JR (116 page)

… I usually do yes but… yes I'll tell him it's urgent don't know when hell be back though, he's been… No he's mentioned it to me but I don't know the… no, no I think he just signed the stock certificate over to his ex-wife in a lump settlement, I'm having a similar kind of what…

? No I doubt it no their relations are hardly cordial, she's got custody of his daughter makes things pretty difficult for him the way my wife just walked out took my son with her and she thinks she's granting me a privilege letting me see him can you imagine that? I went out to see them yesterday a house I'd rented myself when I still thought we could what… ? Oh, oh yes yes I just… yes what kind of a misadventure… yes I'll … minute he gets in yes I'll tell him to call you Mis… ven one four seven I've got it yes c, o … oh without the h? Yes I'll tell him, goodbye… And he got no further than 24-12 Oz Btls Fragile! —Yes hello… ? Wait no wait who do you… if who? To defend what paternity suit look who do you … No look you've got the wrong… look damn it you've got the wrong number!

And rain took up again against the pane where he came sweeping Dun's Review and the Journal of Taxation before him with the crunch of slides underfoot, emptying Tonic Water Twist Cap into Won't Burn, Smoke or Smell raised to the heap and squared, lifting, stacking, sorting —Grynszpan, Eigen, Bast, Bast, Gerst… ? The long hand rose to drive the short behind the silence of the cat posed there unblinking as it dipped to NO RETURN, emerged from NO deposit —E Berst?

Grynszpan, Miss Bertha Klupp where the, God what a mess… Light filled the punctured shade, was gone, came on again as though enlivened by some demented electric eye scanning the gloom beyond the glass where the gum wad leaped and splashed on the sill. The typewriter clattered, failed, clattered and was still. The long hand dipped to NO return. He edged closer, abruptly pulled up the sash grabbed the dancing string and yanked hard.

He freed the second head string, held the controller up and turned it to the side, the marionette's head nosed the tangle of hand strings and he followed one to its source in the back string's tangle, held the thing up and bit a shoulder string free, shook the controller and held it up tipped forward, pulled the back string and the marionette sank slowly

seated on Hoppin' With Flavor! arm hanging numbed, leg drawn indifferent in the tangle that remained to spring up clearing Moody's in a single vault and tread the Journal of Taxation laocoön in the small.

—Just wait out here a minute Freddie not sure what's, Rhoda? Anybody here… ?

—Jack? The marionette dropped back in a tangle with the broken music box and red mitten, maimed Virgin and sheep, —is that you?

—Tom that you? Any calls? Look Freddie wait out here a minute let me get this box in help me get this box in Tom?

—Yes but what's, who's that…

—Tell you inside just get this box in careful don't break it, looks like another case of matchbooks, just get that corner in past the sink listen Tom be nice to him, knew him in boarding school a little bit simple but he's one of the sweetest…

—But what's he, why'd you bring him up here he's…

—Bumped into him outside Grand Central soaking wet look at him, knew me the minute he saw me he hasn't changed since he was ten look at him, what the hell could I do leave him there? Bronze plaque outside the station standing there in the rain reading his family names all over it probably still own the whole God damned block looks like they keep him put away somewhere, Freddie? No come in come in doesn't matter if you're wet look at me Christ get that wet jacket off, where the hell he got it says Bob Jones U across the back wait watch that bag, brought in some groceries whole bottom of it's falling out here put the, wait look who left the God damned phone off the hook…

—I did Jack I took it off, ringing every time I turned around people calling about an Indian uprising somebody's supposed to be in court to defend a paternity suit what the hell's going on here anyhow, I came in this morn…

—No but God damn it suppose she called how long has it been hanging here suppose she tried to …

—She did just listen for a minute, she called this morning she was still…

—Amy? she called? Christ why didn't you tell me! where is she what did she…

—She was still at the airport she said she'd call back where the hell have you been, I …

