Karlology (14 page)

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Authors: Karl Pilkington

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I
cou
ld
n’t
fi
n
d
an
y
d
etai
l
s on w
h
at t
h
e artist was tr
y
in
g
to
d
o, so I
l
istene
d
to ot
h
er s
p
ectators
d
iscuss it. “It ma
k
es me feel a bit awkward”, said a posh woman to her part
n
er. “That little guy freaks me right out”, said another. I
l
oo
k
e
d
at some more o
f
Muñoz’s wor
k
. T
h
ere was anot
h
e
r
d
war
f
. Now I
g
ot t
h
e
f
ee
l
in
g
h
e was ma
k
in
g
d
war
f
s
j
ust to save mone
y
on cla
y
. The
p
iece was called
S
ara
a
n
d
f
eatu
r
ed
a woman dwarf looking at some pictures of herself on a snoo
k
er ta
bl
e. S
h
e was wearing
h
ig
h
h
ee
l
s. I
d
i
d
n’t un
d
erstan
d
it so I
l
e
f
t.

I
h
a
d
b
een in t
h
e Tate
f
or a
b
out an
h
our an
d
h
a
d
n’t rea
lly
l
earnt anything. It’s not like a visit to a museum or a show
w
here you pick up facts – it was left to me to try and work
e
ver
y
t
h
in
g
out.
A
r
t seems to
b
e a
b
out comin
g
u
p
wit
h
y
ou
r
o
wn story or ta
k
e on eac
h
piece. T
h
is ma
d
e me t
h
in
k
a
b
out t
h
e m
y
ster
y
o
f
t
h
e
M
ona
Li
s
a
. Ever
y
one
l
i
k
es t
h
at
p
aintin
g
cos the
y
don’t know the stor
y
behind it. Who is she? Wh
y
the cheeky smile? If the
Mona
L
isa
was done today, we’d know everything there was to know about her cos she’d
h
ave so
ld
h
er stor
y
to
H
ea
t
magazine and done some open-
h
earte
d
interview wit
h
a ta
bl
oi
d
b
e
f
ore t
h
e
p
aint was
d
r
y
.

Another thin
g
that’s im
p
ortant about art is where it’s
p
laced, as it’s the surroundings that can make it more i
n
teresting. T
h
at
b
i
g
Angel of the Nort
h
statue in Gates
h
ea
d
is an exam
pl
e o
f
w
h
at I mean. It’s in a
fi
e
ld
o
ff
a motorwa
y
.
M
otorwa
y
s are t
h
e most
b
orin
g
t
h
in
g
s to
d
rive on, so stic
k
something there for people to look at and they’ll like it. I think that’s why cavemen built Stonehenge where it is – it ma
d
e t
h
e roa
d
next to it
l
ess
b
orin
g
to trave
l
on
.

Art was never a
b
i
g
d
ea
l
in our
h
ouse. We
h
a
d
l
ava
l
am
p
s,
g
lass clowns and ashtra
y
s on stands. There were two
p
aintings I can remember. One was a painting of two naked,
Ch
inese-
l
oo
k
ing women in moon
l
ig
h
t, ca
ll
e
d
Nymphs b
y
Moonli
g
ht
. I t
h
in
k
me mam’s
y
oun
g
er
b
rot
h
er
p
ainte
d
it. It
w
as
k
e
p
t in t
h
e
h
a
ll
j
ust a
b
ove t
h
e c
h
est
f
reezer t
h
at we
h
a
d
at the time. The other painting was Gainsborough’s
B
lue
Bo
y
, which hung in the lounge in a gold frame next to the
w
ic
k
er
d
rin
k
in
g
b
ar t
h
at we
h
a
d
. Ever
y
one on t
h
e estate
seeme
d
to
h
ave t
h
at picture
.

 

A
unt
y
Nora’s house had
q
uite
a
b
i
t
o
f
a
r
t
t
h
at
I lik
ed
to
l
oo
k
at
as
a kid (she still has it all). She had a
3
D picture of a poodle that stuck its ton
g
ue out w
h
en
y
ou move
d
; a cor
k
screw wit
h
a woo
d
en man
o
n to
p
, with a lever on his back that made him drink from a pint
gl
ass; an
d
t
h
en s
h
e
h
a
d
t
h
e
Cryin
g
B
o
y
, a
p
aintin
g
o
f
a
y
oun
g
l
a
d
cr
y
ing
t
h
at
b
ecame one o
f
t
h
e most
ta
lk
ed
about
w
o
rk
s
o
f
a
r
t
in
t
h
e
1
980s.
From what I can remember,
th
ere was a
fi
re in someone’s
h
ouse
c
ause
d
by
a c
h
i
p
-
p
an. Ever
y
t
h
in
g
w
as burnt to cinders a
p
art from a
p
rint of the
Crying Bo
y
.
Th
e
sa
m
e
i
nci
d
ent t
h
en
h
appene
d
som
e
wh
ere e
l
se: c
h
i
p
-
p
an
fi
re, ever
y
th
in
g
b
urnt,
b
ut
Crying Boy
picture
i
ntact. This started a national panic
a
bout “The Curse of the Cryin
g
B
o
y
”.
O
t
h
er stories were
f
eature
d
in t
h
e news, inc
l
u
d
ing one a
b
out a woman w
h
ose
h
us
b
an
d
an
d
t
h
ree o
ld
er
k
i
d
s
p
asse
d
awa
y
a
f
ter s
h
e
b
ou
gh
t t
h
e
Cr
ying
B
oy
. She blamed the
p
aintin
g
. More fires were re
p
orted,
w
ith the connection being the jinxed painting. People were terrified and were advised that if they owned a copy, they s
h
ou
ld
remove it
f
rom t
h
eir
h
omes imme
d
iate
ly
. T
h
ousan
d
s trie
d
to
b
in it,
b
ut it
g
ot to t
h
e
p
oint w
h
ere even t
h
e
b
in men were too scared to take them awa
y
in case the bad
l
uck was passed on to them. So a national newspaper told its rea
d
ers to sen
d
in t
h
eir curse
d
artwor
k
to
b
e
d
ispose
d
of
p
ro
p
er
ly
. T
h
e
p
a
p
er t
h
en
r
an a stor
y
f
eaturin
g
a
p
icture
o
f one of their topless models
w
earing nowt but knickers an
d
a
fi
reman’s
h
e
l
met w
h
i
l
e s
h
e set
l
i
gh
t to a
h
u
g
e
p
i
l
e o
f
Crying Boy
pictures.

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