JR (113 page)

—What youngsters man look…

—Madame unless my eyes deceive me … he raised them, —if your husband has indeed let you go childless he should be prosecuted for criminal negligence ha ha, of course I am sure he is a person of breeding and culture like yourself one glimpse of your lovely home and

these are clearly the surroundings the publishers of our fine new children's encyclopedia would like to see it displayed in to be seen and admired by your many friends and neighbors of similar cultural…

—Look I mean get your foot out of the…

—Ex, excuse me madam if you interrupt me I'll have to start all over again of similar cultural pursuits, this is why we take pleasure in inviting you to accept a complete set of our fine new children's encyclopedia at the special introductory prepublication price and in order to help you make this rewarding decision this advance copy of volume four has been reserved in your name for your perusal over a

ten day period during which you may examine it here in the comfort of your own lovely home at absolutely no obligation, hold this fine

volume in your own hands sir or madam as the case may be show it to family and friends, study its physical format if you'll let the door it's hurting my foot note the fine grain binding a new substance designed to outlast ordinary leather and outshine its beauty for untold years to come, each volume in the set is richly gold tooled and the perfectionist binding gives them the elegance of fine volumes costing far more than our special introductory price take this fine volume into your own hands sir or mad…

—Man come help me here!

—Note the fine binding and paper stock, the quality printing, the intensity of the many color illustrations in addition to these each volume contains detailed charts, diagrams and graphs to enhance your exciting journeys through these pages of the world's history, culture, civilization, government, history, art and literature and and, and science yes for though written and designed to inspire and reward the child's thirst for knowledge this is in fact no mere children's encyclopedia but the ideal reference work for the casual browser, the armchair traveler, the dedicated scholar alike, the crowning result of many untold thousands of hours of painstaking research by world renowned schol, is, is this the, the gentleman of the house… ?

—It's the fucking armchair traveler what does it look like now get your foot out of …

—Madam madam I see I am speaking to a lady of liberated opinion as a special inducement our publishers have also set aside in your name a charter subscription to a new publication designed especially for you the exciting new magazine She at absolutely no obligation be the first of your friends and neighbors to thrill to …

—Got his God damned foot caught under the…

—Thank you if you will just give me your name and sign here sir or mad…

—Like get it down by the hinge and push, man…

—Thank you perhaps your neighbors will be more receptive to our generous offer if you will, sir if you will kindly just return the fine vol oww…

—Harder man harder till it's all the way, wow… she led back in past

the tub, —like I mean why'd you take it I mean that's all we need here another fucking book… and she brought the punctured shade to light with a punch —I mean if we had that quarter like where's the raviolis, you ate them?

—No no grape whisky just fine thanks … he steadied against Won't Burn, Smoke or Smell coming down, —peruse this fine volume…

She got the jar from the floor —I mean what's the matter with the raviolis… licked fingers, paper tore —like I mean why don't you just go out to dinner then dear friend, complimentary tickets are being reserved in your name for the Second Anniversary Dinner of Rancho Hacienda Estates, a full course dinner will be served and you will view a fascinating motion picture, informal dress banquet room man I mean you could really go …

—Lost your pants both go, they all clap when we arose for your sweet…

—Informal dress like you could really go man I mean you should look at yourself, I mean you're like already shaving when I went and I come back you're sitting here stoned like I mean you didn't even shave.