—What I've got to tell you I've wait God damn it how could she call back if the phone was look where can I reach her, did she…

—She couldn't say Jack she'd just got in, she said she had some things to settle she wants out of the way before she sees you may take a day or so, she just wanted you to know she's back and everything's…

—Day or two! Christ a day or two listen I, something I have to talk to you about Tom wait wait Freddie here, give me the newspaper get the tub closed put that bag down before the whole God damned bottom falls out get those cigarettes Tom, must have carried it three miles in

the God damned rain we got in a cab downtown radio playing Gluck's Orfeo drove all over hell so Freddie could listen to it, just getting into Che farò senza Euridice counted my money and we had to get out at the God damned Museum of Natural History driver so God damned obnoxious about his eight cent tip I left his back door open pouring rain he roars away rips it right off against the back of a bus Christ look at this suit, two hundred dollars two hours ago already looks like the Salvation Army listen something I've got to talk to you about Tom, I just spent the whole morning down at …

—Wait look out for his, God you're both soaked look Jack he can't just, where is he going to …

—He's all right aren't you Freddie here just come in here watch out for, over here that's it sit on this box here get that wet sneaker off I thought we could just put him up back in Schramm's there till I find out what's…

—He can't no Schepperman's back there, I was just…

—Schepperman where the hell did he come from.

—Standing on line in the unemployment office he's desperate, detectives after him and everything else what the hell else could I do leave him there?

—No but Christ if he's…

—I mean I feel partly responsible Jack, that big canvas of his the company bought that old Selk bitch claims everything he paints is hers why he's barricaded himself in back there, a painting he put aside years ago when he was still doing figures now he's frantic to finish it says its time has come he just moved in with all his junk and two bushels of potatoes, the old bitch even froze his bank account he'd just done a monstrous stabile big David Smith kind of atrocity palmed it off on some corporation and I had to give him ten dollars for potatoes, he …

—Christ glad you mentioned that listen I've got to have ten Tom or twenty, twenty, same God damned thing I stopped in the bank where Amy had me put what I won on that double keep it safe the God damned Internal Revenue found it there attached every God damned penny, brown nosing banker said they've got a lien against me for twenty-eight thousand dollars where the hell they came up with that figure hate to miss the pleasure seeing those bastards sue my estate look I've got to have twenty, got to get out and meet her the minute she calls back tell her what I've got to tell you about this Tom spent the whole God damned morning down at what's the matter…

—Just his foot here damn it Jack look, it took me two hours just to sort all this mail that whole pile from the West Side where the hell did it come from. I even found a mailbag back there tried to clean things up Jack the place looked like a, it looked like a shipwreck what the hell have you been doing up here I thought you were up here working, I found your notes for your…

—Tom it's not that important now that's what I'm…

—What your book's not? is that what she…

—Yes if you'll listen I …

—Damn it you listen can't you see what she's, she told me you hate it you can't finish it you're afraid of losing your rotten opinion of yourself she said all of us were…

—No but how could, when she called? Christ what did she say you just told me all she said was…

—Not her God no I mean Rhoda this Rhoda you've been, what the hell has she done just moved in here? I came in here this morning door standing open a process server right behind me some slob in overalls on the phone she was in the tub bouncing her…

—Look Tom she's just a, little outspoken but there's not a mean bone in her body really just a sweet kid who…

—Sweet kid? Rhoda a sweet kid? She's a, my God she's a pig Jack sitting here scratching nothing but an old shirt she sat here spreading her legs nothing but an old shirt around her sitting here pushing it at me what do you think I …

—Glad things worked out Tom listen, something ser…

—What with her? Be like, my God it would be like one of those plastic things you fill with warm water will you tell me what the hell

you think you're doing with her Jack? She said the last person you want to see's this black haired chick she calls her says you wouldn't even answer the phone…

—No listen…

—Can't you see what she's trying to do? So damn jealous there's a woman you have halfway intelligent intercourse with she only knows one meaning because it's all she's got to offer sitting here spread out sniffing what is it cocaine? She went out of here this morning for a job so high she could hardly…

—Tom what the hell do you expect, kid like that she lives in a scene where hallucination is confused with vision all she…

—What like seeing you and your neater sweeter maiden making, balling was that a hallucination?

