JR (115 page)

—Oh that's no, no that's all right that's somebody else, friend of Jack's and mine he's just bringing a big easel up to …

—Like you and him have some friends man I mean hand me that shirt…

—It's all right he's not coming in here with it he won't bother us, he's a painter been looking for a place to work he's just putting his things back in the empty, here let me…

—Look I mean I said just hand me the shirt. I mean like I can get out by myself okay?

—Yes I just, here…

—And I mean look man I mean I can dry myself too, okay?

—What's the matter I just…

—Like nothing's the matter I mean I just don't need your hand there okay?

—No but what's…

—I said I can dry there myself!

—What's the matter what's so …

—I said nothing's the matter just get your look man I mean the telephone's man I'm not kidding, I mean let me answer the fucking,

telephone get your…

—Just, wait damn it I'll answer it just…

—I mean I'm expecting this very important…

—Hello… ? He's not here no, who… Oh it's you yes Jack's been waiting for you to call he's… just went out a little while ago yes but where can he reach you, I know he can't wait to… Yes he's told me about you it all sounds… pardon? No, no it's e i g, I thought… Thomas yes Tom I, I thought Jack had probably… No he was but I'm giving the place up you see my wife just pardon … ? No it's a, it's sort of a studio uptown he's been working here since you left I'm just having my calls transferred here, I thought if my wife wanted … No not recently no something I wrote a few years ago's out in paperback picked up some kind of an award but pardon… ? Oh, oh you mean his book yes, yes he's been working on it driving himself pretty hard since you left been having a few problems with the … I don't think it's really that though someone who's not used to the kind of self-discipline that… No but every writer has dry periods I'm just coming out of one myself, quit my job I feel like I just got over a long illness but I've been having a little pardon … ? Oh you're still at the airport you just got in? I didn't… just said Geneva yes he thought it was some family problem I know he'll be glad to hear you've straightened it out, once these things get started I know my own lawyer's said he thinks I should…

—Look man hang up I mean I'm expecting this very…

—Pardon… ? Oh you're, you're welcome yes I… yes I'll tell him that I know he's … I will yes I'm looking forward to meet… hello?

—Look I mean I'm expecting…

—Yes I heard you, listen that's a call Jack's been waiting for, someone he's…

—Somebody he really doesn't want to see man I mean I heard all about it.

—Heard what don't be silly, it's the only thing holding him together he's…

—Man like nothing's holding him together I mean if there's really somebody he doesn't want to see it's her, like I mean who took my pants…

—Well damn it where is he, keeps saying he thinks he's sick I've been telling him to see a doctor listen was he drinking last night? Where the hell is he.

—Like I said how do I know where is he, I mean these plaid pants I can't find them maybe he wore them to go to the doctor place man I mean maybe he's still up in that pile of boxes in there from last night.

—Whole place is such a mess hardly get through the, what are all these matchbooks dumped my God what happened in here anyhow, books and mail dumped all over the look how did this happen, these toys I sent up here how did they get…

—Look man I mean they're all broken anyway what do you…

—No but look film papers cans all over the Christ is that a cat up

there?

—Oh wow, like I was scared he got drownded…

—Got what?

—Like this shipwreck man, I mean this big storm last night there was this shipwreck here kitty kitty…

—Listen what are you talking about, this…

—Man I mean I was in it!

—All right never mind look, I just…

—Like what do you mean never mind I mean what does it look like happened here man.

—God knows, I thought Jack was…

—Knows what I mean I'll tell you one thing he's no fucking good in a shipwreck. Kitty kitty… ?

—All right listen I may have some important mail here and I'm looking for a, damn it look there are a lot of valuable papers stored here whole manuscript of my book splitting right down the side that box that says Hoppin' With…

—Man like that's where the armchair traveler…

—And this folder I'm looking for something I, some work I started it's an old manila folder with tea stains all over it think I mislaid it someplace have you…

—Man like the only old wait look out look out, I mean right by your foot that piece of folded paper…

—What this? but what…

—Man don't spill it I mean wow I didn't know I still have some left move your, look I mean there's hardly room to …

—Get your feet up then I'm just trying to see what these, Christ look how did this happen! all the notes for his book how could…

—How could I what I mean he's sitting here scraping it up with his feet like what am I supposed to do, I mean he hates it man.

