Keep Breathing (7 page)

Seth

SHE WAS STUNNING, and the way her hazel-brown eyes glinted with a sheen of tears building, and the slight pink blossoming across her face as she stared at her family’s portrait made me want to run to her, pull her into my arms and kiss her gently, even though I knew she would pull away almost immediately. She was utterly alone, but she didn’t have to be. Not if I had anything to do with it from that point on.

“
So, come on, where are you taking me? You know how much I hate surprises,” her voice echoed from the passenger side of my SUV. I made my way around, and saw her eyes flashing as I opened the door for her. She slipped into the clean and new leather interior. It was obvious she hadn’t ridden in too many fancy cars before and it made my confidence shoot up a notch. I was happy to see that I’d impressed her somewhat, even if she’d hidden away that surprised look in the hopes I hadn’t caught her looking so stunned. But, I
had
seen it. That was all that mattered.

“You’ll love this one.” I smirked, knowing it was going to make her a little flustered. I knew s
he didn’t like surprises. At one point in our lives, I’d known her as well as any lover should know the object of their affection. How quickly she’d forgotten the good between us, the ache that touching always brought. I hadn’t forgotten the way her kisses burned my skin trailing down my chest and stomach, leaving me with a desperate, primal need for her. It was this utter surrender that always had me wanting to get under her skin the way she did to me. My power of surprise was my only reprieve. I always surprised her back then, knowing full well it would piss her off, so what was to stop me now? The memory made my lips twitch into a small grin. Those days had been the best of my life, yet I had thrown them away like a fool.

My smile slipped. So here we were once again, years later, and I was
making up for lost time.

“Nice set of wheels.”
She ran her fingers over her thighs, looking nervous enough to fill the empty space with indifferent chatter.

“Thanks.”

“Guess your business is doing really well from the looks of it.”

“It’s
doing pretty good.”

“Why’d you
pick me up in a taxi yesterday?”

“
My car was being repaired. The AC wasn’t working right. In this heat, have to get it done ASAP. Plus….” I grinned as I waited for her to buckle in. “Sometimes it’s nice when someone else is driving.”

“That’s for sure.”
She settled in, but avoided eye contact as she took in the interior of my vehicle. It was fairly new, the one thing I hadn’t bought used in a long time. I hoped it didn’t make me look superficial. I really liked the safety ratings on the SUV.

Turning the
radio on, I stopped the dial when Smash Mouth blasted through the speakers. It reminded me of my high school, and I left it on, the hard, catchy beats relaxing me as I turned the ignition. Penny didn’t seem bothered and even started bobbing her head to the beat ever so slightly. This was good, anything to relax her was even more soothing to me.

“
You’re not going to tell me, are you?” Her voice broke the chorus of the song, and I furrowed my brow as I concentrated on backing out of the parking spot.

“
Tell you what?”

“What the surprise is.”

“Nope.” I flashed her my teeth in a naughty, teasing grin.

She si
ghed, frowning and shaking her head before she leaned on the window, staring glumly through it. She may have hated surprises, but I knew she would love this one, she just didn’t know it yet.

“Okay,
how about this…when I hit that signal up there, you close your eyes.”

She whipped
her head around to face me, her eyes wide like I had a horn growing out my forehead. “No way. Why?”

“Close your eyes,
we’re just about there.”

“I’m not closing my eyes.
”

My breath came out in a low growl.
“Penny,” I pleaded, and eyed her in my periphery. She always liked to try my patience. “Please? Just once. I promise I won’t do any more surprises this week.”

“This week?
What does that mean? Absolutely no more at all!”

“Please?”
Her head shaking made me press my lips taut. “Come on, be a sport. Okay no more surprises.”

My pleading w
ore her out, and she complied, crossing her arms to make it obvious she wasn’t at all happy about it. “Fine. This better be worth it.” I felt her incessant stare as it drilled into my cheek.

“Oh, it
’s very worth it.” I licked my lips, almost laughing out loud at her stubbornness. She grumbled as she closed her eyes right before I turned the car into a busy parking lot. I found a spot right away and switched the engine off. The place was flooded with vehicles and hordes of people were weaving in and out of the rows of cars. The place was as alive on the outside in the parking lot as it was sure to be inside the building.

Jumping out, I jo
gged over to her side of the car and pulled the door open. “Ready? Keep them eyelids closed one more minute! Just be careful stepping down, it’s a huge step to the ground.”

“I’m going to break an ankle.”

“We really don’t want that happening, Penny. Especially here.”

Her hands fumbled as she let her legs dangle down over the side of the
truck. My arms were there to catch her when she slid further down. Her hips were thin and felt good encircled by my hands. Once she had found her balance, she pulled away ever so slightly.

The distan
t thumping of bass music vibrated the ground, even out here in the parking lot. It felt like a rumbling earthquake as it traveled up through our legs. Penny tilted her head to listen to the sounds, and I could see her visibly start breathing faster, an apparent frown forming on her lips. I had to salvage the situation quickly, before I lost her into her little nerve wrecked world.

“Okay, o
pen your eyes.”

Her lids slowly slip
ped open, and the look of awe—along with a touch of fear—flashed across her eyes. “A dance club?”

“
You still dance?”

She gulped
, and stared hard at the crowd of people filtering in and out through the doors, all in nightclub attire. “No…No…I—I didn’t dress for a nightclub. I can’t go in there.”

“You’re kidding
, right? You look fantastic!” Her tight black jean shorts and figure-hugging tank showed off her slim curves in all the right places. She glanced down, nervously smoothing her shirt down. She had nothing to fear, it hugged her deliciously and the shorts showed off her long, tanned legs. It was work enough to not reach over and run my fingers up her thighs and inhale her addictive scent.