—No been, been typing found the typewriter been typing…

—Typing what. Man I mean you're like waiting this hundred years for this big chance so everybody should drop dead when you come in and find this dirty folder and these Tootsie Roll notes and then I mean I come back and you're like sitting here stoned watching this wad of

gum out the …

—Tootsie notes can't find them no typing, found the typewriter been typing…

—Can't find them man they're like right behind you and I mean typing what. I mean the typewriter there's no paper in it man, look … her leg fell wide leaning forward to turn the roller, —sit down I mean look there's no fucking paper in it man there's nothing look out! you're tipping that whole thing over…

—What I just, tipping not tipping typing said typing whole God damned thing over I, God damn it …

—There didn't I tell you you're tipping it over? And I mean the box says Tootsie Rolls all over it like I mean you can't find your notes man they just found you…

—Christ… he came back down slowly, got a foot out dredging the papers together —God damned Pandora box follow me around how many God damned thousand hours in it sixteen years, live with it sixteen years begin to look for it in bookstores come back waiting like you left it publish ten years ago it…

—Man be careful you're tearing…

—Sixteen years like living with a God damned invalid sixteen years every time you come in sitting there waiting just like you left him wave his stick at you, plump up his pillow cut a paragraph add a sentence hold his God damned hand little warm milk add a comma slip out for some air pack of cigarettes come back in right where you left him, eyes

follow you around the room wave his God damned stick figure out what the hell he wants, plump the God damned pillow change bandage read aloud move a clause around wipe his chin new paragraph God damned eyes follow you out stay a week, stay a month whole God damned year think about something else, God damned friends asking how's he coming along all expect him out any day don't want bad news no news rather hear lies, big smile out any day now, walk down the street God damned sunshine begin to think maybe you'll meet him maybe cleared things up got out by himself come back open the God damned door right there where you left him…

—Man that quarter out there… she'd sunk back, a hand dropped scratching where her leg lay fallen wide —did you stick it there man?

—Told you come in look out one eye yellow other eye seeing green try to put two God damned thoughts together make an idea… he caught his balance on H-O, reached the blue folder —God damned friends getting indignant tell you bring him out, tell you bring him out like he is little crippled maybe don't give a God damn, quick and dirty just dress him up a little bring him out anyhow go back waiting, plump the God damned pillow move a clause around…

—Did you man? glue that quarter there?

—Told you tale, tale … pages flapped under his hand —for though the tale left right here for though the God damned eyes wipe his chin wave his stick figure out what the hell he, for though, for now the pencil where's a pencil God damned clauses look just turned around pencil quick…

—You did didn't you man, you glued it didn't you…

—Clauses turn right around look. For now long after Wilde had withdrawn to join the compost smoldering in Europe with Pater's recipe for success in life, the tale how for art's sake he'd faced Leadville's bullies to a standoff continued to amuse here where invention was eliminating the very possibility of failure as a condition for success precisely in the arts where one's best is never good enough and who, now the song would play on without losing a note, could resist the temptation to shoot the pianist? How's that.

—How's what. Look man I mean…

—What don't like it?

—No I mean I don't get it, like I mean I don't even understand it.

—God damned problem not read to be written aloud you read it then start here read it, here.

—What like here? The only rat, rational method of art criticism I have ever come across Wilde had observed, now elsewhere and dead, a mildewed chimp, and Ste…

—Chump God damn it says chump not chimp, here…

—It says chimp man look chimp, c h i…

—Chump mildewed chump think Crane call Wilde a God damned chimp?

—Man how do I look out, I mean that's my ankle…

—Chimp make it sound stupid don't you, hate it try to make it sound stupid…

—Hate it man like how can I hate it I mean I don't even know what it's about…

—Shoot the God damned pianist what it's about just told you, player piano play by itself get to shoot the pianist just read it God damn it says it right here, here where invention was eliminating the very possibility of failure as a condition for success precisely in the God damned arts there, says it right there.

—It says what, I mean this player piano where does it say that.

—Invention says right there invention God damn it means player piano…

—Man I mean that's what I mean, like I mean if it says it why doesn't it say it? And I mean this is the name of the book agape agape? that's the name of it?

—Can't, look pë mark right over the God damned e pi eta pë agapé can't see God damn it? pi eta pé?