—Hates it don't be, it's the only thing holding him together reason he's working on it again I told you this call he just got, she's…

—What man she's what, I mean I'm telling you nothing's holding him together man she's why he hates it! I mean the telephone rings he says it's the wrong number, like this big important call he says he already got it he won this free dance lesson man I mean you're in there talking to her like she's this big fucking inspiration I mean this load she put on him she's really wiped him out man he doesn't want to see her!

—Sounds to me like you're…

—I mean you're supposed to be this big important novelist and you don't even get that? I mean he's got this book so screwed up with this free dance lesson he comes out feeling like I said I don't need your hand right there man if you…

—No relax I just meant, I just meant she sounds like an elegant woman hear him talk about a neater sweeter maiden it all sounds romantic enough but she sounds a little chilly, a little bit…

—Chilly? I mean it's this black haired chick he's been balling right?

—Has he told you ab…

—like what does he need to tell me I mean he was right through that window over in Schramm's balling her wasn't he? And I mean if you think she was look I mean I'm not kidding get your…

—No relax look I just meant, I mean meeting somebody like you who doesn't lay down all kinds of old-fashioned conditions like commitment and intimacy on something that's as healthy and natural as …

—Look man if this spills I mean get your…

—What is it, is it …

—What does it look like snow? I mean look I don't need your…

—I've heard it's kind of an aphro…

—Afro nothing man look I said I don't need your fing…

—Just, look relax don't be, don't get excited just…

—Don't get excited I mean then what's your finger trying to look man I'm not kidding I …

—What's the matter just…

—I said nothing's the fucking matter I mean I just don't need your finger…

—Then how, how about this…

—Oh wow, wow I mean come on …

—What's the matter what's so …

—Look I, I mean come on get your, I mean the telephone's man you're hurting my mean I'm not kidding I'm expecting this very…

—You damn it, you…

—I mean I said I'm not kidding!

—Go ahead damn it! go …

—I mean let me past… !

—Spread it for Schramm for Jack why can't you…

—Hello… ? this is her yes, I mean… Like whenever you want Mister Cibo, I mean now … ? No I mean I'll come down there now if you want like all I have to do is … this dress with these little checks on I already got it yes I'm coming right… At suite what… ? Yes I'm coming right down…

—Spread it for Schramm for Jack for any, Bast probably for Bast too why can't you…

—Look I mean go back in there man leave me alone, I mean I need to get on this dress…

—What's the difference just tell me what's the difference you spread for …

—I mean look man are you going to stand there like that…

—Just tell me what's the difference you're the, you're what the young man from Racine invented aren't you no intimacy no, no commitment nothing, concave or convex to fit either sex aren't you…

—Man you're, I mean you're this real bastard aren't you…

—Beefy face and grubby hand didn't Jack ever quote the rest of it to you? Ever quote anything to you ever talk to you at all? So jealous of this woman who just called you can't see straight can you so stupid it's

the only intimacy you can offer anybody isn't it, easier to get laid than try to talk about something isn't it just a, a mechanical lay aren't you you…

—I mean this, this real bastard aren't you…

—Aren't you no ideas no passion the world's no bigger than your, than your dumb appetites why you have to sniff that stuff the only way left you can feel anything isn't it, getting laid's about as interesting as

a, as washing your face no more feeling than a, than a milking machine just a …

—Like go get one then! Man I mean standing there like that go get one of those plastic things with hair on you put warm water in it that's all you been grabbing for that's all you…

—Joke was on Schramm wasn't it all he …

—Man like get away from me I mean what Schramm…

—What Schramm wanted that's how much you know listen what Schramm wanted was a woman he could trust with everything he had, wanted it so much he knew if he thought he had it and lost it he'd cut his throat so he found you instead didn't he, took the safe way no commitment no intimacy no passion no conversation but fucking this and fucking that nothing to hold back but your slit just to prove you can offer it to anybody who goes by and he finds he's even jealous of you you, you couldn't even give him that could you came back here that night you couldn't even…

