Karlology (13 page)

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Authors: Karl Pilkington

BOOK: Karlology
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I
took a leaflet that explained the piece and went to the
b
alcony above to get a better view. The leaflet said that the crac
k
is ca
ll
e
d
Shibboleth
, w
h
ic
h
, accor
d
in
g
to t
h
e
Ox
f
ord
English Dictionar
y
, is “a wor
d
use
d
as a test
f
or
d
etectin
g
p
eo
pl
e
f
rom anot
h
er
d
istrict or countr
y
by
t
h
eir
p
ronun
ciation; a word or a sound ver
y
difficult for forei
g
ners to
p
ronounce correctly”. The word refers back to an incident in the Bible when the Ephraimites were trying to cross the
R
i
ver
J
or
d
an
b
ut
g
ot cau
gh
t
by
t
h
eir enemies t
h
e
G
il
ea
d
ites. T
h
e E
ph
raimites were a
ll
f
orce
d
to sa
y
t
h
e wor
d
s
h
i
bb
o
l
et
h
.
S
ince their dialect didn’t include the “sh” sound, this al
l
owe
d
t
h
e
G
i
l
ea
d
ites to i
d
enti
f
y an
d
s
l
aug
h
ter
l
arge numbers
o
f
Ep
h
raimites. T
h
e
l
ea
fl
et went on to say
h
ow s
h
i
bbo
l
et
h
is “a to
k
en o
f
p
ower: t
h
e
p
ower to
j
u
dg
e an
d
k
i
ll
”. I
too
k fr
o
m
t
hi
s
t
h
at
t
h
e
Li
o
n B
a
r
a
n
d
d
rink
ca
r
to
n w
e
r
e
n’
t
m
ea
n
t
to
be
t
h
e
r
e.

Tw
o
Iri
s
h f
e
ll
as
wh
o
w
e
r
e
stood
n
e
x
t
to
m
e
o
n
t
h
e
ba
lcon
y
l
oo
k
e
d
at it
f
or a w
h
i
l
e
b
e
f
ore comin
g
to a conc
l
usion:

T
h
at’s no art. It’s a
l
oa
d
o
f
s
h
ite”. I wasn’t sure i
f
t
h
e
y
were
p
ro
p
er art critics, but I did know one thin
g
for sure: the
y
definitely weren’t Ephraimites
.

I
watc
h
e
d
as t
h
e crac
k
attracte
d
t
h
e crow
d
s. Peop
l
e wa
lk
e
d
al
on
g
t
h
e si
d
e o
f
it.
A
n o
ld
woman
h
e
ld
onto
h
er
d
au
gh
ter’s arm an
d
wa
lk
e
d
care
f
u
lly
as i
f
s
h
e was on t
h
e e
dg
e o
f
t
h
e
G
r
and Canyon. I was just thinking about how me
A
u
n
t
y
N
ora would probably fall into it on purpose to get an insurance c
l
aim in (s
h
e cou
ld
t
h
en
g
et
h
er wis
h
o
f
fi
na
lly
g
ettin
g
h
er gar
d
en Astrotur
f
e
d
– s
h
e’s sic
k
of
h
avin
g
to mow it) w
h
en a teac
h
e
r shouted at one of her
p
u
p
ils fo
r
p
ushing a wheelchair-bound pupil into the crack. Security came and un
l
o
dg
e
d
t
h
e w
h
ee
l
, w
h
i
l
e re
p
ortin
g
b
ac
k
to someone on t
h
eir r
a
dio that the crack wasn’t dama
g
ed. The onlooking crowd did a quiet c
l
ap as i
f
t
h
ey’
d
just witnesse
d
Eve
l
K
nieve
l
survive a
j
um
p
t
h
at
h
a
d
g
one wron
g.

 

I
en
j
o
y
e
d
watc
h
in
g
t
h
e
p
eo
pl
e
l
oo
k
in
g
at t
h
e art more than the art itself. Maybe that was the point of it.

I
went to see what else they had. I thought I’d treat
e
ac
h
p
iece o
f
art as i
f
it was in a s
h
o
p
an
d
I was
b
u
y
in
g
somet
h
in
g
to
p
o
p
in m
y
l
ivin
g
room. T
h
e
fi
rst t
h
in
g
I saw
w
as some work b
y
an artist called
J
uan Muñoz. I decided
p
retty quickly that I wouldn’t want it in my living room as it wou
ld
n’t go wit
h
anyt
h
ing e
l
se t
h
at I
h
ave. It was a
l
i
f
e-size
d
war
f
(w
h
ic
h
b
ac
k
s u
p
m
y
p
oint a
b
out art
g
ettin
g
sma
ll
er), ma
d
e out o
f
c
l
a
y
,
h
o
ld
in
g
a rea
l
c
h
ess set w
h
i
l
e
stood
o
n
a
w
oode
n
tab
l
e.
I
sta
r
ed
at
i
t
f
o
r
a
f
e
w min
utes
a
n
d
tried to see if it had a purpose. It didn’t. It was set up like a sta
ll
at a car
b
oot sa
l
e w
h
ere t
h
e tra
d
er
h
as trie
d
to
d
is
pl
a
y
t
h
eir goo
d
s in a
h
umorous way. I
f
it was a car
b
oot sa
l
e, I t
h
in
k
t
h
e
y

d
h
ave so
ld
t
h
e c
h
ess set an
d
ta
bl
e
b
ut wou
ld
b
e takin
g
the dwarf back home. It looked like a novelt
y
g
ift,
l
ike one of them straw donkeys wearing a hat that a friend might bring you back from Spain. It was well done though.
M
a
yb
e
d
war
f
s are
h
ar
d
to ma
k
e cos o
f
t
h
e
d
i
ff
erent
p
ro
p
ortions. I remem
b
er t
h
e c
h
i
ld
ren’s TV artist Ton
y
Hart once sa
y
in
g
that horses are difficult to draw and model cos of the odd body size and legs. He never drew a dwarf, but I imagine it wou
ld
b
e t
h
e same pro
bl
em
.

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