—Couldn't have said that it's ridiculous, she…

—That's what I'm telling you believe a damn word she says, she said she watched you balling this black haired chick through that back window in Schramm's said it was some…

—She couldn't have we never, wait that blonde look it was just that blonde from the subway I found in Penn Station she showed up here once in a black wig Christ the whole thing's irrelevant anyhow if you'll just lis…

—Jack she's out to destroy you is that irrelevant? The way she destroyed Schramm she's out to destroy all of us is that irrelevant!

—No now listen you know God damned well she didn't destroy Schramm, you know God damned well what destroyed Schramm sitting on the floor back there babbling Hart Crane there is a world dimensional for those untwisted by the love of …

—She could have stopped him what's the difference and it's not a

world anyhow, it's the world. There is the world dimen…

—Tom Christ! time for such God damned quibbles listen something I…

—No you listen she was here that night, did you know that? Here waiting for him when he came back right out in the hall there waiting she finally admitted it, broke down here this morning admitted she'd been…

—Wait she couldn't have been there when he …

—Hid she hid, she watched him come in hid in the stairwell in the dark there sneaked out when he got inside I told you that night didn't I! that she could have stopped him? that she was…

—Tom?

—What?

—Nobody's blaming you for Schramm.

—What do you, what the hell do you mean nobody's blaming me who's blaming me!

—I just said Tom, nobody.

—But why did you say it what the hell made you say a thing like that you, you know damn well she's the only reason I let him leave that night, last shred of confidence as a man he was down there with those lines of Tolstoy there was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do and she, she might as well have strangled him herself that knot between her legs she…

—Christ look can't you see it wasn't any of that! it was, it was worse than that? It was whether what he was trying to do was worth doing even if he couldn't do it? whether anything was worth writing even if he couldn't write it? Hopping around with that God damned limp trying to turn it all into something more than one more stupid tank battle one more stupid God damned general, trying to redeem the whole God damned thing by …

—Yes that folder of his, have you seen it? Old manila folder you were waving it around at Beamish that night? Jack?

—What.

—Meant to tell you I found a letter from Beamish in this mess we each owe Schramm's estate sixty-eight dollars for estate taxes, has to be paid before these bequests can be handed out reminds me these papers I told him I'd give Mrs Schramm, I found them in the pocket of this jacket this morning completely forgot to, what's the matter.

—Never mind. Look, do you want something to eat?

—Eat? I thought there was something you wanted to talk about.

—Just going to tell you I spent the morning down at the hospital being tested, they…

—What are you upset about then aren't I the one who's been telling you to see a doctor? Where did you go, I …

—Went down to …

—Should have gone in myself while I still had that company insurance plan, this pain I've been getting right under here it's…

—Wait tell me about your eye Tom, first tell me all about your eye.

—My eye?

—Detached retina, told me you had a detached retina…

—Oh, oh you know what happened I think it healed itself, the doctor I called said that was practically unknown in medical…

—And your tooth yes I meant to ask about your tooth, reminded me of that great line of Pascal's about toothache how the hell's your tooth.

—My too…

—Angry looking vein in your forehead there too, hope it's not…

—Look Jack what the hell are you trying to …

—Trying to tell you I'm going to die.

—To, what do you…

—Told me I've got leukemia haven't long to live that's all.

—But you, who told you who…

—Blood tests laboratory doctors the whole God damned crew down there, got a white count up in the bil…

—No but look that's absurd you couldn't just…

—Why what's wrong with being absurd, people all over the place being broiled like chops on the highway getting heart attacks cancer dandruff I just drew one that's…