—Look man I mean, I mean how do I know what he's going to do

like he's down in your apartment you're the one, I mean you're the one man you're who knows what he's…

—No no I'd talked him out of it he thought you'd be here, only way I could talk him out of it he thought you'd be here waiting and you couldn't even…

—Talked him out of bullshit man I mean you're leaving out this whole rucking step, I mean you talk him out of it so he jumps out your fucking window he comes up those stairs blood all down him his bandage all…

—How do, wait you were here…

—Leave me alone get your…

—You were here when he came back weren't you!

—Man you're tearing my, look I have to go to this job if you screw up this dress man you're hurting my…

—You were weren't you!

—Like what if I was!

—You you what did you…

—Man get your ow, I I hear him dragging up the stairs I see him through the rails all this blood this hole where his bandage was these, these noises he's, he's making these noises what am I supposed to man you're tearing my…

—Why couldn't you couldn't even…

—Get your ow! I'm, I'm in these dark shadows he gets up the stairs

and I, I get back in this dark landing till he's inside I'm scared I mean I'm scared I creep past his door for the stairs how am I supposed to know what he's you're, you're hurting my…

—You couldn't even…

—How am I supposed to know what he's doing in there! No get, get away from me you're…

—Pretend you're, try to pretend you're crying you're just…

—No get away you're you're, man you're like some, you're like some fucking graverobber aren't you you're…

—What do you, listen you…

—No I mean you're like this fucking graverobber aren't you man I mean like all you want me for is I was Schramm's isn't it …

—Don't you, you don't know a damn…

—No I mean you're telling me I'm so stupid like man like, like when you know as much as I do there's no place to go I mean what about his get away! I mean what about his stepmother that's the ass he really wanted go dangle it for her you come in here with your…

—Shut up listen you don't even, you're so high on this stuff you've been sniffing you don't know what you're…

—High man I mean I'm flying like I mean I'm really flying, I mean you come in here where's my tea stain folder get away from me! my tea stain folder I may have mislaid it like you think I don't even know whose fucking tea stain folder with everything he ever wrote's in it that's all you…

—Just, just shut up relax look…

—I mean that's all that's left for you isn't it my ass and this tea stain folder isn't it, I mean you're telling this chick on the phone how you're this big important writer how Jack's this big friend of yours all the time you're putting him down like he's some schmuck like you're telling me she's this cold stiff I mean I saw those scars down him man, like I mean all this passion and intimacy you're telling me I don't know what it is man I mean that was some free fucking dance lesson you don't trust him none of you trust anybody you're all scared shitless of it aren't you, I mean he's so hung up on this book he's scared to lose this lousy opinion of himself that's why none of you can…

—Look Rhoda just, look just relax wash your face and…

—I mean like what are you calling me my name all of a sudden for get away, I mean you don't think I wanted somebody that will talk to me that will, that will still like me anyway after we screw?

—Look you can't leave this way come back in and, you can't go to a job this way you're…

—Man I'm not kidding let me get my raincoat I mean get out of my I'm not kidding man get out of my way…

—Just, get out…

—I mean answer the phone man maybe that's her calling back, I mean maybe she'll give you a free dance…

—Get out! and, and don't come back either you don't need to come

back either … ! he stood between the torrents there getting breath before he turned, tripped on a film can reaching —hello … ? No what do you… what Indian uprising no you've got the wrong… I said you've got the wrong number! and he got as far as 36 Boxes 200 2-Ply —now what… ripped his foot from a tangle of film, —hello … ? He's not here no, who … lawyer for who … ? Wait no you've got the wrong one, this Mister Gibbs never worked for a general… oh, oh a company yes, yes he worked once for some small family comp… Eigen yes, I've known him for … Mrs Angel? No I don't think I, wait yes that's Stella? Yes he's