“I don’t
really dance that much anymore.” Her eyes hit the floor, looking flustered and ashamed.

“Really? You used to love it! Remember that time you
dragged me—took me—line dancing? I was so clueless, I think I stepped on more people than anyone else that night. But it turned out to be a blast!”

“Can we just
go?” She was darting her eyes between me and the bustling crowd as she shuffled her feet side to side.

I studied
her face, desperately wanting to come up with a way to convince her otherwise. This couldn’t end wrong. It just had to work. “Just for a little bit.”

“No.”

“Please, Penny?”

“I don’t
know….” She didn’t move from her position, looking like she had grown roots into the asphalt. Her breathing had increased into short, shallow breaths as she paled before my eyes. Maybe she was readying to bust out into a full blown run, across the pavement and down the street. Just to get away from me and this place.

“Hey.
” I stepped closer, cupping her chin, bringing her eyes back toward me. “Don’t forget to breathe, Penny. Slowly, deeply….” There was no telling how far I’d pushed her. If it went too far, the evening was ruined. But if I’d caught it on time, maybe, just maybe I could rein her back in, focus her nervous energy where she could control it.

The old fears were still there. I used to wake up in the middle of the night to find her pacing the room and chewing her nails to the nubs after a nightmare had
shaken her awake. Anxiety would grasp her with a Titan’s grip, and she’d have such difficulty shaking it off. I’d pull her back from whatever oblivion it had sent her to until the monsters had drifted away and she could slip back into the arms of sleep once more.

It was something I’d been good at back then, soothing her fear. The old habits die hard.

“Hey, hey, breathe. Look at me, Penny.” Her glistening pupils blinked at me, her honey brown, green-speckled irises reflected the flashing neon lights. “Still getting those panic attacks?”

She managed to nod as she continued
to slow her breathing. Her body shook and I waited, hoping to not pressure her. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had any for a long time. Don’t know why I’m having so many lately.”

I knew why. It was me. All because of me.

“Okay.” I pulled her close and stroked her soft hair, letting her loose, spiraling tendrils slip through my fingers. The scent of citrus shampoo and some other pleasant, faded scent of lotion ensnared my senses. I felt her breath on my chest, through my shirt, warm and fast. The scents caught my attention and reminded me of the nights she’d fallen asleep in my arms. The longing in my chest arrested my own breathing, but I continued to let her steady herself against me. I realized she was wearing her favorite perfume. It was the same one I remembered smelling on my pillows for months after we’d broken up, it had become something I’d missed so much, especially when it no longer smelled of her. I had wished I’d asked her what brand it was, just to buy a bottle of it to spritz on the pillows anytime I was missing her. Funny how the little things we don’t think much about much are the things we miss the most.

“Deep breaths,
” I said. “We can just watch. You don’t have to dance, okay? We’ll enjoy the music and watch the crowd. Just keep breathing slowly, okay?”

Her shoulders shuddered as she
breathed, relaxing with each breath until she glanced up at me, looking a lot less pasty as a flutter of pink began to flush her cheeks. I squeezed her tighter, hoping she wouldn’t pull away just yet. This one moment was worth anything that could happen now.

“You smell good. I
t’s… it’s nice to breathe you in again. I missed it,” she said.

Grinning sheepishly, I push
ed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “If you feel it coming on again, just pull me over and breathe me in. I don’t mind.” I gave her a wink, hoping my smile and funny facial expressions would settle her nerves. Anything to see her happy again.

She g
ave a small laugh and let go of me. The loss of the warmth of her body left me feeling colder than I’d have liked, even in the heat of the summer night. I longed to feel her arms around me again.

“Alright, let’s just watch. I
could use a drink, though.” She had calmed down enough to pull me along behind her into the line snaking from the doorway.

After flashing our I.D.s at the door and receiving
black skull stamps on our hands, we entered the large dance club. The open-aired room was like a warehouse, painted glittery black inside with the pipes and AC ducts exposed to blend into the décor. A mirror ball hung from above the center of the wood dance floor. It glinted against the strobes as it spun, like a sparkling sun above the crowd. People were everywhere, and a thick layer of smoke permeated the air, stung my eyes and scraped down my throat.

We pause
d beyond the entrance to take it all in. Like deer in headlights, we gawked at the half-naked dancers gyrating on their pedestals, which were barely wide enough for them to step side to side as their hips undulated and rolled seductively to the music. Their outfits were skin tight and barely covered vital areas. I wondered how they even got into those skimpy outfits for it seemed they’d have to be sewn into them, they were that snug.

I remember
ed Penny dancing that way against me. Dancing was an escape for her, and she’d been doing it since she was a tiny ballerina on the stage of her local recreation center. When we were dating, she would sway her body around mine like no other woman I’d ever met. It’d been obvious she was comfortable moving her hips and floating about the room and was very good at seducing me with just a few twirls and a sway of her hips. She’d dance and dance, grinding against my clumsy butt, lost in the music, making the crowd around us disappear. It’d been the time of my life, enjoying the arousal her prowling had caused me.

What happened
to us?

I prayed that with the demise of our relationship being
my fault, she’d find a way to forgive me. I knew she’d suffered damage before I had ever come around, but I was pretty sure it hadn’t been much help in keeping away her nightmares when we fell apart. To know she might’ve stopped dancing because of me made my soul shatter into a million, little shards. In the end, I’d make it up to her, or die trying. I had to.