t have a good answer for her actions. “I…I don’t know. He’s family…I just didn’t like how she was throwing herself all over him, like he was a toy…or a prize. I thought he deserved better than being treated like a piece of meat.” And she was jealous. Very, very jealous. She didn’t mention that though. Swallowing the knot in her throat, she shrugged. “I just didn’t handle it well, and I have no idea how to apologize to April…”

Harmony gave her a sympathetic look. “I’ll talk to her tonight. This will turn out okay, you’ll see.”

Hoping she was right, Jessie nodded. She pointed at Kai, who still looked confused. “I better go tell him about the new sleeping arrangements.” Harmony nodded and Jessie’s heart started beating harder. God…she was going to be alone with him all night.
It will be okay. We’ll be tired from skiing all day. We’ll go right to sleep. That’s all that will happen.

Kai’s eyes drifted up her body as she approached, and Jessie instantly had doubts about her mental pep talk. Just that slight visual inspection made her feel exposed. Even with the multiple layers of clothes she was wearing, she felt naked and vulnerable, and a dull ache inside her whispered that she needed more of him, so much more. Kai looked worried, but even that couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he took in the winter wonderland around them; the sunlight bouncing off his eyes made them twinkle as much as the ice crystals around their feet.

“Everything okay?” he asked. “That seemed kind of tense.”

Jessie sighed. If she’d only handled April differently, none of this would be happening right now. “Yes, no…I don’t know.” Kai’s joy faded as his confusion grew, and she knew she should just spit it out. “April is still hurt about what I said to her. She thought that she could hang out with me this weekend, with all of us girls in the same room, but now…she’s saying she’d rather leave than share a room with me.”

Jessie sighed as the drama of her life wrapped around her. Studying the ground, she muttered, “Harmony thinks she’ll calm down if I leave the two of them alone tonight, and she wants a chance to talk to April, to smooth things out. But in the meantime…I don’t have a room. So…can I…?” God, why was this so hard? She should just ask him, and be done with it. Gathering her resolve, her heartbeat thudding in her ear, she whispered, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

Kai’s eyes darkened in anger. “April won’t stay in the same room with you? Because of what you said to her weeks ago? That’s ridiculous! I told her you were just…” He stopped talking and his mouth hung open, like he’d just realized what else she’d said. Looking thrown, he opened and closed his mouth a few times before the words came out. “But…I’m a guy, you’re a girl…” As his gaze traveled the length of her body, his face lost a little color. “We can’t…they can’t ask us to…”

Looking torn, Kai ran a hand through his damp-with-snow hair. Jessie watched the dark pieces lump together into grooves. It was incredibly attractive. She forced her eyes to only look at his chest. “We’re cousins, Kai. We’re harmless.”

Her smile was rueful. They were supposed to be harmless, but somehow things between them had gone horribly wrong. But as far as Harmony and April were concerned, the two of them sharing a room together was no big deal. And it didn’t have to be. They could control themselves. Tears stinging her eyes, Jessie looked back up at him. “So…can I stay with you?” She swallowed after she asked. Did she want him to say yes, or no?