—Man like who's supposed to know piéta I mean…

—Didn't Christ! didn't say pietà whole God damned different Christ any God damned use look, book don't bring a God damned thing to it can't take a God damned thing from it don't know something look it up no God damned obligation encyclopedia right here look it up ag, ag, glass golf wrong God damned volume…

—Look man I mean it doesn't mat…

—Whole God damned point doesn't matter why agapë's agape, whole God damned point just look up something else Gordian Knot the, casual bowser look up Gordian Knot the. Known as Chinese Gordon for his brilliant military exploits in that country, Charles George Gordon later undertook the heroic defense of Khartoum where the knot that bears his name of Christ!

—Look out! you could have broke the window man I mean Chairman Meow you scared the shit out of him here kitty, I mean like why'd you throw it at him man here kitty kitty…

—Whole God, damned, try to tell you tell them too God damned late love feast all over shoot the God damned pianist doesn't matter laughing string whereon mad fingers place of stone Christ, feel like I was born here…

—Man look out that's my leg…

—God damned many years worth doing God damned eyes follow you start to hate him still waiting shake his God damned stick nothing happen, bandage dry up falls off milk sour world go by out in the God damned sunshine friends finally too God damned embarrassed to ask, come back open the God damned door right where you hate him God damned eyes staring out see where he was going thought you were taking him see what you don't…

—Look out man sit up I mean you're hurting my, here kitty…

—Move a clause plump the God damned pillow doesn't matter wave

his stick doesn't matter cut a paragraph hands on his God damned throat squeeze the whole God damned thing down to a period hate it!

—Wait don't man I mean you're tearing…

—Ten years late staggers out God damned pianist already shot God damned sunshine everybody step right over him God damned hurry go noplace nobody give a God damn book everything's happened book about everybody knows hate it!

—Man like that's what people want's books that tell them what they already know, I mean that's why they're all such bullshit get my foot out of under your, ow … she drew its moccasined heel up hung on the sofa's edge her fallen leg's length from his perch there on H-O —like I mean look at all the fucking books in this place who asked you to write another one anyhow.

—Said I would.

—Like said to who, I mean that's this big important call you're waiting for?

—Said don't answer it, only God damned thing I ever…

—Man those must have been some dance lessons, like I mean if you hate it man how can you do it.

—Can't! told you only God damned thing I ever…

—What man ever what… her hand came down from the flexed knee scratching —I mean that's like I always said I'll be this model you know? Lake I used to read all these dumb comic books like Millie the Model when I'm like ten and I mean I already have these little dippeldut-ters like her up in that picture so I'm going to grow up and be this big model you know? Like if I can't be it I'm nothing, I mean I break my ass so like finally I'm out looking and they tell me my nose shadows wrong and my tits are too big and I mean I really came down man, I mean I'm really nothing, only like there's always like somebody crowding me up trying to slip it in you know? I mean I even meet this big model that's like going to help me out and I mean she's climbing on too and I'm finally thinking like wow, like I mean which one is real, I mean like I changed and this big idea from when I'm like ten didn't change and it's still hanging me up, you know… ? her hand dropped to scratch the dry mound, —like I mean I'm the one that ought to write this book, you know?

—Ought to teach too … he caught his struggle for the cup, reared back with it on line with her fallen knee —lecture like wow which one is real get to give neoplatonism whole God damned rebirth start a little school…

—Man like you think you're kidding I mean I wouldn't hand them any bullshit, I mean you can ask my friends man.

—Little book you and your friends call it Old Foes With New Faeces sell a million…

—No look man cut the bullshit I mean this book I could write like if it sells a million of it I mean that means it's good, right? Like I mean I could write this book people would read, man… the scratching slowed

from palliative to ruminative —like without all these phony big words you use I mean like, I'd communicate…

—Try that God damned Christians strip you naked tear you up with oyster shells take your Christ! he blew back into the cup, dropped it empty into Won't Burn, Smoke or Smell dredging pages up with his foot —give you a title small words mint condition how's that, Agapè Agape never used how's that.