Karlology (18 page)

A
f
ew more visitors starte
d
to a
pp
ear. An o
ld
cou
pl
e stood out of the crowd. The woman was smartly dressed
b
ut was caked in bright make-up that would have given the c
h
ame
l
eon a
h
ea
d
ac
h
e. Her
l
i
p
stic
k
was a
l
uminous
p
in
k
an
d
went over t
h
e e
dg
es o
f
h
er t
h
in
l
i
p
s. I sa
y
i
f
y
ou’re no good at colouring in, don’t wear lipstick.

I
don’t like lipstick much due to a woman who lived
o
n t
h
e estate w
h
ere I grew up w
h
o use
d
to put on
l
oa
d
s
of
ma
k
e-up an
d
l
ipstic
k
an
d
s
h
ave
h
er eye
b
rows o
ff
b
ut t
h
en
d
raw t
h
em
b
ac
k
on. S
h
e was t
h
at co
l
oure
d
in t
h
at she looked more like a cartoon than a real
p
erson. She was known as Miss Piggy and would only talk to people via a
b
ig mirror that she carried in her handbag. She used to walk
r
oun
d
Kwi
k
Save su
p
ermar
k
et eatin
g
t
h
e
b
iscuits wit
h
out
p
a
y
in
g
f
or t
h
em,
b
ut t
h
e
p
eo
pl
e w
h
o wor
k
e
d
t
h
ere were too scared to say anything. I think she ate all the profits as I’ve heard that all the Kwik
S
aves are now closed.

T
h
e o
ld
woman in t
h
e zoo
l
oo
k
e
d
l
i
k
e s
h
e cou
ld
h
ave
b
een
g
oo
d
-
l
oo
k
in
g
w
h
en s
h
e was
y
oun
g
er. Her
h
us
b
an
d
w
ore a nav
y
bl
ue suit, w
h
ic
h
was a
b
it too
b
i
g
f
or
h
im, complete with tie. I wondered why they’d come here so dressed up. Maybe they came here on their first date many
y
ears a
g
o. T
h
en I t
h
ou
gh
t t
h
e
y
l
oo
k
e
d
l
i
k
e t
h
e
y
mi
gh
t
b
e
I
ta
l
ian tourists, as Ita
l
ians a
l
wa
y
s seem to ma
k
e an e
ff
ort to
l
ook smart. I followed them into the reptile building. They
n
ever spoke. It’s odd how people who’ve been together fo
r
y
ears
d
o t
h
at. I cou
ld
un
d
erstan
d
it i
f
t
h
ey were in a restau
rant, sat quietly enjoying a meal, but here they were looking
at a
f
ro
g
t
h
at can
k
i
ll
a man an
d
t
h
e
y
sti
ll
h
a
d
not
h
in
g
to say to each other. I hope I never get to an age where
n
othing ever impresses me
.

I
l
oo
k
e
d
at t
h
e
l
izar
d
s. T
h
ere was one ca
ll
e
d
a s
h
in
gl
e
b
ac
k
, a
l
so nic
k
name
d
“t
h
e s
l
ee
py
l
izar
d
”. I saw t
h
ese on a BBC programme with David
A
t
tenborough.
O
nce they’ve
f
ound a partner, they stick with each other for life. Some have been together for more than 20 years. Though I think t
h
e
y
ma
y
as we
ll
stic
k
wit
h
t
h
e same
p
artner
f
or
l
i
f
e as t
h
e
y
a
ll
l
oo
k
t
h
e same an
y
wa
y
. I
l
e
f
t t
h
e re
p
ti
l
e
b
ui
ld
in
g
. T
h
e o
ld
couple were sat on a bench. They had similar characteristics to the sleepy lizards. They were eating Cornettos, which con
f
use
d
my i
d
ea o
f
t
h
em
b
eing Ita
l
ian as I’m not sure Ita
l
ians wou
ld
eat a Cornetto, as it seems a
b
it too
p
re
d
icta
bl
e. T
h
at’s t
h
e
l
ast time I saw t
h
em, as t
h
e zoo starte
d
to
g
et
c
r
o
w
ded.

I
w
e
n
t
a
n
d
h
ad
so
m
e
l
u
n
c
h
.
Th
e
ca
n
tee
n w
as
n’
t
too
b
us
y
. T
h
ere seeme
d
to
b
e more sta
ff
wor
k
in
g
in t
h
ere t
h
an t
h
ere were customers eatin
g
. Min
d
y
ou, I’m not sur
p
rise
d
it wasn’t busy: three sausages, beans and chips and a coke came to £10.80p! The saying shouldn’t be “too many coo
k
s spoi
l
s t
h
e
b
rot
h
”, it s
h
ou
ld
b
e “too many coo
k
s puts t
h
e
p
rices u
p
”. I
d
on’t
k
now w
hy
t
h
e
y
b
ot
h
er
p
uttin
g
u
p
si
g
ns as
k
in
g
p
eo
pl
e not to
f
ee
d
t
h
e anima
l
s – at t
h
em
p
rices there’s no chance of that happening. I sat and read the guide
b
ook that I’d bought while I ate me dinner. Here are some
of
t
h
e
f
acts
f
rom it:

T
h
e name
g
ori
ll
a comes
f
rom t
h
e Gree
k
wor
d
g
ori
ll
ai, meanin
g
a
“tri
b
e o
f
h
airy women”
.

T
h
e
bl
ue
p
oison
d
art
f
ro
g
s
g
et t
h
eir name
f
rom a
d
iet o
f
ants
a
n
d
poisonous insects. T
h
e poisons t
h
ey eat ena
bl
e t
h
em to secret
e
potentially deadly toxins
.

P
elicans’
f
eathers wei
g
h more than their bones.

I
went to t
h
e insect
h
ouse. I t
h
in
k
insects are t
h
e most
amazingly weird things in the world. There were cock
r
oaches, locusts, spiders and ants, but the thing that im
p
resse
d
me most was t
h
e stic
k
insect. T
h
e
l
ast time I’
d
seen
o
ne o
f
t
h
ese was at sc
h
oo
l
w
h
en some
k
i
d
b
rou
gh
t one in on
p
ets
d
a
y
. T
h
e sc
h
oo
l
d
i
d
n’t
d
o one o
f
t
h
ese
d
a
y
s a
g
ain cos
o
f the havoc that was caused. Kids took in cats and dogs, so they didn’t get on; someone took in a ferret, which nipped a
p
u
p
i
l
; a
h
amster esca
p
e
d
an
d
wasn’t
f
oun
d
; an
d
m
y
p
et ma
gp
ie a
l
most ate t
h
e stic
k
insect. T
h
e stic
k
insect t
h
at t
h
e
l
ad brought to school wasn’t that good at looking like a stick
–
it looked more like a green toothpick with legs – but the
o
ne in t
h
e zoo was t
h
e spitting image. I was
l
oo
k
ing in t
h
e
gl
ass
b
ox
f
or a
b
out
fi
ve minutes
b
e
f
ore I rea
l
ize
d
it was ri
gh
t in
f
ront o
f
me a
ll
t
h
e time. It’s t
h
e
b
est camou
fl
a
g
e I’ve ever seen. It was as twig-like as it could possibly be. It stayed
p
erfectly still, to the point where it may as well have been a rea
l
twi
g
. T
h
e
d
a
f
t t
h
in
g
is, t
h
ou
gh
, I rea
d
t
h
at t
h
eir en
e
mies inc
l
u
d
e
b
ir
d
s, an
d
b
ir
d
s
l
an
d
on twi
g
s – so w
hy
l
oo
k
l
ike one of them? They’d
b
e better off trying to look
l
i
k
e a cat. I won
d
ere
d
i
f
stic
k
i
nsects ever t
h
in
k
a stic
k
o
r
a twi
g
is anot
h
er stic
k
insect.
A
r
ea
l
st
i
c
k w
ou
l
d
be
the equivalent of a blow-up
d
o
ll
to t
h
em.